Freeze!
Excuse me. I have an appointment
with the president at 7 a.m.
KILER 2
Co-starring
My wife and I and our nation are grateful for
what you've done to the budget.
The First Lady, who happens to be my wife,
also runs a charitable organization.
I know, sir.
Here they come.
Written by
Music
What are your plans for today?
What do you do with such massive donations?
- How big is your cut? - You only accept gold?
Why don't you ask President? I'm just his guest here.
How's the country, sir?
President's invited Jurek Kiler,
a media sweetheart, for a game of tennis.
His backhand and donations are equally impressive.
His donations have saved the underpaid police,
orphanages, and the Polish movie industry.
Youre doing fine, Mr. President.
The Jurek Kiler Foundation.
This guy won't give me your delivery.
Get him on the phone.
Kiler.
Not "a guy" but me, Waldek.
And not that I "won't give".
It's says here: "To Mr. Jurek Kiler in person".
Oh, come on. I can't now.
All tied up here, I've sent Ewa, my fiancé.
Just looking after your interests. You'll get it in person.
But she is my Ewa, not a thief!
Kiler, wrap it up and come here.
Produced and Directed by
Quick! It's getting cold!
Skinny, do I see it right?
Why, that is Kiler,
who's humiliated me, the object of my revenge!
- A year in the can already! - I only keep your company.
- And him? - Plays tennis with President.
What a coincidence.
- We got to off him. - Jesus! Whom?
Kiler. Is that live?
President's always live.
You were supposed to get me
a foreign coyote, hyena... what's his name?
Jackal.
- Where's he? - I'm waiting for him.
Is your lousy contract all he's got to do?
His agenda is full till 2008.
Give him an offer he can't refuse.
I told you I'm waiting.
He'll fly in in 30 min.
Skinny, you've really impressed me now.
- How long will it take? - That's the first set.
That's fine! Drive to the airport and let Jackal...
He know what to do, after all.
- What? - Kill him! Kill him!
MR. JACKAL
I'm Szah-al from Africa.
Yes, I am. I love Boland!
Then come to my car.
Oh, I'm sorry.
A mistake.
- You'll attract Interpol. - Oh no!
Drop the card, schmuck!
Your Polish is A-OK.
You think a Pole can't make the big time?
- What about Unabomber? - I'm skinny.
I can see that.
You can't park here! Let's go!
President didn't expect it to take so long.
He's going to be late
for the long-planned meeting of Europe 15.
But back to the court.
He's only got 15 pathetic seconds left to live.
In the fifth set, the Polish president fell victim to
the first assassination attempt.
This is Ambroziak. Thanks for your attention.
How beautiful you are, my love;
how you delight me!
The green grass will be our bed...
The cedars will be the beams of our house,
and the cypress-trees the ceiling.
Silence! My love.
He comes running over the mountains, across the hills.
My lover is like a gazelle, like a young stag...
Take her away.
Fish, don't you know me?
It's me, Zenek.
I beseech you, daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles and does of the fields.
Don't wake me from my sleep,
don't wake my love until she is willing.
Willing or not, I got to.
Rise and shine, Fish. Your nation needs you!
Why, the town is safe.
An assassination attempt on the president.
A successful one?
Luckily, it failed. But you find the hit man.
I'm retiring soon.
And I thought youd fill my shoes.
If you catch the hit man, of course.
Cool it, Zenek.
What happened?
President was playing tennis.
- With whom? - Take a guess.
With Kiler.
And you served the ball to the president?
No.
Where then?
To his court.
Right where he was standing?
That's what tennis is all about.
Why tennis of all games?
That was President's idea.
How was it? From the top.
So I hit...
I'm happy you call a spade a spade.
So it was a hit, after all.
No, it wasn't in that sense.
I just hit the ball.
What for?
To score points.
Why score points?
To win the match.
Why win the match?
Aren't you popular enough?
Am I a suspect?
Of course not!
- Are you all right? - What's up?
- An assassination attempt. - On the president.
- But you were there. - As his guest.
Since youre here, everything's in order!
Here's your delivery, sir.
Is that all?
And you wouldn't give that to my fiancé?
There are ironclad rules.
When it says: "In person".
"In person" it is.
That call during the game worried me.
But for the assassination I might've lost.
Rules are rules. No Kiler, no delivery.
Let's make a deal:
I got no time to come for each box.
There` re some serious donations this week.
Call me Saturday, and I'll come to pick them up.
But on Saturday.
Each bar is worth its weight in gold.
Take it away.
Where to?
Where?
- What's that? - A garbage dump.
Dump it there, then.
- You kidding, sir? - So why the stupid question?
I'm new here. To Jasna St.?
Of course.
Senator, did they humiliate you?
- Why did they let you go? - Senator Lipski...
is released for the holidays.
Why, Easter's over and Xmas, half a year away.
It's his daughter's wedding.
Overstretched...
He's sure to find an appropriate holiday.
Who have you hired? I can't believe that guy.
The famous Jackal who costs me a bundle?
Supposed to be tops?
He hardly had time to eat,
let alone wash his hands.
