WEBVTT

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Hi, class. This is William.

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In this video, I want to

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talk about listening
with our eyes.

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In other words,
reading body language.

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Now, you've probably
seen a lot of

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websites and books
that tell you,

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here are 14 signs that
he's lying to you.

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Sometimes these websites
can actually be

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dangerous because they imply

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that a single individual cue,

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such as scratching the nose or

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looking to the right,
indicates deception.

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It leaves out important
core concepts

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to reading body language.

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Now, there are two
in particular.

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Two very important
concepts to always

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consider anytime you're trying

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to read someone's body language.

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The first one is something
called the baseline.

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The baseline is what
is normal for them.

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For example, if someone normally

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looks you when the eyes say 60,

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70% of the time that
they're talking to you,

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but then when they're
telling you this story,

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the amount of eye contact

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significantly changes,
that's interesting.

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It's interesting because we're

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looking for how
the body language

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changes from the baseline

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when the catalyst is introduced.

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The catalyst here is like,

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if you're reading
somebody at a poker game,

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the catalyst would be when
they look at their cards,

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it's whatever caused the change.

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We're looking for how
their body language

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is different than normal
when that occurs.

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The second one is something
called clustering.

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We're not looking for an
individual cue to tell us that

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somebody is being deceptive or

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that they're hostile
or closed off,

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rather, we're looking
for a sentence.

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We're looking for multiple cues

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that confirm the same thing.

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For example, kinesics
specialists

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tell us that there are

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approximately 17 cues that
indicate deceptive behavior.

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Now, if somebody engages
in one of these cues,

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that's too easily a coincidence.

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However, if they engage in
eight or nine of these cues,

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that cluster of cues
indicating the same thing,

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that's reason to be suspicious.

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Now, there are a
lot of different

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elements of body language,

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and there are a number
of good books out there.

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For example, a book that I

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would highly recommend
to anyone who is

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interested in
learning how to read

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body language better is

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a book called "What every body
is saying" by Joe Davaro.

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I'll be posting a
link to this with

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information as an
Internet resource.

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For our purposes here,

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I want to introduce
how different elements

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of body language work together.

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So we're going to focus
on three elements,

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the eyes, gravity,
and pacification.

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The first element we're going to

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be talking about are the eyes.

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Our eyes are drawn to
what interests us.

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This will tell you
what or who someone is

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engaged with and gives an
indication when they disengage.

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Now, we have anecdotal
evidence of this.

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For example, if you introduce
a friend to a group

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of friends and your
friend continually

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looks at the same person,

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we conclude that they're
interested in that person.

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If a child is on stage
and feeling stage fright,

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their eyes will often be drawn

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to their parents
or to the teacher.

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What they're interested
in is affirmation.

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They're feeling scrutinized
and wanting to feel secure.

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If somebody is
afraid of heights,

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it's very difficult for

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them to not look
down to the ground.

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The ground represents a sense
of safety, of security.

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It tells us what
they're engaged with.

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Salesmen use this
oftentimes to great effect.

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If they're pointing out
elements on a package,

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if they notice your
eyes continue to be

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drawn to the same feature
of their product,

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they know that that's
a major selling point.

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If, however, your eyes
tend to ignore something,

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that indicates to them that

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you're not particularly
interested in that.

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If they have multiple
items to sell,

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they'll oftentimes lay the
items out in front of you,

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and as they're listening to you,

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talk about whatever
it is you need

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fixed or what
you're looking for.

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In addition to listening
to your words,

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they'll be watching your eyes.

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If your eyes continue to look at

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the second item in the list,

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the second item laid down,

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then they know that
they're no longer

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selling you items one,
three, four and five.

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They're looking to
sell you Number 2.

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After a little while, they might

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say something like, well,

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I got to tell you
I think any one of

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these items would probably
help you with that problem,

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and they're all 49, 95.

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However, they'll walk over
and they hold up Number 2,

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the one that you were
looking at, and they'll say,

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this is our best seller.
This is the one that I use.

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I can use any of them, and this

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I found to be the
most effective.

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In fact, it gets great reviews.

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This feeds our
confirmation bias.

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Our mind loves being right,

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and here we are being told
that we picked the right one,

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and then to add a sense
of urgency, they'll say,

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and while all of these are 49,

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95, this one happens
to be on sale today.

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Today is the last
day of the sale,

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but if you buy today, you
can get it for half price.

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$25. Oh, the luck.

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The one that we wanted
happens to be on sale,

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but we need to hurry up and buy

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it because the sale ends today.

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Our eyes actually told the
salesman everything that

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he or she needed to know in
order to close the sale.

