How to recover
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0:00 - 0:05Hey everybody! Today's video is the second
in a whole series I'm doing about sex. -
0:05 - 0:10Today's topic is how can surviving abuse
feel and how can we heal from it. -
0:10 - 0:16(intro music)
-
0:16 - 0:19...if you're new to my channel and
haven't subscribed why? -
0:19 - 0:24Do It now and turn on the notifications.
I release 2 videos/week. Don't miss them. -
0:24 - 0:26But let's jump into today's topic.
-
0:26 - 0:31The first topic I want to jump into ...
Is about how surviving abuse can feel. -
0:31 - 0:36Is using sex as a coping skill
or as a way to self-harm. -
0:36 - 0:40..I have older videos about the self-harm
component I'll link in description -
0:40 - 0:42but I want to get into that a
little more today. -
0:42 - 0:46The truth is we can use a lot of different
things to self-harm. -
0:46 - 0:50Sex is just another way that we can put
ourselves down. -
0:50 - 0:54Or seek out positive affirmation or
attention from someone else. -
0:54 - 0:57Or even as a way to completely numb out.
-
0:57 - 1:01Many of my clients tell me that they've
engaged in sexual activity as a way to -
1:01 - 1:06prove to themselves that they are in fact
terrible or they are a whore or a slut or -
1:06 - 1:08something that was told to them when
the abuse was happening. -
1:08 - 1:14Some claim they use sex life to prove
they weren't actually worthy of true love -
1:15 - 1:19Not getting into relationships, having
casual trysts with a bunch of different -
1:19 - 1:24people was their way of maybe even
recreating a traumatizing situation. -
1:24 - 1:28As a way to either re-injure
themselves, or self-injure -
1:28 - 1:31or clients have said they
thought maybe it would turn out -
1:31 - 1:32differently this
time. -
1:32 - 1:37So our brain is giving us 2nd chance
to try to process happened to us. -
1:37 - 1:41I've had many of my clients who've had a
sexual abuse past tell me they've tried -
1:41 - 1:45to lie to themselves over the years.
Saying they enjoy rough sex. -
1:45 - 1:50They've done it as a way to take the
control back or to say that they enjoy -
1:50 - 1:54it and it's on their terms.
A lot of that is just us trying to cope. -
1:54 - 1:58So we're using the sex as a way to cope
with what happened to us. I've even had -
1:58 - 2:03people tell me after the abuse/rape
they tell themselves they love BDSM. -
2:03 - 2:10BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline,
Dominance, Submission, Sadism & Masochism -
2:10 - 2:14Know that all the different behaviors
that I'm talking about are normal. -
2:14 - 2:20What they truly are is our brain's way
to try process what happened to us -
2:20 - 2:25Or help us heal. Even with self-injury
if we're using sex as a way to numb out -
2:25 - 2:29or as a way to prove that something's
different or to give our brain more time -
2:29 - 2:34to process. What ever the reason is
it's just us trying to survive. -
2:34 - 2:39So just know that nothing's wrong with you
and you're not weird or terrible or dirty -
2:39 - 2:44for engaging in this it's very common
when we've had abuse in our past and -
2:44 - 2:49truly what you're brain is trying to do is
help you survive and process through it. -
2:49 - 2:53And lastly I just want to note one of the
ways we can tell if the sex we're engaging -
2:53 - 2:58in is/not self-harm related is all about
the thought process leading up to it. -
2:58 - 3:02Is there a certain ritual that we do
ahead of time? Do we know we're going to -
3:02 - 3:05engage in the behavior and we're
prepping ourselves? I've heard from -
3:05 - 3:09a lot of you when it comes to your
self-injury as a whole there's a ritual -
3:09 - 3:13around it. How we clean, prep and clean
afterwards. There's all sorts of things we -
3:13 - 3:17do so notice if there's any patterns that
are very familiar to your self-injury. -
3:17 - 3:22And also, notice if you're doing it as a
way to harm yourself emotionally. -
3:22 - 3:27Does the sex make you feel dirty like a
whore, like you're a terrible person, -
3:27 - 3:32like you're just like the abuser told you
you were? Notice if that's what you're -
3:32 - 3:34proving when engaging in that sexual
behavior. -
3:34 - 3:37That will tell you whether it's self-harm
related or not. -
3:37 - 3:42The next topic is hyper-sexuality
as a result of sexual abuse. -
3:42 - 3:45I have another video about this
I'll link in description. -
3:45 - 3:47But I want to get into this
just a bit more. -
3:47 - 3:51Hyper-sexuality as a result of abuse
means that we will -
3:51 - 3:54look to engage in sex frequently.
