Columbo Season 1 Episode 1 - Ransom For A Dead Man

A brilliant tort attorney gets rid of her boring husband by faking his kidnapping and keeping the ransom. The FBI may be fooled, but not Columbo.

(Man) 'Les, I'll tape a memo for you
on the Bronson matter tomorrow.

'As far as the Delforth Corporation suit
is concerned, they've got me.

'As far as I see, they're holding firm.

'They want $300,000
delivered tomorrow night.'

'... they've got me.'

Leslie, I thought...

Hello, Pat? Leslie.

Listen, about our tennis date.

(Chuckles) Yeah. No, I know,
I've been very forgetful lately.

Pat, please, call me at the office
tomorrow at 12:15 sharp.

Just say "tennis" and I'll remember
to put it on my office calendar.

All right, Pat, goodbye.

(Man) When did you sustain these injuries,
Mr Crowell?

This September 16th, Friday,
8:30 in the evening.

You were admitted for emergency care
on that night?

Yes, I was.
St John's Hospital, Santa Monica.

I'd like to introduce
these hospital records as exhibit A.

Mr Crowell, what was the extent
of your injuries due to your fall?

My back was hurt real bad.

Objection. The plaintiff is not competent
to give medical testimony.

Sustained.

(Attorney) I will introduce exhibit B,
a doctor's report on the plaintiff's condition

showing damage to the lumbar region
of the spine, with nerve damage,

resulting in partial paralysis
to the left side of his body.

- Did you find out anything?
- No one's seen or heard from him.

- Did you check the hospitals?
- Not a thing.

- What about the police?
- Zero. Shall we...?

Let me think about it.

Objection. Irrelevant and immaterial.

Sustained. The answer may go out.

- Shall we put out a missing persons report?
- I'll do it after lunch.

- How goes it here?
- This middle-class jury

dislike the insurance company almost
as much as they do working-class people.

Mr Crowell, you are a punch press
operator. Is that correct?

- Yes.
- Have you been on welfare before?

Objection.

Sustained.

That night that you fell down the stairs
in the defendant's apartment house,

- where had you been beforehand?
- A café across the street.

In point of fact, Mr Crowell,

according to the bartender there,
you had at least three drinks

and no dinner before you left the café
and returned to the apartment.

Not being able to see the steps properly,
you fell.

Objection, your honour. Counsel is testifying

and assuming facts not in evidence.

The plaintiff alleges the stairs were badly lit.

Although the plaintiff may well have been.

- Objection.
- Sustained.

- (Gavel thuds)
- Court will be recessed until one o'clock.

I've convinced my client
to discuss a settlement.

- I'm sure you have.
- My office, ten minutes?

Mine at 12:30.

- It looks good.
- Very good.

I'll get your insurance company
off the hook cheaply this time

but you'd better make that building of yours
safe or somebody may get killed.

Thank you.

- Hi, Mrs Williams. Michael.
- Have you heard anything?

There's still no word from Mr Williams,
I've tried everywhere.

Thank you, Nancy. Bring in your pad.

We'd better outline a settlement.
They'll be here soon.

- (Sighs) What time do you have, Michael?
- 12:15.

Ah, Les, they're asking 150,000.

I think he'll say his client is ill
and needs cash, and offer to settle for half.

His client is losing
and he'll take what he can get -

nuisance value at $10,000.

- That's hitting him pretty hard.
- (Phone)

- Yes?
- Les? One word - tennis.

- Yes?
- Don't forget.

What? Who is this? Hello?

(Leslie) Hello?

What is it?

We'd better call the police.

That man on the phone
said he's got my husband.

- (Man) I want men posted here, out of sight.
- (Phone)

- I don't want neighbours calling the police.
- Mr Carlson.

Hoffman, this is Carlson.
We don't want any press leaks.

I don't want to have to add up
all the favours you owe me. Nor do you.

Right.

- It'll stay out of the papers for now.
- Thank you.

- Is that tap-in ready?
- Not quite yet, sir.

We'll be able to monitor any phone calls
that come in, Mrs Williams.

- Will you be able to trace the calls?
- Maybe.

Unfortunately, the kidnapper usually keeps
the calls short.

But with this tape
we can make voice prints,

helping us with identifications.

There's something I have to ask you.
I want you to be honest.

Of course.

After I pay the ransom, what are
the chances of getting my husband back?

I'll be honest with you.
There's no way of knowing.

All we can do is hope for the best.
We'll do everything we can.

- Of course you will, I know that.
- Let's try and be optimistic.

He's probably fine,
you'll have him back in 24 hours.

- That's... That's all I want.
- (Phone)

Excuse me.

Carlson. Yes, I'll hold.

- Er, Mrs Williams?
- Yes?

Lieutenant Columbo, local police.
I seem to have dropped my pen.

Just a minute.

(Sighs)
Would you like some help?

That won't be necessary.
I'll just take another quick look.

- I can get a flashlight.
- Don't bother.

I, er... I've got some matches.

- It's no trouble.
- It's not important, it's just a pen.

You see, it was engraved,
that was the only reason.

I'll buy another one and have it engraved.
The pen was worthless.

- Is that it?
- Where?

- There.
- Oh...

- No.
- No?

- (Carlson) Everything OK?
- Lieutenant Columbo's lost his pen.

Don't bother him about it.

- Lieutenant Columbo.
- How do you do? How are you?

Mrs Williams,
I think we can forget about the pen.

- Would you like a flashlight?
- I've offered him one.

That last call was from the police.
They've found your husband's car.

- Was there any sign of violence?
- None.

- How did they stop it?
- It was found near a stop sign.

We assume your husband stopped
and the kidnappers found the opportunity...

