HELLUVA BOSS - C.H.E.R.U.B // S1: Episode 4

Well, howdy! I’m Cletus!

Welcome to Heaven!

Guess you did something good to get here, and good

people deserve to give loved ones special blessings!

Doesn't it make you want to cry

When your loved one has to die?

Does it hurt you through and through

When their face is turning blue?

Well luckily for you…

There’s something we can do…

We can help keep them alive…

You so can watch them thrive!

‘Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.

We’ll save your honey bun from dying violently

‘Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B.

No we never even ask a fee

Because good people spread the love

And we’re here for all above

We do the paperwork for you

And the heavy lifting, too

So sit right back and let us bless a soul, for you!

Oh we are the C.H.E.R.U.B-

Nice one, B!

Give me another, Mox!

Nah, I’m not feeling it. Next!

Uh huh, keep going, keep going, keep going!

I say! I say! Are you

looking to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?

Well call me at Wacky Wally Wallford’s Wacky Idea Factory!

Where you can make the things and I make the money!

Please, I’m very desperate!

Bingo!

Woo! You’re on a roll, sir!

Guys, do you feel that?

Oh shit, is that a hell-shake?

That’s possible?

Alright! Don’t panic, Moxxie!

I’m not “panicking,” because hell-quakes don’t happen

Stop getting hysterical, fatty!

Do not be afraid

And please tell me you got that insurance thing

Who are you and what do you want?

I’m Loopty Goopty!

Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopish!

Could’ve just used the door, dude

Doesn’t need to be this whole thing

I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit

Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world

Did you just die?

Yes! Moments ago, in fact!

Which just brought me here!

Just saying: the front door would’ve gotten you here fine

Shut up, dear furry

This is the man I’m gonna need you to kill

Not even a shit’s length of time in Hell and he’s already plotting revenge?

I can respect a man with that sort of passion!

I’m Blitzo, the “O” is silent

What “O”?

Oh thank you

Now what’s the tea-sis?

The tea?

Guys, help!

Yeah: why’re we killing this guy? I mean what did he do to you?

He was…my business partner!

You see, I was not always an old man

My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!

Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop or reverse the aging process!

It could’ve saved all three trillionaires!

Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor like we usually do

We were too sure of our own genius

But the machine was accidentally set forward

By the time we managed to get out, it was too late

At least, for me

Now that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together

Without me to share it with him, he’ll make all the god damn money in the world

and become the fourth trillionaire and get all the credit!

Yeah, that’s not really evil

It’s evil towards me!

Everything…is going…down

Now get your crimson asses up above

and send that thoughtless no-good son of a bitch to Hell where he belongs!

You do know, Poopty…

Loopty!

Of course, of course

If we do kill him though and he ends up down here, you know,

you’ll be stuck with him. Forever

Oh trust me! I’m counting on it!

That’s kinda hot

Gee, I wonder whose house this is?

And to your right is the home of famous inventor Lyle Lipton

Let’s do it, gang

Let’s kill this rich guy!

And here you’ll find

three tacky stalkers about to attempt a murder!

Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!

Wow, that machine really did a number on him

Goodbye, my one true love

All the riches of the world can’t fill the emptiness I’m feeling now

that my shitty old body can’t do anything of value

Oh fantastic!

He’s going to do our job for us

Should we go in there and tie it for him?

Oh lord, I’m being haunted by ugly orphan children now!

Who the fuck are they?!

Oh no! Sir those are…

Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!

I hate filthy stinking orphan children!

We’re here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir

To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven

benefited by your amazing technological advances

Oh hell no!

Don’t forget…

Lyle Lipton, it is our -

- humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die

I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now you’re old…and gross?

Is that a serious question?

He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world

And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled

No!

He could pay for new hospitals and schools

Why won’t you let me die?

Oh, sounds like you need help offing yourself, buddy

Moxxie, what have we got for this fella?

I have some assault weapons, crossbow, honey bow, tommy gun

old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas…

He’s classier than that!

There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle

Yeah, right. Smells like he ain’t been out of bed in months

Love can be beautiful at any age

And we’ll show him! Yeees!

No!