Look, this is important.
What's more important than my money?
A Jackal who can't kill?
Didn't he outwit the security and plant the explosive?
- But it's not the point. - Yet he f... up the hit.
Just your luck. But he won't leave unless he kills Kiler.
French fries or mashed? I got news.
Mashed. What's up?
Lipski's outside.
Since when?
I passed him at the gate.
And youre telling me now?
Get me Warden Mieczyslaw.
CENTRAL BANK TO SUPPORT THE BUDGET
- What's going on? - Surprise.
On behalf of all your beneficiaries,
we want to express our gratitude
and ask you, sir, to open
the memorable emolument...
monument, that is.
Thank you, my old friend.
I wonder what it is.
TO JUREK KILER HIS COUNTRYMEN
And you had nothing to do with that either.
Of course not!
Then the monument tumbled down by itself?
Exactly.
Ewa thinks these were assassination attempts.
On you?
It tumbled down on you, but the general landed in hospital.
You were to be hit, but the president is in hospital.
Sorry. I'll visit them both.
Kiler, tell it to the marines,
not to the brave
and charismatic Inspector Fish
at the twilight of his glorious career.
You say theyre after you while Premier, the Primate,
the Sem Majority Leader,
and President of Film Ass. all demand security.
- See their applications? - So do I if you please.
You demand security?
Then you'll get it. The best there is.
Can't you move your ass, Siara?
Don't you know where you can find me?
I feel so badly, Warden, sir,
that I can't even move.
I can't move, I'm broken hearted,
and depressed.
What's up, Siara?
Why the sudden bout of depression?
It's all your fault,
Warden Mieczyslaw.
Mine? Impossible!
You've released my enemy.
Ferdinand, that is.
You mean Lipski? He's got a family holiday.
Don't you have any holidays left for me?
His daughter's wedding. It's his first time.
And how many times have we met inside?
Eleven, twelve...?
The police won't leave me alone.
True criminals never do time,
whereas I can't get rid of lumbago.
Welcome to our refurbished clinic,
thanks to Mr. Kiler.
- Let me out. - I can't even if I wanted to.
But I do.
What's stopping you?
- What if there is a roll call? - Ready, Skinny?
Yes.
Could you close your eyes?
- For a while? Why? - For a little while.
I can.
Not yet.
Now you can.
A striking likeness
to a fledgling prison guard,
but I see some differences.
Cause youre the best. But the guards
won't notice a thing.
I don't know.
And which is which?
You are Siara.
You win.
Close your eyes again.
Youre Siara.
No, I'm not.
- Who are you? - Rewiński.
Didn't I tell you?
A tie now. Three strikes and youre out. Closing my eyes.
May I now?
- Where's the other one? - He had to leave.
- Who are you? - Siara.
You asked for it. It's all the same to me.
Do you know he has still a year and a half left?
He told me and we made a deal
that I would go to the beach in August.
Open up!
- Mieczysław in? - That strangler? Cell 6.
- No, Warden Mieczysław. - Having lunch.
- At his place? - No, socializing with cons.
Welcome! Mr. Kiler, this is Inspector Fish.
Shall we lunch together?
- I don't eat shit. - Come on.
It's from Sheraton.
Only the plate is local to mislead the cons.
And the main course?
Truffles au gratin and chateaubriand.
A little Guinness?
Looks like their coffee if you remove the foam.
Coffee and tiramisu for dessert in my study.
I should've thought of such a menu at my place.
You got to.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Kiler needs security.
I don't get it.
He could stay here for some time.
You want him locked up?
Not to lock him up.
Take care of him: room & board and security.
Against assassination attempts.
Without a sentence? It's against the law!
Impossible. Therere rules. I have no right to do it.
But you let cons out that I chase risking life and limb.
Who do you mean?
Lipski.
It's his daughter's wedding. But Siara's over there!
He's having raspberry pudding.
You release criminals but won't take in Mr. Kiler?
Convict him if you want to lock him up,
but not that song and dance about security.
You know how much a day costs me here?
As much as in a three-star hotel.
You don't want him protected?
I got neither the reason nor the means to do it.
No security, then?
Didn't you see me try? Let's go. Were not welcome here.
Who are you?
Stefan Siara Siarzewski, gangster.
Aha! Mieczysław, he's no Siara!
He's not? Then who?
What's happening here? You've let Siara walk too?
All right. What are you eating, gentlemen?
Some shit.
Know what Sheraton is? An American hotel.
Warden is just having a soup
from the Sheraton hotel. His second course
is chateau with truffles and Guinness.
And you know what Guinness is?
Just kidding!
See you, Mietek!
Just kidding!
What's this? Pig out on what you got!
Disperse! Move it!
A pragmatic realist, I prefer doing business
to settling scores.
That's why I didn't kill you, which I should have,
but asked you to lunch with a business proposition.
On behalf of the Siarzewski family,
I appreciate the gesture
of my former enemy. From today on
our common enemy is my ex-friend, Jurek Kiler.
Stop blathering, Siara. Just listen.
