Kilerów 2-óch / Two Kilers Eng subtitles

Freeze!

Excuse me.
I have an appointment

with the president at 7 a.m.

KILER 2

Co-starring

My wife and I and our
nation are grateful for

what you've done
to the budget.

The First Lady, who
happens to be my wife,

also runs a charitable
organization.

I know, sir.

Here they come.

Written by

Music

What are your plans
for today?

What do you do with such
massive donations?

- How big is your cut?
- You only accept gold?

Why don't you ask President?
I'm just his guest here.

How's the country, sir?

President's invited Jurek Kiler,

a media sweetheart,
for a game of tennis.

His backhand and donations
are equally impressive.

His donations
have saved the underpaid police,

orphanages,
and the Polish movie industry.

Youre doing fine,
Mr. President.

The Jurek Kiler Foundation.

This guy won't give me
your delivery.

Get him on the phone.

Kiler.

Not "a guy" but me, Waldek.

And not that I "won't give".

It's says here: "To Mr. Jurek
Kiler in person".

Oh, come on.
I can't now.

All tied up here, I've sent
Ewa, my fiancé.

Just looking after your interests.
You'll get it in person.

But she is my Ewa,
not a thief!

Kiler, wrap it up
and come here.

Produced and Directed by

Quick! It's getting cold!

Skinny, do I see it right?

Why, that is Kiler,

who's humiliated me,
the object of my revenge!

- A year in the can already!
- I only keep your company.

- And him?
- Plays tennis with President.

What a coincidence.

- We got to off him.
- Jesus! Whom?

Kiler.
Is that live?

President's always live.

You were supposed to get me

a foreign coyote, hyena...
what's his name?

Jackal.

- Where's he?
- I'm waiting for him.

Is your lousy contract
all he's got to do?

His agenda is full till 2008.

Give him an offer
he can't refuse.

I told you I'm waiting.

He'll fly in in 30 min.

Skinny, you've really
impressed me now.

- How long will it take?
- That's the first set.

That's fine! Drive to the
airport and let Jackal...

He know what to do,
after all.

- What?
- Kill him! Kill him!

MR. JACKAL

I'm Szah-al from Africa.

Yes, I am. I love Boland!

Then come to my car.

Oh, I'm sorry.

A mistake.

- You'll attract Interpol.
- Oh no!

Drop the card,
schmuck!

Your Polish is A-OK.

You think a Pole
can't make the big time?

- What about Unabomber?
- I'm skinny.

I can see that.

You can't park here!
Let's go!

President didn't expect it
to take so long.

He's going to be late

for the long-planned
meeting of Europe 15.

But back to the court.

He's only got 15 pathetic
seconds left to live.

In the fifth set, the Polish
president fell victim to

the first assassination
attempt.

This is Ambroziak.
Thanks for your attention.

How beautiful you are,
my love;

how you delight me!

The green grass
will be our bed...

The cedars will be the beams
of our house,

and the cypress-trees
the ceiling.

Silence!
My love.

He comes running over
the mountains, across the hills.

My lover is like a gazelle,
like a young stag...

Take her away.

Fish, don't you know me?

It's me, Zenek.

I beseech you, daughters
of Jerusalem,

by the gazelles and does
of the fields.

Don't wake me
from my sleep,

don't wake my love
until she is willing.

Willing or not, I got to.

Rise and shine, Fish.
Your nation needs you!

Why, the town is safe.

An assassination
attempt on the president.

A successful one?

Luckily, it failed. But you
find the hit man.

I'm retiring soon.

And I thought youd fill
my shoes.

If you catch the hit man,
of course.

Cool it, Zenek.

What happened?

President was playing
tennis.

- With whom?
- Take a guess.

With Kiler.

And you served the ball
to the president?

No.

Where then?

To his court.

Right where he was
standing?

That's what tennis
is all about.

Why tennis of all games?

That was President's idea.

How was it?
From the top.

So I hit...

I'm happy you call
a spade a spade.

So it was a hit, after all.

No, it wasn't in that sense.

I just hit the ball.

What for?

To score points.

Why score points?

To win the match.

Why win the match?

Aren't you popular enough?

Am I a suspect?

Of course not!

- Are you all right?
- What's up?

- An assassination attempt.
- On the president.

- But you were there.
- As his guest.

Since youre here,
everything's in order!

Here's your delivery, sir.

Is that all?

And you wouldn't give
that to my fiancé?

There are ironclad rules.

When it says: "In person".

"In person" it is.

That call during the game
worried me.

But for the assassination
I might've lost.

Rules are rules.
No Kiler, no delivery.

Let's make a deal:

I got no time to come
for each box.

There` re some serious
donations this week.

Call me Saturday, and
I'll come to pick them up.

But on Saturday.

Each bar is worth
its weight in gold.

Take it away.

Where to?

Where?

- What's that?
- A garbage dump.

Dump it there, then.

- You kidding, sir?
- So why the stupid question?

I'm new here. To Jasna St.?

Of course.

Senator, did they
humiliate you?

- Why did they let you go?
- Senator Lipski...

is released for the holidays.

Why, Easter's over and
Xmas, half a year away.

It's his
daughter's wedding.

Overstretched...

He's sure to find
an appropriate holiday.

Who have you hired?
I can't believe that guy.

