What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2021

P: My Tree is erect, I'm- (laughs) No.
D: No. No, no, no.

P: I don't know (laughs)
D: What the hell, just say hi you weirdo

(static) P: Hi, I'm cosy by my tree, it's
the end of the year, I hope your chestnuts

are roasting on an open fire, and boy, do
I have a gift for you.

I've casted a dark summoning spell
to bring you Danny boi. (boing)

(accomplishment) D: Yes, it is I. I have
emerged from the void to once more

bless you with the gift of some content.
P: You could have worn something a little

bit festive, that looks quite satanic, I'm
just gonna say it. D: This is not satanic!

P: What is it? D: It's stars! It's
supposed to look celestial, shu-

you look like a f*ckin battenberg. P: Hey
people wanna eat this slice.

D: More like you're too sweet and make
people sick. P: O-Okay well- D: Hi.

(both burst out laughing) P: So today
we're smashing two things together,

which are- (laughs) D: OUR F- (woofs)
FINALLY. P: no.

D: Beeeep. P: Oh my god. A countdown of
everything we've been through

in the- year. D: A year in review- P: and
texting. (ding)

What do Dan and Phil text each other? D:
As you know- P: 2 D: We text each other

some weird stuff, it's safe to say we
spend too much time together. P: Yeah

D: Ergo, we have developed a strange alien
language- P: Ergo D: We're not normal- what?

(giggling) P: That's a strange alien
language, who says that? You 17th century

Poet. D: I do. Dost thou have a (bark)
problem? P: No. D: It took us like half

an hour to scroll back to the top so if
somebody texts me I'm gonna flip a (bark).

P: It was the biggest finger workout I've
ever had. D: Oh- (laughing)

D: That's right, are you ready to dive
into the DM's? Between these two- P: Do it

D: Heavily unintelligent people (laughs)

I sent you a text on the 1st of January at-
P: 2am?! D: 2:06am. P: Happy New Year!

(party horn) Awww! I wanna die! I want to
crush- no. D: You want to- you what? (laughs)

I want to die, I want to crush.
blessed_family.

P: I couldn't have anything better for the
start of the year. D: What a great way to

start the new year. P: If you had to adopt
one of those dogs which would it be?

D: Oh, god, all of them. P: Look at that
face. D: Straight out of the bat, I tweeted

a text screenshot the other day, and
everyone was coming for me,

because I've got you saved as PL with
no icon. (boing)

Everyone was like "Dan, why isn't he like
Philly Poo with a cloud emoji or something?"

Look. You need to know me, you need to
really know me, okay? Every single person

Phil. My mother. Jesus Christ. Is just
saved first name, last name-

P: His mum isn't even called mum. D: No
picture, you just need to accept it guys.

I am that dry. P: Take a picture of me now.
D: I am that steadily serious.

P: Get one. D: I don't want to see your face.
You ready? (snapshot followed by laughing)

P: That's so horrible! (honk) You can see
like every pore. D: This is why cameras

on phones shouldn't get better. P: Stop.
Why is it- D: No one wants to see that.

P: What was this? Explain to me and the
audience D: Don't open my laptop

P: Why lol D: Just don't. All I know is
if I say that to you- P: I wouldn't-

I wouldn't betray your trust, I wouldn't
want to, to be honest. D: What was it?

P: I don't know. D: I'm scared for myself.
P: Cursed. D: Oh no- (laughing)

P: Little Normie. D: Oh yeah the fish died!
That wasn't traumatic at all!

P: He went to fish heaven- D&P: I cried. D:
We both cried P: That was synchronised crying

anyway, we buried him in a maple tree and
he watches over us. Going glub, glub.

(silent laughing) Would I get demonetized for
saying bussy? We can't put that in this video!

D: and then- ah Bernie Sanders memes.

P: Bernie memes! D: It was that time. It is
actually disturbing how well he fits (laughs)

onto that picture of TATINOF. P: Thank you
Anna. That's the perfect way of doing it.

D: We could be in the Berniverse right now
but we're not. We're in this hellscape.

P: Biden's not a hellscape. He's better
than... Trump. D: Don't settle for near

liberalism Phil. P: Ok. AW that's when
Steven was in the wild!

D: Do you remember there was a pigeon
called Steve that was a big part of our life?

Damn. Why did you text me saying bip?
P: I don't know why I said bip (laughs)

D: I just realised we're taking the
Screenshots on my phone which means that

you're in black and I'm in blue which
irrevocably ruined this entire video.