-
3:54 - 3:59Almost impulsively. And we may even put
ourselves in some seriously dangerous -
3:59 - 4:04situations in order to feed that urge and
get the sex when we want it. -
4:04 - 4:06Like I talked about
in my older video, -
4:06 - 4:08I still believe this
is true -
4:08 - 4:11There are three main reasons we
act out in this way. -
4:11 - 4:13The first is to regain control.
-
4:13 - 4:17Since being abused, especially if it
happened repeatedly, can make us feel like -
4:17 - 4:21we have no control over our body.
We have no control over whether we engage -
4:21 - 4:24in sex or not. It can leave us
feeling completely helpless. -
4:24 - 4:28Therefore, if we seek out sex ourselves
and we decide on our terms when we want to -
4:28 - 4:30have it and who we
to have it with -
4:30 - 4:32it can be
our way of saying -
4:32 - 4:35"You know what! I get to
choose! I get to decide who I want to have -
4:35 - 4:39sex with and when because it's my
body and I'm regaining the control!" -
4:39 - 4:41Almost taking that control back
from our abuser. -
4:41 - 4:43The second reason is validation.
-
4:43 - 4:49If we were abused in our formative years
and we never got to fully develop and -
4:49 - 4:55decide what sex meant for us and how sex
could be enjoyable for us we may see sex -
4:55 - 4:58as a way to get love and support
that we so desperately -
4:58 - 4:59needed as a child.
-
4:59 - 5:02The abuse may have
been one of the only times someone gave -
5:02 - 5:08us undivided attention, told us they loved
us or held us when we wanted to be. -
5:08 - 5:12Therefore, we can believe that sex is the
only way someone can truly show us that -
5:12 - 5:13they love us.
-
5:13 - 5:19So we'll seek it out as away to show
ourselves love and validate ourselves. -
5:19 - 5:24Being hyper-sexual really just means
that you're seeking out support and love -
5:24 - 5:27which is something that we all need.
-
5:27 - 5:32The third and final reason that we may
engage in hyper-sexualized activity is -
5:32 - 5:33chemical.
-
5:33 - 5:36I know this sounds crazy
but our brain actually releases -
5:36 - 5:39dopamine and serotonin
when we engage in sex -
5:39 - 5:42it triggers our reward system
and makes us feel good. -
5:42 - 5:45Therefore, we
could become "addicted" -
5:45 - 5:48to sex at a very young age.
-
5:48 - 5:52And when we aren't engaging in
it we miss it and therefore, seek it out -
5:52 - 5:54and become hyper-sexualized.
-
5:54 - 5:58And that seeking it out and feeling those
urges to engage in it again and get that -
5:58 - 6:02high again is why we may put ourselves
in some unsafe situations just to get it -
6:02 - 6:08any time we can however we can because
our brain and our body feel like -
6:08 - 6:10they're addicted to that behavior.
-
6:10 - 6:15On the flip side many of you reported to
me that you have a complete lack of sexual -
6:15 - 6:19interest...at all.
Don't want anybody to touch us ever. -
6:19 - 6:24Hugs are even a little <Ugh>even when we
really like the person. And this can be as -
6:24 - 6:28a result of sexual abuse too because in a
way we're keeping ourselves as safe-- -
6:28 - 6:34as possible--don't let--anybody--near--me
if I keep people away something terrible -
6:34 - 6:36like that will never happen again.
-
6:36 - 6:41So it's sort of a defense mechanism. And
you can see why. I've even had a bunch of -
6:41 - 6:44my Eating Disorder clients tell me
they've gained or lost weight as a -
6:44 - 6:48result of the abuse. Because the abuser
may have said "oh I love how chubby your -
6:48 - 6:53thighs are" my clients have dropped weight
dramatically. Or an abuser saying -
6:53 - 6:57they really liked how really bony and
skinny they were "BOOM" my clients will -
6:57 - 7:01start to binge eat and so you can see how.
