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The Essence of Friendship Is Equality

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    <Essence of Friendship Is Equality>
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    (Questioner) I want to thank you
    for your helpful public sessions.
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    My question is about reactions
    I get from my friends when I talk.
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    Whenever I talk, there is a
    lack of reactions and, in turn,
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    mood of the gathering gets
    subdued and feels boring.
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    I try my best to get by, but
    the more I try, the more
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    I get timid and withdrawn
    afterwards.
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    Instead of going out to meet
    people right now,
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    I prefer to spend time
    alone at home.
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    The more I try to talk with people,
    I feel more withdrawn inside.
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    I don't know how to go
    about this.
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    That's my concern right now
    and the question for you.
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    (Sunim) Why do you
    feel withdrawn?
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    (Questioner) Just happens...
    When the response gets tepic
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    I feel like they are indifferent
    to whatever I am saying.
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    And I think, "Why am I doing this?"
    I feel deflated and insignificant.
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    (Sunim) So, you feel discouraged
    according to people's reactions?
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    (Questioner) Yes
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    (Sunim) But they don't have
    any obligation to respond.
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    (Questioner) They don't.
    But if they don't react
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    as I expected, then I feel
    awkward and dispirited.
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    (Sunim) Isn't it normal?
    (Questioner) Yes, I agree.
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    (Sunim) If you think that is normal,
    you shouldn't feel discouraged.
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    But rather you expect,
    "If I speak, you should respond."
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    If that expectation isn't met,
    then you feel discouraged.
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    Whether to respond or not,
    it their choice.
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    If you don't expect,
    no need to feel discouraged.
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    Speak your piece
    and be done.
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    You should not
    expect reactions.
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    If you have to force the
    reactions out of friends,
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    that is not a good way
    to build friendships.
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    (Questioner) Still, when we are all together,
    I end up being alone separated.
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    (Sunim) Whh? I have a
    friend who hardly talks.
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    Whenever we're together,
    he stays quiet but smiles.
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    He just says yes and mingles
    with the group very well.
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    You either want to be
    a leader in control,
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    or desire to be the most popular
    person in the group.
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    That is not being a friend.
    You let your friends have
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    fun, listen, agree and
    smile, that's a friend.
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    That's all you need to do.
    Why do you want to talk so much?
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    What reason is there to always
    take the lead amongst friends?
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    (Questioner) Not so much the
    leadership but more of
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    a life of the party....
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    (Sunim) Why should you be
    the center of the party?
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    (Audience Laughter)
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    (Sunim) Trying to be the life
    of the party means you want
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    to have the control of your
    get togethers, it's the sane,
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    Only difference is you
    are using different words
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    to describe the same motive.
    (Audience Laughter)
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    You have to let go of that desire.
    Amongst friends, you should not
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    have to practice or think of
    what to say before you meet.
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    Do you? If you have
    something to say , say it.
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    Or you can listen to others,
    and smile.
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    Between friends, one does
    not have to lead.
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    Seeking to lead, control, or
    gain popularity, friendships suffer.
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    Friendship is about equality,
    that's what friendship is.
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    Not drinking doesn't make you
    any less of a friend.
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    It's a lie to say otherwise
    to a drinking buddy.
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    Even if you don't touch a drop,
    as long as you're paying for it,
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    they're happy, right?
    (Audience laughter)
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    You can go to those gatherings
    anytime and pay for the drinks
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    without having to drink yourself.
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    But thinking that
    not being able to drink
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    makes someone a bad friend
    is completely wrong.
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Title:
The Essence of Friendship Is Equality
Description:

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Video Language:
Korean
Duration:
05:43

English subtitles

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