1
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
When your kid tells you that they are

2
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
transgender, what do you do?

3
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Forty-one percent of transgender adults

4
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
have attempted suicide,

5
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
mostly as an adolescent or young adult.

6
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Parental support can dramatically reduce

7
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the risk of suicide

8
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
by three and a half times,

9
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
but many parents are terrified of doing

10
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the wrong thing.

11
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
So what should you do when your child

12
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
tells you that they are transgender?

13
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
The first thing to realize is that there

14
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
is a very good chance the child is right.

15
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
In nearly all the studies I am aware of,

16
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
no child regretted transitioning.

17
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've spoken with two nationally recognized

18
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
endocrinologists that work with trans kids

19
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and they are aware of only one case of

20
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
regret in the thousands they have treated.

21
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Additionally, I have never met a single

22
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
person who has transitioned and regretted

23
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
it.

24
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I have never a parent of a trans kid

25
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
who regretted letting their kid

26
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
transition.

27
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
I've only ever met parents who regretted

28
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
not letting their kid transition sooner.

29
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Regardless of their identity, in the end

30
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you have two choices:

31
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
reject or accept their declaration.

32
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you reject them,

33
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
no matter the end result,

34
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you will contribute to their harm

35
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and increase the risk of mental illness.

36
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Studies have shown that regardless of

37
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
what happens outside the home,

38
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
familial support can literally

39
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
save your kid's life!

40
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Familial support reduces suicide

41
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
by three and a half times

42
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and substance abuse

43
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
by two and a half times.

44
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you as the parent

45
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
reject your child's identity,

46
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you are the largest

47
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and most negatively-impactful bully

48
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
in your child's life,

49
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
more so than any and potentially ALL of

50
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the bullies at school.

51
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That is, when your child say something

52
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
to you about their identity,

53
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and you say no,

54
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you are telling them that

55
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they cannot trust how they feel,

56
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they cannot trust you to listen

57
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and hear them,

58
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and they cannot trust themselves.

59
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
That creates an

60
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
invalidating childhood environment,

61
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and invalidating environments are hotbeds

62
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
for the formation of many serious

63
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
mental illnesses that can last a lifetime.

64
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you choose to affirm their identity

65
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
no matter the end result,

66
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you are telling your child that

67
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they can trust you,

68
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that they can confide in you,

69
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that they are allowed to trust themselves

70
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and their own feelings,

71
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and that you trust them to learn

72
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and figure themselves out.

73
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is part of how you build

74
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
a healthy parent-child relationship.

75
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
A reminder:

76
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Up to forty-one percent of trans adults

77
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
have attempted suicide at least once,

78
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
most as kids.

79
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you reject their

80
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
declaration of identity,

81
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you increase this risk of suicide.

82
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.

83
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
And so much so that in one study,

84
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
socially transitioned children

85
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
with supportive families

86
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
reported depression rates

87
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
indistinguishable from cisgender youth.

88
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It is also important to keep in mind

89
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that by the time your kid

90
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
brings this to you, the parent,

91
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they have probably spent months

92
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
or maybe years

93
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
crying themselves to sleep at night

94
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
wondering if you will still love them.

95
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This declaration to you is not a whim.

96
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
This is a well thought-through statement,

97
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and in this moment you have

98
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
a rare opportunity to show your kid that

99
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
they can trust you,

100
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that they can confide in you.

101
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
In the end,

102
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you as the parent have the choice:

103
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
you can either increase the risk for harm

104
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
and suicide by rejecting them,

105
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
or you can dramatically reduce that risk

106
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
by affirming their identity.

107
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It is your choice.

108
99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Don't be your child's first bully.