In a way, we're just trying to get people -
7:01 - 7:05away from us don't touch us and we're
trying to keep ourselves safe so that -
7:05 - 7:06it doesn't happen again.
-
7:06 - 7:10The next topic I want to touch on briefly
is pregnancy and or abortion. -
7:10 - 7:14Many of you told me you became pregnant
and either aborted the baby, had a -
7:14 - 7:18miscarriage or decided to have it or put
it up for adoption as a result of abuse. -
7:18 - 7:25And the truth about this scenario is
obviously it's very common. If we're past -
7:25 - 7:29a certain age we can get pregnant. And
the thing that I would encourage you to do -
7:29 - 7:30is to talk to a therapist.
-
7:30 - 7:33If you've lost a child or decided
to abort a child, -
7:33 - 7:37even if yo gave them up for adoption we
need to talk about that with someone and -
7:37 - 7:42give ourselves the time that we need to
fully grieve that loss. I truly believe -
7:42 - 7:47that a lot of the recovery process when
it comes to recovering from abuse is grief -
7:48 - 7:52We need to take time to grieve
the loss of our childhood and grieve the -
7:52 - 7:57loss of our ability to develop our sexual
life at our own pace. Or even grieving the -
7:57 - 8:01loss of a child that we had to give up or
we had to abort whatever it is I feel like -
8:01 - 8:05there's so much grief that needs to happen
when we work on our recovery from abuse. -
8:06 - 8:10So make sure that you give yourself the
time you need to grieve and also notice -
8:10 - 8:15how you talk to yourself about this.
There was nothing you did to cause this. -
8:15 - 8:20This is not your fault. So notice what you
say to yourself and do your best to -
8:20 - 8:23fight back and make it as
positive as possible. -
8:23 - 8:25Because THAT is when the
healing can begin. -
8:25 - 8:28The next topic is because I heard
from lot of you this is something -
8:28 - 8:32that you struggle with is ,"why does sex
feel dirty to me?" I was reading something -
8:32 - 8:36in the Courage to Heal Workbook
and I want to read it to you now. -
8:37 - 8:41The person who wrote this book said, "When
we are assaulted or abused in any way we -
8:41 - 8:47are not given the ability to develop our
sexuality at our own pace. We may not know -
8:47 - 8:51if we like sex, what kind of sex we enjoy,
or what healthy or happy pace we are -
8:51 - 8:52comfortable with."
-
8:52 - 8:58Therefore, sex to us can seem very dirty,
forceful we can be told nasty things about -
8:58 - 9:01ourselves afterwards
or from those around us -
9:01 - 9:02who know it's
happening -
9:02 - 9:03and aren't
getting us help, -
9:03 - 9:07will think we caused it.
Therefore we interpret sex and -
9:07 - 9:11it's whole act as really
dirty and terrible. -
9:11 - 9:15I find the feelings to especially come
out when my clients are in session with me -
9:15 - 9:19trying to work on it. And I think that
happens because something we do in therapy -
9:19 - 9:24if we recognize it or not is we talk about
how bad it was and how nasty and -
9:24 - 9:29terrible that person that did it to us was
and so all of that in a way is kind of -
9:29 - 9:34telling us that the whole sexual...maybe
any sexual experience we've ever had... -
9:34 - 9:39maybe those are the only ones we've had...
we interpret that as that all being dirty. -
9:39 - 9:44Meaning we might blanket or umbrella the
whole act of sex under that and call it -
9:44 - 9:48all dirty. And we can also just feel dirty
ourselves because of what happened to us. -
9:48 - 9:52I've had a lot of my clients tell me that
after their abuser was done they would -
9:52 - 9:56go into the shower and they'd scrub
themselves almost raw. -
9:56 - 9:59And if you were raised in any kind of
religious environment and you're taught to -
9:59 - 10:03think that sex is something to be saved
for marriage or for a serious relationship -
10:03 - 10:07or whatever you believe. Therefore if it's
happening outside of that or if it's -
10:07 - 10:10happening from someone who's maybe in a
relationship with someone else we can -
10:10 - 10:12interpret that as being bad.
