Attitude| Victor Küppers | TEDxAndorralaVella

Did you ever think you have control over your enthusiasm?

Victor Küppers is a motivational speaker, author and life coach who shows us how to draw out the best from within each of us through our attitude.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Thank you for inviting me.

It's a pleasure to be here.

I feel like I'm at home.

I have 18 minutes to talk,
but my problem will be time

because I love to talk.

I also talk very fast,
so this may be an advantage.

I would like to reflect

on the importance of one's attitude
in personal interactions.

I want to talk about
how people are like light bulbs.

We're like light bulbs
because we transmit.

Light bulbs with feet
since we move throughout life.

There are people that go around
at 30,000 watts

and others that go around burnt out.

Everyone transmits energy,
but the difference is relevant.

At times after meeting someone
for just three seconds, we say,

"Wow, what an exceptional person!"

And other times after meeting someone
for a few seconds, we say,

"Oh, no no no ..."

Call it "feeling" or "chemistry,"
but these sensations exist.

Human beings transmit feelings,

and we receive the emotions
that others transmit.

In this way, we are like light bulbs.

I actually wanted to provide
an example of the bulb metaphor.

It's not in the script,
but I'll play with time

because the best way
to explain an idea is with examples.

I really enjoy cold weather;
I'm crazy for the mountains.

I am happy in Ordino,

so I don't understand
people who like the beach.

I respect it, but I don't understand it.

It's super hot and crowded.

The water is boiling.

You burn your feet walking on the sand.

The salt from the sea gets everywhere ...

The beach is not my thing.

But I am fortunate to have
a wife and kids who love the beach.

So each year, for one weekend,
I make an exception.

Instead of staying in Ordino,
we go to the beach.

Since I'm not familiar with hotels,

each year I choose a hotel
by sending out a tweet,

"Anyone recommend a nice hotel
that's not expensive,

where I can stay
with my family at the beach?"

And there are kind people
who reply to my tweets.

In the replies, one hotel kept
getting repeated,

so I figured it must be a great hotel.

I went on the hotel's website,
but there weren't any photos.

I don't know about you or your partners,

but for my wife - without photos,
she is not convinced.

My wife wants to see photos of the hotel,
the garden, the pool, the room,

the bathroom, especially the bathroom.

My wife has a fixation with bathrooms.

As If we will spend
the entire weekend in the bathroom.

Anyway, there were no photos.

So I sent the following note to the hotel.

"Your hotel was recommended to me.

I would like to make a reservation,
but there are no photos.

Without pictures,
I can't convince my wife."

Response from hotel -

I received this email
a while ago, but I kept it.

"Dear Víctor, I'm going to help you
convince your wife."

(Laughter)

It starts just like that:

"It's true we do not have
any pictures of the rooms,

because we are renovating our web page.

My sincerest apologies.

This is a small hotel, and the manager
wanted to remodel the page.

What can we do? He gets bored."

Between parenthesis there's a smile emoji.

"I have gone upstairs to a room

which I think would be perfect
for you and your kids.

I have taken pictures
with my personal camera

and attached them in this email.

If you wife doesn't like the rooms,
please let me know.

I will talk with my boss
to ask if we can change them."

And then in brackets she writes,

"Since we're reforming the web page,
we've only booked a few rooms.

If you need more photos, just ask.

It's a quick up and down,
ask and you will get photos.

We eagerly await your arrival.

At your service,
Ana, Reception Manager."

If you receive this email,

assuming you're slightly normal,
what do you think?

Anyone would think,

are you kidding me,
what planet are you from?

(Laughter)

How would an appropriate, correct
and professional email have sounded?

A professional, correct response
would have been:

"Dear client,
We are reforming the website,

so there are no photos,
but don't worry.

In two weeks, they will be on our website.

Yours sincerely, Ana"

This would have been a serious,
correct and professional response.

The problem is that we are surrounded

by people who are serious,
correct and professional.

Yet there are others who besides
being serious, correct and professional,

are extraordinary and leave us in awe.

(Laughter)

That's what we will talk about.

But then there are those who say,

"I am so fed up, really fed up
because I feel disillusioned."

The problem is some people
feel really lifeless.

It's no surprise: you read
about world crisis,

watch a TV program about cutbacks,

listen to the radio to relax
and you hear about the deficit.

This continues for four or five years,
plus your job may not be going well.

