My Kid Says They're Transgender

When your kid tells you
that they are transgender,

what do you do?

41% of transgender adults
have attempted suicide,

mostly as an adolescent or young adult.

Parental support can dramatically
reduce the risk of suicide

by three and a half times,

but many parents
are terrified of doing the wrong thing.

So what should you do when your child
tells you that they are transgender?

The first thing to realize

is that there is a very good chance
the child is right.

In nearly all the studies I am aware of,
no child regretted transitioning.

I've spoken with two nationally recognized
endocrinologists

that work with trans kids
and they are aware of only one case

of regret in the thousands
they have treated.

Additionally, I've never met
a single person

who has transitioned and regretted it.

I've never a parent
of a trans kid who regretted

letting their kid transition.

I've only ever met parents

who regretted
not letting their kid transition sooner.

Regardless of their identity,
in the end you have two choices:

reject or accept their declaration.

If you reject them,
no matter the end result,

you will contribute to their harm
and increase the risk of mental illness.

Studies have shown that regardless
of what happens outside the home,

familial support
can literally save your kid's life!

Familial support reduces suicide
by three and a half times

and substance abuse
by two and a half times.

If you as the parent
reject your child's identity,

you are the largest
and most negatively-impactful bully

in your child's life,

more so than any and potentially all
of the bullies at school.

That is, when your child says something
to you about their identity,

and you say no, you are telling them
that they cannot trust how they feel,

they cannot trust you
to listen and hear them,

and they cannot trust themselves.

That creates an invalidating
childhood environment,

and invalidating environments
are hotbeds for the formation

of many serious mental illnesses
that can last a lifetime.

If you choose to affirm their identity
no matter the end result,

you are telling your child
that they can trust you,

that they can confide in you,

that they are allowed to trust themselves
and their own feelings,

and that you trust them to learn
and figure themselves out.

This is part of how you build
a healthy parent-child relationship.

A reminder:

up to 41% of trans adults
have attempted suicide at least once,

mostly as kids.

If you reject
their declaration of identity,

you increase this risk of suicide.

If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.

And so much so that in one study,
socially transitioned children

with supportive families
reported depression rates

indistinguishable from cisgender youth.

It is also important to keep in mind

that by the time your kid
brings this to you, the parent,

they have probably spent months
or maybe years

crying themselves to sleep at night,

wondering if you will still love them.

This declaration to you is not a whim.

This is a well thought-through statement,

and in this moment
you have a rare opportunity

to show your kid that they can trust you,

that they can confide in you.

In the end, you as the parent
have the choice:

you can either increase the risk for harm

and suicide by rejecting them

or you can dramatically reduce that risk

by affirming their identity.

It is your choice.

Don't be your child's first bully.

(ocean sounds)