Why so rude?
My man from the Kiler Foundation.
On Saturday at 11 a.m.
Jurek Kiler will receive donations
from seventy-two countries.
3 tons of gold bullion.
I'm to escort the delivery from the airport to the bank.
Thank you.
My plan is to take the gold away from Kiler.
- So is mine. - But I know how to do it.
Only Kiler can receive the delivery,
and he's our enemy. If he was our friend...
But you must call off Jackal
to make it work out.
Call him off? How come you know I hired him?
How does he know about Jackal?
Want a sandwich?
No matter. Jackal must be stopped.
No one can do it.
He's turned off his cell phone.
So make him turn it on!
One more thing to make everything clear:
How do we split up the loot?
As easy as that:
My idea - one bar, Execution is mine - that's two.
I spared your life - that's three for me.
You only have to stop Jackal.
But that's the hardest part.
That's why we do this.
Three for me, one for you.
If you stop him.
That actor has come. He's a movie director, too.
You know...
- Made an appointment? - Long ago.
Why? All right. Show him in.
Hello. May I come in?
- My name's Olaf... - I know you from TV.
Aldona but call me Dona. Sounds short and catchy.
I took the liberty... a gift.
- I don't smoke. - A gold cigarette case.
Lifted from Dad's drawer.
- Reason enough not to... - From my dad!
Dona's got a peculiar sense of humour.
We bought it in a gallery. For our Mr. Jurek.
Are these initials? What initials?
These?
Philanthropist - to the people.
Don't. God knows whom it belongs to.
Dad's got plenty of them.
All I can do is donate it
to the Kick Your Habit Fund.
- What can I do for you? Id like to make a film.
You? What about?
Dona, shut up!
It would be a biopic about you.
I would be the director and play the main lead,
Jurek Kiler.
Youd play Mr. Kiler? Maybe a clown?
You wanted to be my assistant and help me out.
No. To meet Mr. Kiler.
- I'm crazy about you. Really?
What's yours?
- Granny's recipe liquor? - The lady's drunk already.
- Youre here to help me. - No, to meet Mr. Olaf. The actor
and director. I'm crazy about you.
- Youre strikingly beautiful. - So what about that film?
He wants you to give him 30,000,000.
What are you talking about? 35 to 40 million.
- I've bailed out the movies. - I know.
And they built 11 actor's homes and shot 5 flicks.
Five? So they'll earn to produce others.
Regrettably,
they turned out turkeys.
How do I know that yours would not?
A snowball chance. It's wasted effort!
- Get out of here! - Get out yourself, sad sack!
- I'll let you have it... - Thank you very much.
Mr. Kiler helps only those who need the most.
That's the case with me!
Let me show you how play you.
Sorry. He has no time.
We have to say good bye.
My calling card. If you ever need a woman...
So we'll stay in touch.
You didn't say no.
Why do you need her phone number?
I just took it... Out it goes.
Where are you taking it?
I'll take out garbage on my way home.
Yes?
I'm Jackal.
What is it?
It's a short affair but with a silencer.
Who sent you?
Fate called Siara.
- Who's calling? - Jackal.
Good you called. The contract's been changed.
The one I've just executed?
You mean executed?
What did you do?
What do you mean dead?
So you killed him?
According to the contract.
Yes, but... I got an annex to that contract,
which says "not to kill him".
Why did you turn your phone off?
Kiler is under his desk with two bullets in his heart.
Check your fax. It's time for my pay.
See what you've done? No more golden eggs.
See what you've done, Skinny? No more golden eggs.
But, Stefan, I...
Luckily, some of us were smart enough
to foresee that Siara would screw up the easiest task.
While I was away, Mr. Celeewski, my lawyer,
took the trouble to get a standby team.
We looked for Kiler's double.
Here are the results of a year-long search.
A true sensation came in the mail yesterday.
A Cuban, who settled in Buenos Aires, had led
death squads in Nicaragua.
Hence hed love to move to Europe.
Name's Jose Arcadio Morales. A colonel.
It's Kiler's clone! Here's my plan:
In the place of Kiler, our enemy,
we put our new friend,
since one Kiler is enough.
But this is my plan.
We've come up with the same plan.
So one bar for Mr. Lipski,
one bar for Mr. Siara.
One for Mr. Lipski and one for Mr. Siara.
Till we split up all of them.
Four bars for Mr. Lipski and one for Siara.
Why not fifty-fifty?
Cause it was my idea and my execution.
So is Morales. And I spared you. That's four.
You won't get your bar
unless you take good care of Morales when he comes.
Bring him on!
You will welcome and take him home.
Why not to your place?
I have a nymphomaniac daughter I must marry off.
But my wife lays whomever she spots.
That's why at your place.
The Jurek Kiler Foundation. Who's calling?
What happened? I'll call an ambulance.
It was Jackal. He came and killed me.
- You'll be OK. - I can't breathe!
I'm bleeding!
Why, it's Granny's recipe liquor.
I thought it was blood.
- It's good he missed. - But he didn't.
A double hit. Get the bullets out with this.