Some people also have personal problems:

mothers with illnesses,
couples with relationship problems,

teens having children,

those who don't support Barca Soccer.

So, you keep adding, adding, adding ...

There's just no source of joy,
and it's difficult to find happiness.

The truth is, many unfortunate people
are disappointed, overwhelmed,

coming unhinged,
really fed up about everything.

There's an astronomical crisis
in our state of being.

A crisis of "uffh"
that I'm not sure how to write.

The "uffh" is when we come home
from work and hear,

"Daddy, could you tell me a story?"

"Uffh ... honey, let mommy tell you ..."

"Hey buddy, let's grab
a drink and catch up."

"Uffh, you go. I have to ..."

This is the problem -
we go around with "uffh" energy.

Why is it so important
to keep your spirits up?

There is a formula to calculate
your value as a person.

How much are you worth, that's V.

V = (K + S) x A

The K is Knowledge.

The S is Skill.

Everything in life requires knowledge:

to serve a beer requires knowledge;

to work in finance, you need knowledge;

to be president, you need knowledge.

Then comes S.

Everything in life requires
ability and therefore skill.

Then comes Attitude.

What's the significance of this formula?

The importance is
that the K adds, the S adds,

but the A multiplies.

The difference
in the kind of person you are

is not in the K or the S but in the A.

You're not amazing, which you are,
because of your knowledge.

You're not amazing
because you have a lot of experience.

You are incredible for your way of being.

No one appreciates you for what you know,
your degrees and titles.

No one respects you for the years
you put into your career.

People appreciate you
for your way of being.

All charismatic people
have a charismatic way of being.

All the shitty people we meet
have a shitty disposition.

(Laughter)

Excuse my language ...

but label them as you wish.

All the incredible bosses
have an incredible way of behaving,

and all the other ones ...
you get my point.

If not, think of
all the bosses you've had.

Which would you choose?

I'm not saying the K and S
aren't important.

They are very important.

Nothing worse than a useless person
who's super motivated -

"I have no idea, but I'll do it!"

(Laughter)

Of course knowledge is important,
but we don't choose people for that.

We chose them for their way of being.

In the personal realm, it's even simpler.

How do we chose our friends,
for K, S or A?

No one chooses friends for their resume.

We choose them for their way of being.

If we ask your children,
"Who do you prefer, mom or dad?"

"No, my mom is amazing."

"Come on, tell us,

14 years of experience in your field."

(Laughter)

Our kids also don't define us by K or S.

They define us by our way of being.

"My mom and dad are amazing
because they love me,

they help me, play with me, play goalie."

In this way, we define people,
value them for their way of being.

And the problem is, when people
feel disheartened, without spirit,

they lose their best quality,
their way of being.

We don't lose awareness or experience.

We lose our way of being.

And the big problem - we are clueless.

Really clueless.

When one is clueless,
surrounded by clueless people,

he's not aware that he's clueless,
but we are clueless.

We could perform experiments
to show this, but I don't have time.

We live in an environment
where speed is prioritized.

Everything occurs at an insane pace:
we drive fast, we walk fast,

we talk fast, we eat fast,
we have fast meetings.

We want a book to change our life
in 15 minutes, in 14 it's even better.

You take a course in time-management,
and the first thing you learn is

if you wake up a half hour earlier,
you will half an advantage.

And you think, against whom?

(Laughter)

You are told you need to move forward
or you'll take a step back.

So you go through life
at lightening speed.

"Life is like riding a bike.

If you stop, you fall."

How often we've heard that.

It's time to glorify the pause,
to give value to the act of stopping

because when you stop, you mend.

They say you can't stop
while riding a bike.

But you must stop,
or you'll falter on your path.

And on a bike, sometimes
you adjust things.

But instead we go around like
chickens without heads.

I don't know if you've ever seen
a chicken with its head cut off.

The head falls,

but the chicken keeps going,
another 20, 30, 40 plus yards.

You wonder where it's going.

How many of us go through life
like chickens with no heads?

"Hey, where are you off to?"

"I'm running, I don't know ... a dinner."

We go around crazy,
when life has so many beautiful things.

Life has spectacular moments.

For those of us rooting for Barca Soccer,
too many spectacular moments.

It's hard to take in
such happiness all at once.

As we grow older,

we understand that we focus
much more on drama than on fun.