P: I'm happy to try out being the dark side
for once. D: I even have a black case and

you have a blue- P: We've done this wrong.
Delete this video, that's the end of the video

thanks for coming, we don't know what
we're doing, bye, peace. P: We don't know

what we're doing. By the way, this used to
be my phone, but I got the new iPhone and

it was too heavy for my weak hands. D:
Phil was honestly like 'its hurting my hand'

P: It was! D: To carry this phone around
P: That's so damn heavy

it's like carrying around a wide screen TV
so I've got the mini one now.

So cute, so light, was that a door knock?
D: I didn't hear anything at all up here

I think he'd have knocked again? P: Probs
(laughs) I like that we just didn't check

D: Someone may have been at the door and
literally neither of us gave a (moo)

and I- maybe? Did you hear something?
I dunno bye (gasp) P: (laughs) The mushroom

head. Hey! I think it's a look it's gonna
come back!

2023, embrace it. D: Ah, eurgh, me getting
interior design inspiration

P: That's sexual D: For the thing under
the stairs, bam.

P: That's the stairs naked before they got
dressed up D: That's what it was

P: It's Christmas mode, look at this
(singing)

OH DAN! (laughs) Why are you putting that
in the video?! (snoring)

D: I need to do a calendar investigation
right now.. 24th February.

I must have literally just found that on my
camera roll and just been like

'this is a nice homophobic picture of
Phil' send. P: Thanks for that

D: That's friendship for you right there.
P: I look like I'm dead (kazoo)

that's an advert I got on my (laughs)
Instagram.

D: Damn P: Wow. They've got the target
audience wrong, but D: Oh

damn yeah, they really got the wrong
spider person. Multiverse of ass.

Did you make that your icon for a long time?
P: It's still my icon somewhere I think

D: I'm just gonna say right now, we took
that photo, I hate it

P: I asked you if it was cursed! One year
later, two weeks ago, Dan said

D: Phil why is- P: Why is that your icon?
It's horrible? (laughs)

D: That is definitely a cursed photo. You
look like someone that has taken off

your skin, and it's a rubber mask of the
Phil face.

Do you know what I mean? P: I get you, I
look like a gremlin's mum.

D: Here we go, what the hell. Hach?
P: Hach? D: K 1 min

The (bark)? P: It's hache burgers D: Ohh
Saturday at 9pm.

P: Burgers D: We were ordering burgers, it
was the first of alien Dan and Phil talk

that we successfully decoded. P: Fully
decoded D: You'll all have the most useless

degree in Dan and Phil um P: ology.

Fresh Japanese bamboo, this was because
my dad actually painted us some bamboo

D: Have you shown- P: No I've never showed
the internet this! My dad D: Are you gonna

reveal it in this video? P: Yeah, my dad
painted us some of the Japanese bamboo

D: Phil's dad is actually an incredibly
talented fine artist P: So thanks dad.

Do we actually need a gingerbread avocado?
D: Yes. Get that (bark) Alan in my neck.

P: Alan the avocado. (laughing) D:
We were bored okay?

P: We had nothing to do D: We were locked
down in a ten square foot apartment

impartment? I'm gonna impart the fact that
we need to get the hell outside (water)

But here's some inso P: Inso D: What is
happening? P: Oh we were trying to decide

what my new candle should be D: Ah right
this is my moodboard of what the graphic

design for your candle should look like.
There we go. P: Helpful. Shove that up your

nostrils. D: I'm not just simping Phil,
this is actually the most delicious smelling

candle. (giggles) That is the most 'I want
to eat this but I probably might die.'

P: Still on my shop, our shops might still
be combined when you watch this as well

D: We're trying to desperately get rid of
like 6 llama hats sitting on a shelf so if

you want some obscenely underpriced Dan and
Phil vintage merch, get it before someone

else steals it. P: Go grab it. But also
Dan's got a lovely journal as well

which you should go get. D: Oh I have some
like, tasteful stuff. P: Big yeet (laughs)

Don't know what that was about. D: Why
would you just text me saying big yeet?

P: Was I excited about food or something?
I think it was that. My mum sent a box of

easter treats, can I have one with my coffee
snack or is that betrayal? D: lool, okay yes

P: Yeet, sending a vibe. Why am I sending
you a vibe? D: I don- where was I?

Something traumatising I have suppressed
the memory. P: 31st March. D: Oh, I was

recording my audiobook. P: Ah. D: Wednesday
7th April. 4:51. Rat.

P: Duck. D: That's it (both laughing)

D: What does it mean? P: I don't know what
it means. D: Three days later.. P: Yelp.

Yote. (laughs) D: What the (bark) are we
talking about? P: I don't know, I don't know

We need to speak to some other people. D:
I'm starting to realise, bingo card time.

