P: My Tree is erect, I'm- (laughs) No. D: No. No, no, no.
P: I don't know (laughs) D: What the hell, just say hi you weirdo
(static) P: Hi, I'm cosy by my tree, it's the end of the year, I hope your chestnuts
are roasting on an open fire, and boy, do I have a gift for you.
I've casted a dark summoning spell to bring you Danny boi. (boing)
(accomplishment) D: Yes, it is I. I have emerged from the void to once more
bless you with the gift of some content. P: You could have worn something a little
bit festive, that looks quite satanic, I'm just gonna say it. D: This is not satanic!
P: What is it? D: It's stars! It's supposed to look celestial, shu-
you look like a f*ckin battenberg. P: Hey people wanna eat this slice.
D: More like you're too sweet and make people sick. P: O-Okay well- D: Hi.
(both burst out laughing) P: So today we're smashing two things together,
which are- (laughs) D: OUR F- (woofs) FINALLY. P: no.
D: Beeeep. P: Oh my god. A countdown of everything we've been through
in the- year. D: A year in review- P: and texting. (ding)
What do Dan and Phil text each other? D: As you know- P: 2 D: We text each other
some weird stuff, it's safe to say we spend too much time together. P: Yeah
D: Ergo, we have developed a strange alien language- P: Ergo D: We're not normal- what?
(giggling) P: That's a strange alien language, who says that? You 17th century
Poet. D: I do. Dost thou have a (bark) problem? P: No. D: It took us like half
an hour to scroll back to the top so if somebody texts me I'm gonna flip a (bark).
P: It was the biggest finger workout I've ever had. D: Oh- (laughing)
D: That's right, are you ready to dive into the DM's? Between these two- P: Do it
D: Heavily unintelligent people (laughs)
I sent you a text on the 1st of January at- P: 2am?! D: 2:06am. P: Happy New Year!
(party horn) Awww! I wanna die! I want to crush- no. D: You want to- you what? (laughs)
I want to die, I want to crush. blessed_family.
P: I couldn't have anything better for the start of the year. D: What a great way to
start the new year. P: If you had to adopt one of those dogs which would it be?
D: Oh, god, all of them. P: Look at that face. D: Straight out of the bat, I tweeted
a text screenshot the other day, and everyone was coming for me,
because I've got you saved as PL with no icon. (boing)
Everyone was like "Dan, why isn't he like Philly Poo with a cloud emoji or something?"
Look. You need to know me, you need to really know me, okay? Every single person
Phil. My mother. Jesus Christ. Is just saved first name, last name-
P: His mum isn't even called mum. D: No picture, you just need to accept it guys.
I am that dry. P: Take a picture of me now. D: I am that steadily serious.
P: Get one. D: I don't want to see your face. You ready? (snapshot followed by laughing)
P: That's so horrible! (honk) You can see like every pore. D: This is why cameras
on phones shouldn't get better. P: Stop. Why is it- D: No one wants to see that.
P: What was this? Explain to me and the audience D: Don't open my laptop
P: Why lol D: Just don't. All I know is if I say that to you- P: I wouldn't-
I wouldn't betray your trust, I wouldn't want to, to be honest. D: What was it?
P: I don't know. D: I'm scared for myself. P: Cursed. D: Oh no- (laughing)
P: Little Normie. D: Oh yeah the fish died! That wasn't traumatic at all!
P: He went to fish heaven- D&P: I cried. D: We both cried P: That was synchronised crying
anyway, we buried him in a maple tree and he watches over us. Going glub, glub.
(silent laughing) Would I get demonetized for saying bussy? We can't put that in this video!
D: and then- ah Bernie Sanders memes.
P: Bernie memes! D: It was that time. It is actually disturbing how well he fits (laughs)
onto that picture of TATINOF. P: Thank you Anna. That's the perfect way of doing it.
D: We could be in the Berniverse right now but we're not. We're in this hellscape.
P: Biden's not a hellscape. He's better than... Trump. D: Don't settle for near
liberalism Phil. P: Ok. AW that's when Steven was in the wild!
D: Do you remember there was a pigeon called Steve that was a big part of our life?
Damn. Why did you text me saying bip? P: I don't know why I said bip (laughs)
D: I just realised we're taking the Screenshots on my phone which means that
you're in black and I'm in blue which irrevocably ruined this entire video.
