Hola unconventionals. I'm Amelia.
And I'm JP.
And we are living our unconventional life here in Cuenca Ecuador.
And we encourage you to live yours whatever that may be.
Today we're going to talk about overcoming your fears
or as JP likes to say, "Kicking your fears in the butt."
Yes. We had to overcome a lot of fears to sell all of our stuff
and move to another country here to Cuenca Ecuador.
And we're going to talk about some of the things we did
to help us overcome those fears in this video.
But before we get started, please take a moment to subscribe
and ring that bell so you get notified on all of our upcoming videos.
[Music]
We're going to share our 9 tips for overcoming your fears.
These are kind of in chronological order based on the way we did them
and also kind of how they just fall naturally.
Exactly. And even though we're going to gear our tips around expating like we did,
we use these for other things as well like starting our YouTube Channel,
or speaking Spanish so I think they're pretty useful tips regardless of your fear.
Exactly. And our first one is defining your big why.
Your big why is probably the most important part of this
because without that you won't have the motivation to do it.
And it can't be the why that your family or friends think you should do
or society pressures you to do.
It has to really come from the core of who you are.
Exactly. Our big why came when JP had his health scare
and the doctor told him he could have been paralyzed.
Or dead.
Yeah. That was pretty terrifying.
1mm. 1mm he said and I would have either been paralyzed from the neck down
or dead. And that really made us reevaluate our priorities.
It did. We went through a heck of a lot that year.
We had already wanted to move to another country
and that really helped us..
It pushed us right over the edge.
Yeah. Exactly. It totally pushed us over the edge.
Because we realized that tomorrow is no guarantee.
You have to live everyday like it could be your last day on this planet.
Because it could be. You never know.
Yeah, you never know.
So a lot of people spend their whole life working toward retirement,
and then the retirement never comes.
Or they have some health issues and they aren't able to..
live their retirement dreams.
We certainly did not want to wait. We didn't want to put it off.
And I'm really grateful that we did.
It sucks obviously that JP went through all of that, but
thanks to that we're here.
Yeah. It led us here into this unconventional adventurous life.
Yes. Exactly.
Tip number 2 is to identify your true fear.
What are you really afraid of?
For me it was getting rid of everything that I owned.
I spent a lot of time and money getting my house all decked out
just the way I liked it with all the furniture and everything
and the thought of selling it all was really scary.
For me I think it was a combination of fear of the unknown
and also fear of losing control.
Because there was so many things I didn't know about.
I didn't know anything about Ecuador or Cuenca or living in another country.
I knew I wanted to do it, but we had thought Mexico
and I had already been there so I felt a little more comfortable with that.
And what's going to happen once we get there?
Are we going to be able to find a place to live?
What about the dogs?
Are we going to like it? Are we going to hate it?
Is it safe?
Amelia was very afraid of us finding a place to live.
I was very fearful of that.
I think she thought we were going to end up living on the street.
I did not think that.
But it was stressful to me.
I just wanted to get settled.
But you know what? All of it worked out.
I sold all of my stuff and the more of it I got rid of
the more I wanted to get rid of.
It was liberating! I felt like I was free of the weight of my possessions.
Yeah and I have to say it was a process for me to let go of my fear
and let go of my need to have control over everything because
that's just not the way it works here.
And I think I'm pretty chillaxed as a result.
Very tranquilo.
Yes. I've definitely learned to relax and roll with things better now.
Number 3 is stop cancel clear.
That's right. Think positive.
Change your thoughts to positive ones.
We all have negative thoughts running through our heads all the time
some of us more than others and when you catch yourself with a negative thought
you just stop cancel clear and replace it with a positive one.
Yeah and I'm gonna throw worrying in there too because
I worry a lot or I did worry a lot about
what's going to happen if this doesn't work or that doesn't work
and I was driving myself crazy.
And me too.
Yes. I had to remind myself to quit worrying. To be present.
And to trust the outcome. And I did and it helped a lot.
If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts you just say
It's all going to work out.
Everything's going to work out.
I'm going to do what it takes to make this happen.
Right.
You just change the thought. And it works for anything.
I used to be really afraid of falling.
Because I was afraid I was going to break my back or my neck if I fell.
And I just changed those thoughts with
I'm healthy. I'm strong. I'm doing my physical therapy. I'm not going to fall.
And if I do I'll be ok.