If we say yeet, yone, yoben, mooble, bobobo,
little animal things, say coffee, decaf,

or where are you, take a shot. You will
be dead in ten minutes P: Good luck

D: That's what we're learning here. Ah. Yes.
P: That was the first time we saw the sexy

LED. I wanted it to look like an inter-
dimensional portal right? D: Which ended

up being some LED strips laid on the floor.
P: But hallways are always super boring!

I was like why not have a fun entrance to
our house? D: I posted a series of very

flattering selfies, and if you haven't
seen them, check em out.

Go like them on my Instagram. (spooky)
P: And that is our crazy sex dungeon.

(record scratch) D: Okay, yep, explain that
Phil.

That's our dexter room where we murder
people in the clink for- it was under

construction- P: It was. D: The clingfilm
got taken down, or did we leave it up there?

Is that where we're hiding the bodies?
P: yon (laughs) D: pote

P: 4:32am! (Dan cackling) D: WHAT?
P: WHAT IS THAT?!

D: WHAT ARE WE DOING?!

P: I was out on the town, and I'm saying
I'm alive.

D: I feel like that's not what happened-
P: All that town I like going out on

D: What town where you out on? P: I don't
know. D: Oh another- (wheezing) okay, right.

I feel like we need to start doing meme
reviews of the memes that we text each other

okay? Blessed family shibes? 4/5. Capybara
farts? Lets watch Capybara farts.

P: This is good. (bubbling noises) That is
a 5/5. D: 5, solid 5.

Phil Micheal Lester, you hit me with the
'haha' react bubble? (boo)

P: What's wrong with that? D: What in the
boo- on the scale between actually having

a comment, saying lol and then haha bubble,
haha bubble is like 'Am I a sub human dirt

trash?' He said you'll be totally fine
and they are just checking you out,

Don't worry! Soon you will be back and
this will be an extremely silly anecdote.

Hey Phil! P: It's the glue night! D:
Remember the time that Phil ate superglue?

P: That was great. D: Look at me being a
supportive friend with the double exclamation

mark. P: Can you send me a pic of the
bottle back? Oh the doctor was like 'Can I

see what you swallowed?' D: What did you
swallow? Are we talking Pritt stick or like

cement here. P: It was strong. Funny things
you can say, I like your accent, I just

pretend so people think I'm cool like
Sherlock or Tom Holland. D: Lockdown vibes

P: What is this?! Oh this is when you were
on American TV for your book, and you'd

like done a- D: Was I on the view or Good
Morning America? P: You'd done about 700

interviews, and you'd just run out of any
kind of- D: I (claps) have been on every

single podcast, local radio, and my brain
fell out of my ears. (heavy breathing)

Who am I? What do I talk about? I love at
the end you said there, don't complain

that you're sick of zoom, when you are on
zoom. (Phil laughing)

D: 88 P: what? D: Not you. Well who the
(bark) are you talking to Dan?

P: What? D: Make some Goddamn sense! P:
No worries if not! (both laughing)

That is a good meme! I end every email with
that! D: 5. Okay, a sandwich of confusion!

Yeeten, a picture of me being traumatised
by your haircut, yeeben. Yep.

(laughing) WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?!
yone.

P: Funny little fox. D: With a disturbing
human face.

P: I love that fox, its a Tibetan fox if
you want one.

Dan, your forehead is wet in that photo.
D: I was sweating, it was a stressful day Phil.

In hindsight, I feel like I probably over
promoted my book- P: No!

D: I was quite active on Twitter and
Instagram. P: This is the British thing!

Be proud of your book, it was number 1
bestseller (party horn), it helped loads of

people out there- D: So I could have just
been like "wrote a book lol" tweet.

Wow the manager of Waterstones Leeds
gave me 5 stars, holy (bark) it's lit.

Spoilers! P: Oh my god, also I'm not dying.
D: What's the prognosis? P: Shall I wait

to see it later? Okay wha- D: What? Why
are you dying? P: You came to look at this

place with the furniture in it, this is
when my crazy dizzy time happened.

D: Nice! Oh, Phil's health issues! P: Which
I'm still having, but I'm kind of on top of,

so it's okay. D: Yeeben. P: Coming home!
I am not dying yeet (laughing)

That's just another one of my scans. D:
Sending premium vibes? I am sending you

a positive vibe from a dog. A new episode
of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

is now on Prime Video, important. P: CHRIST
(Dan laughing)

D: Then you texted- (laughing) P: Fagus
sylvatica beech hedge?