P: I'm happy to try out being the dark side for once. D: I even have a black case and
you have a blue- P: We've done this wrong. Delete this video, that's the end of the video
thanks for coming, we don't know what we're doing, bye, peace. P: We don't know
what we're doing. By the way, this used to be my phone, but I got the new iPhone and
it was too heavy for my weak hands. D: Phil was honestly like 'its hurting my hand'
P: It was! D: To carry this phone around P: That's so damn heavy
it's like carrying around a wide screen TV so I've got the mini one now.
So cute, so light, was that a door knock? D: I didn't hear anything at all up here
I think he'd have knocked again? P: Probs (laughs) I like that we just didn't check
D: Someone may have been at the door and literally neither of us gave a (moo)
and I- maybe? Did you hear something? I dunno bye (gasp) P: (laughs) The mushroom
head. Hey! I think it's a look it's gonna come back!
2023, embrace it. D: Ah, eurgh, me getting interior design inspiration
P: That's sexual D: For the thing under the stairs, bam.
P: That's the stairs naked before they got dressed up D: That's what it was
P: It's Christmas mode, look at this (singing)
OH DAN! (laughs) Why are you putting that in the video?! (snoring)
D: I need to do a calendar investigation right now.. 24th February.
I must have literally just found that on my camera roll and just been like
'this is a nice homophobic picture of Phil' send. P: Thanks for that
D: That's friendship for you right there. P: I look like I'm dead (kazoo)
that's an advert I got on my (laughs) Instagram.
D: Damn P: Wow. They've got the target audience wrong, but D: Oh
damn yeah, they really got the wrong spider person. Multiverse of ass.
Did you make that your icon for a long time? P: It's still my icon somewhere I think
D: I'm just gonna say right now, we took that photo, I hate it
P: I asked you if it was cursed! One year later, two weeks ago, Dan said
D: Phil why is- P: Why is that your icon? It's horrible? (laughs)
D: That is definitely a cursed photo. You look like someone that has taken off
your skin, and it's a rubber mask of the Phil face.
Do you know what I mean? P: I get you, I look like a gremlin's mum.
D: Here we go, what the hell. Hach? P: Hach? D: K 1 min
The (bark)? P: It's hache burgers D: Ohh Saturday at 9pm.
P: Burgers D: We were ordering burgers, it was the first of alien Dan and Phil talk
that we successfully decoded. P: Fully decoded D: You'll all have the most useless
degree in Dan and Phil um P: ology.
Fresh Japanese bamboo, this was because my dad actually painted us some bamboo
D: Have you shown- P: No I've never showed the internet this! My dad D: Are you gonna
reveal it in this video? P: Yeah, my dad painted us some of the Japanese bamboo
D: Phil's dad is actually an incredibly talented fine artist P: So thanks dad.
Do we actually need a gingerbread avocado? D: Yes. Get that (bark) Alan in my neck.
P: Alan the avocado. (laughing) D: We were bored okay?
P: We had nothing to do D: We were locked down in a ten square foot apartment
impartment? I'm gonna impart the fact that we need to get the hell outside (water)
But here's some inso P: Inso D: What is happening? P: Oh we were trying to decide
what my new candle should be D: Ah right this is my moodboard of what the graphic
design for your candle should look like. There we go. P: Helpful. Shove that up your
nostrils. D: I'm not just simping Phil, this is actually the most delicious smelling
candle. (giggles) That is the most 'I want to eat this but I probably might die.'
P: Still on my shop, our shops might still be combined when you watch this as well
D: We're trying to desperately get rid of like 6 llama hats sitting on a shelf so if
you want some obscenely underpriced Dan and Phil vintage merch, get it before someone
else steals it. P: Go grab it. But also Dan's got a lovely journal as well
which you should go get. D: Oh I have some like, tasteful stuff. P: Big yeet (laughs)
Don't know what that was about. D: Why would you just text me saying big yeet?
P: Was I excited about food or something? I think it was that. My mum sent a box of
easter treats, can I have one with my coffee snack or is that betrayal? D: lool, okay yes
P: Yeet, sending a vibe. Why am I sending you a vibe? D: I don- where was I?
Something traumatising I have suppressed the memory. P: 31st March. D: Oh, I was
recording my audiobook. P: Ah. D: Wednesday 7th April. 4:51. Rat.
P: Duck. D: That's it (both laughing)
D: What does it mean? P: I don't know what it means. D: Three days later.. P: Yelp.
Yote. (laughs) D: What the (bark) are we talking about? P: I don't know, I don't know
We need to speak to some other people. D: I'm starting to realise, bingo card time.