The famous Jackal
who costs me a bundle?

Supposed to be tops?

He hardly had
time to eat,

let alone wash his hands.

Look, this is important.

What's more important
than my money?

A Jackal who can't kill?

Didn't he outwit the security
and plant the explosive?

- But it's not the point.
- Yet he f... up the hit.

Just your luck. But he won't
leave unless he kills Kiler.

French fries or mashed?
I got news.

Mashed. What's up?

Lipski's outside.

Since when?

I passed him at the gate.

And youre telling me now?

Get me Warden Mieczyslaw.

CENTRAL BANK
TO SUPPORT THE BUDGET

- What's going on?
- Surprise.

On behalf of all
your beneficiaries,

we want to express
our gratitude

and ask you, sir, to open

the memorable emolument...

monument, that is.

Thank you, my old friend.

I wonder what it is.

TO JUREK KILER
HIS COUNTRYMEN

And you had nothing to do
with that either.

Of course not!

Then the monument tumbled
down by itself?

Exactly.

Ewa thinks these
were assassination attempts.

On you?

It tumbled down on you, but
the general landed in hospital.

You were to be hit, but
the president is in hospital.

Sorry. I'll visit them both.

Kiler, tell it to the marines,

not to the brave

and charismatic Inspector Fish

at the twilight of
his glorious career.

You say theyre after you
while Premier, the Primate,

the Sem Majority Leader,

and President of Film Ass.
all demand security.

- See their applications?
- So do I if you please.

You demand security?

Then you'll get it.
The best there is.

Can't you move your ass,
Siara?

Don't you know where
you can find me?

I feel so badly, Warden, sir,

that I can't even move.

I can't move,
I'm broken hearted,

and depressed.

What's up, Siara?

Why the sudden bout of
depression?

It's all your fault,

Warden Mieczyslaw.

Mine? Impossible!

You've released
my enemy.

Ferdinand, that is.

You mean Lipski?
He's got a family holiday.

Don't you have any
holidays left for me?

His daughter's wedding.
It's his first time.

And how many times have
we met inside?

Eleven, twelve...?

The police won't
leave me alone.

True criminals never do time,

whereas I can't get rid
of lumbago.

Welcome to our
refurbished clinic,

thanks to Mr. Kiler.

- Let me out.
- I can't even if I wanted to.

But I do.

What's stopping you?

- What if there is a roll call?
- Ready, Skinny?

Yes.

Could you close your eyes?

- For a while? Why?
- For a little while.

I can.

Not yet.

Now you can.

A striking likeness

to a fledgling prison guard,

but I see some differences.

Cause youre the best.
But the guards

won't notice a thing.

I don't know.

And which is which?

You are Siara.

You win.

Close your eyes again.

Youre Siara.

No, I'm not.

- Who are you?
- Rewiński.

Didn't I tell you?

A tie now. Three strikes and
youre out. Closing my eyes.

May I now?

- Where's the other one?
- He had to leave.

- Who are you?
- Siara.

You asked for it.
It's all the same to me.

Do you know he has still
a year and a half left?

He told me
and we made a deal

that I would go
to the beach in August.

Open up!

- Mieczysław in?
- That strangler? Cell 6.

- No, Warden Mieczysław.
- Having lunch.

- At his place?
- No, socializing with cons.

Welcome! Mr. Kiler,
this is Inspector Fish.

Shall we lunch together?

- I don't eat shit.
- Come on.

It's from Sheraton.

Only the plate is local
to mislead the cons.

And the main course?

Truffles au gratin
and chateaubriand.

A little Guinness?

Looks like their coffee
if you remove the foam.

Coffee and tiramisu
for dessert in my study.

I should've thought of such
a menu at my place.

You got to.

What can I do for you?

Mr. Kiler needs security.

I don't get it.

He could stay here
for some time.

You want him locked up?

Not to lock him up.

Take care of him:
room & board and security.

Against assassination
attempts.

Without a sentence?
It's against the law!

Impossible. Therere rules.
I have no right to do it.

But you let cons out that
I chase risking life and limb.

Who do you mean?

Lipski.

It's his daughter's wedding.
But Siara's over there!

He's having raspberry
pudding.

You release criminals but
won't take in Mr. Kiler?

Convict him if you want
to lock him up,

but not that song
and dance about security.

You know how much
a day costs me here?

As much as in
a three-star hotel.

You don't want him
protected?

I got neither the reason
nor the means to do it.

No security, then?

Didn't you see me try? Let's go.
Were not welcome here.

Who are you?

Stefan Siara
Siarzewski, gangster.

Aha!
Mieczysław, he's no Siara!

He's not? Then who?

What's happening here?
You've let Siara walk too?

All right. What are
you eating, gentlemen?

Some shit.

Know what Sheraton is?
An American hotel.

Warden is just
having a soup

from the Sheraton hotel.
His second course

is chateau with truffles
and Guinness.

And you know
what Guinness is?

Just kidding!

See you, Mietek!

Just kidding!

What's this?
Pig out on what you got!

Disperse!
Move it!

A pragmatic realist,
I prefer doing business

to settling scores.

That's why I didn't kill
you, which I should have,

but asked you to lunch
with a business proposition.

On behalf of
the Siarzewski family,

I appreciate the gesture

of my former enemy.
From today on

our common enemy is my
ex-friend, Jurek Kiler.