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The next element is gravity.

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Our eyes will tell the person
what we're engaged in.

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Gravity will tell somebody
how we feel about it.

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When we like what we're

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engaged with or what
we just learned,

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our body will show signs
of defining gravity.

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Our rib cage might raise,

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we sit up or stand up a
little bit straighter,

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our neck will straighten out,

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eyebrows and cheekbones
will be raised.

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If we're walking, there
suddenly develops

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almost a bounce to our step

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as if gravity can't
hold us down.

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Conversely, when we
disapprove with the catalyst,

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now all of a sudden gravity
seems to weigh heavily on us.

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Our cheekbones might sink,

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our rib cage fall, we
might slouch over.

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If we're walking, sometimes
gravity weighs on us so much,

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we can't even lift our
feet fully off the ground,

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and they'll drag
along the ground.

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Eyes tell us what the
person is engaged in,

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and gravity will indicate
how do they feel about it.

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The third one is pacification.

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Pacification will show us
how strong that feeling is.

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Part of our brain called

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the limbic system is in charge
of emotion and survival.

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As our emotion is getting
stronger and stronger,

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the limbic system is
getting stimulated.

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If it becomes overstimulated,

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the limbic system
has the power to

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short circuit the
prefrontal cortex,

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the part of your
brain in charge of

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executive functioning,
and takeover.

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Now, in order to stop this,

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the prefrontal cortex will

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oftentimes try to pacify
the limbic system.

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So pacification cues indicate

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that the limbic system
is being overstimulated,

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therefore the emotion
is getting very strong.

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While there are a number
of different types

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of pacification cues,

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I want to just cover
a few examples.

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Now, we're all
familiar that when

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a baby wants to pacify
him or herself,

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they oftentimes will
suck their thumb.

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Well, adults, we generally
don't suck our thumb,

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at least in public, so we

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actually run the tongue along
the inside of our mouth.

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That is effectively
pacifying the limbic system,

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and acts similar to how

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a baby sucking
their thumb reacts.

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The second one is there

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certain parts of the body

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that are particularly
vulnerable.

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For example, if you feel
at the lower end of

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your neck just in

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the middle of your neck
above the rib cage,

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you can feel a very
vulnerable location,

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a spot on your throat that

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a direct attack could

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potentially lead to
fatal consequences,

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and there's no bone
protecting that area.

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As a result of that,
the limbic system

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is particularly frightened
of this location,

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so the prefrontal
cortex will block it.

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Sometimes they'll have the hand

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adjust a tie that was fine,

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they'll scratch their neck,

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crossing their arm
over that location,

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or sometimes they'll simply

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put their hand over
it, blocking it.

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This reassures the limbic
system that our survival

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is not in danger and
therefore can calm it down.

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The third one is stimulating

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both sides of the brain
nearly simultaneously.

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Now, that sounds
probably strange,

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but there are a variety
of ways we can do this.

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One way that's sometimes used in

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therapy is the eyes darting
back and forth side to side.

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This rapid eye movement
pacifies the limbic system.

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In therapy, someone might

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be sitting straight with
their head forward,

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and then lights on each side
of them flash on and off.

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Their eyes go back and

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forth to the light
each time it turns on.

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As their eyes go back
and forth right to left,

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it stimulates both
sides of the brain and

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restores the prefrontal cortex
calming the limbic system.

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Oftentimes we use
tactile sensation.

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Since our eyes darting back and

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forth might look
a little awkward,

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sometimes we'll say rub
our hands together.

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If you touch the right
side of your body,

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the sensation crosses
the body's meridian

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to the left side of your brain.

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If you touch the left
side of your body,

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it crosses the body's meridian

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to the right side of your brain.

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Rubbing our hands together,

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tapping both legs, rubbing
our arms together,

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rubbing the back of your neck.

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These are different ways to
accomplish that purpose.

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Again, there are a number
of different cues that

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people use to pacify
the limbic system.

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But three of them is

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running the tongue along
the inside of our mouth,

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covering vulnerable areas,

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and stimulating both
sides of the brain.

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That concludes our video
on non verbal listening.

00:10:36.810 --> 00:10:38.610
As always, if you
have any questions

00:10:38.610 --> 00:10:39.830
or concerns about the course,

00:10:39.830 --> 00:10:41.750
please don't hesitate
to contact me.

00:10:41.750 --> 00:10:44.790
My email address and other
contact information is

00:10:44.790 --> 00:10:46.470
available on the
syllabus as well as

00:10:46.470 --> 00:10:49.250
on our course Moodle
page. Thank you.