If we say yeet, yone, yoben, mooble, bobobo, little animal things, say coffee, decaf,
or where are you, take a shot. You will be dead in ten minutes P: Good luck
D: That's what we're learning here. Ah. Yes. P: That was the first time we saw the sexy
LED. I wanted it to look like an inter- dimensional portal right? D: Which ended
up being some LED strips laid on the floor. P: But hallways are always super boring!
I was like why not have a fun entrance to our house? D: I posted a series of very
flattering selfies, and if you haven't seen them, check em out.
Go like them on my Instagram. (spooky) P: And that is our crazy sex dungeon.
(record scratch) D: Okay, yep, explain that Phil.
That's our dexter room where we murder people in the clink for- it was under
construction- P: It was. D: The clingfilm got taken down, or did we leave it up there?
Is that where we're hiding the bodies? P: yon (laughs) D: pote
P: 4:32am! (Dan cackling) D: WHAT? P: WHAT IS THAT?!
D: WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
P: I was out on the town, and I'm saying I'm alive.
D: I feel like that's not what happened- P: All that town I like going out on
D: What town where you out on? P: I don't know. D: Oh another- (wheezing) okay, right.
I feel like we need to start doing meme reviews of the memes that we text each other
okay? Blessed family shibes? 4/5. Capybara farts? Lets watch Capybara farts.
P: This is good. (bubbling noises) That is a 5/5. D: 5, solid 5.
Phil Micheal Lester, you hit me with the 'haha' react bubble? (boo)
P: What's wrong with that? D: What in the boo- on the scale between actually having
a comment, saying lol and then haha bubble, haha bubble is like 'Am I a sub human dirt
trash?' He said you'll be totally fine and they are just checking you out,
Don't worry! Soon you will be back and this will be an extremely silly anecdote.
Hey Phil! P: It's the glue night! D: Remember the time that Phil ate superglue?
P: That was great. D: Look at me being a supportive friend with the double exclamation
mark. P: Can you send me a pic of the bottle back? Oh the doctor was like 'Can I
see what you swallowed?' D: What did you swallow? Are we talking Pritt stick or like
cement here. P: It was strong. Funny things you can say, I like your accent, I just
pretend so people think I'm cool like Sherlock or Tom Holland. D: Lockdown vibes
P: What is this?! Oh this is when you were on American TV for your book, and you'd
like done a- D: Was I on the view or Good Morning America? P: You'd done about 700
interviews, and you'd just run out of any kind of- D: I (claps) have been on every
single podcast, local radio, and my brain fell out of my ears. (heavy breathing)
Who am I? What do I talk about? I love at the end you said there, don't complain
that you're sick of zoom, when you are on zoom. (Phil laughing)
D: 88 P: what? D: Not you. Well who the (bark) are you talking to Dan?
P: What? D: Make some Goddamn sense! P: No worries if not! (both laughing)
That is a good meme! I end every email with that! D: 5. Okay, a sandwich of confusion!
Yeeten, a picture of me being traumatised by your haircut, yeeben. Yep.
(laughing) WHAT IS WRONG WITH US?! yone.
P: Funny little fox. D: With a disturbing human face.
P: I love that fox, its a Tibetan fox if you want one.
Dan, your forehead is wet in that photo. D: I was sweating, it was a stressful day Phil.
In hindsight, I feel like I probably over promoted my book- P: No!
D: I was quite active on Twitter and Instagram. P: This is the British thing!
Be proud of your book, it was number 1 bestseller (party horn), it helped loads of
people out there- D: So I could have just been like "wrote a book lol" tweet.
Wow the manager of Waterstones Leeds gave me 5 stars, holy (bark) it's lit.
Spoilers! P: Oh my god, also I'm not dying. D: What's the prognosis? P: Shall I wait
to see it later? Okay wha- D: What? Why are you dying? P: You came to look at this
place with the furniture in it, this is when my crazy dizzy time happened.
D: Nice! Oh, Phil's health issues! P: Which I'm still having, but I'm kind of on top of,
so it's okay. D: Yeeben. P: Coming home! I am not dying yeet (laughing)
That's just another one of my scans. D: Sending premium vibes? I am sending you
a positive vibe from a dog. A new episode of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,
is now on Prime Video, important. P: CHRIST (Dan laughing)
D: Then you texted- (laughing) P: Fagus sylvatica beech hedge?
