0:00:25.662,0:00:26.491
Hey, Jaque.
0:00:26.491,0:00:28.461
Guess what, today's a special day.
0:00:28.860,0:00:30.405
Jaque: I'm not going to do that.
0:00:30.405,0:00:31.200
Well, that's right.
0:00:31.200,0:00:32.763
'Cause today, we're doing a video
0:00:32.763,0:00:34.229
about birds!
0:00:34.490,0:00:36.258
Jaque: How dare you say that to me.
0:00:36.258,0:00:37.966
You know my mother was a bird.
0:00:37.966,0:00:39.200
Well, yes.
0:00:39.200,0:00:40.114
Yeah, yeah I'm-
0:00:40.114,0:00:41.171
I'm aware.
0:00:41.540,0:00:45.075
Jaque: Are you trying to give birds a worse name than they already have?
0:00:45.075,0:00:47.479
Has pigeon poopenheimer not done enough?
0:00:47.786,0:00:49.520
How dare you say that to me.
0:00:49.520,0:00:50.347
You know my mother
0:00:50.347,0:00:51.579
was pigeon poopenheimer.
0:00:52.209,0:00:53.752
This movie right here:
0:00:53.752,0:00:55.219
"Birdemic: Shock and Terror".
0:00:55.219,0:00:56.253
Wooh..
0:00:56.253,0:00:57.121
There is nothing
0:00:57.121,0:00:58.489
that can prepare you for this.
0:00:58.796,0:01:00.439
Now for better, or for worse,
0:01:00.439,0:01:01.725
this is gonna change your life,
0:01:01.725,0:01:03.057
and I'm gonna be the one to show you the light.
0:01:03.057,0:01:04.094
So let's cut to the chase
0:01:04.094,0:01:05.607
and all take a gander.
0:01:05.607,0:01:06.286
GET IT?
0:01:06.439,0:01:07.777
IT'S LIKE A GOOSE!
0:01:08.146,0:01:09.897
At "Birdemic: Shock and Terror".
0:01:09.897,0:01:10.734
There's nothin' in here.
0:01:10.734,0:01:12.709
There's no- I've cheated you.
0:01:13.555,0:01:14.355
I've cheated all of you
0:01:14.355,0:01:15.372
and you didn't even notice.
0:01:17.986,0:01:19.043
So, as you can see,
0:01:19.043,0:01:22.480
our film of the hour begins with a wonderful Sunday drive through the hillside.
0:01:22.480,0:01:24.260
You know, I gotta say.
0:01:24.260,0:01:26.165
It's really progressive of the people who made this movie
0:01:26.165,0:01:28.355
to hire a cameraman with only one arm.
0:01:28.355,0:01:30.786
I know this overture stuff is sort of here to set the mood,
0:01:30.786,0:01:31.754
so hey, if the mood
0:01:31.754,0:01:33.291
they were going for was sleepy,
0:01:33.291,0:01:34.491
hold on to your hats.
0:01:34.491,0:01:35.694
Because you're gonna slump over
0:01:35.694,0:01:36.992
and it's gonna fall off.
0:01:36.992,0:01:37.995
Seriously,
0:01:37.995,0:01:40.669
this goes on for the first 3 1/2 minutes in the movie.
0:01:40.946,0:01:41.533
Aw, finally.
0:01:41.963,0:01:43.767
Let's get a good shot of that parking job.
0:01:44.259,0:01:44.800
Excellent.
0:01:45.138,0:01:46.953
Hey, if this guy acts as good as he parks,
0:01:46.953,0:01:48.468
I think we're in for a hell of a ride.
0:01:48.729,0:01:49.680
Hey, whatcha lookin' for?
0:01:49.680,0:01:50.533
The director?
0:01:50.763,0:01:51.363
Yeah, I know.
0:01:51.363,0:01:52.471
I don't see him either.
0:01:52.471,0:01:53.901
[In announcer voice] And introducing,
0:01:53.901,0:01:56.453
the world's first synthetic actor.
0:01:56.668,0:02:00.815
[Terminator 2 theme plays]
0:02:01.645,0:02:03.141
I'll be back.
0:02:06.034,0:02:06.690
Woman [clipped audio]: Hey!
0:02:07.274,0:02:07.869
Geh.
0:02:08.284,0:02:08.959
Jon: What was that?
0:02:08.959,0:02:10.114
Have I've finally gone deaf
0:02:10.114,0:02:11.868
from sitting too close to the TV?
