The private diary of my cousin who was born in Santa Fe

and lives in Toronto. It reads like this...

August 12th: "Today I moved into my new house

in Toronto, it’s so peaceful here,

what a wonderful countryside!

I can’t wait to see the hills covered in snow,

it’s so good to leave behind all the

heat, moisture and mosquitos.

This is the real deal!"

October 14th: "This is the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen!

The color of the leaves.

This morning, I went hiking through the forest and I saw a deer,

what a lovely animal! Showing off its horns

like a crown, no doubt it’s the king of the forest.

Canada is a paradise!

And to think I suffered for so many years in that hell

that is Santa Fe!" December 2nd:

“It snowed last night, I’m so happy.

I woke up and everything was covered in white

just like a postcard, I went out to shovel the snow

I was so happy that I wallowed in it

then we had a snowball fight with the neighbors.

It’s so nice to live here!

The grader passed by, cleaning the street

and I had to shovel again.

I’m so HAPPY!"

December 22nd: "It snowed… again

when I finished shoveling, the grader passed by

and once again the front of my house was all covered in dirty snow

I’m a little tired of shoveling the snow.

Today I called my cousin in Santa Fe and he was going with the family

to the Guadalupe waterpark"

December 25th: "Merry Christmas!

Here, that white shit keeps falling!

I got my hands full of calluses because of the shovel

I think that jerk from the grader is watching me

as soon as I finish, he passes by and covers

my front all over again.

I shit on the grader and on the asshole that drives it!"

December 31st:

“The douchebag on the news got it wrong again

instead of 30 cm of snow it fell 98!

Here there´s nothing like celebrating the new year, ´cause

no one can get out of their house because of the fucking snow!

I´m tired and I feel so lonely

I called my cousin again and that fag didn´t want to answer because he was in the pool

and I’m sure that later he´s going to roast a piglet and I’m here, I can’t even get out!"

February 20th:

“Finally, I was able to go to the supermarket

but on the way, a fucking deer crossed my path and I ran into a tree!

I shit on that fucking animal!

Fixing it is gonna cost me a shit load of money!

I’m sure God created deers just to screw us over!

The hunters should’ve killed them all!

March 2nd:

“Yesterday I slipped on the ice and broke my leg

then that motherfucker from the grader

passed by again and I have snow all the way up my ass!

I just want to sell the house so I can get the fuck out of here!"

April 23th:

“They took off my cast, the mechanic called and said that the chasis is rotten and it’s gonna cost me twice the money,

due to the salt that is used to melt the fucking snow!

I shit on the car, the snow, the mechanic and the whole population of Toronto!"

May 15th: "I finally sold the house to a damn canadian!

Who would ever think of coming to live in this cold and lonely shithole?!

Tomorrow I go back to Santa Fe, I can´t wait to get there so I can enjoy the heat, moisture and mosquitoes

as soon as I arrive I’m gonna have a delicious barbecue

and then obviously I’m gonna have a drink with my cousin

that’s what I call life!