D: Why did you- P: Did you just sign in as me on an iPad? D: No? P: What?? (laughing)
Was I getting hacked? There wasn't anything good on there- D: And that's when Phil got
hacked. Let me know when you're on the way back! P: On the way back! (laughing)
D: Was that auto suggested? P: Neioon D: You're a little shit.
He hit me with the haha bubbles and the 'oh Dan texted me, why text when I can just hit
him with the auto reply?' How dare you? (laughing) P: OH My God.
P: Right- D: You can't- no. No no no no no.
(Dan giggling)
You can always edit it out! P: Is this too mean to post I think he's a sexy man?
Let's play the video. 'Some people have told me I look like Benedict Cumberbatch,
I do not see it, but- wait for it,
(snickering) Now I do.
I'm sorry! (ambulance) Look, I think he's attractive, I just think people have told me
I look like him, and it's just because our eyes are a bit different!
Vibes. D: Thank, going well. P: We send a lot of vibes to each other
when we're not together. D: When we're in mysterious circumstances
P: What was happening on the 8th of June? D: Recording the pride thing?
(surprise) Yep! There we go (laughing) Emo Dan.
P: That photo is so disturbing it sends me vividly back to 2011.
D: That pride thing was a real adventure, I was on a billboard, in Times Square
P: It was crazy! D: But I didn't post about it because I felt like it would be bragging
and I was like 'I don't wanna do this.' P: You need to get over this!
D: It's like cringe so I just don't say anything, I've got a problem Phil!
P: I know, it had a furry in it, but they cut it out.
(laughing) D: Er, where did you leave your phone? P: On the sun
(laughs) D: So your phone is melting down but you took a screenshot and texted it to
me, alright Phil. P: It was important content.
D: Can I have some more milk, but my oat milk, and you can bring the milk down to
the icy glass that I already have (laughs) P: Alright needy Dan. D: Haunting
paranormal footage (laughs) P: It's you from the doorbell
(creepy music)
D: Do you ever realise how ugly you are sometimes?
(cackling)
5 OUT OF 5!
P: Pope. D: Slime. P: Where are you? D: Find. P: What? (Dan laughing)
D: So I want attention or help, but I don't want to tell you where I am.
P: Ok. D: Okay, very normal. Are you alive? P: 9:35am, I'm hoping I'm asleep.
D: No reply, guess Phil died. P: I died. D: So that's when you died, and this is all
actually heaven. P: I'm a ghost. Plants outside, mmm concrete. Plants at home-
D: Is this tap water? I'm allergic! True. Trees are really just out there and all
these potted things that I'm giving fertilisers are like 'mm I'm crispy.'
Aww, it's us in Final Fantasy XIV- P: It's cat boys. D: Roleplaying as cat boys.
P: We've spent half this year as cat boys let's be honest. D: It's been a- we've
played for 700- P: We even went to a gay club as cat boys. Should we talk about this?
No. (laughing) D: Someone hit on us. So, it was a Saturday, we were bored, we were
looking at this thing and someone said come to our nightclub, we went to a private house,
it was a club full of people, we were walking around as catboys and shirtless
giant bear guy said, "What are you boys up to, wanna come in to the basement?"
and we logged off, it was weird. P: It was weird. D: What the hell? P: That is just Dan
looking like Golem going up the stairs (laughs)
D: Do I look this deranged? P: Yes. D: Why are you always on silent? What if the
builders or (water) want something? For example me right now wants to call you.
P: Oh my god! Dan! Do you know what the ring login is I've been- beee D: I've beee
logged out. HELLO?! Hello?! P: You were so sassy for 10:48am.
D: You did not give a (bark) you were just like 'how do I log back in to the doorbell
I beeee logged out.' (cackling) P: What? D: PLEASE!
PLEASE! Some context!
P: You said it. D: Man huffing and grunting immediately behind you. P: Sunglasses emoji
(laughing) P: What does that mean? D: Oh, we were on a train. P: Oh!
D: We were going to film Hometown Showdown, and right behind you,
this old man was just going (grunting) P: Hometown Showdown was the craziest
2 days, we filmed it in 2 days! D: You know we had so many like, long, interesting
conversations, and it's such a shame that it wasn't just like, a 7 hour documentary
series. P: It felt very old-school energy. D: But it was fun, andddd, I'm sure people
liked seeing us outside. P: That was rare. D: Can you get more wate refil
(suspenseful music) P: Don't react me D: Don't react me!
P: Aww, mems D: 3 years ago! 2018, Interactive Introverts P: Look at those pops
D: We're in the middle of America and we were going to see Infinity War,
P: So good. D: With a giant bucket of popcorn.