0:02:12.744,0:02:13.324
Woman: Hey!
0:02:13.462,0:02:14.132
I love how
0:02:14.132,0:02:16.439
unsure she is about saying hello.
0:02:16.608,0:02:17.168
Yeah I don't-
0:02:17.168,0:02:18.436
I don't think anyone was, uh..
0:02:18.927,0:02:19.903
too sure about anything
0:02:19.903,0:02:21.071
during the filming of this.
0:02:21.824,0:02:22.981
Woman: Here's a menu.
0:02:22.981,0:02:23.641
Rod: Thank you.
0:02:24.610,0:02:26.300
I'll be right back with you.
0:02:26.300,0:02:27.272
Jon: Oh, god, please!
0:02:27.272,0:02:29.232
There's absolutely no need for that!
0:02:29.232,0:02:31.137
I haven't seen any birds yet,
0:02:31.137,0:02:34.180
but I'm already feeling the shock and terror.
0:02:34.180,0:02:35.325
So Jack Skellington over here
0:02:35.325,0:02:38.532
decides to literally run after this girl he sees in the restaurant
0:02:38.532,0:02:40.115
to ask her a few questions.
0:02:40.253,0:02:41.534
Rod: I think I know you from somewhere.
0:02:41.780,0:02:42.490
Nathalie: Really?
0:02:42.828,0:02:44.728
Yeah, did you go to San Mateo High School?
0:02:44.728,0:02:45.636
Jon: Oh my god.
0:02:45.636,0:02:46.836
This is riveting.
0:02:47.450,0:02:48.832
Rod: So, are you from here?
0:02:48.832,0:02:51.136
Jon: What is this guy, Commander Shepard?
0:02:51.136,0:02:53.370
[in Shepard voice] What can you tell me about the Reapers?
0:02:53.785,0:02:54.646
Nathalie: Thanks.
0:02:54.646,0:02:55.452
[Audio clip]
0:02:55.897,0:02:57.734
Jon: What's with these random audio cutouts?
0:02:57.734,0:02:59.619
I-I mean there's not knowing how to make a film
0:02:59.619,0:03:01.287
and then there's being so bad that
0:03:01.287,0:03:02.967
I-I jus-Idon- I don't even-
0:03:02.967,0:03:04.659
Why is the audio cutting out?
0:03:04.659,0:03:05.382
Whoops.
0:03:05.382,0:03:07.201
Looks like they accidentally got a good shot.
0:03:07.662,0:03:08.819
News Anchor: In other news today, the-
0:03:08.819,0:03:11.152
population of polar bears is declining rap-
0:03:11.152,0:03:12.123
Jon [Over Anchor's voice]: Hey.
0:03:12.123,0:03:13.467
Hey, hey.
0:03:13.467,0:03:15.108
Can you move the camera down a bit? Jus-
0:03:15.108,0:03:16.326
Move that d- The ca-
0:03:16.695,0:03:18.228
The camera's a bit high up!
0:03:18.228,0:03:19.619
Lemme tell ya, if you were afraid
0:03:19.619,0:03:21.829
you were gonna miss even one bit of this guy's day,
0:03:21.829,0:03:24.020
you can put those qualms to rest.
0:03:24.020,0:03:27.449
You get to see literally everything he does.
0:03:27.449,0:03:28.138
I'll say it.
0:03:28.138,0:03:29.371
I'll say it just in case uh-
0:03:29.371,0:03:30.575
someone out there doesn't know-
0:03:30.575,0:03:32.444
You're not supposed to show your characters
0:03:32.444,0:03:33.240
in traffic,
0:03:33.240,0:03:34.479
and then getting gas,
0:03:34.479,0:03:35.485
and then in traffic,
0:03:35.485,0:03:36.480
and then getting a fucking banana,
0:03:36.480,0:03:38.362
and driving then parking- WHAT IS THIS??!
0:03:38.362,0:03:39.614
Rod: May I place your order today?[br]
0:03:40.398,0:03:42.219
Great, thanks. We appreciate your buisness.
0:03:43.065,0:03:44.422
Woo-hoo!
0:03:46.944,0:03:48.322
[snickers]
0:03:48.322,0:03:49.993
S-s-seriously?
0:03:50.762,0:03:52.005
Guy: Hey.
0:03:52.005,0:03:53.403
What's w-with all the noise?
0:03:53.403,0:03:54.271
I'm sorry, whatwuzit?
0:03:54.271,0:03:55.367
Guy: What's w-with all the noise?