Stop blathering, Siara.
Just listen.

Why so rude?

My man from
the Kiler Foundation.

On Saturday at 11 a.m.

Jurek Kiler will receive donations

from seventy-two countries.

3 tons of gold bullion.

I'm to escort the delivery
from the airport to the bank.

Thank you.

My plan is to take the gold
away from Kiler.

- So is mine.
- But I know how to do it.

Only Kiler can
receive the delivery,

and he's our enemy.
If he was our friend...

But you must
call off Jackal

to make it work out.

Call him off? How come
you know I hired him?

How does he know
about Jackal?

Want a sandwich?

No matter.
Jackal must be stopped.

No one can do it.

He's turned off
his cell phone.

So make him turn it on!

One more thing to make
everything clear:

How do we split up the loot?

As easy as that:

My idea - one bar,
Execution is mine - that's two.

I spared your life
- that's three for me.

You only have to stop Jackal.

But that's the hardest part.

That's why we do this.

Three for me, one for you.

If you stop him.

That actor has come.
He's a movie director, too.

You know...

- Made an appointment?
- Long ago.

Why? All right. Show him in.

Hello. May I come in?

- My name's Olaf...
- I know you from TV.

Aldona but call me Dona.
Sounds short and catchy.

I took the liberty... a gift.

- I don't smoke.
- A gold cigarette case.

Lifted from Dad's drawer.

- Reason enough not to...
- From my dad!

Dona's got a peculiar
sense of humour.

We bought it in a gallery.
For our Mr. Jurek.

Are these initials?
What initials?

These?

Philanthropist - to the people.

Don't. God knows
whom it belongs to.

Dad's got plenty of them.

All I can do is donate it

to the Kick Your Habit Fund.

- What can I do for you?
Id like to make a film.

You? What about?

Dona, shut up!

It would be a biopic about you.

I would be the director
and play the main lead,

Jurek Kiler.

Youd play Mr. Kiler?
Maybe a clown?

You wanted to be my
assistant and help me out.

No. To meet Mr. Kiler.

- I'm crazy about you.
Really?

What's yours?

- Granny's recipe liquor?
- The lady's drunk already.

- Youre here to help me.
- No, to meet Mr. Olaf. The actor

and director.
I'm crazy about you.

- Youre strikingly beautiful.
- So what about that film?

He wants you to give him
30,000,000.

What are you talking about?
35 to 40 million.

- I've bailed out the movies.
- I know.

And they built 11 actor's
homes and shot 5 flicks.

Five? So they'll earn
to produce others.

Regrettably,

they turned out turkeys.

How do I know
that yours would not?

A snowball chance.
It's wasted effort!

- Get out of here!
- Get out yourself, sad sack!

- I'll let you have it...
- Thank you very much.

Mr. Kiler helps only those
who need the most.

That's the case with me!

Let me show you
how play you.

Sorry. He has no time.

We have to say good bye.

My calling card.
If you ever need a woman...

So we'll stay in touch.

You didn't say no.

Why do you need her
phone number?

I just took it... Out it goes.

Where are you taking it?

I'll take out garbage
on my way home.

Yes?

I'm Jackal.

What is it?

It's a short affair
but with a silencer.

Who sent you?

Fate called Siara.

- Who's calling?
- Jackal.

Good you called.
The contract's been changed.

The one I've just executed?

You mean executed?

What did you do?

What do you mean dead?

So you killed him?

According to the contract.

Yes, but... I got an annex
to that contract,

which says "not to kill him".

Why did you turn
your phone off?

Kiler is under his desk with
two bullets in his heart.

Check your fax.
It's time for my pay.

See what you've done?
No more golden eggs.

See what you've done, Skinny?
No more golden eggs.

But, Stefan, I...

Luckily, some of us
were smart enough

to foresee that Siara would
screw up the easiest task.

While I was away,
Mr. Celeewski, my lawyer,

took the trouble to
get a standby team.

We looked for
Kiler's double.

Here are the results
of a year-long search.

A true sensation came
in the mail yesterday.

A Cuban, who settled
in Buenos Aires, had led

death squads in Nicaragua.

Hence hed love
to move to Europe.

Name's Jose Arcadio
Morales. A colonel.

It's Kiler's clone!
Here's my plan:

In the place of Kiler,
our enemy,

we put our new friend,

since one Kiler is enough.

But this is my plan.

We've come up
with the same plan.

So one bar for Mr. Lipski,

one bar for Mr. Siara.

One for Mr. Lipski and one
for Mr. Siara.

Till we split up all of them.

Four bars for Mr. Lipski
and one for Siara.

Why not fifty-fifty?

Cause it was my idea
and my execution.

So is Morales. And I spared
you. That's four.

You won't get your bar

unless you take good care
of Morales when he comes.

Bring him on!

You will welcome
and take him home.

Why not to your place?

I have a nymphomaniac
daughter I must marry off.

But my wife lays
whomever she spots.

That's why at your place.

The Jurek Kiler Foundation.
Who's calling?

What happened?
I'll call an ambulance.

It was Jackal.
He came and killed me.

- You'll be OK.
- I can't breathe!

I'm bleeding!

Why, it's
Granny's recipe liquor.

I thought it was blood.

- It's good he missed.
- But he didn't.