Mr Carlson, there's a gentleman to see you.

Lieutenant. Gentlemen, this is
Lieutenant Columbo, our local police liaison.

- How do you do?
- As I was saying,

the stop sign suggests that...

- Is there something we can do for you?
- I came to say that they found the car.

- We already have that information.
- I can see that.

- How's the tap-in coming?
- Not yet.

- Feel free to stay if you like.
- Thank you very much.

(Carlson) Jerry, get a man to check houses
in the area where the car was found.

Somebody may have
seen or heard something.

Start from Sunset and work your way up.

Hammond, get the lab report
on the luggage in the car.

Do you suppose the kidnappers
followed him from Phoenix?

- I doubt that.
- They must have known when he left.

That's why we think they had someone
there checking the time of departure.

- Then they could notify their confederates...
- Sir?

The lieutenant would like
to see the ransom note.

Do you know what time your husband left?

- Excuse me. May I see the envelope?
- Surely.

No. I didn't, neither did anyone in my office.

Which police garage
did they take the car to?

- Downtown.
- We'll run a set of fingerprints.

(Carlson) Strange thing, Mrs Williams,

when you look at the route
your husband must have taken...

- What is that, an aerial map?
- Hm-mm.

- I see.
- (Carlson)... the streets are dark, secluded...

What's it for?

It came with the kidnappers' instructions.

They sent instructions? What were they?

Mrs Williams is to fly alone,
north along this highway,

- then she heads across the desert.
- Exactly.

There'll be a flashing signal
and the money is to be dropped in a bag.

Usual warnings - no cops.

- When is the drop?
- That we don't know.

All I can say is they'll call us tonight.

(Carlson) Listen, Miller - the victim's car
has been picked up by the LAPD.

They've got it in the downtown garage.

That's right. Run a fingerprint check on it.

- You fly a plane?
- Yes.

- By yourself?
- Yes.

- No kidding.
- No kidding.

(Carlson) They'll probably
give you a little static but...

We're assuming the victim
crossed the state line.

Excuse me.

- How's it going?
- Fine. Ready in a few minutes.

- (Carlson)... Phoenix as well as here...
- We'll have to wait till he gets off the phone.

- Fascinating.
- Let me know if you have any problems.

Right.

Can I help you, Lieutenant?

- Oh... No, just browsing.
- For anything in particular?

No.

Because if there's anything you'd like
I'd be only too happy to help.

Oh, thank you very much.

- Er, Mrs Williams.
- Yes.

Er... Men's room?

The powder room is up those steps,
down the hall, first door on your right.

Have you got that ?

First door on your right.

- (Hammond) It'll be ready in a minute.
- Good.

One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four...

The house is cold.

I must say, you're bearing up
very well indeed.

Oh, it may seem like it
but if it weren't for you...

That's very kind, Mrs Williams,
but we just do what we can.

You're very modest.

Tell me, do you think you'll find
any trace of fingerprints in the car?

Frankly, I doubt it.

It's a very professional,
well-planned operation.

They knew what time
your husband was coming.

They know about your flying a plane.

No, I think the only fingerprints we'll find
will be your husband's.

And yours, of course.

- Did you find it, Lieutenant?
- Yes, very well. Thank you.

I have to tell you, Mrs Williams,
you've got some beautiful place here.

- You just make yourself at home.
- Say, you know the soap in the bathroom,

shaped like lemons?

- Yes?
- I was almost afraid to use them.

That's what they're there for, Lieutenant.

If you don't mind my asking,
when you use one and put it back,

how do you keep it
from sticking to the others?

- It's a problem.
- That's what I figured. I figured that.

(Leslie) Do you know what I think?

Since we're all going to be waiting here,
I'll fix us all dinner.

That won't be necessary,
we can have something sent in.

Please, let me do it, it will keep me busy.

All right, thank you.

- Mrs Williams?
- Yes?

- Don't you have any live-in servants?
- Yes.

It must be the same everywhere. If you want
something done you gotta do it yourself.

How's that, Lieutenant?

Oh, you pay a lot of money for help
and you end up doing the cooking.

You see, my housekeeper's been
on vacation for the last week.

Oh. I see. So you've been here alone.

Listen, if there's anything I can do to help,
peel potatoes, just feel free to...

You'll be the first to know.

- (Mr Williams on tape) 'Les... '
- Mrs Williams.

Hello?

- 'Les.'
- (Leslie) Paul?

- 'They've got me. They want $300,000.'
- When?

- 'Tomorrow night. Just follow instructions.'
- Paul. Paul!

Play it back. Make sure we got all of it.

That's this one.

(Carlson) From this point on the highway
to here. Over 150 miles of desert.

- No way we can cover all of it.
- (Leslie on tape) 'Hello? '

- 'Les.'
- 'Paul? '

- 'They've got me. They want $300,000.'
- 'When? '

- 'Tomorrow night. Just follow instructions.'
- I won't take risks with my husband's life!

Don't worry, we'll follow you by helicopter,
give you plenty of room.

Oh, I know you will.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that.

(Carlson) It's all right,
we understand how you feel.

I think I'll go upstairs.
I'll be in my room if you want me.

Good idea. We'll cover the place
all night, so rest easy.

All right, that's it for tonight, fellas.
Let's wrap it up and go home.

I'll get this tape to the lab right away.

- Good night, sir.
- Good night.

- I'll check with you in the morning.
- All right.

Well, Lieutenant, I guess that's it for tonight.

Lieutenant.

- Let's call it a night, uh?
- Oh... I'm sorry, I...

I was thinking there.

- Unique woman.
- What's that?

I say she's an exceptional woman.

