Yu-Gi-Oh The Abridged Series (YGOTAS): Episode 14 - When Yami Met Sally

For months people waited with bated breath to see what would occur when Kaiba and Yugi finally had their rematch. Then it finally happened.

*cough*

You're watching Yu-Gi-Oh!

When you could be outside doing something else.

Finally, fresh air!

I love the smell of card games in the morning.

Look, guys, we're right ouside Pegasus' castle.

Now we just gotta win the prize money.

And then I can buy some new friends.

What about your sister, Joey?

Yeah, I can buy a new sister, too.

I'm glad Bakura's gay.

Otherwise we never would've gotten out of that cave.

Oh, so just because I have a gaydar,

you automatically assume I'm gay?

Bloody tart.

["Kawaita Sakebi" - JP OP]

Hey, Téa, remember the time we became friends?

No, but I do remember the 4Kids version.

Welcome to Kentucky Fried McBurger King,

where all our meat is freshly slaughtered!

Oh, shoot, it's those dorks from school.

They'll drive away our customers
with all their talk of card games.

I've got to do something!

Hey, Yug, you know what they call
a quarter pounder in France?

A royale with cheese!

It's all because of the metric system.

I wonder what they call the
super special awesome burger?

Kiss my grits, you geeks!

Holy cow, I think I'm in love!

I don't want to be just a waitress
my whole life, you know.

I'm saving up my money to become
a table dancer in New York.

Hey, that's where my accent used to live!

The next day, I found a suspicious note in my locker.

"Dear Téa, we've found you a secret dance studio.

Please come at once.

P.S. Bring lots of money so that
I can steal it from you."

Well, this is just about the worst dance studio ever!

Hey, are you my dance instructor?

Just hand over all your money, girlie.

Screw you, man, I'm not paying for lessons!

I was unconscious for this next part,
but fortunately I can still remember it.

I'm here for my ballet classes.

I should warn you,

I look damn good in a tutu.

Get lost, I'm trying to mug this girl!

You won't like me when I'm angry.

HULK SMASH!

When I woke up, I was staring at
the man of my dreams.

Hey, sweet cheeks, you wanna
get off the dance floor?

I'm about to shake my money maker.

And then we got married and
had two beautiful children.

I'm pretty sure I don't remember that part.

Hey, Téa, do you still have that waitress uniform?

Hey! Stop developing your characters!

We have card games to play.

Look, everyone, some random loser
is blocking our path.

Ever since you beat me in that first episode,

nobody has been able to take me seriously.

But that will all change once I defeat you
in a children's card game.

That Kaiba bloke needs to get shagged.

I have to beat Yugi if I ever want
to see my little brother again.

I miss you, Mokuba.

["The Way We Were"]

Hm. Perhaps I should consider
keeping him on a leash.

I accept your challenge, Kaiba.

Kicking your butt never gets old.

Let's play on the roof as an homage to Clerks.

We'll use my new Duel Disk system,

because I have a hard-on for technology.

Don't worry, Yug.

We'll be supportin' you all the way.

TRISTAN: Ten bucks on Kaiba!

TÉA: Fifty bucks on Kaiba!

BAKURA: A hundred quid on Kaiba!

I've won ten star chips.

In America.

My hair is inviting you to enter the castle.

Don't mind if I do.

Man, that guy sure likes talking about his hair.

Man, that guy sure likes talking about America.

You may have beaten me before, Yugi,

but this time I have the upper hand.

I've placed my faith in the Heart of the Cards,

and without Exodia you have
no chance of overcoming

my unstoppable Blue Eyes White Dragons.

Yeah, well at least I'm not adopted.

What did you just say?

Sorry, did I touch a nerve?

Why don't you run home and cry to Mummy?

Oh, that's right. You don't have one!

Yugi, I respect you as a duelist,

but if you continue to act like a petulant child, then--

Hey, everybody, look at me!

I'm Seto Kaiba!

I have a dragon fetish and I sound
like Brock from Pokémon!

Screw the rules, I'm in love with Nurse Joy!

That's it, Moto, you're f**king dead!

With this card, I'll be able to combine
three of my Blue Eyes White Dragons

in order to summon a monster without peer,

a monster so powerful that--

For the love of Ra, just play the damn card already.

Fine.

Come forth, Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon!

Oh, poopy!

Get up on the hydra's back, Yug!

I activate Asexual Reproduction.

Prepare to be completely smothered
by my giant hairy balls.

This is almost as exciting as my favorite movie,

Pearl Harbor!

Those Japanese bastards got
what was coming to them.

In America.

I shall fuse my Mammoth Graveyard with your dragon,

causing it to decay from the inside.

How the hell did you do that?

It's called cheating.

Deal with it!

I'd rather die than lose to my archrival.

Oh, my. If Yugi attacks, the shockwaves
could send Kaiba

flying right off the edge of the castle.

Your gay friend is right, Yugi.

I'm not gay, I'm just British.

Dude, don't you think you're overreacting a little?

I mean, it's just a card game.

Card games are serious business!

Now unleash your attack if you have the guts.

This is AWESOME!

Yugi's gonna kill Kaiba!

I've always dreamed this moment would come.

Kaiba must die!

But what would Grandpa say?

Yuuugi! Kill that son of a bitch!

Yugi, no! You can't take this risk!

He might survive!

She's right, we can't!

STOP!

I don't believe it. Yugi forfeited the match to Kaiba.

Ben Afleck would be ashamed.

In America.

I knew my emo strategy would pay off.

You geeks are so gullible.

I lost a card game.

I no longer have a reason to live!

In that case, can I be the main character?

Hell no!

Bugger.

["Loser"]

Vegeta, what does the scouter
say about his power level?

It's over NINE THOUSAND!

What, nine thousand?!