A double hit. Get
the bullets out with this.

Disinfect with whisky,
like Dr. Quinn.

I'll do it with my fingers.

Here.

Your bullets.

- It was to be auburn!
- And it's not?

More like Congo black.

It will be red
when it dries.

You should grow
a moustache

and those... er...

- Sideburns?
- Exactly.

Too long to wait.
You'll stick them on.

- Out of here.
- Where?

To Siara...
to makes things clear...

I won't let it slide.
It's a miracle I survived.

I'm going to the police.

You flipped? Fish thinks
I'm a hit man.

I have to talk to Siara.

You aren't going anywhere.
You've got to take a drop.

What drop?

I mean go into hiding.

Jurek Kiler never hides.

How are you driving,
you prick?!

No one's ever
called me that.

Is that you Dona?

- Prick?
- Is "Stupid c..."! any better?

Right! How are you riding,
stupid c...?! I could kill you.

- Cause youre a killer.
- I didn't mean to.

Got an important delivery,
for you.

How did you know
where I live?

Here's your address.

"Aldona Lipska and Jerzy
Kiler request the pleasure

of your company at their
wedding reception on Sat".

Thanks but I'm busy
on Saturday.

I have to pick a large
delivery of donations.

At 11 a.m. Our wedding
is at 1:30 p.m.

Our wedding?
And that actor-director?

Since I met you,
I and Olaf have broken up.

I don't change the date
but the bridegroom.

But, baby, look...
I have a girl, Ewa.

I may not see tomorrow.
Theyre out to get me.

They killed me
and think I'm a stiff now.

Start over with me.

Security guaranteed
plus lots of fun.

What fun? I have to hide.
They want to get me.

I'll find you a hideaway.
Now I'm off with invites.

A crowd of wedding guests!

I take out your bullets

and you lay a biker?!

Ewa, why so dramatic?

My last warning: one more
time and it's splitsville.

Excuse me, Jackal.
May I ask you something?

Shoot.

How do you feel
when you kill your mark?

Like I drank
a glass of good wine.

No prick of conscience,
nightmares,

ghosts,

- or apparitions?
- I can't afford those.

Id be finished as a pro.

In my profession
they call it

the Banco's Ghost Syndrome.

Of his apparition, that is.

What do banks
have to do with it?

In Shakespeare, Banco
was Macbeth's pal.

So Macbeth killed

that Banco
and from then on

Banco started to haunt him...

Very interesting... And?

And Macbeth went crazy
because of that.

Lots of hit men
had to retire.

What if it happens to you?

Id have to change
my way of living,

which is not all that bad,

including my
Greenpeace activity.

Could you stop killing?

Hard to imagine.

But then...

Id probably turn to religion.

Oh shit! He hit the dirt!

And so has the plan.

Siara, something's
moving.

Skinny here is also a friend.

Better tell him where
the car is.

What's he doing?

With a guitar?

What does he want?

Where's he heading?
Did you give him the address?

How could I?
Everything is so hurry-scurry.

So go after him!

Follow him! Come on!

Thank you.

To the airport. Departures.

- Take me to church.
- What church?

- Makes no difference.
- The Anglican is the nearest.

Very good.

Mailman?
I've been waiting for you.

Is Siara home?

No, he's not, but I can
receive everything.

Come, mailman,
and go postal about me.

Rysia, it's me Jurek.

Siara has me worried.

Is that you Kiler?

Those gorgeous sideburns!

Careful! Theyre glued on.

Siara gives me trouble.
He wants to off me.

And me too. Don't worry,
we won't let him.

I wanted to kill you, as
youd failed to kill him!

I tried but you know
how it goes.

I know. We'll get a chance.

Those sideburns! I'll go
cuckoo about them.

Come upstairs.
Let me go crazy.

Leave your bag and come.

I've come to see Siara.
Is he out?

He's been busy plotting full time.
Come.

Good.

Take the vodka and glasses.
Oh, forget them.

It will be... celestial!

But be quick!
As long as the sun shines!

A phone call!

It's for you, idiot!
Answer it!

OK.

I haven't seen him lately.
He's changed a bit.

For the better.
He's grown those sideburns

and such...

Came over here as
a postal carrier

in a sexy getup
and a helmet.

I was so hot to trot.

My hubby could
come any minute.

I craved him though...

was mad with him
for letting me down once.

I decided to give him
another chance.

I'm in the bedroom,
peeling off my stockings.

He brings vodka.

I take off my blouse
and wait

till my prince ties me up.

Kiler!

Where the hell are you?

- Here I am.
- Undress.

He was shy and nervous
at the start.

Then I asked him
to tie me up.

- Tie me up.
- You did nothing wrong.

Tie my hands!

To the bedposts.

All right. What now?

Tickle me!

I like this new Kiler, Skinny.

Is that all you can do?

I have an ace in the hole.

Now watch.

It's Siara!
Hide or he'll kill you!

I've been waiting for you.

And I've bought you Viagra.

- Only that on your mind.
- And what's in your noodle?

Isn't the IQ of 220
good enough?

Aren't you overdoing it?

I see youre red hot.
Been banging someone?

Indeed!

Only that on your mind!

Why are you sprawling?
Who's tied you up?

I have.

Out of boredom. Untie me.

Untie yourself then.