What do you mean?

When the phone rang, she ran to the phone,
picked up the receiver...

and she never asked her husband
if he was all right.

I don't see anything strange about that,
she's frightened, under stress.

That's right, yes...
Yes, she was under stress.

I just can't help thinking
that if I was in the hands of kidnappers

and my wife didn't ask me if I was OK,

I'd think about that.

- What's your point?
- Point? No, no point.

Just that, er... she's a unique person.

- Good night, Lieutenant.
- Yeah, good night.

If you'll just initial here and sign here.
On all three copies.

$300,000, all yours.

- We got all the serial numbers?
- The bank helped us mark the money.

- We appreciate your help.
- You're welcome.

Apart from your savings,
trust accounts and municipal bonds,

we naturally were forced
to sell all of your stocks at a loss.

There was no other alternative.

I know, Mr Perkins,
but this is no time to worry about money.

- Of course, Mrs Williams.
- I brought a bag.

Thank you, that won't be necessary.
I have one.

This should do it.
If you don't need me any longer.

- Gentlemen.
- Thanks again.

We've got priority clearance
on that air corridor. You'll be by yourself.

- What about you?
- We'll be about two miles behind you.

You'll keep your people clear of the area?

The highway patrol units have instructions.

If they spot a car picking up the money,
they make an identification and let it pass.

Chances are they'll get the money
and clear out quickly

- so I wouldn't worry.
- I'm concerned about my husband's life.

If you gentlemen will excuse me,
I'll change now.

- (Plane engine)
- All set?

- I'm ready.
- All right, let's go.

You ride in the rear.

Certainly.

To talk, press this button.
To listen, release it.

- 835 Romeo, take-off.
- (Control tower) 'You're clear, 835 Romeo.'

- (Engine splutters)
- What was that?

What was what?

Something's wrong with the motor.

Take it easy, everything's just fine.

This is 835 Romeo. 35 Romeo.

We read you, 835 Romeo.

I'm approaching northbound freeway
and descending to 1,000 feet.

'Air speed at 150.'

We're holding a position on your heading,
air speed 150.

Right.

How much further is it?

How much further is it?

- How much further is it?
- She'll notify us when she's at the turn-off.

- Is that near?
- See that highway to your right?

Yes, I do.

She'll go into the desert
from the next coordinates.

Good.

This is 35 Romeo approaching coordinates.
Begin new heading 20 degrees northwest.

- We read you.
- Air speed at 150.

This is 33 Foxtrot to all ground units.
We're approaching the turn-off.

(Carlson) 'Maintain radio silence
until visual contact is established.'

Right.

This 835 Romeo. 35 Romeo.

'Have established visual contact with
light at access road by coordinates 28.'

- We read you.
- Circling now to make drop.

This is 33 Foxtrot
to highway patrol units 12 and 22.

'Move toward access road
near map coordinates 28.'

Drop completed. Over and out.

They got it.

- Any sign of them?
- No, sir.

There's a highway only a half-mile that way.
Lot of traffic.

They must've gotten lost in it.

- We knew that going in.
- Mr Carlson?

Wanna look at this?

(Carlson) All right, let's go home.

Lieutenant? Lieutenant Columbo!

Let's go.

Hey, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, I'll take that.

Are you coming?

No. You go ahead.
I'm gonna take a little walk, clear my head.

- You know what I mean.
- All right.

How is my father?

- What are you doing here?
- How is he?

- Have you heard from him?
- No, not yet.

But you paid the ransom money.

When will they bring him back?

We don't know.

I, er...

- (Drops key)
- I wasn't expecting you.

After I got your cable
I caught the first plane out of Zurich.

There was only a 30-minute layover.

- You didn't have to come.
- You mean you didn't want me to.

I mean that there's nothing
for you to do here.

Let's drop the polite charade, Leslie.

I hate you as much as you hate me.
Maybe more.

You don't have to play the martyred
stepmother to me any more.

So you see all the expensive education
in Switzerland isn't a total loss.

Margaret, we're both tired
and we're both upset.

I'm sure neither of us
wants to say anything they don't mean...

That we may be sorry for later.

Why don't we get some sleep?

Tomorrow may be a long day.

Margaret, I'm worried.

I love him too.

I haven't been able to sleep.

I'm terribly nervous.

Margaret, I'm afraid.

I don't want anything to happen to him.

I know. I know.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

(Woman on TV)
'What kind of insurance could he have? '

(Man on TV) 'Enough to cover
doctors and hospital bills.

'Say 125 a week cash benefit,
around 50,000 capital sum.'

- 'Capital sum? What's that? '
- 'In case he gets killed.

'Maybe I shouldn't have said that.'

'I suppose you have to think of everything.'

'Your husband would understand.
I could sell him accident protection.

- 'I'll talk to him about it.'
- 'He's pretty tough going.'

'We're all tough at first.'

'He has a lot on his mind.
He doesn't want to listen... '

Little early for the late show.

(Woman on TV) 'Sometimes we sit here
all evening and don't say a word.'

- 'Sounds pretty dull.'
- 'I just sit and knit.'

- 'That what you married him for? '
- No calls?

I guess they haven't heard anything.

They've got fuzz of some kind on the street,
watching the house.

- Federal agents.
- There's nothing in the paper about Daddy.

- Or the kidnappers.
- No, we kept it out of the press

and off radio and the television.

I was waiting for the news.

- Where are you going?
- I have a date in court.

How can you do that?
I mean, how can you function?

Seems like a strange time
to play lady lawyer.

When you take on responsibilities,

you will find out that you don't have a choice.

I guess I'm lucky I'm still irresponsible

because all I can think about is my father.