D: Why did you- P: Did you just sign in as
me on an iPad? D: No? P: What?? (laughing)

Was I getting hacked? There wasn't anything
good on there- D: And that's when Phil got

hacked. Let me know when you're on the way
back! P: On the way back! (laughing)

D: Was that auto suggested? P: Neioon D:
You're a little shit.

He hit me with the haha bubbles and the 'oh
Dan texted me, why text when I can just hit

him with the auto reply?' How dare you?
(laughing) P: OH My God.

P: Right- D: You can't- no. No no no no no.

(Dan giggling)

You can always edit it out! P: Is this too
mean to post I think he's a sexy man?

Let's play the video. 'Some people have
told me I look like Benedict Cumberbatch,

I do not see it, but- wait for it,

(snickering) Now I do.

I'm sorry! (ambulance) Look, I think he's
attractive, I just think people have told me

I look like him, and it's just because our
eyes are a bit different!

Vibes. D: Thank, going well. P: We send a
lot of vibes to each other

when we're not together. D: When we're
in mysterious circumstances

P: What was happening on the 8th of June?
D: Recording the pride thing?

(surprise) Yep! There we go (laughing)
Emo Dan.

P: That photo is so disturbing it sends me
vividly back to 2011.

D: That pride thing was a real adventure,
I was on a billboard, in Times Square

P: It was crazy! D: But I didn't post about
it because I felt like it would be bragging

and I was like 'I don't wanna do this.' P:
You need to get over this!

D: It's like cringe so I just don't say
anything, I've got a problem Phil!

P: I know, it had a furry in it, but they
cut it out.

(laughing) D: Er, where did you
leave your phone? P: On the sun

(laughs) D: So your phone is melting down
but you took a screenshot and texted it to

me, alright Phil. P: It was important
content.

D: Can I have some more milk, but my oat
milk, and you can bring the milk down to

the icy glass that I already have (laughs)
P: Alright needy Dan. D: Haunting

paranormal footage (laughs) P: It's you
from the doorbell

(creepy music)

D: Do you ever realise how ugly you are
sometimes?

(cackling)

5 OUT OF 5!

P: Pope. D: Slime. P: Where are you? D:
Find. P: What? (Dan laughing)

D: So I want attention or help, but I
don't want to tell you where I am.

P: Ok. D: Okay, very normal. Are you alive?
P: 9:35am, I'm hoping I'm asleep.

D: No reply, guess Phil died. P: I died.
D: So that's when you died, and this is all

actually heaven. P: I'm a ghost. Plants
outside, mmm concrete. Plants at home-

D: Is this tap water? I'm allergic! True.
Trees are really just out there and all

these potted things that I'm giving
fertilisers are like 'mm I'm crispy.'

Aww, it's us in Final Fantasy XIV- P: It's
cat boys. D: Roleplaying as cat boys.

P: We've spent half this year as cat boys
let's be honest. D: It's been a- we've

played for 700- P: We even went to a gay
club as cat boys. Should we talk about this?

No. (laughing) D: Someone hit on us. So,
it was a Saturday, we were bored, we were

looking at this thing and someone said come
to our nightclub, we went to a private house,

it was a club full of people, we were
walking around as catboys and shirtless

giant bear guy said, "What are you boys up
to, wanna come in to the basement?"

and we logged off, it was weird. P: It was
weird. D: What the hell? P: That is just Dan

looking like Golem going up the stairs
(laughs)

D: Do I look this deranged? P: Yes. D: Why
are you always on silent? What if the

builders or (water) want something? For
example me right now wants to call you.

P: Oh my god! Dan! Do you know what the
ring login is I've been- beee D: I've beee

logged out. HELLO?! Hello?! P: You were so
sassy for 10:48am.

D: You did not give a (bark) you were just
like 'how do I log back in to the doorbell

I beeee logged out.' (cackling) P: What?
D: PLEASE!

PLEASE! Some context!

P: You said it. D: Man huffing and grunting
immediately behind you. P: Sunglasses emoji

(laughing) P: What does that mean? D: Oh,
we were on a train. P: Oh!

D: We were going to film Hometown
Showdown, and right behind you,

this old man was just going (grunting)
P: Hometown Showdown was the craziest

2 days, we filmed it in 2 days! D: You know
we had so many like, long, interesting

conversations, and it's such a shame that
it wasn't just like, a 7 hour documentary

series. P: It felt very old-school energy.
D: But it was fun, andddd, I'm sure people

liked seeing us outside. P: That was rare.
D: Can you get more wate refil

(suspenseful music) P: Don't react me
D: Don't react me!

P: Aww, mems D: 3 years ago! 2018,
Interactive Introverts P: Look at those pops

D: We're in the middle of America and we
were going to see Infinity War,

P: So good. D: With a giant bucket of
popcorn.