There are many difficult moments
we will experience

and those we've already experienced.

At times people we love
have accidents, lose their job,

get sick or die, often without warning.

And when life deals us a blow like this,

everything stops,

and you think and you realize
what is truly important

and what is less important.

At times we need to search
for this pause and reevaluate it

and realize that in life,

the most important thing
has to be the most important thing.

It's not a play on words -
okay, it actually is -

but there's a point

to not rush through life and miss out.

There are people
who go around high and euphoric

in their environment.

What can one do when one notices

this sensation of not doing anything,
but at full intensity.

Life is full of people like this.

It's true we all do many things
from 7 in the morning until 11 at night,

but it's not the same to do things
and to do important things.

And at times, we miss out on life
by running through it.

We're born, we grow up,
reproduce, struggle and die.

We never come to realize
how rapidly life passes.

What are you doing
to be going at 30,000 watts,

to be so revved up?

Those who bolt out of bed
and say, "Let's go!"

A guy runs by, you ask where he's going?

"To work!"

What are these people doing?

They are doing many things.

I am not an expert;
I copy from the experts.

But if one reads about this theme,
all the experts agree on the same points.

I will only mention two of them.

There are actually three,

but I saw the time,
so I need to shorten my talk.

Let's see what they are.

There are two,

(Laughter)

otherwise you'll kick me out!

First, and these are basic, simple.

Learn to be grateful.

There's a refrain,

"You don't know what you have
until it's gone."

This is an absolute truth.

We don't realize all that we have.

No one arrives home,
turns on the switch on the wall,

and when the lights go on, says,

"Wow, what brilliant
shining illumination!"

This doesn't exist. We would seem foolish.

You arrive home, turn on the switch,
and you already know the light will go on.

In life the same thing happens.

We take so much for granted.

You wake up in the morning,

and you are used to being
in this amazing country,

seeing beautiful mountains.

You are used to waking up
with your love by your side,

having fantastic children,
good health and employment.

At times we need to stop
and value these things

because we would end up much happier.

It's true, life has dramas, epic dramas:

deaths, terminal or incurable illnesses.

When someone over 45 loses a job,

has no prospect of returning
to the labor force,

has two children at home ...

Yes, life has dramas.

And unfortunately,
the dramas don't have a solution.

You just have to live through them.

Time eases the pain,
but there's no solution to the dramas.

What's unforgivable is complaining
when you have no dramas.

Those of us without dramas
should be here to

(1) serve those
who are suffering with dramas,

(2) be grateful.

The least we can do is to be appreciative
and value the things that are going well,

and not focus only on what's lacking.

We should be running with joy.

Everyone in Andorra

should be running with joy
living in this country,

and yet you see people with no joy.

You see the opposite: people looking
so down you have to ask why.

You are compelled to ask,
"What happened, what's with that face?"

"You must have passed through
something really horrible!"

Yet if we stop to ask, people give
the most bizarre explanations.

"Well, everyone traded in their iPhone
for the newest iPhone 5 except me.

I'm stuck with the 4."

"Oh wow, that's really
a world-class problem!"

"And you, what about you?"

"Well, I wanted a window seat,
and I got an aisle."

At times one has to be aware
that in one's bubble,

we convert our biggest issue
into a world-class problem.

You have to see things relatively.

Life has dramas.

When one doesn't have dramas,
there are no problems.

There are only circumstances to resolve.

And when this is the case,
one doesn't have the right to be unhappy.

It's a matter of justice and fairness.

The day you feel overwhelmed,
take out a paper and pen,

and start writing 20 things
that are fantastic in your life.

We all have 20 fantastic
things in our lives.

We also have 20 or 30 problems,

but the mind always thinks of the problems

because the rational brain
is designed for this.

You have to get the brain to focus
on the good things in life.

Make the list. It's very simple.

Because life is very simple,
not easy but simple.

We love to complicate everything.

Make the list. Try it!

Those supporting Barca Soccer,
the first five are:

Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi, Messi!

(Laughter)

We have Messi!

It's so huge we can't even process it.

We have Messi!

The league is second. We have Messi!

Is your mother healthy?

You don't know what you have.

Live in this amazing country?

You don't know what you have.

Have a partner who tolerates you?

You don't know what you have.

Have great kids?

You don't know what you have.

You need to make the list to realize,
"Wow, we're actually doing well!"