No more than I.

Why don't you try to occupy yourself
with something,

besides television and running up
overseas telephone bills?

You might find that
it passed the time more quickly.

- I'll call you the moment I hear anything.
- Leslie!

Good luck.

- With your case.
- Thank you, Margaret.

"'I sell accident insurance on husbands.

"'Wanna turn yours into cash?

"'Just give me a smile and I'll help"?
Think I'm a dope? '

- 'I think you're rotten.'
- 'I think you're swell.

- 'So long as I'm not your husband.'
- 'Get out.'

'You bet I'll get out, baby.
I'll get out but quick.'

Now, when you're
cross-examined about the accident, cry.

- About what?
- Everything.

Especially when he asks
how fast you were going.

Excuse me. Sit down there.
Give me the brief.

- Leslie.
- Mrs Williams...

- Have you found him?
- Can we talk privately?

- Tell me here.
- In private.

Just tell me. Did you find my husband?

- (Carlson) Please, Mrs Williams.
- Is he all right?

Your husband is dead, Mrs Williams.

You all right?

(Panting) Give me a moment.

(Carlson) Can we get you a doctor?
(Leslie) Yes.

(Carlson) I'll arrange
to have you driven home.

Get my bag and things.

- I'm very sorry.
- I know.

(Carlson) Lieutenant.

- Did she ask where the body was?
- No.

I didn't think so.
One more thing, Mr Carlson.

- She didn't ask how he was killed?
- No.

- That's what I thought.
- What's bothering you now?

- Nothing.
- Something's bothering you.

It's just that up until now
she was very cool and very composed.

Then she fell apart in front of other people.

I don't see anything so strange about that.

- Convenient, maybe.
- Conv...?

If you think she had something
to do with the kidnapping, say so.

Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.

You asked me what was bothering me
and I told you.

Listen, if you start harassing this woman
I'm going to take it upstairs.

Just one minute, Mr Carlson.
It's like this -

this is not just a kidnapping,

this is a murder now.

I kind of figure that's my department.
I'll see you around.

I gave Margaret an injection, put her to bed.

- She'll be asleep soon.
- Good.

Take two of those before you go to bed,
they'll put you out all night.

I can't thank you enough. Really, all of you.

We'll let you get some rest.

So brave...

- Call me if you need me.
- I will.

Good night, darling. I'll be here tomorrow.

Take care of yourself.

We'll keep a man on the house
for the next few days.

- Is there anything else we can do?
- No, thank you.

- Good night.
- Good night.

(Priest) Let us pray.

Lord, we implore you to grant this mercy
to your dead servant,

that he who held fast to your will
by his intentions

may not receive punishment
in return for his deeds,

so that as the true faith united him
with the faithful on earth,

your mercy may unite him with
the company of angels in heaven.

Eternal rest grant upon him, O Lord,

and let perpetual light shine upon him.

May he rest in peace.

May his soul, and the souls of all the faithful
departed through the mercy of God,

rest in peace.

- My deepest sympathy to you.
- Thank you.

I pray you be comforted.
God's peace be with you.

- Leslie?
- Yes, Margaret.

This is what you wanted, isn't it?

Are you all right?

I'm all right, it's nothing.

I'm all right.

- Are you all right?
- Yes, thank you.

- Who are you?
- Lieutenant Columbo from the local police.

If there's ever anything you want,
you're not alone.

- (Michael) Margaret.
- Remember, I'm always available.

You'd better come. We're waiting for you.

(Woman) 'I see now what you mean
about her. She's spoiled and selfish.'

Pat, you can't blame her.
Paul and I indulged her too much, I guess.

- It was our fault, really.
- If she were mine,

stepdaughter or not, I would kick her out.

Pat, I think Les should get some rest.

Yes, I think so too.

(Pat, murmuring)... too much money...
(Leslie) It's so sad...

- You must make her grow up.
- Are you all right?

- Yes, thank you.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye. Oh, I have to tell you
how much I appreciate everything.

You have been such good friends.
Paul loved you.

- He loved you all. So do I.
- Goodbye.

We love you. I'll call tomorrow.

Margaret?

Margaret, come down, please.
I know you're listening.

You called, mother dear?

- I think we'd better have a talk.
- Of course, mother dear.

I'm willing to overlook the incident at
the cemetery. I'll call it adolescent hysteria.

But I am in no mood to tolerate
any further outbursts, sarcasm, anything.

Of course.

You're making it very difficult
for us to live together.

I think you should go back to school
this weekend.

The school doesn't open for another month.
There's nobody there.

You have friends in Paris.

- Visit them.
- I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here.

- Why?
- It's my home too.

While we're on the subject of school,
I think we'd better talk about something else.

- Like what?
- Finances.

Your father and I have kept you sheltered
from our financial affairs.

Now I think that you are ready
to face certain realities.

- I have my own trust account.
- You did.

I won't bore you with the details

but your father and I had joint control
of that account.

- What happened to it?
- To pay the ransom

I closed that account
along with everything else.

You're trying to tell me that we're broke?

No, it's not as bad as all that.

My law practice and the firm will keep us
off the streets of Beverly Hills.

But there will have to be readjustments.

You mean my allowance?

That's a very good example.

How much of a readjustment?

I'll have to see what I can come up with.
I'll let you know.

In the meantime, while you're here,
why don't you find yourself a job?

Pick up some extra cash.
Might come in handy.

May I help you?

Lieutenant Columbo, I had an appointment.

Oh, of course. My goodness, you're early.

- I know.
- How did you get in?

Oh, the janitor was nice enough to let me in.

Mrs Williams should be here soon,
she's never late.

Really? I got this terrible habit,
I'm always early.