0:03:55.367,0:03:57.222
[Impersonating Guy's voice] I d-don't know what you're talkin' about.
0:03:57.222,0:03:58.368
Rod: Caught the big fish.
0:03:59.137,0:04:00.037
Yeah?
0:04:00.037,0:04:01.278
How big was the sale?
0:04:01.278,0:04:02.837
One million dollars.
0:04:03.098,0:04:04.204
Guy: Awesome, man!
0:04:04.573,0:04:05.751
Biggest sale of my career!
0:04:06.474,0:04:07.445
Well, I'm proud of ya!
0:04:07.445,0:04:08.512
Jon: Ohhhh my god.
0:04:08.512,0:04:09.880
How far are we into this movie?
0:04:09.880,0:04:10.695
11 minutes?
0:04:10.879,0:04:11.415
Eh.
0:04:12.153,0:04:13.349
This is gonna be a long day.
0:04:13.841,0:04:14.446
So literally,
0:04:14.446,0:04:18.163
everything ever is going well for all the main characters at this point.
0:04:18.163,0:04:19.223
Literally everyone's like:
0:04:19.223,0:04:20.053
[in feminine voice] "Guess what?
0:04:20.529,0:04:22.256
You won the priiize!"
0:04:22.256,0:04:24.056
"Oh my gwaaaad!"
0:04:24.056,0:04:25.170
Woman: You are welcome.
0:04:25.170,0:04:26.631
You- you worked very hard
0:04:26.631,0:04:28.342
so here's your chance to impress them.
0:04:29.049,0:04:29.933
Congratulations again!
0:04:30.378,0:04:32.964
Jon: It's so absurd, I can barely comment.
0:04:32.964,0:04:34.238
Here's a basketball scene.
0:04:35.745,0:04:37.457
Here's a car scene.
0:04:38.643,0:04:39.843
Jaque: Here's a bird.
0:04:39.843,0:04:41.085
There's no birds.
0:04:41.085,0:04:42.519
How dare you...
0:04:43.149,0:04:45.301
So then, I guess, as is the logical progression,
0:04:45.301,0:04:46.991
there's a scene where a guy comes to his house
0:04:46.991,0:04:48.483
an-and I'm tellin' all here
0:04:48.483,0:04:49.726
says he's from a solar panel company
0:04:49.726,0:04:51.895
and then installs a solar panel on his house.
0:04:51.895,0:04:53.756
[yellow text]
0:04:53.756,0:04:54.696
Think there's anything more?
0:04:54.696,0:04:56.159
Think this is a setup to something good?
0:04:56.159,0:04:58.118
[yellow text]
0:04:58.118,0:04:59.496
Look, I'm fucking serious.
0:04:59.496,0:05:00.838
Sherry: Hi, my name is Sherry Owens.
0:05:00.838,0:05:02.627
I'm from solar power accessories.
0:05:02.627,0:05:03.866
Where are you gonna put it?
0:05:03.866,0:05:05.066
Come, and I'll show you.
0:05:05.066,0:05:06.656
[audio cut]
0:05:06.656,0:05:09.239
And that there's where we're going to install your solar panel.
0:05:13.530,0:05:14.575
Let me lay this down for you.
0:05:14.575,0:05:16.079
Hitchcock, Kubrick, Coppola,
0:05:16.079,0:05:17.197
Nguyen.
0:05:17.197,0:05:17.746
Okay?
0:05:17.746,0:05:20.093
Let's- can we just get to the romantic subplot already?
0:05:20.446,0:05:21.577
Please?
0:05:22.100,0:05:22.693
Rod: It's for you.
0:05:22.693,0:05:23.619
Thanks, that's sweet.
0:05:24.388,0:05:27.651
I work at a startup company called NCT Software.
0:05:27.666,0:05:29.482
Got this stock option.
0:05:29.482,0:05:32.297
Hopefully, if the company makes it big by-
0:05:32.297,0:05:34.155
Jon: Never mind, I take it BACK!
0:05:34.155,0:05:34.839
Oh j-
0:05:34.839,0:05:35.851
Oh jeez.
0:05:36.235,0:05:38.067
Birds, it's happening.
0:05:38.067,0:05:39.336
There's birds.
0:05:39.336,0:05:41.282
I-I've never been happier to see a bird.
0:05:42.281,0:05:43.946
Jaque: Well, I'm right here.
0:05:45.236,0:05:46.016
[kiss]
0:05:46.016,0:05:48.745
You didn't have to do that, but you did it anyways.
