Video Lecture: Kinesics (Listening with our eyes)

Hi, class. This is William.

In this video, I want to

talk about listening
with our eyes.

In other words,
reading body language.

Now, you've probably
seen a lot of

websites and books
that tell you,

here are 14 signs that
he's lying to you.

Sometimes these websites
can actually be

dangerous because they imply

that a single individual cue,

such as scratching the nose or

looking to the right,
indicates deception.

It leaves out important
core concepts

to reading body language.

Now, there are two
in particular.

Two very important
concepts to always

consider anytime you're trying

to read someone's body language.

The first one is something
called the baseline.

The baseline is what
is normal for them.

For example, if someone normally

looks you when the eyes say 60,

70% of the time that
they're talking to you,

but then when they're
telling you this story,

the amount of eye contact

significantly changes,
that's interesting.

It's interesting because we're

looking for how
the body language

changes from the baseline

when the catalyst is introduced.

The catalyst here is like,

if you're reading
somebody at a poker game,

the catalyst would be when
they look at their cards,

it's whatever caused the change.

We're looking for how
their body language

is different than normal
when that occurs.

The second one is something
called clustering.

We're not looking for an
individual cue to tell us that

somebody is being deceptive or

that they're hostile
or closed off,

rather, we're looking
for a sentence.

We're looking for multiple cues

that confirm the same thing.

For example, kinesics
specialists

tell us that there are

approximately 17 cues that
indicate deceptive behavior.

Now, if somebody engages
in one of these cues,

that's too easily a coincidence.

However, if they engage in
eight or nine of these cues,

that cluster of cues
indicating the same thing,

that's reason to be suspicious.

Now, there are a
lot of different

elements of body language,

and there are a number
of good books out there.

For example, a book that I

would highly recommend
to anyone who is

interested in
learning how to read

body language better is

a book called "What every body
is saying" by Joe Davaro.

I'll be posting a
link to this with

information as an
Internet resource.

For our purposes here,

I want to introduce
how different elements

of body language work together.

So we're going to focus
on three elements,

the eyes, gravity,
and pacification.

The first element we're going to

be talking about are the eyes.

Our eyes are drawn to
what interests us.

This will tell you
what or who someone is

engaged with and gives an
indication when they disengage.

Now, we have anecdotal
evidence of this.

For example, if you introduce
a friend to a group

of friends and your
friend continually

looks at the same person,

we conclude that they're
interested in that person.

If a child is on stage
and feeling stage fright,

their eyes will often be drawn

to their parents
or to the teacher.

What they're interested
in is affirmation.

They're feeling scrutinized
and wanting to feel secure.

If somebody is
afraid of heights,

it's very difficult for

them to not look
down to the ground.

The ground represents a sense
of safety, of security.

It tells us what
they're engaged with.

Salesmen use this
oftentimes to great effect.

If they're pointing out
elements on a package,

if they notice your
eyes continue to be

drawn to the same feature
of their product,

they know that that's
a major selling point.

If, however, your eyes
tend to ignore something,

that indicates to them that

you're not particularly
interested in that.

If they have multiple
items to sell,

they'll oftentimes lay the
items out in front of you,

and as they're listening to you,

talk about whatever
it is you need

fixed or what
you're looking for.

In addition to listening
to your words,

they'll be watching your eyes.

If your eyes continue to look at

the second item in the list,

the second item laid down,

then they know that
they're no longer

selling you items one,
three, four and five.

They're looking to
sell you Number 2.

After a little while, they might

say something like, well,

I got to tell you
I think any one of

these items would probably
help you with that problem,

and they're all 49, 95.

However, they'll walk over
and they hold up Number 2,

the one that you were
looking at, and they'll say,

this is our best seller.
This is the one that I use.

I can use any of them, and this

I found to be the
most effective.

In fact, it gets great reviews.

This feeds our
confirmation bias.

Our mind loves being right,

and here we are being told
that we picked the right one,

and then to add a sense
of urgency, they'll say,

and while all of these are 49,

95, this one happens
to be on sale today.

Today is the last
day of the sale,

but if you buy today, you
can get it for half price.

$25. Oh, the luck.

