1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,160 2 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,836 (Questioner) I want to thank you for your helpful public sessions. 3 00:00:19,841 --> 00:00:25,194 My question is about reactions I get from my friends when I talk. 4 00:00:25,194 --> 00:00:28,069 Whenever I talk, there is a lack of reactions and, in turn, 5 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:30,881 mood of the gathering gets subdued and feels boring. 6 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:34,511 I try my best to get by, but the more I try, the more 7 00:00:34,511 --> 00:00:37,595 I get timid and withdrawn afterwards. 8 00:00:37,595 --> 00:00:40,955 Instead of going out to meet people right now, 9 00:00:40,955 --> 00:00:44,100 I prefer to spend time alone at home. 10 00:00:44,100 --> 00:00:48,980 The more I try to talk with people, I feel more withdrawn inside. 11 00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:51,471 I don't know how to go about this. 12 00:00:51,471 --> 00:00:54,021 That's my concern right now and the question for you. 13 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:57,150 (Sunim) Why do you feel withdrawn? 14 00:00:57,150 --> 00:01:01,567 (Questioner) Just happens... When the response gets tepic 15 00:01:01,567 --> 00:01:08,250 I feel like they are indifferent to whatever I am saying. 16 00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:16,540 And I think, "Why am I doing this?" I feel deflated and insignificant. 17 00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:20,558 (Sunim) So, you feel discouraged according to people's reactions? 18 00:01:20,558 --> 00:01:21,942 (Questioner) Yes 19 00:01:21,942 --> 00:01:24,953 (Sunim) But they don't have any obligation to respond. 20 00:01:24,953 --> 00:01:27,472 (Questioner) They don't. But if they don't react 21 00:01:27,472 --> 00:01:30,640 as I expected, then I feel awkward and dispirited. 22 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,725 (Sunim) Isn't it normal? (Questioner) Yes, I agree. 23 00:01:33,725 --> 00:01:36,981 (Sunim) If you think that is normal, you shouldn't feel discouraged. 24 00:01:36,981 --> 00:01:43,248 But rather you expect, "If I speak, you should respond." 25 00:01:43,248 --> 00:01:47,020 If that expectation isn't met, then you feel discouraged. 26 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:50,878 Whether to respond or not, it their choice. 27 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:54,778 If you don't expect, no need to feel discouraged. 28 00:01:54,778 --> 00:01:58,070 Speak your piece and be done. 29 00:01:58,070 --> 00:02:01,954 You should not expect reactions. 30 00:02:01,954 --> 00:02:06,192 If you have to force the reactions out of friends, 31 00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:13,225 that is not a good way to build friendships. 32 00:02:13,225 --> 00:02:18,480 (Questioner) Still, when we are all together, I end up being alone separated. 33 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,090 (Sunim) Whh? I have a friend who hardly talks. 34 00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:29,377 Whenever we're together, he stays quiet but smiles. 35 00:02:29,377 --> 00:02:33,896 He just says yes and mingles with the group very well. 36 00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:36,973 You either want to be a leader in control, 37 00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:40,170 or desire to be the most popular person in the group. 38 00:02:40,170 --> 00:02:43,741 That is not being a friend. You let your friends have 39 00:02:46,721 --> 00:02:53,090 fun, listen, agree and smile, that's a friend. 40 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:56,755 That's all you need to do. Why do you want to talk so much? 41 00:02:56,755 --> 00:02:59,250 What reason is there to always take the lead amongst friends? 42 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,412 (Questioner) Not so much the leadership but more of 43 00:03:01,412 --> 00:03:02,412 a life of the party.... 44 00:03:02,412 --> 00:03:06,038 (Sunim) Why should you be the center of the party? 45 00:03:06,038 --> 00:03:09,912 (Audience Laughter) 46 00:03:09,912 --> 00:03:14,179 (Sunim) Trying to be the life of the party means you want 47 00:03:14,179 --> 00:03:20,565 to have the control of your get togethers, it's the sane, 48 00:03:20,565 --> 00:03:23,734 Only difference is you are using different words 49 00:03:23,734 --> 00:03:29,439 to describe the same motive. (Audience Laughter) 50 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:34,582 You have to let go of that desire. Amongst friends, you should not 51 00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:39,299 have to practice or think of what to say before you meet. 52 00:03:39,299 --> 00:03:42,437 Do you? If you have something to say , say it. 53 00:03:42,677 --> 00:03:46,882 Or you can listen to others, and smile. 54 00:03:46,882 --> 00:03:51,947 Between friends, one does not have to lead. 55 00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:54,680 Seeking to lead, control, or gain popularity, friendships suffer. 56 00:03:54,680 --> 00:04:01,760 Friendship is about equality, that's what friendship is. 57 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:07,655 Not drinking doesn't make you any less of a friend. 58 00:04:07,655 --> 00:04:11,280 It's a lie to say otherwise to a drinking buddy. 59 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:14,141 Even if you don't touch a drop, as long as you're paying for it, 60 00:04:14,141 --> 00:04:17,846 they're happy, right? (Audience laughter) 61 00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:20,911 You can go to those gatherings anytime and pay for the drinks 62 00:04:21,321 --> 00:04:24,050 without having to drink yourself. 63 00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:27,080 But thinking that not being able to drink 64 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,670 makes someone a bad friend is completely wrong. 65 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:36,070 66 00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:41,030 67 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:45,378 68 00:04:45,378 --> 00:04:49,530 69 00:04:49,530 --> 00:04:54,560 70 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,250 71 00:04:58,250 --> 00:05:01,045 72 00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:04,622 73 00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:07,080 74 00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:09,125 75 00:05:09,125 --> 00:05:13,200