Disinfect with whisky, like Dr. Quinn.
I'll do it with my fingers.
Here.
Your bullets.
- It was to be auburn! - And it's not?
More like Congo black.
It will be red when it dries.
You should grow a moustache
and those... er...
- Sideburns? - Exactly.
Too long to wait. You'll stick them on.
- Out of here. - Where?
To Siara... to makes things clear...
I won't let it slide. It's a miracle I survived.
I'm going to the police.
You flipped? Fish thinks I'm a hit man.
I have to talk to Siara.
You aren't going anywhere. You've got to take a drop.
What drop?
I mean go into hiding.
Jurek Kiler never hides.
How are you driving, you prick?!
No one's ever called me that.
Is that you Dona?
- Prick? - Is "Stupid c..."! any better?
Right! How are you riding, stupid c...?! I could kill you.
- Cause youre a killer. - I didn't mean to.
Got an important delivery, for you.
How did you know where I live?
Here's your address.
"Aldona Lipska and Jerzy Kiler request the pleasure
of your company at their wedding reception on Sat".
Thanks but I'm busy on Saturday.
I have to pick a large delivery of donations.
At 11 a.m. Our wedding is at 1:30 p.m.
Our wedding? And that actor-director?
Since I met you, I and Olaf have broken up.
I don't change the date but the bridegroom.
But, baby, look... I have a girl, Ewa.
I may not see tomorrow. Theyre out to get me.
They killed me and think I'm a stiff now.
Start over with me.
Security guaranteed plus lots of fun.
What fun? I have to hide. They want to get me.
I'll find you a hideaway. Now I'm off with invites.
A crowd of wedding guests!
I take out your bullets
and you lay a biker?!
Ewa, why so dramatic?
My last warning: one more time and it's splitsville.
Excuse me, Jackal. May I ask you something?
Shoot.
How do you feel when you kill your mark?
Like I drank a glass of good wine.
No prick of conscience, nightmares,
ghosts,
- or apparitions? - I can't afford those.
Id be finished as a pro.
In my profession they call it
the Banco's Ghost Syndrome.
Of his apparition, that is.
What do banks have to do with it?
In Shakespeare, Banco was Macbeth's pal.
So Macbeth killed
that Banco and from then on
Banco started to haunt him...
Very interesting... And?
And Macbeth went crazy because of that.
Lots of hit men had to retire.
What if it happens to you?
Id have to change my way of living,
which is not all that bad,
including my Greenpeace activity.
Could you stop killing?
Hard to imagine.
But then...
Id probably turn to religion.
Oh shit! He hit the dirt!
And so has the plan.
Siara, something's moving.
Skinny here is also a friend.
Better tell him where the car is.
What's he doing?
With a guitar?
What does he want?
Where's he heading? Did you give him the address?
How could I? Everything is so hurry-scurry.
So go after him!
Follow him! Come on!
Thank you.
To the airport. Departures.
- Take me to church. - What church?
- Makes no difference. - The Anglican is the nearest.
Very good.
Mailman? I've been waiting for you.
Is Siara home?
No, he's not, but I can receive everything.
Come, mailman, and go postal about me.
Rysia, it's me Jurek.
Siara has me worried.
Is that you Kiler?
Those gorgeous sideburns!
Careful! Theyre glued on.
Siara gives me trouble. He wants to off me.
And me too. Don't worry, we won't let him.
I wanted to kill you, as youd failed to kill him!
I tried but you know how it goes.
I know. We'll get a chance.
Those sideburns! I'll go cuckoo about them.
Come upstairs. Let me go crazy.
Leave your bag and come.
I've come to see Siara. Is he out?
He's been busy plotting full time. Come.
Good.
Take the vodka and glasses. Oh, forget them.
It will be... celestial!
But be quick! As long as the sun shines!
A phone call!
It's for you, idiot! Answer it!
OK.
I haven't seen him lately. He's changed a bit.
For the better. He's grown those sideburns
and such...
Came over here as a postal carrier
in a sexy getup and a helmet.
I was so hot to trot.
My hubby could come any minute.
I craved him though...
was mad with him for letting me down once.
I decided to give him another chance.
I'm in the bedroom, peeling off my stockings.
He brings vodka.
I take off my blouse and wait
till my prince ties me up.
Kiler!
Where the hell are you?
- Here I am. - Undress.
He was shy and nervous at the start.
Then I asked him to tie me up.
- Tie me up. - You did nothing wrong.
Tie my hands!
To the bedposts.
All right. What now?
Tickle me!
I like this new Kiler, Skinny.
Is that all you can do?
I have an ace in the hole.
Now watch.
It's Siara! Hide or he'll kill you!
I've been waiting for you.
And I've bought you Viagra.
- Only that on your mind. - And what's in your noodle?
Isn't the IQ of 220 good enough?
Aren't you overdoing it?
I see youre red hot. Been banging someone?
Indeed!
Only that on your mind!
Why are you sprawling? Who's tied you up?
I have.
Out of boredom. Untie me.
Untie yourself then.
I got an important foreign visitor with me.