And I think I effectively proved that I can survive a fall.
After a week ago I fell and sprained my ankle.
Yeah and when you were lying flat on your belly.
On the camera and the gimble in the middle of the street.
And I survived. My back is fine. My back and neck were fine.
My ankle wasn't. Neither was my elbow, my hand or my other wrist.
My camera got a scratch, but my back was fine.
Exactly. Yeah and truly what's the worst that can happen?
That's what I have to remind myself when I'm really stressed out.
Well the worst that can happen would be if you're dead.
Yeah. So as long as that doesn't happen.
And we're remarkably good at staying alive, us humage. Us humans.
Us humage.
Humage! A new word for human: humage.
Yeah, so if you catch yourself thinking this isn't going to work out
or I can't do it or I'm scared or whatever
just tell yourself you can.
And I know maybe that sounds like it's easier said than done
but it really truly does work. There's a lot of power in your thoughts.
I got this idea from my old business coach, Sandy.
Hi Sandy if you're watching.
She really helped me with this because
I used to have this issue a lot of dwelling on the negative and she used to say,
"Just say stop cancel clear."
Yeah. It works!
It does work.
Our fourth tip is to accept your fear. It is ok to be afraid.
Yes. Fear is a natural human response to uncertainty.
Yeah so don't beat yourself up if you're feeling insecure, nervous, afraid, etc. etc.
It can actually be a really good thing if you identify that fear
and channel that into doing your homework, doing your research,
paying attention to all the details you need to do
to make sure everything is in order I think you'll be better off.
Fear can actually be a benefit as long as you don't end up with
analysis paralysis.
And if you don't let the fear paralyze you into inaction.
Exactly. That's analysis paralysis.
This one right here.
I know! I get overwhelmed sometimes and I can't do anything.
And I research and research and research and then I get to the point where
the switch flips and I'm done.
I've made up my mind and I'm good to go.
But I spend so much time laying the groundwork for the decision.
And sometimes that's a really good thing
especially if it's a very big decision like moving to another country.
Yeah, we researched this for months before we
actually we had researched it for about a year and a half before we finally moved.
Right we took our time and definitely did our homework and
tried to prepare ourselves as much as we could, but we were still afraid.
And it was about 3 months before we actually made the decision to do it
and then it took another over a year to actually pull the trigger
and get it done.
Exactly.
So take your time, but spend that time doing your research and your homework.
And getting ready.
Accepting your fears leads us into tip number 5 and that is to
educate yourself to reduce your fears.
There are lots of ways to educate yourself depending on what you're doing.
In terms of becoming an expat, you can watch YouTube channels like ours.
Read books, read magazines, read online forums
like International Living has a helpful forum.
Facebook has a lot of groups like Ecuador..
Expats in Ecuador and Cuenca Expats.
There are forums for pretty much any destination
that you're thinking about moving to.
You can find a lot of support and information on social media for sure.
Some of the information isn't necessarily accurate you gotta verify it.
But a lot of people are really helpful and they really want to share that information
with other people who are considering doing what they have already done.
I know we really enjoy helping people do what we've done.
And live our unconventional life.
Yes we do.
But I will say doing the.. starting to do the research did help.
I guess because it helps take away that fear of the unknown.
At least it did for me. So I started to relax once we started to learn more.
I guess I felt like I knew what to expect.
That's one reason we started our YouTube channel.
I watched every video I could find on Cuenca
and some of the other places we were looking at.
I didn't feel like they really provided enough information, enough detail
for me because I'm a very detailed oriented.
If you've watched any of our videos, you can probably tell that.
And I want to make sure that we can help other people fill in those gaps
as much as we can.
Exactly.
Number 6 on our list of 9 things to do to overcome your fears
is to talk to people who have already done it.
We kinda mentioned this in number 5.
You can see how there's a bit of a method to our madness
and it all works together in harmony.
It is a natural process.
There are a lot of people on the social media forums
especially Facebook that will talk to you and help you through this process.
People are very supportive.
And the ones that aren't, just block them.
And you know this tip works, as the other ones do,
works for any type of fear.
When I first started doing business development
I didn't know what in the heck I was doing.
So I reached out to a couple business development people
that I had just gotten an email introduction through
and they were really nice and sat down and chatted with me
about how they did things and gave me some advice.
And that helped me immensely.