Whenever I have to be anywhere,
I'm ahead of time.

- You're a legal secretary?
- I'm an attorney.

I'm called an associate. The secretary
phoned in sick so I have to fill in.

- I don't know how you do it.
- Do what?

- Work for a woman.
- It doesn't bother me.

Just so happens that she's
one of the best trial attorneys in the state.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Have I kept you waiting?
- No, I was early.

Good. Well, won't you come in?

- Shall I hold the calls?
- Please.

I'm sorry to bother you the first day back.

Oh, that's all right. So the federal people
haven't come up with anything?

No. Nothing, not a word, not a clue.

Say.

- That's some telephone.
- Yes.

- What, are you big on gadgets?
- No.

I just happen to find that one a great help.
See...

Say that I want to get in touch with a client
to be in court, say, Monday,

I just tape a message,

and this machine calls my client

- and does it for me.
- Boy, that's...

that's really something.

Today they could do everything
electronically, if they wanted to.

Could I take down the name of this?

Maybe I could con the department
into getting one for my office.

You have a pen?

These things really fascinate me.
They got a new thing today -

if I wanna take my wife to the ball game,

I just dial this service for the tickets.

It's all done by the computer.

It's really... It's unbelievable.

Hmm. What did you want
to see me about, Lieutenant, exactly?

Er... You see, Mrs Williams,
now that a murder's been committed

it's my job to look at this case
from all possible angles.

Isn't it your job to catch the kidnapper?

The federal agents and our men are on that.

- Very reassuring.
- Yes, it is. They do a fine job.

But you see, the thing is, with me...

- I'm a strange guy.
- Really?

Yeah, I worry. Little things bother me.

I'm a worrier.

I mean... Little insignificant details -
I lose my appetite, I can't eat.

My wife says to me,
"You know, you can really be a pain."

- You know what I mean.
- I get the general picture.

- Why don't you get on with it?
- Sure. Right.

There are certain things
about your husband's kidnapping,

certain details that...

- Does this lighter work?
- Yes.

- Boy, they really nag me.
- Such as?

- The bag, for instance.
- Which bag?

The one you dropped from the plane
with the ransom money.

- Didn't I say which bag it was?
- No, you didn't.

- (Tuts) I'm sorry. I thought I did.
- What about the bag?

I thought, it's funny
that whoever took the money,

- they didn't take the bag.
- What's funny about that?

You figure a kidnapper
is afraid to get caught

so he's not likely to stop,
open a bag, take the money out,

then run away and leave the bag.

Well, of course, you know more than I do,
but don't people under stress

act more out of immediate emotion
than logic?

That's absolutely true.

I'll go even further. That's what
does most criminals in, eventually.

Then isn't it safe to assume

that they would open the bag
to see if the money was there?

And then, after they saw it,

out of fear or panic, take the money
out of the bag and run.

That's probably right. That's probably right.
I'm sure... it's right.

I don't mean to defend my point
about the bag,

I was just using that
to show you the kind of person I am.

You understand? How details bother me.

In other words, I'm trying to show you
a whachamacallit of mine.

- Idiosyncrasy.
- Right. Idiosyncrasy.

- Gee, that's a... That's a good word.
- One of the best.

- Anything else?
- Er, no.

No, I guess that's it.

Listen, I wanna thank you
for taking the time to talk to me,

I really appreciate that.

Helped straighten things out in my mind.

- Any time, Lieutenant.
- Thank you again.

- Something else?
- What's the matter with me?

- One other thing. The angle of the bullet.
- What about it?

The bullet entered your husband's body
at a 45-degree angle.

- What's the significance in that?
- That means he was standing.

And... See the way you're standing?

Leslie, I thought...

(Columbo, echoing)
Just the way you're standing.

The killer was sitting,
just the way I am. And from this position...

the killer shot him.

I'm sorry.

(Sighs deeply) Would you, er...

A little water, on the table.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.
- That's all right. Please go on.

Listen, I can come back another time.

No, really, I'm all right. I want to hear.

- Are you sure you're all right?
- Mm-hm.

There's not much else to say,

it's just another one of those things
that bothers me.

I mean, what was your husband doing?

Was he just standing there
while some guy sitting down shot him?

At this point there's no way
of really knowing what happened.

Right. You're right about that. Right. That's...

- But the other peculiar thing...
- Something else?

- He was shot with a.22 calibre revolver.
- So?

Most criminals use a.32, maybe a.38.

- But this one was different?
- Sure was.

And I tried to figure it. Why a.22?

- Hm, that's interesting.
- Yes, that is interesting.

What if he wanted to fire into someone

and know the bullet didn't have
the velocity to go through the body?

- But why?
- He didn't want any trace of the crime

in the room where he shot him.

Well, you've given these details of yours
a lot of thought.

I know all these things don't seem like much

but put them all together,
one on top of the other,

and that kidnapping just doesn't add up.

Let me understand you correctly.

Was this perhaps
not an ordinary kidnapping?

That's right. That's interesting, isn't it?

What if someone murdered your husband
and made it look like a kidnapping?

- So the ransom money was a setup?
- That's possible.

Look how that throws us off.

We're looking for kidnappers that don't exist.

In the meantime, the real killer is so close
we can't even see him.

And all these little details fall into place -
the angle of the gun.

Shot by someone he knew
while the murderer was sitting down.

- The calibre of the bullet.
- Right.

Killed in a room
where he didn't wanna leave any traces.

The empty bag?

- That's a puzzler. I can't figure that one out.
- In all honesty, I must tell you,

yours is one of the most absurd
hypotheses I have ever heard.

Nothing you said proves anything
one way or another.

