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Next! I said next!
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If Google was still a guy
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-Why am I alive?
-Okay...
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-Cream cheese is cheese?
-Wait, do you still want to know about--
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~Avocado [inaudible] why?
-Okay, don't speak in these weird haikus.
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-How to tell if pregnant?
-Oh boy...
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-How to tell if--
-If pregnant?
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JENNIFER!
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-Local mosque, Seattle.
-NSA, don't mind me.
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How to pronounce Daryl [inaudible]?
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-According to Google maps, there's a number--
-Security.
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-Can you please not black mail?
-Just...
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-Oh, excuse me...
-Oh, no, no...come on in.
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Today is Jackson Pollock's birthday
so we're celebrating
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-his particular style of painting.
-Why fart smell?
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Not the most important painters
of all time, and you want to know
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why farts smell, so there you go!
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Flight to Washington.
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Bank transfer all money to dogecoin how?
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-Okay, Glass.
-(snickers)
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Search "avoid being bullied
for wearing Google Glass"!
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(cracks up)
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-Flight to Washington state.
-I knew you made that mistake.
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-FFFFFFFFF
-I think your F key is stuck!
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FFFFF...
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Why longitude shaped like an orange slice?
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-You are so wrong, dumb ass!
-We'll see.
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Groundhogs Day or Groundhog Day.
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-Groundhog Day.
-OOOH!
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Haircut place bowl cut.
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-Terror pictures.
-Oh...
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-Oh, sorry.
-Terrior pictures.
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Oh! (chuckles) Okay...
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(laughing in delight)
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-Hey, man, let me do my job, alright?
-Fuck you!
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Can sue for screen door injured?
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Where to buy pet Russian dolphin?
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Why do my farts smell?
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-Tent...
-Doing a little camping, huh?
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-Tentacle hentai.
-OH COME ON!
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Open for business, everyone!
Come on in, it's awesome in here!
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Soon...they'll come soon. Heh.
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Captions Requested
Sara Huang
Could someone please do a QA of my English subtitles? I think they are alright, but there were a couple of areas where the audio was difficult to hear and I could use a second pair of ears to see if my subtitles are as accurate as they can be. Thanks!
Claude Almansi
Thanks a bunch for adding this video, Sara, and for subtitling it in English: you've understood several unclear passages that escaped me by ear, but I'll listen to it again tomorrow to check. I wish I knew Chinese so I could understand how you translated it - it must have been both tough and fun, I guess?
Sara Huang
Heh. It's a hilarious video and I hope others have a fun time translating it. English is actually my first language; I'm an American but took on Huang as my surname after marrying at Taiwanese guy. I know a bit of Chinese, but it's subpar at best and I can't write at all :).