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BIRDEMIC: The Best Worst Movie Ever - JonTron

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    Hey, Jaque.
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    Guess what, today's a special day.
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    Jaque: I'm not going to do that.
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    Well, that's right.
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    'Cause today, we're doing a video
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    about birds!
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    Jaque: How dare you say that to me.
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    You know my mother was a bird.
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    Well, yes.
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    Yeah, yeah I'm-
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    I'm aware.
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    Jaque: Are you trying to give birds a worse name than they already have?
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    Has pigeon poopenheimer not done enough?
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    How dare you say that to me.
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    You know my mother
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    was pigeon poopenheimer.
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    This movie right here:
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    "Birdemic: Shock and Terror".
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    Wooh..
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    There is nothing
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    that can prepare you for this.
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    Now for better, or for worse,
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    this is gonna change your life,
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    and I'm gonna be the one to show you the light.
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    So let's cut to the chase
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    and all take a gander.
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    GET IT?
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    IT'S LIKE A GOOSE!
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    At "Birdemic: Shock and Terror".
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    There's nothin' in here.
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    There's no- I've cheated you.
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    I've cheated all of you
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    and you didn't even notice.
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    So, as you can see,
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    our film of the hour begins with a wonderful Sunday drive through the hillside.
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    You know, I gotta say.
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    It's really progressive of the people who made this movie
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    to hire a cameraman with only one arm.
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    I know this overture stuff is sort of here to set the mood,
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    so hey, if the mood
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    they were going for was sleepy,
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    hold on to your hats.
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    Because you're gonna slump over
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    and it's gonna fall off.
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    Seriously,
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    this goes on for the first 3 1/2 minutes in the movie.
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    Aw, finally.
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    Let's get a good shot of that parking job.
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    Excellent.
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    Hey, if this guy acts as good as he parks,
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    I think we're in for a hell of a ride.
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    Hey, whatcha lookin' for?
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    The director?
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    Yeah, I know.
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    I don't see him either.
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    [In announcer voice] And introducing,
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    the world's first synthetic actor.
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    [Terminator 2 theme plays]
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    I'll be back.
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    Woman [clipped audio]: Hey!
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    Geh.
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    Jon: What was that?
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    Have I've finally gone deaf
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    from sitting too close to the TV?
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    Woman: Hey!
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    I love how
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    unsure she is about saying hello.
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    Yeah I don't-
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    I don't think anyone was, uh..
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    too sure about anything
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    during the filming of this.
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    Woman: Here's a menu.
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    Rod: Thank you.
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    I'll be right back with you.
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    Jon: Oh, god, please!
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    There's absolutely no need for that!
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    I haven't seen any birds yet,
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    but I'm already feeling the shock and terror.
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    So Jack Skellington over here
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    decides to literally run after this girl he sees in the restaurant
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    to ask her a few questions.
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    Rod: I think I know you from somewhere.
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    Nathalie: Really?
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    Yeah, did you go to San Mateo High School?
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    Jon: Oh my god.
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    This is riveting.
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    Rod: So, are you from here?
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    Jon: What is this guy, Commander Shepard?
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    [in Shepard voice] What can you tell me about the Reapers?
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    Nathalie: Thanks.
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    [Audio clip]
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    Jon: What's with these random audio cutouts?
