How can children without a father be a continuation of him?

Thay answers questions on 21 June 2014. Question 7

(Half bell)

(Bell)

Dear Thay,

We have two different questions
from friends who are asking about

how to help very young people recognize
the continuation with their father

when they haven't had
any personal relationship with him?

One person asks:

'This summer in the children's program,
we had boys who cannot know their father,'

'because they were born from
artificial insemination.'

'How can I help them to feel
their father inside of them?'

Another person asked in French:

'How do you explain to a teenager
the continuation of father to son'

'when he has never been
recognized by his father'

'since the time he was conceived.'

There are people who have fathers
that are still alive,

but they cannot
connect with their fathers.

Communication is blocked.

And they don't want to be
with their fathers.

They are not interested in
the person of their father.

That is the truth, in many cases.

But there are those who
have never seen their father,

but who are capable of ...

being in communication with their fathers,
thanks to the practice.

They are helped to recognize
the father in themselves.

Your way of walking, your way of smiling,
your way of acting, reacting,

reflects very much the way of your father.

And looking into yourself deeply,
you can recognize your father.

You have traits of your father.

And we can also help a person to do that:

"Darling, you smile
exactly like your father."

"The way you reacted, is very much like
the way your father reacted."

You can help a person like that.

Especially when we talk about
the positive characteristics of

the father to the young man
or the young woman.

If you are a lady,
pregnant for the first time,

and your baby is very small
inside of you.

You have not yet seen
a picture of your baby.

And yet you can talk to
your baby with love.

You already have love.
You can talk to your baby:

"Darling, I know you are there,
I am so happy."

You can practise the second mantra,

(Laughs)

and the first mantra:
"Darling, I am here for you."

"Darling, I know you are there
and I am very happy."

Both you and the future father can...

talk to the embryo inside as a person.

And love is very real.

And talking can be very real also,
full of love.

So you don't need
an appearance to talk to.

So even if we have not seen our father
physically, we can talk to him.

And the fact is that
he is in every cell of your body.

And you can smile to your father in
every cell of your body and say:

"Daddy, I know you are there
in every cell of my body."

"And I know that..."

"that my appearance has many things
that are similar to your appearance."

"I am your continuation."

"And in the past ..."

"you have transmitted to me
many good things,"

"and maybe some things
that are not so positive."

"I accept everything."

"And with the practice of the Dharma,"

"I can develop the positive elements
that you have transmitted to me"

"and I can transform the negative things
that you have transmitted to me."

You can talk to your father like that.

Because you have had a chance
to encounter the Buddhadharma,

that is why you can do that.

Develop the positive things and
transform the negative things.

And also...

Loving kindness is born from that
kind of relationship, but also compassion.

Compassion, because compassion
can be born in your heart.

If your father does not recognize you,
wants to ignore you,

because he has
a huge block of suffering in him,

the seed of love in him has not had
any chance to be watered.

That is why he behaves like that.

If someone knows how to water
that seed of love in him,

that seed will have a chance to manifest.

But so far, no one has helped him.

So if you look in that way,
you are not angry at your father anymore.

And you know that there is
a seed of love in your father.

He might have been loving and shown
his interest and his love to you

but he did not have the chance.

He did not encounter
a Dharma brother, a Dharma sister

who helped him to make
that seed of love in him manifest.

Everyone has that seed of love,
but his seed of love has not had a chance.

So meditating like that,

you accept your father
and you have compassion towards him.

You have the chance to encounter
the Buddhadharma.

You are able to water that seed in you,

and you will be ... loving,
you will recognize your child,

You will support your child,
you love your child.

And if you succeed within yourself,

you already have begun to transform
your father inside of you.

And having transformed
the father inside of you,

you have more chance to transform
the father outside of you.

Because the father outside
is not the all of your father.

He is inside of you.

And you have the power,
the capacity, the chance

to transform the father within.

Your father in you
recognizes you and loves you.

And that is your practice.

And after having succeeded in that,
you don't suffer anymore

and you have more chance
to help the father outside.

(Half bell)

(Bell)