Look around, Lyle

God’s gift of nature

is a wonder to behold

Regardless of age...or will

If you were to end your life, you’d be missing all of this

You’re gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?

That is so inappropriate!

Oh kiss our ass, prude!

Anyway, take it from me, a fellow genius

Nature is no picnic up close

Oh no!

S-stop looking!

I can’t stop!

I’ve never wanted to die more than I do now!

Let’s go check out someplace else!

Oh lord, where are we now?

Let me perish!

We’re here to show you another thing life is worth living for

Childhood of wonderment

Why, look at those sweet disease-ridden vermin

Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood

and their middle-class existence

Such simple joy they have

It is inspiring

Thank you for showing me this

Hey dipshit!

Wanna see whose lap you’re sitting on?!

Wooh

This place reeks of teenagers.

Lover’s Lookout, sir!

We’re here to remind you about possibly life’s greatest joy of all

Money

No. Love!

I’ve never been in love before

I imagine it’s quite nice

It’s not too late sir! You can still find…

Ah, nice try, ugly

Hey horny lovers! Which one of you would fuck this old man?

You know you three are so utterly…c-cruel

We’re just trying to give hope to someone in need

Oh and you three are so superior to us just because

we want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian

capitalist to kneel over dead

You’re making things too real now, Moxxie

Behold, the wonder of art and music!

Something always there to comfort, entertain and live for

So, how do we make this bad?

We can’t. There’s literally nothing bad about opera. And that's fact

Unless we ruin it somehow

She's not very good

Oh, at least we made it bad

That’s it! I’ve had it!

You three monsters have messed with us enough!

We are just trying to do our job!

Well so are we!

Enough!

We are saving that shitty old man’s life

whether he wants it or not!

Well someone wants that fucker dead, okay?

And he paid in advance and I spent it all on this…

…so he’s gotta go!

You all are such disgusting loathsome beasts!

Your kind is nothing but dirt

that shitty dead people tread on!

And now you’re trying to meddle with the lives of humans?!

So are you!

So why don’t you shut your trap,

you judgmental, cotton candy, tit-Heaven bitch?!

Filthy demon crap!

It’s all starting to make sense now

Life is worth living because we only get one

We must cherish it

If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life

then suddenly it’s worth living

Killing myself is not the answer

Plus, I’m still rich!

I can just buy all the things

I no longer crave death!

Ah! You fucker!

Well, well. Would you look at that?

You did our job for us

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my god!

Get a hold of yourself, Collin!

And do not use the Lord’s name in vain!

This isn’t over!

What the?!

Yeah, no sorry Cletus but

I’m afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human

I’m afraid you can’t renter Heaven. Yeah, no

What?!

Yeah, um, sorry. Yeah, no

Is there anything we can do?

Yeah, no! Oh no, no no

Oh no

But we didn’t mean to!

We never! It was all…

all…

Anyway, sorry guys

But those are the rules, yeah! Bye!

Wait!

Well, the old man wanted to live again

and we didn’t kill him, so we failed

Thanks to those fucking cherubs

he’s probably up in Heaven now, so...

...it’s a shame

All our client wanted

was eternal revenge on his business partner

and now the two are forever separated

and now we gotta face the fire of fucking up

Sir, when are you going to tell the client?

Oh, I already sent him a text and we’re in good hands, because texts don’t make people angry

Blitz!

Loofa! We can explain everything. I was…

Lyle Lipton?!

I don’t understand. We thought you went to Heaven

Heaven? You don’t make millions in technological advances in robotics by

not experimenting on the poor!

Oh, you no good heartless son of a bitch!

Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!

The only question now is:

what do two old genius robotic inventors do, now that we’re in Hell?

Did someone say, I say, inventors?

Name’s Wally Wackford

and I am looking for creative new people to exploit

…I mean employ

Everyone, stop fucking up my walls!

Moxxie’s gonna have to fix all this shit

Oh chill out, Moxxie, if you kiss my ass any harder, you’ll go right inside me

Satan’s balls, first we deal with Heaven’s table-scraps, now this?

I guess...

you can say, you say,

you have a holy operation here, Blitzo!

Get out

I say, oh oh oh

No, I’m serious, get the fuck out!