I got an important foreign
visitor with me.

I have to attend to him.

Get dressed. You
walk about bare-assed?!

Get up. Don't wrinkle
your pants. Untie me.

Seems like youre
hiding somebody?

Were it not
for the foreign visitor...

Handsome?

He'll help me pull off
the heist of my life.

All Kiler's gold
is mine on Saturday.

- What about Kiler?
- He's pushing up daisies.

Don't be like a cat in heat.

Get some sandwiches
for the visitor.

I'm so proud of you,
my robber.

You must be hiding
somebody here.

But for our visitor now,

Id let that someone
have it.

Toilet?

To the left.

Who was it?

My visitor. I'll tend to him.

And to yours too.
He must be here.

- He looks like Kiler.
- And how.

But better because imported.

What now? I was going
to talk to him.

Under the circumstances...
I should be dead,

but I'm very much alive
with his wife.

Siara's back!
To the toilet. Quick!

Where is he?

Who?

I've found
his bag and bike.

It's my Byblos bag.

The bike keeps me fit and trim.

- Who's untied you?
- I have.

The same way
I tied myself up.

All by yourself?
Get out, son of bitch!

There's no one there, see?

What's going on here?

Silly me! The ohn!

I'm awfully sorry.

Take your time.

When it's over, I'll
introduce you to my wife.

Shy, aren't you?
Carry on, friend.

I won't be disturbing you.

- Don't kill him!
- Silence!

My wife.

Gabrysia Siarzewska.

She's no Linda but Gabrysia.

Go in peace

and sit until you make.
No one will disturb you.

It's about

Mr. Kiler.

I had nothing to do with it.

With what?

His death.

His death? That's what
I want to prevent.

You

seem to overrate my power,
strength and potential.

I know...

that hick Siara is behind it.

But you with your culture,

charm, and intellect...

Id tear at the kidneys

of that pr..., chutzpanik,
and thug Siara;

like that eagle that preyed
on Prometheus.

His liver.

By the way,
any plans for tonight?

I usually spend evenings
with Jurek Kiler.

You have until now.
But suppose

things were different,

and Jurek were busy,
away, tired,

or dead?

Would you go out with me?

Sure.
But it's a hypothetical.

Excuse me.

What do you want?
I have no time.

Running away from home?
Got the keys?

I can't see you now.
I have a meeting.

Only 10 minutes?
Sure. Bye.

My only daughter
wants to see me.

- Will you keep me company?
- Only if

nothing bad ever
happens to Kiler.

From now on his eternal
rest is guaranteed.

Er... peace of mind, that is.

And what's in it for me?

I'm writing a book about
the greatest philanthropists.

You'll have your entry.

What's the illustrious
company?

Celebs like Father
Jankowski, Col. Kukliński,

Andrze Gołota.

Deal?

Get in. Were going to see
Father.

What father? Why?

Our wedding is on Saturday.

We hardly know each other!

Quick marriages are best.

Those fired by love are best.

I love you.
Don't you love me?

I wonder...
Aren't you a nymphomaniac?

I like men. Love
a la Nice is my speciality.

But my love, Ewa,
is from Warsaw.

Do you know
whom she is seeing?

Who?

My father.

My Ewa and that geezer?

Don't you believe me?

- So you'll see.
- Wait!

Good were early. Please
hide in the back seat.

Me hide? Oh no!

Please. If she takes you for
my lover, she'll tell Mom.

- Who needs trouble?
- Then why me here?

It won't take long. We'll
talk about the book.

- What book?
- About the philanthropists.

I'm in it only because
of Kiler.

Only 10 min. and
youre 7 min. late.

My fiancé hesitated
just that long.

You got only 2.5 min. left.

I think you should know
about my wedding.

And that's why
you called me?

And I stopped negotiations
on a book about me...

"The criminal life
of Ferdinand Lipski"?

What did you say?

"The criminal life
of Ferdinand Lipski"

Before that.
Are you going to marry?

Just like that?
Can we discuss this?

Time is up.

It's serious? I just needed
to get out of ail.

I'm dead serious.

But you'll need
your father's consent!

Dad, I'm 21.

- And he?
- 40 or maybe less.

- His bank account?
- I didn't ask.

- What do you talk about?
- Love.

- What's your bank account?
- Don't ask... don't ask!

So you got him in there!

He's not here,
but you know him.

That actor?
Over my dead body!

He's history.
Now it's Kiler.

Kiler?
That's all right with me.

And who's in there?
Kiler's fiancé?

Nobody whatsoever.

I'll tell Mom that you lay
a hostess at hotels.

What hotel? Didn't I
give you my consent?

Why are you in a hurry?

Want some ice cream?
Oh, you have no time.

But I have lots of time!

I'll be right back.
Got to have ice cream.

- Is Lipski your father?
- My mom says so.

Why didn't you tell me?

Please, I got to go, because,
f..., she's my daughter...

A wedding? She wants you
cause youre rich & famous.

It's a make-believe.

And I risk my life for you

while you marry
that nymphomaniac!

She's only hiding me.

And you with that pervert?!

I pulled wool over his eyes.

So whyd he panic when
she mentioned Mom?

- he give his consent?
- He thinks I'm dead.

Do what you please and
marry whomever you wish.

You used to be different.
Now you've disappointed me.