-
10:12 - 10:16In order to overcome all of these thoughts
that might be swirling we need to reclaim -
10:16 - 10:19our own sexuality.
-
10:19 - 10:21That's what we're
going to jump into next. -
10:21 - 10:24If you haven't seen another one of my
videos where I've talked about this before -
10:24 - 10:27I'm a huge supporter of this book
The Courage to Heal Workbook. -
10:27 - 10:31I honestly think just the original is good
but I know there are a lot of -
10:31 - 10:34different versions out there now,
but this is amazing. -
10:34 - 10:37And a lot of the tips I'm going to talk
with you now about come from this book. -
10:37 - 10:43And the truth about childhood sexual abuse
or any sexual abuse at a young age is that -
10:43 - 10:45we aren't given the time needed
to develop our -
10:45 - 10:47own sense of our
sexuality it can feel -
10:47 - 10:50really rushed,
like it's at someone else's -
10:50 - 10:54pace because it truly is.
And so the trouble when we're an adult and -
10:54 - 10:57we're trying to heal and trying to have a
healthy happy sex life with someone that -
10:57 - 11:01we want to have sex with we can fall back
into that same pattern. -
11:01 - 11:06A lot of my clients have told their
boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife -
11:06 - 11:09has told them you know like <snap><snap>
lickety split like hurry up and get better -
11:09 - 11:13and it's not like they say directly but
that's the message that my clients or my -
11:13 - 11:17patients that are struggling with this
receive. And so we need to make sure that -
11:17 - 11:20our recovery and our healing
is done at our own pace. -
11:21 - 11:26Anyone worth being with will be patient
with you and understand and be loving and -
11:26 - 11:31supportive as you work through
a horrific trauma that occurred to you. -
11:31 - 11:34And something that The Courage to Heal
Workbook recommends is that we set some -
11:34 - 11:39ground rules for this whole healing
process. That way we know that we're doing -
11:39 - 11:45it at our own pace on our own schedule
in the way we want, and overall ensuring -
11:45 - 11:48that we're doing it for us
not for someone else. -
11:48 - 11:54So take some time consider why you want to
heal and why you want to have a healthy -
11:54 - 11:58happy sex life. And make sure that it's
because you want it for reasons that are -
11:58 - 12:00important and mean something to you.
-
12:00 - 12:05If we don't do that we can add another
layer of trauma on top of the trauma we -
12:05 - 12:09already have without even realizing it so
just take some time and make sure -
12:09 - 12:12it's being done
because you want it to be done. -
12:12 - 12:14There are four steps to
walk through today. -
12:14 - 12:20And the first is making sure you're at a
place where you are ready to try to be -
12:20 - 12:25sexual again and have a healthy sexuality.
If you feel like you're barely surviving -
12:25 - 12:29you're having a ton of flashbacks, any
kind of embrace from your loved one sends -
12:29 - 12:34you into a dissociative state or possibly
back into that traumatic memory. You feel -
12:34 - 12:38like you're just barely keeping your head
above all of these symptoms -
12:38 - 12:41this might not be
the right time to try to do this. -
12:41 - 12:45There's going to be a lot of healing
we're going to have do before we -
12:45 - 12:48consider having a healthy sex life
with someone that we love. -
12:48 - 12:51We're going to have to do
all that work prior. -
12:51 - 12:55So just make sure you're at a place where
it's healthy and okay for you to even -
12:55 - 12:57attempt having a healthy sex life.
-
12:58 - 13:01If you find you are in a place where
you're ready to start working on your -
13:01 - 13:05sexuality take that time that I just
talked about and consider why. -
13:05 - 13:09Is it because you want your body, bed or
you want your love life back? -
13:09 - 13:11What is it you're looking
forward to? -
13:11 - 13:13Why is this something
you want to work on? -
13:13 - 13:16This just ensures that we're doing it
for ourselves and no one else. -
13:16 - 13:21The second step I want you work on is to
then consider what sex is to you? -
13:22 - 13:25What is pleasurable?