I know. I'm not a lawyer,
and maybe my theories are not that great

but, Mrs Williams,
I've been a cop for a long time

and after a few years,
the old nose gets to be pretty good.

- What do you want?
- You could help

if you would just talk to me
about your husband

and maybe I can come up with
a business associate, a friend,

- somebody with a motive to kill.
- And if you can't?

Federal men are on the kidnapping,
there's no harm done.

- I don't hold with your murder theory.
- You're within your rights.

Let me finish.
But I will do whatever I can to help.

Whoever killed my husband,
for whatever reason, I want him found.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Michael, Lieutenant Columbo and I
will be at the airport if you need us.

- Why will we be there?
- I try to fly twice a week.

This is one of those days,
and I want to get away from here.

- Come with me, we'll talk.
- Where? In a plane?

Lieutenant! Are you afraid of flying?

Well, it's... it's not
one of my favourite pastimes.

It's a great release for me, being up here.

All alone, totally free.

I do some of my best thinking up here.

- No kidding.
- No kidding. (Chuckles)

Mrs Williams, would you not do that?

- You're nervous.
- No offence.

In a car I'm nervous when I'm not driving.

- Would you like to take over?
- I beg your pardon?

I could teach you to handle the plane
in an hour.

Yes, well...

Really, that would be wasted on me.
I don't intend to fly again.

You make me feel terrible.
Flying is wonderful, I've ruined it for you.

No, I've never liked flying.

Because you've never flown.
What we don't know, we fear.

- Take the controls.
- No, I'd rather not. Thank you.

- I want you to feel what happens.
- That's very kind.

- Why don't you just describe it to me?
- I want to show you how easy it is. Ready?

- Ready for what?
- Here we go.

Here - you take the controls.

That's a mountain up ahead.

- What do I do?
- Turn the wheel to the left.

Keep your feet off the rudder pedal.
Pull back. Not too much.

You've over-corrected. Keep the nose up.

Treat the plane like a woman.
You have to treat her gently, very gently.

See? Watch out for that peak.

Pull it up, pull it up. Come on.

Up, up, up. Pull it up.

That was brilliant, Lieutenant.
You're gonna make an ace pilot.

There.

Like it?

I'd appreciate it if we didn't talk for a while.

Sure.

- Can you talk yet?
- Not yet.

- Ready?
- OK.

Ask me anything.
I'll try to help you any way I can.

Did you ever teach your husband how to fly?

(Sighs) No, he wouldn't learn.

- Any other questions?
- Erm...

Mrs Williams, did your husband have
any personal enemies?

He didn't have any personal enemies,
everyone admired my husband.

He was respected by his fellow attorneys.

They elected him president
of the local bar association

for five consecutive years.

You know, sometimes behind the applause

there might be somebody who's envious,
who resents all that success.

If there was such a person,
I never met him. What else?

- Yes?
- Erm...

- This is not an easy question.
- Go on.

Did your husband ever have
any relationships with any other women?

My husband was never unfaithful to me.

How do you know that?
How can you be sure?

Because he had a rigid code of ethics
from which he never deviated.

- Must have been quite a man.
- There was nobody like him.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

It's all right, you've been of help.
This is a process of elimination.

- No other questions?
- No.

- No, I guess not.
- Then we'll head back?

- You all right?
- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Did you enjoy yourself?

Well, it was, er... It was quite an experience.

I know what you mean now, about relaxing.

When I started out, I was tense, but now...

- Any time. Any time, Lieutenant.
- Yeah.

Er, say, er... I have this cousin, Ralph,
his name is Ralph.

Ralph was the greatest at everything,

he thought better, talked better,
made out better,

Ralph was the greatest. Ralph? Boy...

that Ralph was something.

- I'll never forget him.
- Er, is there a point to this?

- A point?
- A point.

No, I don't think there's a point, except...

Maybe what it was is that
when you were talking about your husband,

I guess that reminded me of Ralph.

You see because Ralph, he was a bore.

He was so perfect,
there were times I felt like killing him.

Yes, well...

I have to change now, Lieutenant.

That's all, fellas.
My mind is someplace else.

Hey, Lieutenant.

- What do you say, Bert?
- What's the use of kicking?

You know what's your trouble?
You don't have much imagination.

- What do you mean?
- You always look at the menu,

- you always order chilli.
- You know, that's true.

- What'll it be?
- I'll have the chilli.

See what I mean?

Look at it this way -
I'll never be disappointed.

You got something there.

All right, bowl of chilli!

(Bert) For the lieutenant. Make it special.

- Lieutenant Columbo?
- Yes?

I'm Margaret Williams.
Do you remember me?

Yes, of course.

Yes, I just didn't expect to see you here.

Listen, try the chilli. You won't be sorry.

I came to see you.

- Well, what? What about?
- My father's murder.

Listen, I'm terribly sorry about that.

We just haven't been able
to come up with anything on that.

Well, I may have something.

- Sure you won't eat something?
- This is very important.

I'm sorry. Go ahead. I'm listening.

Could we move to that booth over there?

Certainly.

You see, it's, er...
It's the crackers that make the dish.

I think my stepmother had
something to do with it.

- You realise what you're saying?
- Yes.

- Then tell me.
- She never loved him.

She used him to get
what she wanted for herself - a career.

She used his name, his influence,

so that she could become
the famous lady lawyer.

To be a partner with my father
was instant stature, instant success.

Well, did all this start
while your mother was still alive?

Yes, but he didn't have an affair with her.

- How can you be sure?
- I knew him.

He was faithful to my mother
during those years she was dying.

When did they get together romantically?

After my mother died.