But Ewa, why so dramatic?

Good luck.

It's over between us.

Is Yoorek Keeler

end vaunt ze golt.

And I want to get the gold.

To get. Gut? Gut?

Baldek? Hey!
Is Yoorek Keeler

End vaunt to ged ze golt.

What do you think?

The way I see it there are
some shortcomings.

Some? Why, it looks
like a provocation!

Waldek is no fool.

He'll smell a rat
from the start.

Listen carefully:

Waldek knows you already.

So no need introducing
yourself.

If you keep repeating
that youre Kiler,

he'll know that youre not.

Look, this is Waldek.

Hi, Waldek.

Here I am!

Out with those hands!

- Hi, Jurek. Youre 15 min. late.
- Shut your mouth, Skinny!

Give me the gold.
Theyre waiting at the bank.

That's all and hop into
the van. Repeat.

Hey, Baldek! Hier ah em!
Aus wiz zose hants!

Hi, Jurek.
Youre 15 min. late.

Give me ze golt, Baldek,
waitink et ze benk.

Hop into ze ven. Repeat.

- Gut?
- No good.

Let's think of something.
This won't do.

Senor Colonel says
that he has to kill.

He is a soldier
not a f... comedian.

Hello. What's this noise?

Hi, Kiler! The leopard can't
change his spots, right?

Is Yoorek Keeler
and f... you all!

I knew youd come here!

- He's no Jurek Kiler.
- He isn't? Then who?

Our friend
from South America.

- Our? That means...
- Mine... the translator's.

Good afternoon, sir.

And who else's friend?

Mr. Siara's.

I've just come to see him.
Where is he?

- He's in the can.
- In the can?

- Yes, you check and see.
- I have already.

The one inside
is no Siara.

But that is Jurek Kiler,
but suntanned

to put me off the scent.

No, he's our friend
from South America.

Is Yoorek Keeler!

That is not Jurek Kiler,

but Jose Arcadio Morales,
a Cuban writer-essayist.

Really? Your essayist
claims he is Jurek Kiler.

Don't you hear his accent?

I don't hear anything.
He speaks very well.

I wish you spoke
such a good Polish, Skinny!

- Not enough for Siara.
- And where is he?

Ups... down in his cell
in ail.

Why have you come to
our country, Mr. Essayist?

He has a series of lectures
in the Cervantes Lycee.

May I also listen

to your beautiful Castilian
language, Senor Morales?

Please.

A polyglot club
in my home?

Can't you put him up
at your place?

We made a deal

that Morales's room and
board is your problem.

Until tomorrow at least.

He's a fine guy - sings,
dances, and cooks.

You call off the heist
of the century?

No, but...

Fish dropped by.
So I hide in the attic.

But you'll get one bar
out of each five.

That's what bothers me.

Stop griping. How are
the preparations?

The language was a problem.

But it's all fixed now

it's going to be all right.
What else?

Who's watching him?

Skinny is and,
unfortunately, Fish too.

Once he came
and saw Morales,

he grew suspicious
and was sure it was Kiler.

We told him that he was
a Cuban essayist.

- And Fish swallowed it?
- I guess he did.

As Morales started
reciting poetry in Spanish.

And we said he had a meeting
in the Spanish lycee.

That's where they are now.

Imagine organizing
a lecture on vacation.

- Do I look pretty.
- Yes. What do you want?

Invite you to my wedding.

"...the pleasure,
with Jurek Kiler..."

Kiler requests the pleasure?

I'm all for it, my girl,
but you see...

due to circumstances...

Make no bones about it.

Look, Kiler's dead.
His just desserts.

How about making up
with that actor?

He's ancient history...
since yesterday.

Just made it with
a cop and a delivery boy.

It was sex, but Kiler
is my love!

But Kiler is dead.

How come? I laid him
a moment ago.

Kidding. A groom...

But Jurek's alive.
I'm going to see him.

If that daughter of mine
is right,

it's going to be
a scene tomorrow.

Why, we have
that photo from Jackal!

If Kiler and Morales
show up together,

who will Waldek
give the gold?

- Fifty-fifty?
- To neither of them.

So you must find Kiler,
dead or alive.

Why me?

You have to earn
your bars of gold.

Find, catch, and
bring him to me.

By 10 a.m. tomorrow.
Morales is there at 11.

To hell with that delivery!

Think of your pension. Find,
catch, and bring him to me.

Tomorrow at 10 a.m.
We arrive at 11:00.

I have an idea
about this.

What is that?

- Out with you, fries!
- Theyre not small.

- Who are they?
- Were Young Wolves.

New blood.

The best in town.

- And what can they do?
- Practically everything.

I specialize in extortion,
ransoms, and hits.

Rapes on order
or without.

Amps - production,
distribution, masturbation.

Name's Zbigniew.
Demolition derby artist.

Dry off and find me
Kiler, dead or alive.

And you, rapist,
steer clear of my wife!

Thank you very much, Ewa.
Er... Dona.

What did you say?

Sorry, but I still
can't get over

my parting with her.

Can't you forget it
on our wedding day?

Stop it!
Why warm over that joke?

Youre being funny!

Coffee?

Sure.

My father was surprised
that youre alive.

He thinks I'm joking.
Yet I'm not.

My life's in jeopardy.

3 assassination attempts
in 3 days. One successful.