Are their certain sexual acts that you -
13:25 - 13:29enjoy more or less than others?
What is it that pleasure actually -
13:29 - 13:31means to you?
How would you define that? -
13:31 - 13:35Are there other ways you seek pleasure
out other than sex? What are those things? -
13:36 - 13:39The reason we consider all the
random questions and what sex means a a -
13:39 - 13:44whole and pleasure means to us all
together is because it helps us better -
13:44 - 13:48engage in the whole sex and
pleasure realm with more safety. -
13:48 - 13:52We can start with the things we know
we like.The things we know give us -
13:52 - 13:57pleasure or arousal and we can find ways
to do it maybe on our own in a more -
13:57 - 13:58safe environment.
-
13:58 - 14:01They talk about this step in The
Courage to Heal Workbook as a way to -
14:02 - 14:07broaden our thoughts overall about sex so
that we can figure out what is pleasurable -
14:07 - 14:14to us and what feels good in our bodies
that way we can try to slowly step -
14:14 - 14:18toward sex in a way that
isn't actually sexual at all. -
14:18 - 14:21The third step is setting
some ground rules. -
14:21 - 14:25If you're working on this on your own
solo these are rules that work for you. -
14:25 - 14:28But if you're working with a partner I
would encourage you to put these rules -
14:28 - 14:31together and then talk to them about it.
-
14:31 - 14:34But these rules overall need to be
created by you alone. -
14:34 - 14:39Making sure that these are rules are
important to you and help you feel safe. -
14:39 - 14:42Before we really get into the ground rules
I just wanted you to know that you can say -
14:42 - 14:46"NO" to sex at any time.
I don't care if you're just getting -
14:46 - 14:50started. I don't care if you're
fully engaged in sex. I don't care if you -
14:50 - 14:54think your partner is about to orgasm.
You can stop the sex at any time. -
14:54 - 14:59And I would consider adding that to your
ground rules so that you know if you feel -
14:59 - 15:02yourself slipping away and dissociating
or you're in a freeze state. -
15:02 - 15:06Know that you can say "NO" then. And
it can stop and you can have some -
15:06 - 15:09signals and some things that you can
talk out with your partner -
15:09 - 15:12so that they know that we need
to stop it right now. -
15:12 - 15:16What else goes on your list?
The Courage to Heal Workbook lists these -
15:16 - 15:20as thought or rule starters.
Under what conditions will I be sexual? -
15:20 - 15:24What are the boundaries and limits
I will want to set? Can I commit -
15:24 - 15:28to taking care of myself in a sexual
situation? And then consider how -
15:28 - 15:30it felt to create your rules.
-
15:30 - 15:32Whether or not you feel you will be
able to uphold them -
15:32 - 15:35and who you want to share
your rules with. -
15:35 - 15:38I think these are all great starters for
us as we start to put together our own -
15:38 - 15:40ground rules for our sexual activity.
-
15:40 - 15:45And forth and finally I want you to create
a list of sexual and physical things that -
15:45 - 15:50are okay or not okay to do. Listing them
either in a hierarchy or just as a list of -
15:50 - 15:55behaviors and different sexual acts or
physical touches that you can think of -
15:55 - 15:58and whether or not they are okay. And
maybe when they're okay or not -
15:58 - 16:02Is it only in certain situations? I know
this sounds like a lot of work -
16:02 - 16:04but it's important for you to take
time to figure out -
16:04 - 16:07what is okay and not
okay and why. -
16:07 - 16:11Let's say someone held our wrists in the
abuse in our past that's a NO GO. -
16:11 - 16:14That's definitely go on the list of
things that aren't okay. -
16:14 - 16:18And we're going to need to commit to being
able to do that and tell whoever we're -
16:18 - 16:22engaging in sexual behavior with that
that can't happen and that it's not okay. -
16:22 - 16:27And putting together this list just helps
us better solidify what things are fine -
16:27 - 16:29and what things aren't.
-
16:29 - 16:31And also when you create this list I would
encourage you to share it with your -
16:31 - 16:36partner and have a conversation about it.
