Sparks: How Youth Thrive: Peter Benson at TEDxTC

He is the author of more than a dozen books on child and adolescent development and social change, including, most recently, Sparks: How Parents Can Help Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers.

80 million, that's the number of children

in the United States from ages 0 to 18.

80 million gems waiting to
blossom, to bloom, to be engaged,

to be seen, to be known,
to be put in the play.

80 million gems.
What's our vision for America's kids?

Well you know what,
we hardly ever talk about it.

Is the vision to keep them safe?
To keep them out of trouble?

Is the vision to keep them in school?

Those are all management
and control ideas.

Not very compelling.

What is our vision for America's kids?

So, because I love to go around
and interview people

is why everywhere I am in the world

particularly in the United States,

I do like to ask adults, what is your
highest aspiration for our young?

Some interesting things happen.

No one has ever said,

Oh, this child of mine my fondest wish

is that they will ace statewide benchmark
math and science test when they're 16.

I've never heard anybody say,

Oh, my fondest wish
is that this young person

will help make America more competitive
in the global economy.

No, when you actually listen,
to people's statements

about their dreams for our kids,
you hear a very different language.

Kids who experience joy,

kids who are connected and engaged,

kids who fall in love
with their life and all of life,

kids with kindness, and generosity,
kids who are happy,

kids who contribute.

That, my friends, is the language
of human thriving.

And it's the language of quality,
isn't it ?

Not the language of quantity.
Kids of joy, happiness,

connection, engagement,
fulfillment, kindness,

compassion, generosity.

The language of thriving.

Here's something we know now,
based on a series of scientific studies:

That only one quarter of the 80 million,

one quarter of kids, when they become
high school students

are on a pathway to human thriving.

The other three quarters
have fallen off that path.

It's no longer about purpose and hope,

and connectedness, and engagement,
and joy,

but it's about being alone,

it's about being empty,
it's about being medicated,

it's about being confused
and it's about being lost.

Only a quarter of America's teenagers
stay on a pathway to human thriving.

And I think I know why this happens.

There's probably a lot of reasons,
of course,

but here's one key one.

About two thousand years ago,

Plutarch, a Greek philosopher,
I've forgot what his first name is,

I think it was Frank Plutarch -
(Laughter)

Plutarch gave us one of the key axioms
of human development,

and that is that youth
are not vessels to be filled

but fires to be lit.

Fires to be lit.

What he is talking about, and what
we know in human development,

is that the best of development is from
the inside out, not the outside in.

In this nation, we've forgotten that,
by and large,

and we are do an awful lot
of development, don't we,

from the outside in.

Fill the empty vessel with
information, factoids,

ideas, ideals, values, expectations
and demands.

Some of that's ok.

But the real question of human development
is letting 'this' emerge.

in life... and what is 'this'?
What is this fire ?

The core idea in human thriving
is the identification of that fire,

that inner light, that human spark.

I've been working in this space
now, for about ten years.

My team of scientists and I
at Search Institute,

have been creating a science
of human thriving

with a particular eye
to children and teenagers.

Thriving begins with the idea
of the human spark.

It's the metaphore I use to define
that animating engine,

that thing about a young person
that gives them joy and energy,

the reason why some will seek to actually
get up in the morning and get moving,

something that gives their life hope
and direction and purpose.

Spark by the way is very akin
to the idea of spirit.

Spirit is from the latin spiritus,
and you know what that means: my breath.

My breath, put into the world
with vigor and courage.

My breath, it's the ultimate question
to ask each other

and particularly to ask our young.

What is your breath?
What is your spark?

You in the audience, mostly adults,

you know what life is like
when spark is alive.

When you can name and claim
some animating energy,

some capacity that gives your life
direction, hope and purpose,

you know what life is like
with spark and we also know

what it's like when spark dies.

We know what that emptiness feels like.

We've conducted a series
of national

representative sample studies
in the last few years,

numbering six or seven thousand
middle school and high school kids,

to inquire about their spark
and the biography of their spark

and does anybody know and care

and does anybody actually nourish
this spark.

The initial question
goes something like,

Tell me what it is about you,
that gives you joy and energy?