Would you go back then? I mean I hadn't
come out as gay yet. D&P: But the popcorn.

P: When you finish the ice cream and start
nibbling on the wooden stick. (laughing)

(clap) 5 out of 5. D: That is the vision
for fishtank 2.0 P: Ohhhh

boof. D: Recommended on YouTube mix,
Pop music. P: That's me!

D: Please sir, may I have some water? P:
When I die. D: Ok, hope you die

P: I think I was playing Apex D: Right, ok.
P: Walking Deec? D: Right, you know this

now- P: They're not gonna get this. D:
Watch the walking dead and have a decaf

coffee. P: There we go. D: Nice little
Animojis there you freaks. (cackling)

P: What is this? D: Okay, what a journey!
P: They ordering viet baguette, D: Well

then. P: Am I annoying? D: Why? (laughing)

P: I must have been with some people and
just thought I was annoying? I don't know

what- D: You had Banh Mi without me?
(gasp) P: Yeah sorry.

ah my Phil and plants calendar shoot. D:
We do not need a giant cactus!

P: Or this? (ding) D: We kept it! P: Yay,
this is Dan not knowing how to

use any appliance. P: No one teaches me
these things? D: I can do basic pants and

socks on delicates cupboard dry, right? P:
Umm, I'd just do socks and towels, pants

shrink. D: Help me dad. P: Don't put your
pants in the dryer you freak.

D: Giraffe wink again. P: Whats the wink?
D: OH NO (laughing)

P: This was recently! We're almost at today!
D: Moon butt, I'm not having fun

P: Say you got to go- D: Okay, okay- I
play Apex Legends with a bunch of friends

on PC, and they are very sweaty okay? P:
They're too good! D: They take it very

seriously, and sometimes they get a bit
tilted! So if we're in a diamond lobby,

and we lose a bunch of times, I want to
leave, because they're shouting at me,

but I don't know how. P: So, I say 'say
you gotta go!' D: Too awkward.

P: say your Grandma is arriving (laughs)
or switch off the PC and say the power cut

D: Oh god. 3 hours Phil, and it was all
rage, no fun.

P: Oh this is what you tweeted! Basically
someone was outside and Dan was like

D: This lady is outside can you tell me
when they've gone? P: Right outside the

door. D: I walk round the corner, see her
and I'm just like nope, Phil,

look out the window, tell me when they've
left, and I squatted in a hedge for like

an hour. P: I did the full spy stakeout
out the window as well, just to watch

and see where she'd gone. D: Thank you
P: 6 or 7? (crickets?)

What? D: You what? P: Oh my god I mean
feet, what is a foot? (laughing)

I didn't know if it was 2 or 1! D: SEVEN
FOOT WHAT?! P: TREE!

D: jesus.

P: There we got a 7 foot tree! D: Phil,
Phil. P: What? Inches. Feet.

P: I'm a confused man. I'm embarrassed,
don't remember what that was but it's funny

D: Oh, our final meme, our final meme.
P: I sent you that one; 5 out of 5.

Uh, wow that was a journey! I feel like I've
seen my whole life flash before my eyes,

in the form of texts. A bunch has happened
with you that we did not text about.

D: That we can't talk abo- look, quite a
few things, dreams of mine,

got quite catastrophically torpedoed by
C-bag coming back and disappearing and

then coming back again when you
least expect it. P: Like Dan has been so

close to almost giving you something
and then it's been taken away.

D: A couple of these things might happen
again in the future, but I cannot continue

to wait for them or just be gone in the
meantime, so, in the New Year,

at somepoint, somehow in some way, I will
be back.

So brace yourselves. P: I'm braced, I feel
like the world has missed your sarcasms,

so it will be good to have a bit of that
back. D: Have they though?

Maybe this has been good for the world,
think about it. Has your life been better

without me? Maybe I should just, you know,
phase out of reality.

P: So that's the end of the year on this
channel, thank you for joining me,

Thank Dan- D: Thank you for tolerating
my presence P: for treating us with your

presence, if you've enjoyed this, please
give me a thumbs up, our shops are still

combined if you want to go grab a deal- D:
Plug that merch Phil! P: Err, what else can

you do? Subscribe to me, subscribe to Dan,
maybe he'll pop up again there at some point,

and have a lovely Christmas or whatever
else you're celebrating, Happy New Year,

D: It has been... a year, I hope you're all
doing well,

and in the tradition of clearly how we
like to speak, yeeben, P: yoben,

D: sending you a vibe. P: Yote.

P: Bye!