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    I-I mean there's not knowing how to make a film
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    and then there's being so bad that
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    I-I jus-Idon- I don't even-
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    Why is the audio cutting out?
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    Whoops.
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    Looks like they accidentally got a good shot.
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    News Anchor: In other news today, the-
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    population of polar bears is declining rap-
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    Jon [Over Anchor's voice]: Hey.
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    Hey, hey.
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    Can you move the camera down a bit? Jus-
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    Move that d- The ca-
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    The camera's a bit high up!
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    Lemme tell ya, if you were afraid
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    you were gonna miss even one bit of this guy's day,
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    you can put those qualms to rest.
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    You get to see literally everything he does.
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    I'll say it.
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    I'll say it just in case uh-
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    someone out there doesn't know-
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    You're not supposed to show your characters
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    in traffic,
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    and then getting gas,
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    and then in traffic,
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    and then getting a fucking banana,
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    and driving then parking- WHAT IS THIS??!
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    Rod: May I place your order today?
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    Great, thanks. We appreciate your buisness.
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    Woo-hoo!
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    [snickers]
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    S-s-seriously?
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    Guy: Hey.
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    What's w-with all the noise?
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    I'm sorry, whatwuzit?
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    Guy: What's w-with all the noise?
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    [Impersonating Guy's voice] I d-don't know what you're talkin' about.
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    Rod: Caught the big fish.
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    Yeah?
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    How big was the sale?
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    One million dollars.
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    Guy: Awesome, man!
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    Biggest sale of my career!
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    Well, I'm proud of ya!
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    Jon: Ohhhh my god.
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    How far are we into this movie?
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    11 minutes?
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    Eh.
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    This is gonna be a long day.
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    So literally,
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    everything ever is going well for all the main characters at this point.
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    Literally everyone's like:
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    [in feminine voice] "Guess what?
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    You won the priiize!"
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    "Oh my gwaaaad!"
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    Woman: You are welcome.
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    You- you worked very hard
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    so here's your chance to impress them.
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    Congratulations again!
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    Jon: It's so absurd, I can barely comment.
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    Here's a basketball scene.
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    Here's a car scene.
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    Jaque: Here's a bird.
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    There's no birds.
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    How dare you...
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    So then, I guess, as is the logical progression,
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    there's a scene where a guy comes to his house
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    an-and I'm tellin' all here
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    says he's from a solar panel company
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    and then installs a solar panel on his house.
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    [yellow text]
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    Think there's anything more?
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    Think this is a setup to something good?
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    [yellow text]
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    Look, I'm fucking serious.
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    Sherry: Hi, my name is Sherry Owens.
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    I'm from solar power accessories.
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    Where are you gonna put it?
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    Come, and I'll show you.
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    [audio cut]
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    And that there's where we're going to install your solar panel.
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    Let me lay this down for you.
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    Hitchcock, Kubrick, Coppola,
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    Nguyen.
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    Okay?
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    Let's- can we just get to the romantic subplot already?
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    Please?
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    Rod: It's for you.
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    Thanks, that's sweet.
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    I work at a startup company called NCT Software.
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    Got this stock option.
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    Hopefully, if the company makes it big by-
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    Jon: Never mind, I take it BACK!
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    Oh j-
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    Oh jeez.
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    Birds, it's happening.