It definitely helped me overcome my fears.
I did the same thing when I started my company.
I met with SCORE counselors who had already started their own business.
They helped me out quite a bit.
I met with other business owners in different fields and they helped me out.
It just really helps to talk to people who have already done it.
It makes it seem more real and more possible.
Exactly. Well said.
Thank you.
Tip number 7 is to find support.
People who are already doing right now
or in the same stage of the process that you are.
Exactly. It's really helpful to have somebody that you can talk things out with.
Also as an accountability partner.
It helps a lot to have somebody there to hold you accountable
to make sure you actually do what you say you're going to.
Yes it does.
It's amazing how that works.
It really is. Accountability really helps.
You can find support on LinkedIn and Facebook and those types of groups.
Meetup groups are great.
Any time you can meet somebody in real life for a coffee.
If you're a guy and you need a wingman. Wingmen are a great source of support!
Ok! Moving on!
Number 8 on our list of 9 tips to overcome your fears is..
make a list and small chunk it.
Small chunking it is a JP-ism.
Yes. I wrote a book about how to start a business, a dotcom
after I sold my company.
And I went around and did public speaking
and one of my concepts was small chunking it.
It basically just means breaking larger tasks into smaller ones.
And you just keep checking stuff off the list.
And that can really help alleviate fear.
It gives you that sense of accomplishment as well.
And you're slowly moving towards your goals
but it's much more manageable that way.
We are both list masters, list meisters.
I know I love crossing stuff off!
She's really the list maker.
She's even more so than I am.
We're always operating our whole life off a list.
I have about 2 dozen of them on my phone right now.
The lists are awesome because not only does it help you focus
on the smaller things that you need to do to get things done,
you have that sense of accomplishment for checking stuff off,
but it really helps alleviate the fear when it comes to a really big project
like moving to another country.
There are so many moving parts and so many tasks to do when you have to leave.
You have to sell everything you own.
You've got the estate sale. The house sale. The car sale.
You gotta work on your visas. Your travel plans. Pet travel.
There's just so many things on the list that you have to do
that having a list and checking things off as you go through it
and also writing dates on things and using a calendar to make sure
you don't miss dates like we did with one of Alicia's shots.
Oh yeah. That's right.
So it's really helpful to have all this stuff organized.
It is.
Tip number 9. Fake it until you make it!
I'm going to lump this in with getting out of your comfort zone
and acting as-if.
Yeah. Acting as-if you've already done it.
Exactly.
You know a lot of people are faking it right now you just don't even know it.
True.
Yeah. A lot of people have fears and they don't let it paralyze them
or stop them from moving forward.
They're just faking it until they make it.
Yeah. You definitely gotta believe in yourself.
And also accept that you're gonna be uncomfortable at times.
It's gonna be scary at times.
You may think about changing your mind at times.
I know we did several times.
We were like, "Do we really want to leave the country?"
You might start second guessing yourself and questioning yourself,
but that's why all these tips are helpful.
So to circle back around, when that happens you want to say,
What's my big why?
Yeah. Why am I doing this?
And if you can tie all of these into your big why
it keeps you motivated.
Yeah. You've talked to your support group.
You've done your education.
You know you want to do this.
Time to face your fears and fake it until you make it.
You can do it. We did it.
If we can do it, anybody can!
That's right.
That's all for today unconventionals.
Hopefully you will find this list helpful and useful.
It helped us out a lot.
We were really afraid.
We may have looked like we were calm and collected on the outside
but on the inside we were scared to death.
So doing these things, it's kind of naturally what we did
but we kind of also figured some of them out along the way
and they really helped us a lot.
If you like our video, please remember to give us a thumbs up.
Let us know if you liked it or not.
And also please remember to share this video
if you know other people going through the same stuff that we went through
and that perhaps you're going through now,
please help other people by sharing this with them.
Yes. And join our group. Join our Facebook group.
Our Facebook group, Amelia And JP's Unconventional Community.
I'll put a link to that in our blog post.
Yes, we are here to provide you support.
And everybody else. We've already got a lot of members.
Welcome everybody to the group.
Hola.
And everybody is willing to help each other.
It's a great place to get support from people who are going through
the same thing that you are right now.
Absolutely.
Alright, that's it for today.
See you soon.
¡Chao!
She sure likes it under there.
What are you doing Daisy?
This is just for practice I assume.