So they can better understand where -
16:36 - 16:40you're at, what's okay and not okay and
also know that you can come back to the -
16:40 - 16:44list and change it as certain things may
become okay and safe for you and others -
16:44 - 16:46may be removed. Think of it like a
-
16:46 - 16:49living document you can
change as needed but make -
16:49 - 16:51sure you communicate
with your partner. -
16:51 - 16:55I heard from so many of you that you that
you have questions about how can we even -
16:55 - 16:59begin to communicate any of the
abuse stuff with our partner. -
16:59 - 17:03A lot of you said you just go silent or
you're afraid you're going to overwhelm -
17:03 - 17:06them and you're just really
not sure how to approach it. -
17:06 - 17:08So, let's get into that a little bit.
-
17:08 - 17:12Something that I really like from The
Courage to Heal Workbook is that they -
17:12 - 17:15talked about your support system
and who should be in it. -
17:15 - 17:20And they said this: "People in your
support system believe you were abused -
17:20 - 17:24and the abuse hurt you. They believe in
your capacity to heal yourself. -
17:25 - 17:29They like and respect you and
see you as a good person who's -
17:29 - 17:33having a rough time right now. By
challenging your old ideas about -
17:33 - 17:38yourself support people inspire you
to grow. When you're around them -
17:38 - 17:43you feel reassured, cared about and
listened to." -
17:43 - 17:49And I just want you to hear that because
before you actually think someone's worthy -
17:49 - 17:53of being in your support system
consider whether those things are true. -
17:53 - 17:57Whether they make you feel reassured,
cared about and listened to. Do they -
17:57 - 18:02believe the abuse happened and that
it hurt you? And it was horribly damaging? -
18:02 - 18:08We need to ensure that they understand.
And that before anything else should be in -
18:08 - 18:12place before we even try
to talk to them about this because -
18:12 - 18:14we need to ensure
they are the right people. -
18:14 - 18:18The best way to begin a conversation with
a partner or loved one about the abuse is -
18:18 - 18:22to take it at your own pace. And if you're
in therapy I would encourage you to bring -
18:22 - 18:26them in for a few sessions. Prep with
your therapist what you're going to say, -
18:26 - 18:29how you want to say it, things you
want to get through so they can -
18:29 - 18:34guide you along and ensure that that's
happens in those sessions and that -
18:34 - 18:37you're able to stay present and we're able
to talk about things that are -
18:37 - 18:40important so you feel all the
information you wanted your spouse -
18:40 - 18:44or loved one or partner to know is
received.That you've said it and -
18:44 - 18:48they've received it. And so
talking in therapy can be really -
18:48 - 18:52helpful and a supportive guide to get you
through maybe something that's too -
18:52 - 18:55difficult to do on your own.
And know you don't have to share -
18:55 - 18:59anything that you're not okay with
right now. But in my experience and -
18:59 - 19:03what The Courage to Heal Workbook talks
about is the more you share the better. -
19:03 - 19:08Because what we want them to be able to
hear is that something horrific happened. -
19:08 - 19:12And if they know maybe how it happened
they can understand why certain behaviors -
19:12 - 19:14and things they've
done in the past are -
19:14 - 19:17so disruptive to you
and so maybe triggering. -
19:17 - 19:21And having them know some of those details
even though I know it's hard to talk about -
19:21 - 19:26it but that could just guide it a little
bit more quickly and help them better. -
19:26 - 19:30Understand where you're at and hopefully
become a supportive person that could -
19:30 - 19:32be caring and loving and
understanding that -
19:32 - 19:34you're having
a really hard time right now. -
19:34 - 19:39So take your time with it and know that
it's even okay if we just start by saying -
19:39 - 19:44"Hey I was abused when I was younger".
That's a great start. If that's all -
19:44 - 19:48we can get out now at least they know
that. And we can move into the other -
19:48 - 19:51portions as we feel that we're able to.