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    There's birds.
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    I-I've never been happier to see a bird.
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    Jaque: Well, I'm right here.
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    [kiss]
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    You didn't have to do that, but you did it anyways.
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    Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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    [yellow text]
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    If you know what I'm saying?
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    [Huph]
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    So next up, the girl goes home to her mom,
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    which, can I say this,
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    this is true loveliness.
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    The woman playing the mother is just so sincere, it hurts.
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    Have a look.
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    Mother: What's that smile all about?
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    [kiss smooch]
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    Mother: Well, I can understand that.
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    You know- uh- [cough].
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    Well, keep me in-
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    you know, keep me informed along the way.
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    Jon: It's the little things that keep you going.
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    So now randomly,
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    we find ourselves in a boardroom meeting.
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    Okay, what does this guy have to say?
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    Boss: Ladies and gentlemen,
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    I have some great news.
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    Our board of directors has agreed to the acquisition of NCT Software by Oracle Corporation
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    for a billion dollars!
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    A BILLION DOLLAZ?!
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    [Everyone claps]
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    Boss: Brilliant.
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    Jon: This is the most amazing scene in the entire movie.
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    The sheer amount of non-understanding of said medium is astounding.
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    Boss: You guys-
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    you guys have worked hard and
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    you've all earned your stock option.
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    Congratulations!
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    [Claps and cheers continue with happy music]
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    Guy: Chicks love cars.
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    If you want to get into their pants,
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    you better have a nice, hot Ferrari.
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    She's my hot Ferrari.
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    Besides, I love my Mustang, which is a plug-in hybrid.
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    It gets 100 MPG.
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    Jon [in announcer voice]: The new Ford Mustang.
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    Apply now for 0% APR financing.
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    Rod: Man, that was a good movie.
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    "An Inconvenient Truth".
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    Jon: I've seen wooden actors.
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    I've also seen wood, and nothing,
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    NOTHING comes close to fem-Shep over here.
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    I mean, the other actors in this movie aren't anyting special,
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    but they don't even come close
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    to this guy's genuine level of awful.
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    This guy reads his lines like he's trying to do a tribute to
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    Bishop from "Aliens".
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    Rod: Yeah, I earned it.
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    All those big deals I do with NCT.
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    Bishop: That explains it then.
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    The A2s always were a bit twitchy.
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    Jon: How did- h-
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    no one just be like:
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    "Hey, hey hold on for a second.
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    Does anyone else notice that
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    Did anyone-
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    'Cause if it's just me,
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    I'l go walk off that cliff over there.
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    In fact, I'm gonna do it anyways."
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    Mother: Oh, hi!
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    Rod, Nat tells me that you are a very successful salesman.
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    Jon: This mom character
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    th-d-this mom character-
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    I can't even put into words the feeling she makes me feel.
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    It's like the director forgot if he was filming a movie
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    or a documentary about the sweetest woman alive.
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    Rod: So, are you enjoying your retirement?
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    Ah- love the retirement.
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    I was a jeweler for 30 years and
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    sometimes I miss not going into the jewelry store, but-
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    you know, I really like retirement.
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    I like to travel, I like to cruise.
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    Umm- and I enjoy watching television, and-
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    Jon: I-is this acting?
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    C-can this be classified as acting
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    and did they just film her on her lunch break?
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    No movie's complete
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    without a 4 minute Wayne Brady dance scene.
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    [Damien Carter's "Just Hangin' Out" plays]
