https:/.../Ep-115-Overcome-Your-Fears.mp4

Hola unconventionals. I'm Amelia.

And I'm JP.

And we are living our unconventional life
here in Cuenca Ecuador.

And we encourage you to live yours
whatever that may be.

Today we're going to talk about
overcoming your fears

or as JP likes to say,
"Kicking your fears in the butt."

Yes. We had to overcome a lot of fears
to sell all of our stuff

and move to another country here
to Cuenca Ecuador.

And we're going to talk about
some of the things we did

to help us overcome those fears
in this video.

But before we get started, please take
a moment to subscribe

and ring that bell so you get notified on
all of our upcoming videos.

[Music]

We're going to share our 9 tips
for overcoming your fears.

These are kind of in chronological order
based on the way we did them

and also kind of how they
just fall naturally.

Exactly. And even though we're going to
gear our tips around expating like we did,

we use these for other things as well
like starting our YouTube Channel,

or speaking Spanish so I think they're
pretty useful tips regardless of your fear.

Exactly. And our first one is
defining your big why.

Your big why is probably the most
important part of this

because without that you won't have
the motivation to do it.

And it can't be the why that your
family or friends think you should do

or society pressures you to do.

It has to really come from the core
of who you are.

Exactly. Our big why came when JP
had his health scare

and the doctor told him
he could have been paralyzed.

Or dead.

Yeah. That was pretty terrifying.

1mm. 1mm he said and I would have
either been paralyzed from the neck down

or dead. And that really made us
reevaluate our priorities.

It did. We went through a heck of a lot
that year.

We had already wanted to move
to another country

and that really helped us..

It pushed us right over the edge.

Yeah. Exactly. It totally pushed
us over the edge.

Because we realized that tomorrow
is no guarantee.

You have to live everyday like it could be
your last day on this planet.

Because it could be. You never know.

Yeah, you never know.

So a lot of people spend their whole life
working toward retirement,

and then the retirement never comes.

Or they have some health issues and
they aren't able to..

live their retirement dreams.

We certainly did not want to wait.
We didn't want to put it off.

And I'm really grateful that we did.

It sucks obviously that JP went
through all of that, but

thanks to that we're here.

Yeah. It led us here into this
unconventional adventurous life.

Yes. Exactly.

Tip number 2 is to
identify your true fear.

What are you really afraid of?

For me it was getting rid of everything
that I owned.

I spent a lot of time and money
getting my house all decked out

just the way I liked it with all the
furniture and everything

and the thought of selling it all
was really scary.

For me I think it was a combination
of fear of the unknown

and also fear of losing control.

Because there was so many things
I didn't know about.

I didn't know anything about Ecuador
or Cuenca or living in another country.

I knew I wanted to do it, but we had
thought Mexico

and I had already been there so I felt
a little more comfortable with that.

And what's going to happen once we
get there?

Are we going to be able
to find a place to live?

What about the dogs?

Are we going to like it?
Are we going to hate it?

Is it safe?

Amelia was very afraid of us
finding a place to live.

I was very fearful of that.

I think she thought we were going
to end up living on the street.

I did not think that.

But it was stressful to me.

I just wanted to get settled.

But you know what? All of it
worked out.

I sold all of my stuff and the more
of it I got rid of

the more I wanted to get rid of.

It was liberating! I felt like I was free
of the weight of my possessions.

Yeah and I have to say it was a process
for me to let go of my fear

and let go of my need to have control
over everything because

that's just not the way it works here.

And I think I'm pretty chillaxed
as a result.

Very tranquilo.

Yes. I've definitely learned to relax
and roll with things better now.

Number 3 is stop cancel clear.

That's right. Think positive.

Change your thoughts to positive ones.

We all have negative thoughts running
through our heads all the time

some of us more than others and when
you catch yourself with a negative thought

you just stop cancel clear and replace it
with a positive one.

Yeah and I'm gonna throw worrying
in there too because

I worry a lot or I did worry a lot about

what's going to happen if this doesn't work
or that doesn't work

and I was driving myself crazy.

And me too.

Yes. I had to remind myself to quit
worrying. To be present.

And to trust the outcome. And I did
and it helped a lot.

If you catch yourself thinking
negative thoughts you just say

It's all going to work out.

Everything's going to work out.

I'm going to do what it takes
to make this happen.

Right.

You just change the thought.
And it works for anything.

I used to be really afraid of falling.

Because I was afraid I was going to
break my back or my neck if I fell.

And I just changed those thoughts with

I'm healthy. I'm strong. I'm doing my
physical therapy. I'm not going to fall.