0:05:48.745,0:05:49.510
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:05:49.510,0:05:51.312
[yellow text]
0:05:51.312,0:05:52.361
If you know what I'm saying?
0:05:52.361,0:05:53.651
[Huph]
0:05:53.651,0:05:55.452
So next up, the girl goes home to her mom,
0:05:55.452,0:05:56.650
which, can I say this,
0:05:56.650,0:05:58.295
this is true loveliness.
0:05:58.295,0:06:02.633
The woman playing the mother is just so sincere, it hurts.
0:06:02.633,0:06:03.452
Have a look.
0:06:04.405,0:06:06.863
Mother: What's that smile all about?
0:06:06.863,0:06:08.198
[kiss smooch]
0:06:08.566,0:06:10.398
Mother: Well, I can understand that.
0:06:10.398,0:06:11.449
You know- uh- [cough].
0:06:11.449,0:06:12.614
Well, keep me in-
0:06:12.614,0:06:15.139
you know, keep me informed along the way.
0:06:16.000,0:06:17.709
Jon: It's the little things that keep you going.
0:06:17.709,0:06:18.475
So now randomly,
0:06:18.475,0:06:20.116
we find ourselves in a boardroom meeting.
0:06:20.116,0:06:21.712
Okay, what does this guy have to say?
0:06:21.712,0:06:22.989
Boss: Ladies and gentlemen,
0:06:22.989,0:06:24.645
I have some great news.
0:06:24.645,0:06:30.352
Our board of directors has agreed to the acquisition of NCT Software by Oracle Corporation
0:06:30.352,0:06:31.723
for a billion dollars!
0:06:32.723,0:06:34.124
A BILLION DOLLAZ?!
0:06:34.124,0:06:35.096
[Everyone claps]
0:06:35.111,0:06:35.847
Boss: Brilliant.
0:06:35.847,0:06:40.869
Jon: This is the most amazing scene in the entire movie.
0:06:40.869,0:06:45.969
The sheer amount of non-understanding of said medium is astounding.
0:06:47.414,0:06:48.739
Boss: You guys-
0:06:48.739,0:06:50.055
you guys have worked hard and
0:06:50.055,0:06:51.414
you've all earned your stock option.
0:06:51.414,0:06:52.318
Congratulations!
0:06:52.318,0:07:02.532
[Claps and cheers continue with happy music]
0:07:20.010,0:07:21.311
Guy: Chicks love cars.
0:07:21.311,0:07:22.846
If you want to get into their pants,
0:07:22.846,0:07:25.806
you better have a nice, hot Ferrari.
0:07:25.806,0:07:27.044
She's my hot Ferrari.
0:07:27.044,0:07:29.711
Besides, I love my Mustang, which is a plug-in hybrid.
0:07:30.249,0:07:31.717
It gets 100 MPG.
0:07:31.717,0:07:33.286
Jon [in announcer voice]: The new Ford Mustang.
0:07:35.377,0:07:37.828
Apply now for 0% APR financing.
0:07:38.335,0:07:39.616
Rod: Man, that was a good movie.
0:07:39.616,0:07:40.700
"An Inconvenient Truth".
0:07:41.777,0:07:43.279
Jon: I've seen wooden actors.
0:07:43.279,0:07:44.935
I've also seen wood, and nothing,
0:07:45.319,0:07:47.799
NOTHING comes close to fem-Shep over here.
0:07:47.799,0:07:50.449
I mean, the other actors in this movie aren't anyting special,
0:07:50.449,0:07:52.234
but they don't even come close
0:07:52.234,0:07:54.869
to this guy's genuine level of awful.
0:07:54.869,0:07:57.642
This guy reads his lines like he's trying to do a tribute to
0:07:57.642,0:07:59.282
Bishop from "Aliens".
0:07:59.282,0:08:00.305
Rod: Yeah, I earned it.
0:08:00.305,0:08:01.869
All those big deals I do with NCT.
0:08:01.869,0:08:02.977
Bishop: That explains it then.
0:08:02.977,0:08:04.414
The A2s always were a bit twitchy.
0:08:04.414,0:08:05.382
Jon: How did- h-
0:08:06.411,0:08:07.186
no one just be like:
0:08:07.186,0:08:08.315
"Hey, hey hold on for a second.
0:08:08.315,0:08:09.221
Does anyone else notice that
0:08:10.405,0:08:11.054
Did anyone-
0:08:11.838,0:08:12.503
'Cause if it's just me,
0:08:12.503,0:08:13.757
I'l go walk off that cliff over there.