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    [In garbled voice] Look at those moves!
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    It looks like the Tin Man has found true love at last.
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    Now he just needs a brain.
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    [Slow piano music]
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    Aw...
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    Awwwwh!!!
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    Stop.
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    STOP.
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    Stop, this is infringing on my rights.
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    You stop that foot shit
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    Okay, we are 40 minutes into this movie
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    and I don't see any goddamn birds.
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    [Birds squacking]
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    [Dive bomb]
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    Well, that's about enough life for me for one day.
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    Lemme check the time.
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    Yeah, it's about that time.
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    [crash]
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    I take it back.
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    Go back to where there weren't birds.
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    Are these birds...
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    dive bombing?
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    Like 1940's Kamikaze pilots?
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    [dive bomb]
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    [yellow text]
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    This scene just shows up
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    40 minutes into the movie.
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    Di-j-di-diz- WHAT?
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    Ladies and gentlemen,
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    I introduce you to rock bottom.
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    [moving around, clanking stuff]
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    Rod: Shit, here they come.
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    [Hawk screeching]
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    [Only seagull sound effects]
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    [Funky techno music]
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    Jon: Well, I hope they're proud of themselves.
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    They've done it.
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    They've broke me.
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    I have- no words for this.
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    The best part of this scene isn't even what we're seing here.
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    The best part is just imagining what was going through these actors' heads
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    while they were literally just standing there
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    swatting at the air with wire hangers.
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    So then, they fire some M4s at the air at some birds for a while.
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    That happens for a while.
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    Rod: Hey, look.
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    There's an old guy on the bridge.
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    Dr. Jones: Hey, hey. Stand back!
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    These birds are contagious, now go away.
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    Keeper: What is your favorite color?
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    Jon: Man, this guy is really standing his ground
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    as troll of the bridge.
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    I don't think they're gonna be able to get across.
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    Rod: Can't we just talk about it a-at the picnic area?
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    You wanna talk?
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    Okay, alright.
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    Jon: Aw, well, oh-oh...
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    Well, that was easy.
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    So tell us,
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    Mr. Expository Scientist,
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    what horror is causing this outbreak?
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    Did they break out from some evil lab?
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    Are they genetic mutations?
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    Dr. Jones: These birds?
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    No way, they're dead from the, uh, Bird Flu virus.
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    But what I do know is
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    global warming is causing viral diseases,
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    such as Bird Flu,
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    West Nile Virus,
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    and SARS.
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    But, there is scientific evidence to show that
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    because of our burning of fossil fuels and creating greenhouse gases,
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    which is causing global warming.
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    It's raising the temperature of the seas
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    and-and species like the krill are dying.
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    Jon: Okay, hold on now.
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    Am I watching a horror movie
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    or an episode of NOVA Science Now?
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    What is this shit?
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    Watching this movie try to explain itself
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    is like watching Ms. South Carolina.
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    I personally believe- that
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    Dr Jones: global warming is causing viral diseases
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    Ms. Teen: and, that Iraq, everywhere, like, such as
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    Dr. Jones: 'cause of our burning of fossil fuels and creating greenhouse gases.
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    [Hawk shreeking]
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    [Yells]
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    [Only hawk noises]
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    Jon: Bird acid.
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    Global warming and the fossil fuels is causing
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    I don't know about you,
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    but this is flawless.
