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The private diary of my cousin who was born in Santa Fe
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and lives in Toronto. It reads like this...
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August 12th: "Today I moved into my new house
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in Toronto, it’s so peaceful here,
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what a wonderful countryside!
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I can’t wait to see the hills covered in snow,
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it’s so good to leave behind all the
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heat, moisture and mosquitos.
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This is the real deal!"
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October 14th: "This is the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen!
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The color of the leaves.
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This morning, I went hiking through the forest and I saw a deer,
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what a lovely animal! Showing off its horns
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like a crown, no doubt it’s the king of the forest.
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Canada is a paradise!
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And to think I suffered for so many years in that hell
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that is Santa Fe!" December 2nd:
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“It snowed last night, I’m so happy.
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I woke up and everything was covered in white
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just like a postcard, I went out to shovel the snow
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I was so happy that I wallowed in it
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then we had a snowball fight with the neighbors.
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It’s so nice to live here!
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The grader passed by, cleaning the street
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and I had to shovel again.
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I’m so HAPPY!"
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December 22nd: "It snowed… again
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when I finished shoveling, the grader passed by
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and once again the front of my house was all covered in dirty snow
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I’m a little tired of shoveling the snow.
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Today I called my cousin in Santa Fe and he was going with the family
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to the Guadalupe waterpark"
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December 25th: "Merry Christmas!
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Here, that white shit keeps falling!
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I got my hands full of calluses because of the shovel
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I think that jerk from the grader is watching me
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as soon as I finish, he passes by and covers
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my front all over again.
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I shit on the grader and on the asshole that drives it!"
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December 31st:
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“The douchebag on the news got it wrong again
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instead of 30 cm of snow it fell 98!
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Here there´s nothing like celebrating the new year, ´cause
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no one can get out of their house because of the fucking snow!
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I´m tired and I feel so lonely
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I called my cousin again and that fag didn´t want to answer because he was in the pool
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and I’m sure that later he´s going to roast a piglet and I’m here, I can’t even get out!"
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February 20th:
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“Finally, I was able to go to the supermarket
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but on the way, a fucking deer crossed my path and I ran into a tree!
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I shit on that fucking animal!
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Fixing it is gonna cost me a shit load of money!
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I’m sure God created deers just to screw us over!
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The hunters should’ve killed them all!
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March 2nd:
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“Yesterday I slipped on the ice and broke my leg
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then that motherfucker from the grader
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passed by again and I have snow all the way up my ass!
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I just want to sell the house so I can get the fuck out of here!"
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April 23th:
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“They took off my cast, the mechanic called and said that the chasis is rotten and it’s gonna cost me twice the money,
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due to the salt that is used to melt the fucking snow!
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I shit on the car, the snow, the mechanic and the whole population of Toronto!"
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May 15th: "I finally sold the house to a damn canadian!
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Who would ever think of coming to live in this cold and lonely shithole?!
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Tomorrow I go back to Santa Fe, I can´t wait to get there so I can enjoy the heat, moisture and mosquitoes
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as soon as I arrive I’m gonna have a delicious barbecue
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and then obviously I’m gonna have a drink with my cousin
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that’s what I call life!