And if I do I'll be ok.

And I think I effectively proved
that I can survive a fall.

After a week ago I fell and sprained
my ankle.

Yeah and when you were lying flat
on your belly.

On the camera and the gimble
in the middle of the street.

And I survived. My back is fine.
My back and neck were fine.

My ankle wasn't. Neither was my elbow,
my hand or my other wrist.

My camera got a scratch,
but my back was fine.

Exactly. Yeah and truly what's the worst
that can happen?

That's what I have to remind myself
when I'm really stressed out.

Well the worst that can happen
would be if you're dead.

Yeah. So as long as that doesn't happen.

And we're remarkably good at staying
alive, us humage. Us humans.

Us humage.

Humage! A new word for human: humage.

Yeah, so if you catch yourself thinking
this isn't going to work out

or I can't do it or I'm scared or whatever

just tell yourself you can.

And I know maybe that sounds like it's
easier said than done

but it really truly does work. There's
a lot of power in your thoughts.

I got this idea from my old
business coach, Sandy.

Hi Sandy if you're watching.

She really helped me with this because

I used to have this issue a lot of dwelling
on the negative and she used to say,

"Just say stop cancel clear."

Yeah. It works!

It does work.

Our fourth tip is to accept your fear.
It is ok to be afraid.

Yes. Fear is a natural human response
to uncertainty.

Yeah so don't beat yourself up if you're
feeling insecure, nervous, afraid, etc. etc.

It can actually be a really good thing
if you identify that fear

and channel that into doing your homework,
doing your research,

paying attention to all the details
you need to do

to make sure everything is in order
I think you'll be better off.

Fear can actually be a benefit as long as
you don't end up with

analysis paralysis.

And if you don't let the fear paralyze you
into inaction.

Exactly. That's analysis paralysis.

This one right here.

I know! I get overwhelmed sometimes
and I can't do anything.

And I research and research and research
and then I get to the point where

the switch flips and I'm done.

I've made up my mind and I'm good to go.

But I spend so much time
laying the groundwork for the decision.

And sometimes that's a really good thing

especially if it's a very big decision
like moving to another country.

Yeah, we researched this
for months before we

actually we had researched it for about
a year and a half before we finally moved.

Right we took our time and definitely did
our homework and

tried to prepare ourselves as much as
we could, but we were still afraid.

And it was about 3 months before we
actually made the decision to do it

and then it took another over a year
to actually pull the trigger

and get it done.

Exactly.

So take your time, but spend that time
doing your research and your homework.

And getting ready.

Accepting your fears leads us into
tip number 5 and that is to

educate yourself to reduce your fears.

There are lots of ways to educate yourself
depending on what you're doing.

In terms of becoming an expat, you can
watch YouTube channels like ours.

Read books, read magazines,
read online forums

like International Living
has a helpful forum.

Facebook has a lot of groups like Ecuador..

Expats in Ecuador and Cuenca Expats.

There are forums
for pretty much any destination

that you're thinking about moving to.

You can find a lot of support and
information on social media for sure.

Some of the information isn't necessarily
accurate you gotta verify it.

But a lot of people are really helpful and
they really want to share that information

with other people who are considering doing
what they have already done.

I know we really enjoy helping people do
what we've done.

And live our unconventional life.

Yes we do.

But I will say doing the.. starting to do
the research did help.

I guess because it helps take away that
fear of the unknown.

At least it did for me. So I started to
relax once we started to learn more.

I guess I felt like I knew what to expect.

That's one reason we started
our YouTube channel.

I watched every video
I could find on Cuenca

and some of the other places
we were looking at.

I didn't feel like they really provided
enough information, enough detail

for me because I'm a very
detailed oriented.

If you've watched any of our videos,
you can probably tell that.

And I want to make sure that we can
help other people fill in those gaps

as much as we can.

Exactly.

Number 6 on our list of 9 things to do
to overcome your fears

is to talk to people who have already done it.

We kinda mentioned this in number 5.

You can see how there's a bit of a
method to our madness

and it all works together in harmony.

It is a natural process.

There are a lot of people on
the social media forums

especially Facebook that will talk to you
and help you through this process.

People are very supportive.

And the ones that aren't, just block them.

And you know this tip works,
as the other ones do,

works for any type of fear.

When I first started doing
business development

I didn't know what in the heck
I was doing.

So I reached out to a couple business
development people

that I had just gotten an email
introduction through

and they were really nice and sat
down and chatted with me

about how they did things and
gave me some advice.