The one that we wanted
happens to be on sale,

but we need to hurry up and buy

it because the sale ends today.

Our eyes actually told the
salesman everything that

he or she needed to know in
order to close the sale.

The next element is gravity.

Our eyes will tell the person
what we're engaged in.

Gravity will tell somebody
how we feel about it.

When we like what we're

engaged with or what
we just learned,

our body will show signs
of defining gravity.

Our rib cage might raise,

we sit up or stand up a
little bit straighter,

our neck will straighten out,

eyebrows and cheekbones
will be raised.

If we're walking, there
suddenly develops

almost a bounce to our step

as if gravity can't
hold us down.

Conversely, when we
disapprove with the catalyst,

now all of a sudden gravity
seems to weigh heavily on us.

Our cheekbones might sink,

our rib cage fall, we
might slouch over.

If we're walking, sometimes
gravity weighs on us so much,

we can't even lift our
feet fully off the ground,

and they'll drag
along the ground.

Eyes tell us what the
person is engaged in,

and gravity will indicate
how do they feel about it.

The third one is pacification.

Pacification will show us
how strong that feeling is.

Part of our brain called

the limbic system is in charge
of emotion and survival.

As our emotion is getting
stronger and stronger,

the limbic system is
getting stimulated.

If it becomes overstimulated,

the limbic system
has the power to

short circuit the
prefrontal cortex,

the part of your
brain in charge of

executive functioning,
and takeover.

Now, in order to stop this,

the prefrontal cortex will

oftentimes try to pacify
the limbic system.

So pacification cues indicate

that the limbic system
is being overstimulated,

therefore the emotion
is getting very strong.

While there are a number
of different types

of pacification cues,

I want to just cover
a few examples.

Now, we're all
familiar that when

a baby wants to pacify
him or herself,

they oftentimes will
suck their thumb.

Well, adults, we generally
don't suck our thumb,

at least in public, so we

actually run the tongue along
the inside of our mouth.

That is effectively
pacifying the limbic system,

and acts similar to how

a baby sucking
their thumb reacts.

The second one is there

certain parts of the body

that are particularly
vulnerable.

For example, if you feel
at the lower end of

your neck just in

the middle of your neck
above the rib cage,

you can feel a very
vulnerable location,

a spot on your throat that

a direct attack could

potentially lead to
fatal consequences,

and there's no bone
protecting that area.

As a result of that,
the limbic system

is particularly frightened
of this location,

so the prefrontal
cortex will block it.

Sometimes they'll have the hand

adjust a tie that was fine,

they'll scratch their neck,

crossing their arm
over that location,

or sometimes they'll simply

put their hand over
it, blocking it.

This reassures the limbic
system that our survival

is not in danger and
therefore can calm it down.

The third one is stimulating

both sides of the brain
nearly simultaneously.

Now, that sounds
probably strange,

but there are a variety
of ways we can do this.

One way that's sometimes used in

therapy is the eyes darting
back and forth side to side.

This rapid eye movement
pacifies the limbic system.

In therapy, someone might

be sitting straight with
their head forward,

and then lights on each side
of them flash on and off.

Their eyes go back and

forth to the light
each time it turns on.

As their eyes go back
and forth right to left,

it stimulates both
sides of the brain and

restores the prefrontal cortex
calming the limbic system.

Oftentimes we use
tactile sensation.

Since our eyes darting back and

forth might look
a little awkward,

sometimes we'll say rub
our hands together.

If you touch the right
side of your body,

the sensation crosses
the body's meridian

to the left side of your brain.

If you touch the left
side of your body,

it crosses the body's meridian

to the right side of your brain.

Rubbing our hands together,

tapping both legs, rubbing
our arms together,

rubbing the back of your neck.

These are different ways to
accomplish that purpose.

Again, there are a number
of different cues that

people use to pacify
the limbic system.

But three of them is

running the tongue along
the inside of our mouth,

covering vulnerable areas,

and stimulating both
sides of the brain.

That concludes our video
on non verbal listening.

As always, if you
have any questions

or concerns about the course,

please don't hesitate
to contact me.

My email address and other
contact information is

available on the
syllabus as well as

on our course Moodle
page. Thank you.