I have to attend to him.
Get dressed. You walk about bare-assed?!
Get up. Don't wrinkle your pants. Untie me.
Seems like youre hiding somebody?
Were it not for the foreign visitor...
Handsome?
He'll help me pull off the heist of my life.
All Kiler's gold is mine on Saturday.
- What about Kiler? - He's pushing up daisies.
Don't be like a cat in heat.
Get some sandwiches for the visitor.
I'm so proud of you, my robber.
You must be hiding somebody here.
But for our visitor now,
Id let that someone have it.
Toilet?
To the left.
Who was it?
My visitor. I'll tend to him.
And to yours too. He must be here.
- He looks like Kiler. - And how.
But better because imported.
What now? I was going to talk to him.
Under the circumstances... I should be dead,
but I'm very much alive with his wife.
Siara's back! To the toilet. Quick!
Where is he?
Who?
I've found his bag and bike.
It's my Byblos bag.
The bike keeps me fit and trim.
- Who's untied you? - I have.
The same way I tied myself up.
All by yourself? Get out, son of bitch!
There's no one there, see?
What's going on here?
Silly me! The ohn!
I'm awfully sorry.
Take your time.
When it's over, I'll introduce you to my wife.
Shy, aren't you? Carry on, friend.
I won't be disturbing you.
- Don't kill him! - Silence!
My wife.
Gabrysia Siarzewska.
She's no Linda but Gabrysia.
Go in peace
and sit until you make. No one will disturb you.
It's about
Mr. Kiler.
I had nothing to do with it.
With what?
His death.
His death? That's what I want to prevent.
You
seem to overrate my power, strength and potential.
I know...
that hick Siara is behind it.
But you with your culture,
charm, and intellect...
Id tear at the kidneys
of that pr..., chutzpanik, and thug Siara;
like that eagle that preyed on Prometheus.
His liver.
By the way, any plans for tonight?
I usually spend evenings with Jurek Kiler.
You have until now. But suppose
things were different,
and Jurek were busy, away, tired,
or dead?
Would you go out with me?
Sure. But it's a hypothetical.
Excuse me.
What do you want? I have no time.
Running away from home? Got the keys?
I can't see you now. I have a meeting.
Only 10 minutes? Sure. Bye.
My only daughter wants to see me.
- Will you keep me company? - Only if
nothing bad ever happens to Kiler.
From now on his eternal rest is guaranteed.
Er... peace of mind, that is.
And what's in it for me?
I'm writing a book about the greatest philanthropists.
You'll have your entry.
What's the illustrious company?
Celebs like Father Jankowski, Col. Kukliński,
Andrze Gołota.
Deal?
Get in. Were going to see Father.
What father? Why?
Our wedding is on Saturday.
We hardly know each other!
Quick marriages are best.
Those fired by love are best.
I love you. Don't you love me?
I wonder... Aren't you a nymphomaniac?
I like men. Love a la Nice is my speciality.
But my love, Ewa, is from Warsaw.
Do you know whom she is seeing?
Who?
My father.
My Ewa and that geezer?
Don't you believe me?
- So you'll see. - Wait!
Good were early. Please hide in the back seat.
Me hide? Oh no!
Please. If she takes you for my lover, she'll tell Mom.
- Who needs trouble? - Then why me here?
It won't take long. We'll talk about the book.
- What book? - About the philanthropists.
I'm in it only because of Kiler.
Only 10 min. and youre 7 min. late.
My fiancé hesitated just that long.
You got only 2.5 min. left.
I think you should know about my wedding.
And that's why you called me?
And I stopped negotiations on a book about me...
"The criminal life of Ferdinand Lipski"?
What did you say?
"The criminal life of Ferdinand Lipski"
Before that. Are you going to marry?
Just like that? Can we discuss this?
Time is up.
It's serious? I just needed to get out of ail.
I'm dead serious.
But you'll need your father's consent!
Dad, I'm 21.
- And he? - 40 or maybe less.
- His bank account? - I didn't ask.
- What do you talk about? - Love.
- What's your bank account? - Don't ask... don't ask!
So you got him in there!
He's not here, but you know him.
That actor? Over my dead body!
He's history. Now it's Kiler.
Kiler? That's all right with me.
And who's in there? Kiler's fiancé?
Nobody whatsoever.
I'll tell Mom that you lay a hostess at hotels.
What hotel? Didn't I give you my consent?
Why are you in a hurry?
Want some ice cream? Oh, you have no time.
But I have lots of time!
I'll be right back. Got to have ice cream.
- Is Lipski your father? - My mom says so.
Why didn't you tell me?
Please, I got to go, because, f..., she's my daughter...
A wedding? She wants you cause youre rich & famous.
It's a make-believe.
And I risk my life for you
while you marry that nymphomaniac!
She's only hiding me.
And you with that pervert?!
I pulled wool over his eyes.
So whyd he panic when she mentioned Mom?
- he give his consent? - He thinks I'm dead.
Do what you please and marry whomever you wish.
You used to be different. Now you've disappointed me.
But Ewa, why so dramatic?