She talked him into leaving
the Supreme Court,

something he'd worked for all his life.

He left it because he wanted to be with her.

Is that when they became partners?

That was the bait.

- He did that for her, so she married him.
- Why would she want to see him dead?

My father visited me in Switzerland
during last vacation.

He told me what a fool he'd been,

how she'd finally told him
that she thought he was a bore,

a dull, tiresome old man,

and she wanted a new arrangement.

He started to cry.

I'd never seen him cry before.

He was to quit the firm, turn it over to her.

Then they were to live their separate lives.

She didn't ask for a divorce,

just that they share the house,
nothing more.

He could never stomach
living a lie like that, and he told her so.

She just laughed at him.

I put my arm around him.
I didn't know what else to do.

- What did he do?
- He threatened to throw her out

and close the office.

He stood up to her.
I think that's why he was killed.

Look, Margaret,
you've told me some reasons

why maybe your stepmother
might have a motive.

- But they're all true.
- I didn't say they weren't.

But you don't have any proof of anything,
you don't have any evidence.

All you have is your assumptions.
You understand?

Besides, how could she do it?

What would she do,
involve some other people?

Hm? That would be very risky, wouldn't it?

You see, the only possible way would be...

- No. No, that's crazy.
- What?

It just occurred to me
that the only possible way

would be if somehow
there never was a kidnapping.

She killed him,
then set it up to look that way.

I never said that.
That's a crazy idea. Forget that idea.

How do you prove something like that?

Goodness, I don't know.

I think you got a crazy idea there.
You ought to forget about it.

Well, I'll be in touch with you, Lieutenant.

All right. All right.

Maybe the position of the car seat.

Did you say something?

There might be something
in the position of the car seat.

- What car seat?
- Your father's car.

When they picked up your father's car,

somebody noticed that
the car seat had been moved forward.

I don't understand.

Your father's a very tall man,
six foot or better.

Whoever drove that car last,
they had moved the seat forward.

- Like a woman?
- Could be.

- And there's your father's keys.
- What about them?

We never found them.
Keys weren't in the car.

When we found your father's body,
they weren't there either.

So?

Ever notice how, out of habit
when you get out of a car,

you automatically reach for the keys?

The last person out of that car

instinctively took the keys with him.

And may still have them.

Police department? I'd like to speak
to Lieutenant Columbo, please.

Mrs Williams?

- Mrs Williams!
- (Whimpers)

- What is it?
- I got the call. I came right over.

- I didn't call you.
- I know, it was Margaret.

- How did you get in?
- Margaret left the door open.

I don't understand. Why did she call you?

(Columbo) She had something to show me.

Oh. Margaret? Margaret!

- You want me?
- Yes!

- Lieutenant Columbo is here to see you.
- No. I think he's here to see both of us.

- Are you?
- I thought he might like to know

that I found my father's key ring
in your bedroom.

Margaret, you say these
are your father's keys?

Could you explain the importance
of these keys to me?

You see, Mrs Williams, it goes like this -

the keys weren't in the car
or on your husband's body.

My father was never kidnapped. He came
home that night and you killed him.

Margaret, you don't know
what you're talking about.

- Yes, I do!
- I can't do anything with her.

You killed him! It's true!

Lieutenant, you know it's true!

Wait just one moment. Go sit down.

Sit down in that chair.

What you're saying might mean something
except for one point.

These are not your father's keys.

I've had the house watched.
You had a locksmith here yesterday.

I've got an invoice
of every key you had made.

I'm going to overlook what you did this time

but remember that forging evidence
is a crime.

- But she killed him!
- There's no proof.

- She did it! You know it!
- No, I don't!

- Yes, you do!
- No, I don't...

Young lady, don't you ever do that again.

How could she think a thing like that?

I always knew that she resented me
but I never thought she'd go this far.

I'm going to have to tell you the truth.
I knew how she felt.

The fact is that she came to me

and she told me
that she thought you were involved.

I told her it was a far-fetched idea.

But you did tell her about the missing keys.

You never mentioned them to me.

That wasn't among those little details
that was bothering you.

Well, Mrs Williams,

if by some remote chance
your stepdaughter was right,

it wouldn't have been very smart
to have told you.

I understand.

Good afternoon, Mrs Williams.

- Lieutenant Columbo.
- Yeah?

Thank you for straightening Margaret out.

It was the only thing I could do.

I can't have you accused of murder
on the wrong evidence.

I know you did it. I know it.

I think you ought to see a doctor, Margaret.

- Do you?
- Yes, I do.

I think you're a very sick girl.

You listening?

Yes, but it's very difficult
because I'm so sick.

Margaret?

Why don't you go back to Switzerland?

I'll put you up at a hotel until school opens.

I'm staying right here.

You listen to me.
You stay here only as long as you behave.

One more little drama,
and I won't just cut off your allowance,

I'll tie up your estate.

You'll be on social security
before you see a nickel of it.

Where will all your friends be then,

when you haven't the money
to buy them any more?

- Yes?
- (Columbo) 'Mrs Williams?

'This is Lieutenant Columbo. I was
wondering if I might drop by to see you? '

I got something to show you.
I think you'll really appreciate it.

It's for you.

Some stunt, huh?
I remembered how you like gadgets.

I thought you'd get a kick out of it.

Something to show at parties
and amuse your friends with.

How did you do it?

There was nothing to it.
I got one of your special phones,

got a tape machine, a timer,
I rigged it up, and that was it.

I'm very busy. What does this have
to do with my husband's murder?

I can't get anything past you.
You really got me pegged.

It just shows that your husband
could have been dead

at the time of the phone call.

His voice could have come
from edited tapes in your office.