0:08:13.757,0:08:15.381
In fact, I'm gonna do it anyways."
0:08:15.381,0:08:16.422
Mother: Oh, hi!
0:08:17.160,0:08:21.395
Rod, Nat tells me that you are a very successful salesman.
0:08:21.395,0:08:22.841
Jon: This mom character
0:08:22.841,0:08:24.374
th-d-this mom character-
0:08:24.374,0:08:27.965
I can't even put into words the feeling she makes me feel.
0:08:27.965,0:08:30.116
It's like the director forgot if he was filming a movie
0:08:30.116,0:08:32.974
or a documentary about the sweetest woman alive.
0:08:33.435,0:08:34.673
Rod: So, are you enjoying your retirement?
0:08:35.349,0:08:37.040
Ah- love the retirement.
0:08:37.701,0:08:40.360
I was a jeweler for 30 years and
0:08:40.360,0:08:43.552
sometimes I miss not going into the jewelry store, but-
0:08:43.552,0:08:46.118
you know, I really like retirement.
0:08:46.118,0:08:48.592
I like to travel, I like to cruise.
0:08:49.176,0:08:52.296
Umm- and I enjoy watching television, and-
0:08:52.296,0:08:53.564
Jon: I-is this acting?
0:08:53.564,0:08:55.616
C-can this be classified as acting
0:08:55.616,0:08:57.400
and did they just film her on her lunch break?
0:08:58.014,0:08:59.203
No movie's complete
0:08:59.203,0:09:02.205
without a 4 minute Wayne Brady dance scene.
0:09:02.205,0:09:08.447
[Damien Carter's "Just Hangin' Out" plays]
0:09:13.539,0:09:15.351
[In garbled voice] Look at those moves!
0:09:15.351,0:09:18.629
It looks like the Tin Man has found true love at last.
0:09:18.629,0:09:20.125
Now he just needs a brain.
0:09:20.125,0:09:24.555
[Slow piano music]
0:09:24.555,0:09:25.628
Aw...
0:09:25.628,0:09:26.530
Awwwwh!!!
0:09:26.530,0:09:27.130
Stop.
0:09:27.330,0:09:27.963
STOP.
0:09:28.685,0:09:30.200
Stop, this is infringing on my rights.
0:09:30.200,0:09:31.701
You stop that foot shit
0:09:32.824,0:09:34.507
Okay, we are 40 minutes into this movie
0:09:34.507,0:09:36.239
and I don't see any goddamn birds.
0:09:36.239,0:09:37.207
[Birds squacking]
0:09:37.207,0:09:38.609
[Dive bomb]
0:09:39.901,0:09:41.244
Well, that's about enough life for me for one day.
0:09:41.244,0:09:42.120
Lemme check the time.
0:09:42.120,0:09:42.844
Yeah, it's about that time.
0:09:43.474,0:09:44.282
[crash]
0:09:44.282,0:09:45.788
I take it back.
0:09:45.788,0:09:47.901
Go back to where there weren't birds.
0:09:47.901,0:09:49.186
Are these birds...
0:09:49.601,0:09:50.887
dive bombing?
0:09:50.887,0:09:53.596
Like 1940's Kamikaze pilots?
0:09:53.596,0:09:55.326
[dive bomb]
0:09:56.356,0:09:59.878
[yellow text]
0:09:59.878,0:10:02.032
This scene just shows up
0:10:02.032,0:10:03.263
40 minutes into the movie.
0:10:03.263,0:10:05.177
Di-j-di-diz- WHAT?
0:10:05.177,0:10:05.937
Ladies and gentlemen,
0:10:05.937,0:10:07.504
I introduce you to rock bottom.
0:10:07.504,0:10:10.338
[moving around, clanking stuff]
0:10:10.338,0:10:11.180
Rod: Shit, here they come.
0:10:12.532,0:10:14.708
[Hawk screeching]
0:10:14.708,0:10:17.761
[Only seagull sound effects]
0:10:17.761,0:10:20.677
[Funky techno music]
0:10:20.677,0:10:22.018
Jon: Well, I hope they're proud of themselves.
0:10:22.018,0:10:22.519
They've done it.
0:10:22.519,0:10:23.186
They've broke me.
0:10:23.186,0:10:25.570
I have- no words for this.
0:10:25.570,0:10:28.320
The best part of this scene isn't even what we're seing here.