Good luck.
It's over between us.
Is Yoorek Keeler
end vaunt ze golt.
And I want to get the gold.
To get. Gut? Gut?
Baldek? Hey! Is Yoorek Keeler
End vaunt to ged ze golt.
What do you think?
The way I see it there are some shortcomings.
Some? Why, it looks like a provocation!
Waldek is no fool.
He'll smell a rat from the start.
Listen carefully:
Waldek knows you already.
So no need introducing yourself.
If you keep repeating that youre Kiler,
he'll know that youre not.
Look, this is Waldek.
Hi, Waldek.
Here I am!
Out with those hands!
- Hi, Jurek. Youre 15 min. late. - Shut your mouth, Skinny!
Give me the gold. Theyre waiting at the bank.
That's all and hop into the van. Repeat.
Hey, Baldek! Hier ah em! Aus wiz zose hants!
Hi, Jurek. Youre 15 min. late.
Give me ze golt, Baldek, waitink et ze benk.
Hop into ze ven. Repeat.
- Gut? - No good.
Let's think of something. This won't do.
Senor Colonel says that he has to kill.
He is a soldier not a f... comedian.
Hello. What's this noise?
Hi, Kiler! The leopard can't change his spots, right?
Is Yoorek Keeler and f... you all!
I knew youd come here!
- He's no Jurek Kiler. - He isn't? Then who?
Our friend from South America.
- Our? That means... - Mine... the translator's.
Good afternoon, sir.
And who else's friend?
Mr. Siara's.
I've just come to see him. Where is he?
- He's in the can. - In the can?
- Yes, you check and see. - I have already.
The one inside is no Siara.
But that is Jurek Kiler, but suntanned
to put me off the scent.
No, he's our friend from South America.
Is Yoorek Keeler!
That is not Jurek Kiler,
but Jose Arcadio Morales, a Cuban writer-essayist.
Really? Your essayist claims he is Jurek Kiler.
Don't you hear his accent?
I don't hear anything. He speaks very well.
I wish you spoke such a good Polish, Skinny!
- Not enough for Siara. - And where is he?
Ups... down in his cell in ail.
Why have you come to our country, Mr. Essayist?
He has a series of lectures in the Cervantes Lycee.
May I also listen
to your beautiful Castilian language, Senor Morales?
Please.
A polyglot club in my home?
Can't you put him up at your place?
We made a deal
that Morales's room and board is your problem.
Until tomorrow at least.
He's a fine guy - sings, dances, and cooks.
You call off the heist of the century?
No, but...
Fish dropped by. So I hide in the attic.
But you'll get one bar out of each five.
That's what bothers me.
Stop griping. How are the preparations?
The language was a problem.
But it's all fixed now
it's going to be all right. What else?
Who's watching him?
Skinny is and, unfortunately, Fish too.
Once he came and saw Morales,
he grew suspicious and was sure it was Kiler.
We told him that he was a Cuban essayist.
- And Fish swallowed it? - I guess he did.
As Morales started reciting poetry in Spanish.
And we said he had a meeting in the Spanish lycee.
That's where they are now.
Imagine organizing a lecture on vacation.
- Do I look pretty. - Yes. What do you want?
Invite you to my wedding.
"...the pleasure, with Jurek Kiler..."
Kiler requests the pleasure?
I'm all for it, my girl, but you see...
due to circumstances...
Make no bones about it.
Look, Kiler's dead. His just desserts.
How about making up with that actor?
He's ancient history... since yesterday.
Just made it with a cop and a delivery boy.
It was sex, but Kiler is my love!
But Kiler is dead.
How come? I laid him a moment ago.
Kidding. A groom...
But Jurek's alive. I'm going to see him.
If that daughter of mine is right,
it's going to be a scene tomorrow.
Why, we have that photo from Jackal!
If Kiler and Morales show up together,
who will Waldek give the gold?
- Fifty-fifty? - To neither of them.
So you must find Kiler, dead or alive.
Why me?
You have to earn your bars of gold.
Find, catch, and bring him to me.
By 10 a.m. tomorrow. Morales is there at 11.
To hell with that delivery!
Think of your pension. Find, catch, and bring him to me.
Tomorrow at 10 a.m. We arrive at 11:00.
I have an idea about this.
What is that?
- Out with you, fries! - Theyre not small.
- Who are they? - Were Young Wolves.
New blood.
The best in town.
- And what can they do? - Practically everything.
I specialize in extortion, ransoms, and hits.
Rapes on order or without.
Amps - production, distribution, masturbation.
Name's Zbigniew. Demolition derby artist.
Dry off and find me Kiler, dead or alive.
And you, rapist, steer clear of my wife!
Thank you very much, Ewa. Er... Dona.
What did you say?
Sorry, but I still can't get over
my parting with her.
Can't you forget it on our wedding day?
Stop it! Why warm over that joke?
Youre being funny!
Coffee?
Sure.
My father was surprised that youre alive.
He thinks I'm joking. Yet I'm not.
My life's in jeopardy.
3 assassination attempts in 3 days. One successful.