You see the odds?

I got bigger stress
than Salman Rushdie.

No wonder
your dad was surprised.

Nothing wrong will
happen to you by my side.

Where's my today's paper?

I forgot. I'll bring it to you,
my prince.

Silly nymphomaniac me!

The grub's warm. So he
must be somewhere near.

Since it's warm,
he's sure to come back.

I love this ob!

Been thinking all my life
who I want to be

and I know now:
a gangster.

- I am one and proud of it.
- You are a gangster?

I am a gangster.

You - a screw-up
not a gangster.

Youre a screw-up
yourself and a glutton.

Drop the claws, you sissies!

Why should it go to waste?
Yummy. Want a bite?

Don't walk around.
Sit down.

I won't until my gangster's
instinct let's up.

He must be
somewhere here.

Not mine.

- Nor mine.
- Mine not either.

Your paper's sold out.
I'll take another one.

Why are you calling?
Makes no difference.

There's an article about
you. I'll take it then.

Makes no difference to me.

I'll leave soon, so I can't
clean up. I'll call you.

Good. I got
many errands to run.

I love you.

Love you too. Bye.

- Hi, boys. Have we met?
- We know you.

Something urgent?
I happen to have something

at 11:00, so I don't have
much time.

We've dropped by to detain you.

- Is this a trap?
- Exactly.

Look, boys...

Were no boys
but Young Wolves.

So it's you!

So listen, young wolves,

to an old fox.

I first was a hit man
and next a philanthropist.

So it's my duty to
give you some advice.

Be quick, Kiler.
It's getting late.

One day in a suitcase
and the next - out.

Today you have
the upper hand.

Be brief.

I'm talking dignity here.
The point is

not to humiliate your
adversary. Is that clear?

Excuse me.

I wonder

if a kick in the ass
is permissible?

Good question. The answer
is: absolutely not!

To mash your mug
with an elbow?

I understand the temptation,
but you must resist it.

My knee
in your crotch?

Regrettably, I have
to answer no.

So what the f... is permissible?

The code of honour is very
precise here: you can

browbeat, send a written
admonition,

try to persuade,
and finally reprimand.

We got three reprimands.

Get in!

- I spoke of dignity...
- Shut your trap!

That's it! A classic
friendly persuasion!

And to shut your trap with
a duct?

Got to repeat my lecture.

What time is it?

Remember me?

So now you will!

Why so early?
But I see it.

HI, WALDEK!
I'VE COME FOR THE GOLD.

Why don't you speak?

I'm VERY SICK AND CAN'T TALK.
GIMMI THE GOLD.

Cool it. Not so fast.
It's 3 tons.

I wonder
what you'll use it for.

No, I can't any faster.
Why, theyre loading it.

Where are you going
on vacation?

I know! Stop kidding me.

I'm going to Spain.
It's cheaper out of season.

TO JUREK KILER
HIS COUNTRYMEN

When will Mr. Kiler arrive?

Any minute, Mr. President.

No assassination attempts,
I hope.

No, not today. Too darn hot.

An interesting composition.
Who designed it?

The Swiss.

Is that all pure gold?

Pure and clean this morning.
Now it's them pigeons.

I see...

Thank you, gentlemen.

Lipski, how about splitting
up the loot now?

Let's celebrate first.
Come for a treat.

To poison us all?

Over and done with.

Kiler's well packed.
He won't run away.

Let's go.

Lunch without the guitar
is like Lipski without Siara.

Ewa!

Good. Some men
will bring a carpet.

I've come to let them in.
Since youre here,

you can do it just as well.
I got to run.

- I have trouble with the gold.
- And I have trouble with you.

Just came to leave the keys.

The rest is in the letter.

In the letter? You've
written to me? Darling!

Let me read it and answer
you right away.

"Dear Jurek: I regret to admit
how disappointed I am

with your new lifestyle,
the women you pick up,

and, especially, with your
wedding at 1:30 p.m."

But Ewa, this is a painful
and shallow estimate.

Written under
severe emotional strain.

It's still me,
your Jurek Kiler, cabbie.

You really think I'll show
up at that wedding?

Then why these invitations?

It's that airhead's idea.
Her printing school pals

print what they please
and then circulate in town.

Don't you feed me
that bullshit!

Let me show
you something.

Look at the van

with 3 tons of gold worth
$ 30 million?

Want a bar? I'll come
downstairs and bring it.

Just kidding.
I'm taking it to Jasna St.

I'm closing the foundation.

Closing?

This country will fold
without it.

But for your donations
it would have already.

I'm talking to you while
youre already outside.

Where are you?
Here or there?

Are there two of you?

I must stop my double!

- Got your heat?
- They've taken it away.

- Take mine.
- Loaded with blanks?

Yet we got it.

Didn't your dad happen
to visit here 35 years ago?

Ah muss kill you.

Your twin brother?

Our success is complete!
Clean up the van. Quick!

- But be quick!
- And him?

Put him on that bench.
The bus will soon come.

Didn't you kill him?

Kill him?

Now that we have the gold,
why kill him?

Kill ah muss.

If you must, you must.
To my place!

Breathe!

Something must have
stopped him.

There are traffic jams
on his street.

You've done a great ob,

a really great ob,
my friend Jose!

So you deserve
a big suitcase of dollars.

