(Half bell)
(Bell)
Dear Thay,
We have two different questions from friends who are asking about
how to help very young people recognize the continuation with their father
when they haven't had any personal relationship with him?
One person asks:
'This summer in the children's program, we had boys who cannot know their father,'
'because they were born from artificial insemination.'
'How can I help them to feel their father inside of them?'
Another person asked in French:
'How do you explain to a teenager the continuation of father to son'
'when he has never been recognized by his father'
'since the time he was conceived.'
There are people who have fathers that are still alive,
but they cannot connect with their fathers.
Communication is blocked.
And they don't want to be with their fathers.
They are not interested in the person of their father.
That is the truth, in many cases.
But there are those who have never seen their father,
but who are capable of ...
being in communication with their fathers, thanks to the practice.
They are helped to recognize the father in themselves.
Your way of walking, your way of smiling, your way of acting, reacting,
reflects very much the way of your father.
And looking into yourself deeply, you can recognize your father.
You have traits of your father.
And we can also help a person to do that:
"Darling, you smile exactly like your father."
"The way you reacted, is very much like the way your father reacted."
You can help a person like that.
Especially when we talk about the positive characteristics of
the father to the young man or the young woman.
If you are a lady, pregnant for the first time,
and your baby is very small inside of you.
You have not yet seen a picture of your baby.
And yet you can talk to your baby with love.
You already have love. You can talk to your baby:
"Darling, I know you are there, I am so happy."
You can practise the second mantra,
(Laughs)
and the first mantra: "Darling, I am here for you."
"Darling, I know you are there and I am very happy."
Both you and the future father can...
talk to the embryo inside as a person.
And love is very real.
And talking can be very real also, full of love.
So you don't need an appearance to talk to.
So even if we have not seen our father physically, we can talk to him.
And the fact is that he is in every cell of your body.
And you can smile to your father in every cell of your body and say:
"Daddy, I know you are there in every cell of my body."
"And I know that..."
"that my appearance has many things that are similar to your appearance."
"I am your continuation."
"And in the past ..."
"you have transmitted to me many good things,"
"and maybe some things that are not so positive."
"I accept everything."
"And with the practice of the Dharma,"
"I can develop the positive elements that you have transmitted to me"
"and I can transform the negative things that you have transmitted to me."
You can talk to your father like that.
Because you have had a chance to encounter the Buddhadharma,
that is why you can do that.
Develop the positive things and transform the negative things.
And also...
Loving kindness is born from that kind of relationship, but also compassion.
Compassion, because compassion can be born in your heart.
If your father does not recognize you, wants to ignore you,
because he has a huge block of suffering in him,
the seed of love in him has not had any chance to be watered.
That is why he behaves like that.
If someone knows how to water that seed of love in him,
that seed will have a chance to manifest.
But so far, no one has helped him.
So if you look in that way, you are not angry at your father anymore.
And you know that there is a seed of love in your father.
He might have been loving and shown his interest and his love to you
but he did not have the chance.
He did not encounter a Dharma brother, a Dharma sister
who helped him to make that seed of love in him manifest.
Everyone has that seed of love, but his seed of love has not had a chance.
So meditating like that,
you accept your father and you have compassion towards him.
You have the chance to encounter the Buddhadharma.
You are able to water that seed in you,
and you will be ... loving, you will recognize your child,
You will support your child, you love your child.
And if you succeed within yourself,
you already have begun to transform your father inside of you.
And having transformed the father inside of you,
you have more chance to transform the father outside of you.
Because the father outside is not the all of your father.
He is inside of you.
And you have the power, the capacity, the chance
to transform the father within.
Your father in you recognizes you and loves you.
And that is your practice.
And after having succeeded in that, you don't suffer anymore
and you have more chance to help the father outside.
(Half bell)
(Bell)