Would you go back then? I mean I hadn't come out as gay yet. D&P: But the popcorn.
P: When you finish the ice cream and start nibbling on the wooden stick. (laughing)
(clap) 5 out of 5. D: That is the vision for fishtank 2.0 P: Ohhhh
boof. D: Recommended on YouTube mix, Pop music. P: That's me!
D: Please sir, may I have some water? P: When I die. D: Ok, hope you die
P: I think I was playing Apex D: Right, ok. P: Walking Deec? D: Right, you know this
now- P: They're not gonna get this. D: Watch the walking dead and have a decaf
coffee. P: There we go. D: Nice little Animojis there you freaks. (cackling)
P: What is this? D: Okay, what a journey! P: They ordering viet baguette, D: Well
then. P: Am I annoying? D: Why? (laughing)
P: I must have been with some people and just thought I was annoying? I don't know
what- D: You had Banh Mi without me? (gasp) P: Yeah sorry.
ah my Phil and plants calendar shoot. D: We do not need a giant cactus!
P: Or this? (ding) D: We kept it! P: Yay, this is Dan not knowing how to
use any appliance. P: No one teaches me these things? D: I can do basic pants and
socks on delicates cupboard dry, right? P: Umm, I'd just do socks and towels, pants
shrink. D: Help me dad. P: Don't put your pants in the dryer you freak.
D: Giraffe wink again. P: Whats the wink? D: OH NO (laughing)
P: This was recently! We're almost at today! D: Moon butt, I'm not having fun
P: Say you got to go- D: Okay, okay- I play Apex Legends with a bunch of friends
on PC, and they are very sweaty okay? P: They're too good! D: They take it very
seriously, and sometimes they get a bit tilted! So if we're in a diamond lobby,
and we lose a bunch of times, I want to leave, because they're shouting at me,
but I don't know how. P: So, I say 'say you gotta go!' D: Too awkward.
P: say your Grandma is arriving (laughs) or switch off the PC and say the power cut
D: Oh god. 3 hours Phil, and it was all rage, no fun.
P: Oh this is what you tweeted! Basically someone was outside and Dan was like
D: This lady is outside can you tell me when they've gone? P: Right outside the
door. D: I walk round the corner, see her and I'm just like nope, Phil,
look out the window, tell me when they've left, and I squatted in a hedge for like
an hour. P: I did the full spy stakeout out the window as well, just to watch
and see where she'd gone. D: Thank you P: 6 or 7? (crickets?)
What? D: You what? P: Oh my god I mean feet, what is a foot? (laughing)
I didn't know if it was 2 or 1! D: SEVEN FOOT WHAT?! P: TREE!
D: jesus.
P: There we got a 7 foot tree! D: Phil, Phil. P: What? Inches. Feet.
P: I'm a confused man. I'm embarrassed, don't remember what that was but it's funny
D: Oh, our final meme, our final meme. P: I sent you that one; 5 out of 5.
Uh, wow that was a journey! I feel like I've seen my whole life flash before my eyes,
in the form of texts. A bunch has happened with you that we did not text about.
D: That we can't talk abo- look, quite a few things, dreams of mine,
got quite catastrophically torpedoed by C-bag coming back and disappearing and
then coming back again when you least expect it. P: Like Dan has been so
close to almost giving you something and then it's been taken away.
D: A couple of these things might happen again in the future, but I cannot continue
to wait for them or just be gone in the meantime, so, in the New Year,
at somepoint, somehow in some way, I will be back.
So brace yourselves. P: I'm braced, I feel like the world has missed your sarcasms,
so it will be good to have a bit of that back. D: Have they though?
Maybe this has been good for the world, think about it. Has your life been better
without me? Maybe I should just, you know, phase out of reality.
P: So that's the end of the year on this channel, thank you for joining me,
Thank Dan- D: Thank you for tolerating my presence P: for treating us with your
presence, if you've enjoyed this, please give me a thumbs up, our shops are still
combined if you want to go grab a deal- D: Plug that merch Phil! P: Err, what else can
you do? Subscribe to me, subscribe to Dan, maybe he'll pop up again there at some point,
and have a lovely Christmas or whatever else you're celebrating, Happy New Year,
D: It has been... a year, I hope you're all doing well,
and in the tradition of clearly how we like to speak, yeeben, P: yoben,
D: sending you a vibe. P: Yote.
P: Bye!