You see the odds?
I got bigger stress than Salman Rushdie.
No wonder your dad was surprised.
Nothing wrong will happen to you by my side.
Where's my today's paper?
I forgot. I'll bring it to you, my prince.
Silly nymphomaniac me!
The grub's warm. So he must be somewhere near.
Since it's warm, he's sure to come back.
I love this ob!
Been thinking all my life who I want to be
and I know now: a gangster.
- I am one and proud of it. - You are a gangster?
I am a gangster.
You - a screw-up not a gangster.
Youre a screw-up yourself and a glutton.
Drop the claws, you sissies!
Why should it go to waste? Yummy. Want a bite?
Don't walk around. Sit down.
I won't until my gangster's instinct let's up.
He must be somewhere here.
Not mine.
- Nor mine. - Mine not either.
Your paper's sold out. I'll take another one.
Why are you calling? Makes no difference.
There's an article about you. I'll take it then.
Makes no difference to me.
I'll leave soon, so I can't clean up. I'll call you.
Good. I got many errands to run.
I love you.
Love you too. Bye.
- Hi, boys. Have we met? - We know you.
Something urgent? I happen to have something
at 11:00, so I don't have much time.
We've dropped by to detain you.
- Is this a trap? - Exactly.
Look, boys...
Were no boys but Young Wolves.
So it's you!
So listen, young wolves,
to an old fox.
I first was a hit man and next a philanthropist.
So it's my duty to give you some advice.
Be quick, Kiler. It's getting late.
One day in a suitcase and the next - out.
Today you have the upper hand.
Be brief.
I'm talking dignity here. The point is
not to humiliate your adversary. Is that clear?
Excuse me.
I wonder
if a kick in the ass is permissible?
Good question. The answer is: absolutely not!
To mash your mug with an elbow?
I understand the temptation, but you must resist it.
My knee in your crotch?
Regrettably, I have to answer no.
So what the f... is permissible?
The code of honour is very precise here: you can
browbeat, send a written admonition,
try to persuade, and finally reprimand.
We got three reprimands.
Get in!
- I spoke of dignity... - Shut your trap!
That's it! A classic friendly persuasion!
And to shut your trap with a duct?
Got to repeat my lecture.
What time is it?
Remember me?
So now you will!
Why so early? But I see it.
HI, WALDEK! I'VE COME FOR THE GOLD.
Why don't you speak?
I'm VERY SICK AND CAN'T TALK. GIMMI THE GOLD.
Cool it. Not so fast. It's 3 tons.
I wonder what you'll use it for.
No, I can't any faster. Why, theyre loading it.
Where are you going on vacation?
I know! Stop kidding me.
I'm going to Spain. It's cheaper out of season.
TO JUREK KILER HIS COUNTRYMEN
When will Mr. Kiler arrive?
Any minute, Mr. President.
No assassination attempts, I hope.
No, not today. Too darn hot.
An interesting composition. Who designed it?
The Swiss.
Is that all pure gold?
Pure and clean this morning. Now it's them pigeons.
I see...
Thank you, gentlemen.
Lipski, how about splitting up the loot now?
Let's celebrate first. Come for a treat.
To poison us all?
Over and done with.
Kiler's well packed. He won't run away.
Let's go.
Lunch without the guitar is like Lipski without Siara.
Ewa!
Good. Some men will bring a carpet.
I've come to let them in. Since youre here,
you can do it just as well. I got to run.
- I have trouble with the gold. - And I have trouble with you.
Just came to leave the keys.
The rest is in the letter.
In the letter? You've written to me? Darling!
Let me read it and answer you right away.
"Dear Jurek: I regret to admit how disappointed I am
with your new lifestyle, the women you pick up,
and, especially, with your wedding at 1:30 p.m."
But Ewa, this is a painful and shallow estimate.
Written under severe emotional strain.
It's still me, your Jurek Kiler, cabbie.
You really think I'll show up at that wedding?
Then why these invitations?
It's that airhead's idea. Her printing school pals
print what they please and then circulate in town.
Don't you feed me that bullshit!
Let me show you something.
Look at the van
with 3 tons of gold worth $ 30 million?
Want a bar? I'll come downstairs and bring it.
Just kidding. I'm taking it to Jasna St.
I'm closing the foundation.
Closing?
This country will fold without it.
But for your donations it would have already.
I'm talking to you while youre already outside.
Where are you? Here or there?
Are there two of you?
I must stop my double!
- Got your heat? - They've taken it away.
- Take mine. - Loaded with blanks?
Yet we got it.
Didn't your dad happen to visit here 35 years ago?
Ah muss kill you.
Your twin brother?
Our success is complete! Clean up the van. Quick!
- But be quick! - And him?
Put him on that bench. The bus will soon come.
Didn't you kill him?
Kill him?
Now that we have the gold, why kill him?
Kill ah muss.
If you must, you must. To my place!
Breathe!
Something must have stopped him.
There are traffic jams on his street.
You've done a great ob,
a really great ob, my friend Jose!
So you deserve a big suitcase of dollars.