Thanks to you, I may start
over my gangster life again.

It's going to be easy street
for both of us.

Will you ever understand?

This is my friend
Jose Arcadio Morales,

a great Cuban essayist
and my bosom buddy.

Morales?

How can you tell
that he's not Kiler?

I've just seen Senor Morales
kill Kiler. With my own eyes.

The world is too small
for two Kilers.

My Jurek is dead?

What your Jurek, floozy?!
Go and dress!

Don't you shake your tits
in front of my guest,

a flesh and blood Latino!

You've killed him, you pig,
you macho murderer!

Very good. Quiet!
Were resting now

after the biggest heist of
the millennium. Out!

Arcadio, here.

Why did you turn off
the phone, moron?

- I was taking a bath, creep.
- Where's my gold?

I got it all and suggest we
split it up on a new basis.

Why?

Cause I got it
in the first place.

Second: I take care
of Morales.

Third: I killed Kiler
once for all.

So three bars for me,
one for you.

Out with this wind!

Good.

We can split it up
fifty-fifty. I agree.

By offing Kiler
you've broken

my daughter's heart. They
were going to marry.

This is how we do it:

Morales is Kiler's double.
Why not using him?

Nobody will know,
let alone your jockey girl.

Three bars for me
and two for you, OK?

Deal.

Grab the gold and Morales.
And see you in church.

Which?

Where are those invitations?

- Dad? What now?
- Don't call me Dad in public.

Ferdinand, what now?

Cool it. They'll be
right on time.

Be brave. That Dona
is a real fine gal.

Dad's a small-time thief.
Careful.

I wish you happiness.

Jurek, where have you been?

What will the future bring
if you hurt me now?

Go there and I'll wait here.

No. You've been invited.
So come along.

- As who?
- Bridegroom's father.

A godfather rather.

God, where are you from?
So beautiful!

Do you
Aldona Maria Lipska...

First name basis?

But I must put it this way.

Oh, I didn't know.
Carry on.

Do you...
Miss Aldona Maria Lipska

take this Jurek Maria Kilar...

This your real name?

Father, concentrate, please.
It's all written in there.

...to be thy wedded husband
to love, cherish and to obey,

till death...

us do part... I do!

Do you Jurek Maria Kiler

take this Aldona Maria
Lipska to be your wife

to love, cherish and to obey

till death you do part?

Yes.

But I have to hear it
from you.

No!!!

I guess my girl is right.

I'm sorry
but I'm not ready yet.

- I'm going to kill him.
- Let's split up first.

Why is he so sleepy?

When he came to,
I had to paralyze him.

- You speak Spanish?
- Out of fear.

Here you are my dearest!

Have no fear.

You hesitate, but don't
do it to me.

Everything will be OK.

I'll stop swearing and quit
that nymphomaniac stuff.

Well?

Come on! You can't.
Everybody is waiting.

...to love,

...cherish and to obey
till death do you part?

I pronounce you
man and wife.

Would you like
to march with me?

Why, you got a husband.

The point is to kill Siara,
my husband.

What now?

I forgot to fill her up.

Before the action?
Out go 3 tons of gold!

And all you had in mind
was marrying that Dona.

I said no.

I said no!

So no gas
and no van full of gold.

We may thumb a ride.
I got a gas can.

Thumb a ride?
Thumb your nose!

Oh shit! The split-up kaput!

We'll give them a bar
and they'll let us go.

Good day.
Your license please.

For speeding, Officer?

- Why this sweat?
- It's the heat.

I'll put the heat on you.
Get out, please!

- Let's make a deal.
- Good idea.

- It may be your big day.
- Would that it were.

- Siara, are you at it again?
- Why?

- Those are your Young Wolves!
- Yes, indeed...

A masquerade?
Back to the paddy wagon!

You get in there! Quick!

You thought that
youd get away with it?

Pushing me around
all the time?

Kicking my ass
and Id take it?

Enough already.

Mine is the gold
and now I call the shots.

- Who is best?
- You are.

What's this "you" shit?
Call me mister!

- Mister Skinny is the best.
- So is his mob.

And his mob is the best too.

What do you say, Siara?

Skinny, youre not all there.

What do you say?!

- I agree!
- What?

- Mister Skinny is tops?
- And his mob too.

Good. Get in the wagon!

Mister Skinny? There's
enough gold for us all.

You don't know my needs.

You drive first.

Catch her!

Enough of this, Skinny.

Freeze!

Siara, Lipski, and three fake
cops! Five real criminals.

Excuse me, four.

Thank you, Sarge.

- Long live the nation!
- He was a plant?

I'm a cop
and I love my work.

You'll see
what I can do, Fish.

Hardy, aren't you,
Skinny?

I'll see what I'll see.

What did you show?

- It's going to come up roses.
- This I know.

Lock up those fake cops.

The judge will find
an article...

- Three mobs in one swoop.
- It takes two to tango...

Fish here,
calling Aquarium. Over.

Want a ride, Ewa?

Why, this is our van!

Where to?

Were a little late.
Theyre waiting at the bank.

3 tons of gold for them?

What am I to do with it?
Mint medals?

This is the last time. I'm
fed up with philanthropy.

What if they waste it?
Better think it over.

We will.

Do you think we should
wait any longer?

Keep on trucking.