Not everything is bad.

And second, you need to have illusions.

Human beings work with illusion.

There is nothing like having illusions.

Becoming a parent, getting a new car,
going on a vacation.

You become excited to have an experience.

The problem is when
you don't have illusions, you're dead.

If you don't have illusions,
you need to get them,

because your environment
won't create them for you.

If it's cold, cover yourself up.

If you're constipated, take medicine.

Your environment brings you down?

Then you need to create illusions.

If you broke your watch
because you rushed around,

only two minutes are left now
instead of five.

People say: "Give me a million dollars.

You'll see how many illusions I'll have."

But the best things in life
are almost free.

The best things are almost free:

a loving squeeze from the person
next to you - this is free -

climbing up Casamanya mountain,
during a full moon,

eating the local favorite
tuna sandwich - that's free.

It's not about doing extraordinary things.

It's about enjoying small ordinary things:

the sacred 20 minutes
while you're having breakfast:

coffee with milk and a cheese sandwich,
the sports page - that's happiness.

Whichever sport page you choose,
that's more or less happiness.

And there are people choking
on that cheese sandwich

because they are looking
at bills and debts,

and you want to say, "Give me a break!"

Or for those of us who enjoy a beer,

there's no greater pleasure than
having a beer when you're in the mood.

There are people who enjoy a beer
from 100 feet away,

who call out to the waiter
carrying the tray,

"Ooh that's mine. Sure looks good!"

And the waiter brings the beer
and places it on the table.

At first they enjoy the beer
without touching it, just observing it,

the creamy foam, the bubbles floating up,

the liquid falling down the sides
of the cool glass.

Excuse me, but you could shed a tear
of emotion just looking at a beer.

And when you pick it up,
that cool sensation runs through your arm,

and the first sip is always the longest,

the cool sensation,
the foamy mustache it leaves behind ...

This is happiness; this is joy.

A beer costs two euros.

At the next table,
a guy guzzles down two beers,

faces away from the mountain view,

ranting, complaining.

You don't have to be naive,

but you don't have to listen
24 hours a day

to news and radio
on economic crises and problems.

You have to try.

If you don't, there's no way to feel good.

The end.

Now I will tell you something
my wife won't be happy about.

She said she would be watching,

so I'm sorry.

(Laughter)

I love to play cards with my wife,
the game Brisca.

My wife is of Nordic
background, very Nordic.

Nordic people have a region of the brain
that functions in a different way,

not better or worse - different.

At times we're dealing the cards,

my wife picks up her cards and says,
"Uff, shuffle them again."

"Come on, sweetie!"

"No, I have no trumps,
only low value cards.

Reshuffle."

"But that's cheating!"

"Reshuffle, or I won't play!"

(Laughter)

So I reshuffle and ask, "And now?"

"Now it's better."

"Ok honey, who goes first,
you decide as always, dear."

Sometimes while we're playing,
she draws a card and says,

"I got the gold card,
but I'm returning it to the pile

since it's not a good card for me now."

Well this is how my wife plays cards.

If you like it, great.

If not, you've been warned.

She's always played this way.

She doesn't get why,
but logically she always wins,

because she is Swedish, she's not stupid.

(Laughter)

How many people from Andorra,
Catalonia or Holland

have a Swedish gene in them?

One has to understand,
in life, like it or not,

things are as they are,
not as we wish they were.

We don't get to pick our cards;
God deals them out.

And we fall, but we keep playing.

Greatness is achieved through playing.

It's what separates the exceptional
from the mediocre.

We can never, ever, ever, do anything
to change our circumstances.

We can never ever, ever return
the hand we are dealt.

Whoever chose to have
a crisis or an illness?

But we can always, always, always
choose our attitude.

This is the last freedom
that we have as human beings.

Our environment and our particular
set of circumstances influence us,

but there's always a small space
where we can choose our attitude

and how to confront our situation.

It's what separates the brilliant ones
from those who are burnt out.

In every moment, we choose our attitude.

For this reason, each moment
brings us a little closer to greatness

or a little closer to mediocrity.

And the only objective in life
is to add up these fantastic moments,

to fight each day to be the best person
you can become given your circumstances.

So in the end of your life
when you look back on your journey,

let it be a work of art
so that others receive your masterpiece

and say, "Wow, wow, wow."

Thank you.

(Applause)