Thanks to you, I may start over my gangster life again.
It's going to be easy street for both of us.
Will you ever understand?
This is my friend Jose Arcadio Morales,
a great Cuban essayist and my bosom buddy.
Morales?
How can you tell that he's not Kiler?
I've just seen Senor Morales kill Kiler. With my own eyes.
The world is too small for two Kilers.
My Jurek is dead?
What your Jurek, floozy?! Go and dress!
Don't you shake your tits in front of my guest,
a flesh and blood Latino!
You've killed him, you pig, you macho murderer!
Very good. Quiet! Were resting now
after the biggest heist of the millennium. Out!
Arcadio, here.
Why did you turn off the phone, moron?
- I was taking a bath, creep. - Where's my gold?
I got it all and suggest we split it up on a new basis.
Why?
Cause I got it in the first place.
Second: I take care of Morales.
Third: I killed Kiler once for all.
So three bars for me, one for you.
Out with this wind!
Good.
We can split it up fifty-fifty. I agree.
By offing Kiler you've broken
my daughter's heart. They were going to marry.
This is how we do it:
Morales is Kiler's double. Why not using him?
Nobody will know, let alone your jockey girl.
Three bars for me and two for you, OK?
Deal.
Grab the gold and Morales. And see you in church.
Which?
Where are those invitations?
- Dad? What now? - Don't call me Dad in public.
Ferdinand, what now?
Cool it. They'll be right on time.
Be brave. That Dona is a real fine gal.
Dad's a small-time thief. Careful.
I wish you happiness.
Jurek, where have you been?
What will the future bring if you hurt me now?
Go there and I'll wait here.
No. You've been invited. So come along.
- As who? - Bridegroom's father.
A godfather rather.
God, where are you from? So beautiful!
Do you Aldona Maria Lipska...
First name basis?
But I must put it this way.
Oh, I didn't know. Carry on.
Do you... Miss Aldona Maria Lipska
take this Jurek Maria Kilar...
This your real name?
Father, concentrate, please. It's all written in there.
...to be thy wedded husband to love, cherish and to obey,
till death...
us do part... I do!
Do you Jurek Maria Kiler
take this Aldona Maria Lipska to be your wife
to love, cherish and to obey
till death you do part?
Yes.
But I have to hear it from you.
No!!!
I guess my girl is right.
I'm sorry but I'm not ready yet.
- I'm going to kill him. - Let's split up first.
Why is he so sleepy?
When he came to, I had to paralyze him.
- You speak Spanish? - Out of fear.
Here you are my dearest!
Have no fear.
You hesitate, but don't do it to me.
Everything will be OK.
I'll stop swearing and quit that nymphomaniac stuff.
Well?
Come on! You can't. Everybody is waiting.
...to love,
...cherish and to obey till death do you part?
I pronounce you man and wife.
Would you like to march with me?
Why, you got a husband.
The point is to kill Siara, my husband.
What now?
I forgot to fill her up.
Before the action? Out go 3 tons of gold!
And all you had in mind was marrying that Dona.
I said no.
I said no!
So no gas and no van full of gold.
We may thumb a ride. I got a gas can.
Thumb a ride? Thumb your nose!
Oh shit! The split-up kaput!
We'll give them a bar and they'll let us go.
Good day. Your license please.
For speeding, Officer?
- Why this sweat? - It's the heat.
I'll put the heat on you. Get out, please!
- Let's make a deal. - Good idea.
- It may be your big day. - Would that it were.
- Siara, are you at it again? - Why?
- Those are your Young Wolves! - Yes, indeed...
A masquerade? Back to the paddy wagon!
You get in there! Quick!
You thought that youd get away with it?
Pushing me around all the time?
Kicking my ass and Id take it?
Enough already.
Mine is the gold and now I call the shots.
- Who is best? - You are.
What's this "you" shit? Call me mister!
- Mister Skinny is the best. - So is his mob.
And his mob is the best too.
What do you say, Siara?
Skinny, youre not all there.
What do you say?!
- I agree! - What?
- Mister Skinny is tops? - And his mob too.
Good. Get in the wagon!
Mister Skinny? There's enough gold for us all.
You don't know my needs.
You drive first.
Catch her!
Enough of this, Skinny.
Freeze!
Siara, Lipski, and three fake cops! Five real criminals.
Excuse me, four.
Thank you, Sarge.
- Long live the nation! - He was a plant?
I'm a cop and I love my work.
You'll see what I can do, Fish.
Hardy, aren't you, Skinny?
I'll see what I'll see.
What did you show?
- It's going to come up roses. - This I know.
Lock up those fake cops.
The judge will find an article...
- Three mobs in one swoop. - It takes two to tango...
Fish here, calling Aquarium. Over.
Want a ride, Ewa?
Why, this is our van!
Where to?
Were a little late. Theyre waiting at the bank.
3 tons of gold for them?
What am I to do with it? Mint medals?
This is the last time. I'm fed up with philanthropy.
What if they waste it? Better think it over.
We will.
Do you think we should wait any longer?
Keep on trucking.