What's going on in those
moments when life feels

the richest and the fullest
with purpose and hope?

What is your spark?
I'm dying to know.

Let me tell you some things
that are incredibly fascinating

about America's young people.

100% of middle school
and high school students

get the idea of spark in a heart beat.

They may not have used that word before
but once we tear it up they know

what it is we are talking about.

And they'll often times
interrupt the interviewer,

and say, I know what it is,
I know what that feels like,

I know what that looks like.

I can walk you into the cafeteria
of my high school

and I can point out the kids
with spark and the kids without.

You can see it in the face
and in the body posture.

A hundred per cent of kids get it,

and then they say this,
nobody has ever asked me this before.

You really want to know what my spark is?

Usually social scientists come in and
they want to know about our drug use,

our sexuality, our predilection
to violence, our approach to school.

Nobody has ever asked me
to define my spark.

A 100% get it.

Two thirds of America's young people
can name at least one spark.

A few can name two,
and a few can name three.

But two thirds can quickly name one.

Interesting that another 20% or so,

can name their spark with a little
nudge from a caring adult,

a counselor, a teacher, a parent,
a grandparent, a neighbour,

a youth program worker,

can pull it out of you,
what is it about you

that gives you joy and energy
and animates your life.

There is three kinds of sparks
as young people define them.

For some kids it's a skill or a talent:
I love to make music.

It's when life is the best.

I love to draw, I love to write,
I love to lead, to study archeology.

For some kids, it's a commitment:
my spark, it's surprising

how many kids say,
my spark is social justice,

my spark is a commitment
to the stewardship of the Earth.

Some kids, the third category,
it's a quality:

my spark, I'm a person of empathy.

That's what I do,
that's when life is the best.

I'm the one other people go to,
to listen to them, awesome!

First of all, right here.

If you ever discover and name
a kid's spark, say it back to them.

Tell them you see it and hear it.
Thank them for possessing it.

Because the spark in almost all cases
is good and beautiful

and useful to the world.

But we never talk to our kids about
seeing the human spark.

There are at least 220 kinds of sparks
that we have now categorized in America.

Here's something I wish for every city
we come from: that at some point

there would be a census
of the sparks of our kids,

and that census would flood
the media, to put the story out

into our cities about the rich ways
that kids define their human spark.

It gives us a whole another lens.
It draws us toward them,

rather than the images
we have now of our kids,

which are so often things that
frighten us and push us away.

Here are some of the leading
categories of sparks:

helping, serving and volunteering.

Leading.

Learning a particular subject matter,
like archeology, physics, French.

Service to the globe,

that is stewardship of the Earth,
the preservation of the natural world.

Athletics. And the creative life.

And the winner in all these categories

is the creative life: art, music,
drama, dance, movement

is the largest category in which
sparks fall for America's kids.

Interesting. That's the arena in which
most kids say, I'm my best self.

That's the arena in which
most kids will say,

this is where life is the fullest
and the most hopeful.

How are we doing in America?

In supporting art, music, drama,
dance, movement.

It's not that we want all those kids

to necessarily become
professionals in that field.

It's about right now.
Human development is about today,

it's about how I awaken, how I am seen,
how I am known and how I am embraced.

Have I mentioned my grandson Ryder yet?

Ryder is seven now,
but when he was four,

he taught us a very important thing
about the human spark.

He reminded us that the spark

is not necessarily the same thing
as the work you do.

So Ryder was on our deck, and he says,

you know what? -
as he is holding up his hand.

I am an artist,

I don't know if it's the work
I will do some day, but I am an artist.

I am.

Spark is a life orientation, it's an
approach, it's a way of being present

in the world, it may touch work,
it may be work, it may be outside of work.

It's not the same thing as
vocational planning.

It's about nurturing
and naming what is in here.

This mum is Lea Adler,
when her son was eight -

This is a story, by the way,
that spark is not always pretty.

When her son was eight,
he cut off the head of a doll,

put it on a plate of lettuce,

brought it into his mother
in the family room and said,

Isn't this cool?
Doesn't this look great?