You know, Columbo, you're almost likeable
in a shabby sort of way.

Maybe it's the way you slouch in here
with your shopworn bag of tricks.

Me? Tricks?

The humility, the seeming
absent-mindedness,

the homey anecdotes about the family,

the wife, you know.

- Really?
- Yeah, Lieutenant Columbo,

fumbling and stumbling along.

But it's always the jugular that he's after.

I imagine that, more often than not,
he's successful.

I appreciate that compliment,
particularly coming from you.

I must tell you I'm disappointed in you.

- I'm really very disappointed.
- How's that?

You've reduced yourself from veiled threats
and insinuations to vaudeville.

What did you expect to achieve
by this tasteless stunt?

Did you expect me to throw myself
at your feet confessing?

- I didn't think you'd do that.
- Then what good did it do?

I just add it up with all the other details.

After a while,
you see what might have happened.

"Might have" won't hold up in court.

You'd be thrown out for lack of evidence.

But, you know, justice is strange, counsellor.

With some people,
it's not enough to be acquitted.

With some people,
it's necessary to convince the public

by producing the guilty party.

I'm familiar with the Perry Mason
school of justice. It's not a bad tactic.

Threaten to ruin my reputation
by accusation, create a doubt about me.

But then I could show
that you were hounding me,

maliciously persecuting me.

You're playing a weak hand.

Either arrest me or get out of here.

I'm going to have to tell you the truth.

The department took me off the case.

There's nothing concrete,
nothing to give to a DA.

There's a murder in Malibu
they want me to look into.

And you couldn't bear to leave
without saying goodbye.

That's right. That's right.

After all that, I almost forgot to say it.
Goodbye, Mrs Williams.

Goodbye, Lieutenant.

Hello.

How do you like it?

Just giving you the same welcome home
you gave my father.

Stop, Leslie.

The first one was a blank.

But who knows?

The next one may be the real thing.

Margaret, just let me go by.

Nothing.

There's nothing in that gun.

There's nothing.

Nothing in that gun! Margaret!

Margaret!

(Margaret) 'My father was never kidnapped.

'He came home and you killed him.
I know you did it.

'I know it. I know it.

(Echoing) 'I know it. I know it.
I know it. I know it.'

Margaret!

Is that what you want? Out!

Out! I want you out of this house tonight!

Even if you throw me out, I won't stop.

I'll hound you, humiliate you, embarrass you.

Get packed!

You used all of my trust account
to pay the ransom.

Now you think you can get
my share of the estate too?

You're not going to get away with it.

I want what's mine.

You want to negotiate, don't you?

I just want what's coming to me.

I'll give you 20,000 a year for five years.

That will take you into your trust.

My trust account was for 25 a year.

Plus a bonus of 5,000. All in cash.

You are some little girl.

All right. If you're on the plane tomorrow.

Excuse me. I have a lot of packing to do.

Mr Steiner will meet you
at the airport in Zurich.

He'll take you to the bank
and open an account for you.

- Goodbye, Margaret.
- Goodbye, Leslie.

Lieutenant Columbo.

- Mrs Williams.
- Pursuing or extraditing?

No. No, just waiting.

You seem depressed.
Did a criminal get away?

Come on.
I'll buy you a drink for consolation.

I hate to see you unhappy.

- That's very nice of you.
- I have a heart. I do.

(PA) 'Flight 26 to Phoenix, Denver
and Fort Worth now loading at Gate 11.

'AII passengers who have not checked in... '

- Yes?
- What will you have?

- After you.
- Sherry.

- I'll have a root beer.
- A root beer?

You always manage
to make me feel decadent.

I do? I never knew that, I'm sorry.

- It's nothing personal.
- I understand.

I'm going to miss you, Lieutenant,

you and all your fascinating little details.

You know, you're something.

You really are something.

- I'll take that as a compliment.
- It is.

- Is it?
- Believe me.

(PA) 'AII persons meeting incoming flights
are requested

'not to go beyond the reception area... '

To you.

'Your cooperation
will be greatly appreciated.'

Here's looking at you, Mrs Williams.

For a while there, I thought,
"I'll never get her."

All those little details didn't make it.
There was nothing conclusive.

Then I thought, it's got to be the money.

- What money?
- The ransom money.

When a person engineers
a false kidnapping,

they have to have
the money hidden somewhere.

It cleaned you out to raise the ransom.

So I thought, "I gotta find a way

"to force her to use the ransom money."

Thank you very much. It seemed nutty
to everybody, it did to my wife,

but I believed in it because...

Mrs Williams, you have no conscience,

and that's your weakness.

Did it ever occur to you that
there are very few people

that would take money
to forget about a murder?

It didn't, did it? I knew it wouldn't.

No conscience - it limits your imagination.

You can't conceive of anybody

being any different than what you are.

And you're greedy.

And that's why, as bright as you are -

and you're bright -

you believed that Margaret could be bought.

Get to the point. Come on.

Here's the point, Mrs Williams. You see?

You were set up.
I arranged it all with Margaret.

I told Margaret
if she really wanted to nail you,

she had to force you
to use the ransom money.

Oh. Ah.

You're very lucky, Lieutenant.

No.

Congratulations. You're very smart.

- So are you.
- Thank you.

Forgive the charade about the briefcase

but we had to make sure the money
was in there before we arrested you.

- Would you like to finish your sherry?
- I don't want any more.

Would you advise Mrs Williams
of her rights and drive her downtown?

That'll be a dollar ten, please.

Oh, yeah.

Wait one minute.

Would you mind if I signed for this?

I'm from the police, Lieutenant Columbo.

- I guess that'll be all right.
- Fine.

Oh, thank you very much.