SNL Commercial Parodies: Athletics

I'm a runner. I run.

I'm a fighter. I fight.

And I just sit the hell down
and chill in these soft pants.

With Nike, women
push it to the limit every day.

Let's just say
I roll with the punches.

Because what you do
is who you are.

I'm a runner. I run.

I'm a fighter. I fight.

And I just sit the hell down
and chill in these soft pants.

Introducing the new
Nike Pro-Chiller Legging,

designed for endurance,
but used for what most women

actually do in leggings --
setting up shop on their couch.

-'Cause let's get real.

Leggings can be pants,
pajamas, and a napkin.

-Nike Pro-Chiller Legging
is advanced enough

to keep up with you
wherever you go.

-The highest peak.

-The top of the podium.

-Couch, bed,
other side of couch,

door to receive delivery
of one single bagel.

-With patented moisture-wicking
technology,

360 degrees of support,
and 190 degrees of hot lap.

-'Cause I bring the heat.

Leggings, blanket, laptop --

couch panini.

-And I'm tired from my nap!

-I make my own rules.

-There are no rules.

-Except for "Vanderpump Rules."

Hell, yeah.

-Women can do anything
they want,

and I want to do nothing.

-No fear.
-No limits.

-No bra ever!

-My Fitbit says I'm dead.

-The new
Nike Pro-Chiller Legging.

-Because I can beat the odds.

-Because I can cross
the finish line.

-Because I can't just put
my naked butt on the couch.

♪♪

-I've been doing this
a long time,

and there's never been
a camera like GoPro.

♪♪

-Goes where you go,
sees what you see.

♪♪

-Is there anything GoPro
can't do?

-I've had adventures
all over the world.

But when I turned 40,
that was a whole new adventure.

-I'm not scared to do a 960.

But one thing that does scare me

is my family's history
of colon cancer.

-That's why I use GoProbe,

the first GoPro camera
designed for colonoscopies.

♪♪

-You ready, sir?
-Yeah, drop in.

-All right.

-Ouch.

-It grinds the rails
of your intestine with ease.

-Put your legs down, sir.
-Okay.

-Now if I'm not blading
or boarding,

every six months,
I'm spelunking.

-This ain't
your grandpa's colonoscopy.

♪♪

[ Ah-oogah! ]

-You'll be so stoked about
the crystal-clear picture,

you'll almost forget there's a
camera three feet up your butt.

-And you can take the footage
home and mess around with it.

-Oh! Ohh!

-Plus, the 4k resolution

makes diagnosing problems
hella simple.

-Whoa. Moguls.

-Those are polyps, son.

Most I've ever seen.

-Sick.

-Yes.

-Go deeper. GoProbe.

-Being a kid can be harder
than it looks.

Sometimes it helps to have
an adult around.

-All right, all right,
all right.

-That's why Peyton Manning
takes time out to volunteer

with local youth groups.

-You guys ready to play
some football?

-Yeah!
-Let's put our hands in.

We're gonna have fun, we're
gonna encourage each other.

"Teamwork" on three.
One, two, three.

-Teamwork!
-Teamwork!

-Peyton uses football

to teach valuable lessons
of communication.

-Check, check, check, check!
Watch, watch.

Pink, pink! Watch the blitz!

Brown 55 razor!

Set, hut!

Open. Get open.

Get your head out of your ass!

You suck.

Let's go, let's go.
Get back in here.

Let's go. Except you.

I can't even look at you.
You know what?

Go sit in the port-o-let
for 20 minutes.

That's right. You stay in here.

Set, hut!

Why is the door open?
Close the door!

Stay in there!

♪♪

Okay, I'm sorry.
Do you want to lose?

I throw, you catch.

It's not that hard, okay?

All right, get the [bleep]
out of here.

I think he's really hurt.

-There's no substitute
for the hands-on guidance

a mentor can provide.

-Then you just push it
a little further

and you should hear it click.

-Why don't you just use
your keys?

-I told you, I forgot them.

[ Siren chirps ]
Cops! Cops!

Every man for himself!

-Just a few hours
of Peyton's time

helps create childhood memories
that will last a lifetime.

-Just keep biting down.

It's looking good.
That's an awesome tattoo.

Uh-huh.

It's gonna be there forever.

-As well as skills for life,
such as assertiveness...

-Mommy, mommy, mommy!
-No, Sally.

Mommy's dead, remember, okay?

Don't bother the pretty lady.

Hi. I'm Peyton.
-...ethics...

-All right, I'll kill a snitch.

I'm not saying I have.

I'm not saying I haven't.

You know what I mean.

Whatever.
You kids don't know [bleep]

-The NFL and the United Way.

Spend time with your kids
so Peyton Manning doesn't.

-You kids all want to come
live with me in my mansion?

-Yeah!
-Calm down, calm down.

I'm just [bleep] with you.

-Hi. I'm Eli Manning.

And I'm a proud ambassador
to the Little Brothers program.

Our organization helps kids
build confidence,

reach their goals,
and overcome adversity --

especially when that adversity
is an older sibling.

So, what does your brother
do to you?

-He breaks my toys and doesn't
let me play with my video games.

-Let's find a creative solution
to fix that.

♪♪

-Are you Eli Manning?
-Nope.

I'm your worst [bleep]
nightmare.

-I didn't do it!
-Dunk him!

-I understand the frustration
of an older brother

who thinks he can
boss you around.

-This is fun, right?
-Yeah!

-Right?
-Yes, sir! It is fun!

-At Little Brothers,
we're ready to face any level

of big-brother problems.

-[ Chuckles ]

Ohh!
-We know that big brothers

can be real dickheads.
-[ Groans ]

-We also provide kids with
great sports and activities,

like dodge ball...

-Stop!

-...T-ball,

and archery.

I'll give you a five-second
head start.

1. 2.

Good enough.

Maybe now you'll learn to treat
your younger brother

with some respect, Peyton!

-My name is not Peyton!

-Whatever!

The Little Brothers program.

Because a time of reckoning
is now at hand.

[ Maniacal laughter ]

-Yes! Yes!

[ Laughing maniacally ]

♪♪