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    Rod: Hi, the eagles killed our friends.
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    Uh, do you have a phone I can use to call the police?
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    [Unimportant dialogue in heavy accent]
  • 12:24 - 12:27
    Wow, are we in a real store right now?
  • 12:27 - 12:28
    Would you do me a favor
  • 12:28 - 12:30
    and just look how real this guy is? And
  • 12:30 - 12:31
    i-i-embrace it for me.
  • 12:31 - 12:33
    Rod: Well, we need some gas.
  • 12:33 - 12:34
    Well, you know, from the eagle attack,
  • 12:34 - 12:36
    we are short on gas, but
  • 12:36 - 12:38
    it's $100 a gallon if you want it.
  • 12:38 - 12:40
    Jon: That guy right there is probably the guy
  • 12:40 - 12:41
    who actually runs the store.
  • 12:41 - 12:43
    They probably just walked in and were like:
  • 12:43 - 12:44
    "Da- you wanna be in this movie?'
  • 12:44 - 12:44
    And he was like:
  • 12:44 - 12:46
    [in accent] "Da- I probably a-can be in this movie."
  • 12:46 - 12:48
    This movie is a masterpiece!
  • 12:48 - 12:51
    It blurs the line between reality and fantasy
  • 12:51 - 12:53
    and we're just sorta stuck in its limbo.
  • 12:53 - 12:54
    It's beautiful.
  • 12:54 - 12:55
    Beautiful limbo.
  • 12:55 - 12:57
    So now, after being stuck in a while
  • 12:57 - 13:00
    in this post-apocalyptic bird future,
  • 13:00 - 13:03
    they buy some gas and drive off on their way.
  • 13:03 - 13:04
    And then we have a run-in with a guy I'd like to call
  • 13:04 - 13:06
    Cool Hand McStoneface.
  • 13:06 - 13:07
    Cool Hand: Howdy.
  • 13:07 - 13:08
    Hi.
  • 13:08 - 13:10
    Can you sell me some gas for my truck?
  • 13:10 - 13:11
    Jon: Think you can move-uh,
  • 13:11 - 13:12
    a few of those muscles?
  • 13:12 - 13:13
    Rod: Sorry, but we need it.
  • 13:17 - 13:19
    Woah, woah. Take it easy, take it easy.
  • 13:19 - 13:21
    Jon: Woah, man. Those are some serious demands.
  • 13:24 - 13:25
    for that gas
  • 13:25 - 13:26
    whether you like it or not."
  • 13:26 - 13:28
    And then he gets his neck sliced by a falcon.
  • 13:28 - 13:29
    Yeah, uh-
  • 13:29 - 13:30
    [yellow text]
  • 13:30 - 13:30
    Do you not?
  • 13:31 - 13:33
    Uh, guys, y-you can uh-e
  • 13:33 - 13:35
    y-you can grab that gas.
  • 13:35 - 13:37
    You c- you- you're leaving it.
  • 13:38 - 13:39
    So next, they make their way to the forest
  • 13:39 - 13:41
    to try and escape this uh-
  • 13:41 - 13:42
    Birdemic as it were.
  • 13:42 - 13:43
    And then of course, what else,
  • 13:43 - 13:46
    they meet a friendly forest creepman who informs them about
  • 13:46 - 13:48
    I-uh d-beeltes?
  • 13:48 - 13:50
    Eating the trees?
  • 13:50 - 13:53
    Tree Hugger: Even worse, the spruce bark beetles are
  • 13:53 - 13:56
    eating these trees to death and turning them from green to red.
  • 13:57 - 14:00
    I remember when those beetles used to die out during the winter.
  • 14:00 - 14:01
    Jon: Mmm-my god.
  • 14:01 - 14:03
    Every character in this movie
  • 14:03 - 14:04
    speaks in run-on sentences.
  • 14:04 - 14:06
    I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this movie
  • 14:06 - 14:08
    was written by Charlotte Brontë.
  • 14:08 - 14:11
    ["The Price is Right" Theme plays]
  • 14:11 - 14:15
    [Drum beat]
  • 14:15 - 14:17
    Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
  • 14:17 - 14:18
    JonTron used our joke.
  • 14:20 - 14:21
    That's some dirty shit.
  • 14:21 - 14:23
    I know man, that's our joke.
  • 14:23 - 14:24
    No, man. The book, man.
  • 14:24 - 14:25
    That's dirty as fuck, man.
  • 14:25 - 14:26
    Keep reading.
  • 14:26 - 14:27
    Mmm, yeah. This is pretty good.
  • 14:28 - 14:30
    "King Misfit whipped out his
  • 14:30 - 14:32
    halacious cock."
  • 14:32 - 14:34
    Yeah, I have the weirdest boner right now.
  • 14:34 - 14:35
    Jon: I just don't get it.
  • 14:35 - 14:37
    Why did the director feel such a strong conviction
  • 14:37 - 14:40
    towards sending an environmentalist message?
  • 14:40 - 14:41
    It's not even subtle.
  • 14:41 - 14:44
    Tony: So, you're a Tree Hugger?
  • 14:44 - 14:46
    Jon: Shit, for a guy who's such an environmentalist,
  • 14:46 - 14:49
    he sure did drive a lot of cars around in his movie.
  • 14:49 - 14:52
    For a looonng time.
  • 14:52 - 14:53
    [Off-distance growl]
  • 14:53 - 14:54
    Tree Hugger: D-d-d-I hear a mountain lion.
  • 14:54 - 14:55
    I gotta get back to my house.
  • 14:55 - 14:56
    You better get to your car.
  • 14:56 - 14:57
    Jon: Okay.
  • 14:57 - 14:58
    Good, sure. I'll buy it.
  • 14:58 - 14:59
    Move on.
  • 14:59 - 15:01
    Rod: Dammit, we ran out of gas.
  • 15:01 - 15:02
    Jon: Oh.
  • 15:02 - 15:04
    I don't know what could of helped you out there.
  • 15:04 - 15:08
    So a whoooole lot of absolutely nothing happens,
  • 15:08 - 15:09
    then they fight some more birds and then,
  • 15:09 - 15:10
    d-j-just like that,
  • 15:10 - 15:11
    the birds retreat
  • 15:11 - 15:12
    d-
  • 15:12 - 15:12
    uh,
  • 15:12 - 15:13
    Are we done?
  • 15:14 - 15:15
    [Walks away from mic] I-Is it over?
  • 15:15 - 15:17
    Hmm, that looks familiar.
  • 15:17 - 15:20
    [Peaceful music]
  • 15:20 - 15:21
    Yeah,
  • 15:21 - 15:23
    it was probably a good idea to leave this shot hanging for so long.
  • 15:23 - 15:24
    Is the cameraman dead?
  • 15:24 - 15:26
    Is he de- Am I dead?
  • 15:26 - 15:26
    Lemme check my pulse.
  • 15:26 - 15:28
    Yeah- y- ye
  • 15:29 - 15:30
    [gunshots]
  • 15:30 - 15:31
    I mean, I'm not gonna lie,
  • 15:31 - 15:34
    I still find more enjoyment in movies like The Room and Troll 2.
  • 15:34 - 15:36
    But I think this movie holds its own
  • 15:36 - 15:38
    among the terribad titans that we've grown to love.
  • 15:38 - 15:40
    Through all the putrid editing,
  • 15:40 - 15:42
    horrible special effects,
  • 15:42 - 15:44
    nonexistent sound editing,
  • 15:44 - 15:45
    cinematography of a toddler,
  • 15:45 - 15:46
    droning music,
  • 15:46 - 15:47
    cardboard characters,
  • 15:47 - 15:50
    preachy as fuck environmental message,
  • 15:50 - 15:51
    and everything else wrong with it.
  • 15:51 - 15:54
    There's just something charming and lovable about it.
  • 15:54 - 15:55
    If you can say one thing for this film,
  • 15:55 - 15:57
    I guess you can go ahead and say:
  • 15:59 - 16:00
    But on the other hand,
  • 16:00 - 16:01
    if you wanted to say something
  • 16:01 - 16:04
    that made you sound like a critic that wanted to feel important about himself,
  • 16:04 - 16:07
    I guess you can call it:
  • 16:08 - 16:09
    So there you have it.
  • 16:09 - 16:11
    The best worst movie ever-
  • 16:11 - 16:12
    Oh my god, EH!
  • 16:12 - 16:13
    [Hawk screeching]
  • 16:13 - 16:14
    Whazdat?
  • 16:15 - 16:16
    Getdaehy!
  • 16:17 - 16:18
    KubrAM-
  • 16:19 - 16:20
    Thanks for watching!
  • 16:20 - 16:24
    Now what I need you to do is to click that big red annotation on the right
  • 16:24 - 16:25
    and go watch some more "Continue?"
  • 16:25 - 16:26
    And if you click on the left,
  • 16:26 - 16:28
    you can watch some more of my videos.
  • 16:28 - 16:31
    [whipsers] But they're not as goooood!!
Title:
BIRDEMIC: The Best Worst Movie Ever - JonTron
Description:

http://www.NormalBoots.com

LETS ALL TAKE A GANDER. GET IT. LIKE A GOOSE.

http://www.Facebook.com/JonTronShow

http://www.Twitter.com/JonTronShow

THANKS to http://www.YouTube.com/TheWarpZone for filming!!

GO CLICK ON http://www.DidYouKnowGaming.com

Special thanks to Medri Fogmatio for the CGI Jacques: http://medrifogmatio.deviantart.com/

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Video Language:
English
Duration:
16:37

English subtitles

Revisions