-
19:51 - 19:54It's important for them to understand
it's not about them. -
19:54 - 19:58It's actually about us and our process
we just need them to understand -
19:58 - 20:01what happened, what's going on with us
now, so that they can work with us. -
20:01 - 20:06So that we can work together. To heal and
hopefully grow into having that healthy, -
20:06 - 20:10happy, loving sex life. I would encourage
you to start writing down how it feels for -
20:10 - 20:14you and how certain behaviors or
situations have caused you to feel -
20:14 - 20:17triggered or dissociate and talk
with them about it -
20:17 - 20:20then end with what you need
from them. How can they -
20:20 - 20:24change those behaviors, or better
support you in the moment so that you're -
20:24 - 20:28working together. And you're not doing own
thing while they do their own thing. -
20:28 - 20:33Because then no one fully understands what
the other is needing and the sex and your -
20:33 - 20:37sex ife and your sexuality
can't really improve with that person. -
20:37 - 20:42Overall, in all of my experience working
with couples and even families where we -
20:42 - 20:46talk about sexual abuse, I find that if
you're able, it's best done -
20:46 - 20:51chronologically. I've had a lot of issues
in the past where a wife was telling her -
20:51 - 20:55husband about past childhood sexual abuse.
She'll jump around because we know that -
20:55 - 20:58sometimes it's hard to go in order, and
maybe our memory's scattered about it. -
20:58 - 21:01If we can keep it as
chronological as -
21:01 - 21:03possible they can
actually follow along. -
21:03 - 21:06When she was jumping around
her husband was confused -
21:06 - 21:09"wait was that when you
were eight or was that the thing -
21:09 - 21:12when you were six? Wait, I'm
confused and is this okay?" -
21:12 - 21:17So it left honestly more confusion than
clarity. So if you're able, do your best -
21:17 - 21:20to try to keep it in chronological order.
-
21:20 - 21:24And many of you asked me how do you
even talk to a therapist about it? -
21:24 - 21:30That's what we're here for! We've spent so
much time in school and gathering hours -
21:30 - 21:34and everything just to help people.
And your relationship with your therapist -
21:34 - 21:38should be the first truly safe and
supportive one you've had. -
21:39 - 21:44So in all honesty, just blurt it out.
If you're able to say it right before you -
21:44 - 21:47leave knowing you aren't able to
talk about it today -
21:47 - 21:50but you want them to know
do it. If you gotta write it down -
21:50 - 21:53write it down.
I honestly don't care how you get it out -
21:53 - 21:56but, however you can
verbally express it -
21:56 - 21:57please just tell them.
-
21:57 - 21:59Know that they're not going to judge you.
-
21:59 - 22:02If they're a good therapist they're
going to feel for you -
22:02 - 22:05They're going to want to help
you better understand. Better -
22:05 - 22:09talk it through, process it,
so that you start to feel better. -
22:09 - 22:13Overall that's our goal as therapists
is just to help you feel better. The -
22:13 - 22:16sooner you can get it out and
tell them what's going -
22:16 - 22:18on and what happened
the sooner -
22:18 - 22:19you'll start
-
22:19 - 22:19feeling better.
-
22:19 - 22:20This video has been brought
to you by the -
22:20 - 22:22Kinions on Patreon.
-
22:22 - 22:24If you would like to support
the creation -
22:24 - 22:26of these mental health videos
-
22:26 - 22:27click the link by the description
and check it out! -
22:27 - 22:31I hope this video was helpful. I know it's
super long. But there was so much content -
22:31 - 22:35to cover. And I hope that you feel that
you at least got one extra tool, or a -
22:35 - 22:40little more clarity on how you can heal
from your past sexual abuse. -
22:40 - 22:43Like I said this is a series. This is
only the second out of the total of -
22:43 - 22:47four so make sure you're subscribed and
have your notifications turned on so that -
22:47 - 22:49when those are released you could watch
those too! -
22:48 - 22:51And I will see you next time!
BYE!
- Title:
- How to recover
- Description:
-
A BIG THANK YOU to my Patreon Patrons! Without you, I couldn't keep creating videos. xoxo https://www.patreon.com/katimorton
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
Business email:
linnea@toneymedia.comDownload my workbooks:
visit Itunes and search for Kati MortonMail:
PO Box #665
1223 Wilshire Blvd.
Santa Monica, CA 90403 - Video Language:
- English
- Duration:
- 22:52
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover | ||
Laura Mowle edited English subtitles for How to recover |