When he was twelve
he boiled a pot of water,

put six cans of unopened cherries
and then waited for them to explode

and then filmed the cherries and the juice

rolling down the walls of that kitchen.

Now, most parents what would we be doing?

Seeking professional help,
thinking of a reform school.

Not Lea Adler, she is the mother
of Steven Spielberg.

And she cut him some slack, didn't she?
She went with it.

She went with the flow.

Well the real problem in America,
the real challenge is this issue of spark.

"No one has asked me."

Nobody knows what my spark is.

That happens over and over again.

You ever heard a kid say,
See me, you never see me?

What are they saying?
It isn't about the external, is it?

It is about, see what I am bringing
to the human party.

Thriving requires more than spark,
we've worked to develop

a scientifically grounded model
of human thriving.

That is spark plus three spark champions,
preferably somebody in family, and school

and in community, who is a spark champion.
They see it in you.

They name it, they affirm it,
they run interference,

they find you opportunities.

They talk about you and your human spark.

And then the critical nature
of opportunity to express the spark.

Great things happen my friends,
when kids experience

these three ingredients.

And the science is really profound:
spark + champions + opportunity,

school success skyrockets,

engagement in school skyrockets,
compassion for others rises,

a sense of purpose rises,
violence decreases.

How could it be otherwise?

We are talking about the process
of human thriving in the world.

Now here is where it falls apart.

Do kids have three champions?
Not very often.

Barely one half of our kids in America say

their family knows and nourishes the spark.

Only a third say anybody in their school
names, knows and nourishes the spark.

And in the broader community
of congregations, synagogues,

youth programs, playgrounds
and neighborhood,

only a quarter of kids say
anybody knows my spark.

And then there's the opportunity
gap, that's huge.

The mismatch between how kids name spark,
particularly in the creative life

and the opportunities for that
to be nourished in community.

There's an anthem for this idea
of human thriving.

This is cyclon fence looking out
on a baseball diamond.

The anthem is by John Fogerty
of Creedence Clearwater Revival.

It goes something like,

"Put me in coach,
I am ready to play, today!"

And the word today is critical,
not tomorrow, but today.

I want to be in there today,
I am a leader, put me in.

I am a helper, put me in, know me.

I am a giver, I am a protector
of the world, know me and put me in.

You shall know them by their sparks,
probably,

ought to be the most significant mantra

and mandate for all of us in the world.

And you shall know them by their sparks.

I as a developmental scientist
am amazed at how easily we forget

about how young people bring to our world

a special capacity or gift,

that our world desperately needs
and we so easily snuff it out.

And as a citizen I am amazed how rarely

we remember that innovation largely comes

from the inside out, not the outside in.

There's a bunch of things
I'd do now to change

and transform how we do
business in America.

I would make knowing kid's sparks,
at the very center of school life.

In fact, I'd put it right at the front.

I don't know how you can
engage and connect

and bond kids to the institution
called school

without knowing their spark.

I would teach families the process
of the spark dialogue

and how to name, affirm
and be a champion.

I'd make the first
parent-teacher conference of the year

to be about the spark of a kid.

Let's talk that through
and we'll get to the rest of the stuff.

I would do a census in cities about sparks

and put it out into the ether
of community.

And then I would map our after school
programs against sparks

and begin to realign opportunity
with the expression of spark.

My friends, this is really important stuff
in the annals of development.

As you drive home tonight I wish you would
reflect some of your own spark biography,

get used to that vocabulary and discourse:
What is your spark?

What was it ?
What was it when you were sixteen?

What was it when you were 26 and 36?

Did it change, did it mutate,
is it the same?

Because in dialogue with kids
they're going to want to know...

Tell me your spark.

They're going to turn the tables
back on you.

When you get home tonight
if you have a partner, a spouse,

practice the spark dialogue.

What is your spark? Who knows it?
How can I help?

Where do you express it?
What gets in your way? What is your spark?

And then tomorrow, find a young person,
in your family

or somebody else's family
and start the process.

What is your spark?
I am dying to know.

We've got this power, my friends,
in America if we could mobilize our people,

to see differently, to know differently,

and as we do that we move toward our
youngs rather than away from them.

Thank you very much.
(Applause)