WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:15.160 <Essence of Friendship Is Equality> 00:00:15.160 --> 00:00:19.836 (Questioner) I want to thank you for your helpful public sessions. 00:00:19.841 --> 00:00:25.194 My question is about reactions I get from my friends when I talk. 00:00:25.194 --> 00:00:28.069 Whenever I talk, there is a lack of reactions and, in turn, 00:00:28.069 --> 00:00:30.881 mood of the gathering gets subdued and feels boring. 00:00:30.881 --> 00:00:34.511 I try my best to get by, but the more I try, the more 00:00:34.511 --> 00:00:37.595 I get timid and withdrawn afterwards. 00:00:37.595 --> 00:00:40.955 Instead of going out to meet people right now, 00:00:40.955 --> 00:00:44.100 I prefer to spend time alone at home. 00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:48.980 The more I try to talk with people, I feel more withdrawn inside. 00:00:48.980 --> 00:00:51.471 I don't know how to go about this. 00:00:51.471 --> 00:00:54.021 That's my concern right now and the question for you. 00:00:54.021 --> 00:00:57.150 (Sunim) Why do you feel withdrawn? 00:00:57.150 --> 00:01:01.567 (Questioner) Just happens... When the response gets tepic 00:01:01.567 --> 00:01:08.250 I feel like they are indifferent to whatever I am saying. 00:01:08.250 --> 00:01:16.540 And I think, "Why am I doing this?" I feel deflated and insignificant. 00:01:16.540 --> 00:01:20.558 (Sunim) So, you feel discouraged according to people's reactions? 00:01:20.558 --> 00:01:21.942 (Questioner) Yes 00:01:21.942 --> 00:01:24.953 (Sunim) But they don't have any obligation to respond. 00:01:24.953 --> 00:01:27.472 (Questioner) They don't. But if they don't react 00:01:27.472 --> 00:01:30.640 as I expected, then I feel awkward and dispirited. 00:01:30.680 --> 00:01:33.725 (Sunim) Isn't it normal? (Questioner) Yes, I agree. 00:01:33.725 --> 00:01:36.981 (Sunim) If you think that is normal, you shouldn't feel discouraged. 00:01:36.981 --> 00:01:43.248 But rather you expect, "If I speak, you should respond." 00:01:43.248 --> 00:01:47.020 If that expectation isn't met, then you feel discouraged. 00:01:47.020 --> 00:01:50.878 Whether to respond or not, it their choice. 00:01:50.878 --> 00:01:54.778 If you don't expect, no need to feel discouraged. 00:01:54.778 --> 00:01:58.070 Speak your piece and be done. 00:01:58.070 --> 00:02:01.954 You should not expect reactions. 00:02:01.954 --> 00:02:06.192 If you have to force the reactions out of friends, 00:02:06.192 --> 00:02:13.225 that is not a good way to build friendships. 00:02:13.225 --> 00:02:18.480 (Questioner) Still, when we are all together, I end up being alone separated. 00:02:18.480 --> 00:02:23.090 (Sunim) Whh? I have a friend who hardly talks. 00:02:23.780 --> 00:02:29.377 Whenever we're together, he stays quiet but smiles. 00:02:29.377 --> 00:02:33.896 He just says yes and mingles with the group very well. 00:02:33.896 --> 00:02:36.973 You either want to be a leader in control, 00:02:36.973 --> 00:02:40.170 or desire to be the most popular person in the group. 00:02:40.170 --> 00:02:43.741 That is not being a friend. You let your friends have 00:02:46.721 --> 00:02:53.090 fun, listen, agree and smile, that's a friend. 00:02:53.090 --> 00:02:56.755 That's all you need to do. Why do you want to talk so much? 00:02:56.755 --> 00:02:59.250 What reason is there to always take the lead amongst friends? 00:02:59.250 --> 00:03:01.412 (Questioner) Not so much the leadership but more of 00:03:01.412 --> 00:03:02.412 a life of the party.... 00:03:02.412 --> 00:03:06.038 (Sunim) Why should you be the center of the party? 00:03:06.038 --> 00:03:09.912 (Audience Laughter) 00:03:09.912 --> 00:03:14.179 (Sunim) Trying to be the life of the party means you want 00:03:14.179 --> 00:03:20.565 to have the control of your get togethers, it's the sane, 00:03:20.565 --> 00:03:23.734 Only difference is you are using different words 00:03:23.734 --> 00:03:29.439 to describe the same motive. (Audience Laughter) 00:03:29.439 --> 00:03:34.582 You have to let go of that desire. Amongst friends, you should not 00:03:34.582 --> 00:03:39.299 have to practice or think of what to say before you meet. 00:03:39.299 --> 00:03:42.437 Do you? If you have something to say , say it. 00:03:42.677 --> 00:03:46.882 Or you can listen to others, and smile. 00:03:46.882 --> 00:03:51.947 Between friends, one does not have to lead. 00:03:52.764 --> 00:03:54.680 Seeking to lead, control, or gain popularity, friendships suffer. 00:03:54.680 --> 00:04:01.760 Friendship is about equality, that's what friendship is. 00:04:01.760 --> 00:04:07.655 Not drinking doesn't make you any less of a friend. 00:04:07.655 --> 00:04:11.280 It's a lie to say otherwise to a drinking buddy. 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:14.141 Even if you don't touch a drop, as long as you're paying for it, 00:04:14.141 --> 00:04:17.846 they're happy, right? (Audience laughter) 00:04:17.846 --> 00:04:20.911 You can go to those gatherings anytime and pay for the drinks 00:04:21.321 --> 00:04:24.050 without having to drink yourself. 00:04:24.050 --> 00:04:27.080 But thinking that not being able to drink 00:04:27.080 --> 00:04:30.670 makes someone a bad friend is completely wrong. 00:04:30.670 --> 00:04:36.070 00:04:36.070 --> 00:04:41.030 00:04:41.030 --> 00:04:45.378 00:04:45.378 --> 00:04:49.530 00:04:49.530 --> 00:04:54.560 00:04:54.560 --> 00:04:58.250 00:04:58.250 --> 00:05:01.045 00:05:01.045 --> 00:05:04.622 00:05:04.622 --> 00:05:07.080 00:05:07.080 --> 00:05:09.125 00:05:09.125 --> 00:05:13.200