And that helped me immensely.

It definitely helped me overcome my fears.

I did the same thing
when I started my company.

I met with SCORE counselors who had
already started their own business.

They helped me out quite a bit.

I met with other business owners
in different fields and they helped me out.

It just really helps to talk to people
who have already done it.

It makes it seem more real
and more possible.

Exactly. Well said.

Thank you.

Tip number 7 is to find support.

People who are already doing right now

or in the same stage of the process
that you are.

Exactly. It's really helpful to have
somebody that you can talk things out with.

Also as an accountability partner.

It helps a lot to have somebody there
to hold you accountable

to make sure you actually do
what you say you're going to.

Yes it does.

It's amazing how that works.

It really is. Accountability really helps.

You can find support on LinkedIn and
Facebook and those types of groups.

Meetup groups are great.

Any time you can meet somebody
in real life for a coffee.

If you're a guy and you need a wingman.
Wingmen are a great source of support!

Ok! Moving on!

Number 8 on our list of 9 tips
to overcome your fears is..

make a list and small chunk it.

Small chunking it is a JP-ism.

Yes. I wrote a book about
how to start a business, a dotcom

after I sold my company.

And I went around and did
public speaking

and one of my concepts was
small chunking it.

It basically just means breaking
larger tasks into smaller ones.

And you just keep checking stuff
off the list.

And that can really help alleviate fear.

It gives you that sense of
accomplishment as well.

And you're slowly moving towards
your goals

but it's much more manageable that way.

We are both list masters, list meisters.

I know I love crossing stuff off!

She's really the list maker.

She's even more so than I am.

We're always operating our
whole life off a list.

I have about 2 dozen of them
on my phone right now.

The lists are awesome because not only
does it help you focus

on the smaller things that you need
to do to get things done,

you have that sense of accomplishment
for checking stuff off,

but it really helps alleviate the fear
when it comes to a really big project

like moving to another country.

There are so many moving parts and
so many tasks to do when you have to leave.

You have to sell everything you own.

You've got the estate sale.
The house sale. The car sale.

You gotta work on your visas.
Your travel plans. Pet travel.

There's just so many things on the list
that you have to do

that having a list and checking things
off as you go through it

and also writing dates on things and
using a calendar to make sure

you don't miss dates like we did with
one of Alicia's shots.

Oh yeah. That's right.

So it's really helpful to have
all this stuff organized.

It is.

Tip number 9. Fake it until you make it!

I'm going to lump this in with getting
out of your comfort zone

and acting as-if.

Yeah. Acting as-if you've already done it.

Exactly.

You know a lot of people are faking it
right now you just don't even know it.

True.

Yeah. A lot of people have fears and they
don't let it paralyze them

or stop them from moving forward.

They're just faking it until they make it.

Yeah. You definitely gotta
believe in yourself.

And also accept that you're gonna be
uncomfortable at times.

It's gonna be scary at times.

You may think about changing
your mind at times.

I know we did several times.

We were like, "Do we really want to
leave the country?"

You might start second guessing yourself
and questioning yourself,

but that's why all these tips are helpful.

So to circle back around,
when that happens you want to say,

What's my big why?

Yeah. Why am I doing this?

And if you can tie all of these into
your big why

it keeps you motivated.

Yeah. You've talked to your support group.

You've done your education.

You know you want to do this.

Time to face your fears and
fake it until you make it.

You can do it. We did it.

If we can do it, anybody can!

That's right.

That's all for today unconventionals.

Hopefully you will find this list helpful
and useful.

It helped us out a lot.

We were really afraid.

We may have looked like we were calm
and collected on the outside

but on the inside we were scared to death.

So doing these things, it's kind of
naturally what we did

but we kind of also figured some of them
out along the way

and they really helped us a lot.

If you like our video, please remember to
give us a thumbs up.

Let us know if you liked it or not.

And also please remember
to share this video

if you know other people going through
the same stuff that we went through

and that perhaps you're going through now,

please help other people by
sharing this with them.

Yes. And join our group.
Join our Facebook group.

Our Facebook group, Amelia And JP's
Unconventional Community.

I'll put a link to that in our blog post.

Yes, we are here to provide you support.

And everybody else. We've already got
a lot of members.

Welcome everybody to the group.

Hola.

And everybody is willing
to help each other.

It's a great place to get support from
people who are going through

the same thing that you are right now.

Absolutely.

Alright, that's it for today.

See you soon.

¡Chao!

She sure likes it under there.

What are you doing Daisy?

This is just for practice I assume.