0:10:28.320,0:10:31.394
The best part is just imagining what was going through these actors' heads
0:10:31.394,0:10:33.369
while they were literally just standing there
0:10:33.369,0:10:35.866
swatting at the air with wire hangers.
0:10:35.866,0:10:38.580
So then, they fire some M4s at the air at some birds for a while.
0:10:39.579,0:10:40.810
That happens for a while.
0:10:41.348,0:10:42.343
Rod: Hey, look.
0:10:42.343,0:10:43.740
There's an old guy on the bridge.
0:10:45.447,0:10:47.144
Dr. Jones: Hey, hey. Stand back!
0:10:47.144,0:10:49.883
These birds are contagious, now go away.
0:10:49.883,0:10:52.580
Keeper: What is your favorite color?
0:10:52.580,0:10:54.927
Jon: Man, this guy is really standing his ground
0:10:54.927,0:10:56.283
as troll of the bridge.
0:10:56.283,0:10:58.013
I don't think they're gonna be able to get across.
0:10:58.475,0:11:00.907
Rod: Can't we just talk about it a-at the picnic area?
0:11:01.291,0:11:03.219
You wanna talk?
0:11:03.219,0:11:04.361
Okay, alright.
0:11:05.268,0:11:06.636
Jon: Aw, well, oh-oh...
0:11:06.943,0:11:08.012
Well, that was easy.
0:11:08.012,0:11:08.782
So tell us,
0:11:08.782,0:11:10.197
Mr. Expository Scientist,
0:11:10.197,0:11:12.533
what horror is causing this outbreak?
0:11:12.533,0:11:14.346
Did they break out from some evil lab?
0:11:14.346,0:11:15.842
Are they genetic mutations?
0:11:16.011,0:11:17.232
Dr. Jones: These birds?
0:11:17.571,0:11:20.809
No way, they're dead from the, uh, Bird Flu virus.
0:11:20.809,0:11:21.931
But what I do know is
0:11:21.931,0:11:23.564
global warming is causing viral diseases,
0:11:23.564,0:11:24.950
such as Bird Flu,
0:11:24.950,0:11:26.347
West Nile Virus,
0:11:26.347,0:11:27.340
and SARS.
0:11:27.340,0:11:29.346
But, there is scientific evidence to show that
0:11:29.346,0:11:33.196
because of our burning of fossil fuels and creating greenhouse gases,
0:11:33.196,0:11:34.624
which is causing global warming.
0:11:35.347,0:11:36.693
It's raising the temperature of the seas
0:11:36.693,0:11:39.327
and-and species like the krill are dying.
0:11:39.327,0:11:40.699
Jon: Okay, hold on now.
0:11:40.699,0:11:42.232
Am I watching a horror movie
0:11:42.232,0:11:44.836
or an episode of NOVA Science Now?
0:11:44.836,0:11:46.159
What is this shit?
0:11:46.159,0:11:48.539
Watching this movie try to explain itself
0:11:48.539,0:11:50.684
is like watching Ms. South Carolina.
0:11:50.684,0:11:53.167
I personally believe- that
0:11:53.167,0:11:55.409
Dr Jones: global warming is causing viral diseases
0:11:55.409,0:11:58.178
Ms. Teen: and, that Iraq, everywhere, like, such as
0:11:58.178,0:12:01.813
Dr. Jones: 'cause of our burning of fossil fuels and creating greenhouse gases.
0:12:01.813,0:12:03.092
[Hawk shreeking]
0:12:03.092,0:12:05.095
[Yells]
0:12:05.971,0:12:08.066
[Only hawk noises]
0:12:08.066,0:12:09.106
Jon: Bird acid.
0:12:09.106,0:12:12.524
Global warming and the fossil fuels is causing
0:12:13.463,0:12:14.329
I don't know about you,
0:12:14.329,0:12:15.175
but this is flawless.
0:12:15.789,0:12:17.182
Rod: Hi, the eagles killed our friends.
0:12:17.182,0:12:19.302
Uh, do you have a phone I can use to call the police?
0:12:19.302,0:12:23.640
[Unimportant dialogue in heavy accent]
0:12:24.070,0:12:26.928
Wow, are we in a real store right now?
0:12:26.928,0:12:27.844
Would you do me a favor
0:12:27.844,0:12:29.747
and just look how real this guy is? And
0:12:29.747,0:12:31.048
i-i-embrace it for me.
0:12:31.048,0:12:32.824
Rod: Well, we need some gas.
0:12:32.824,0:12:34.384
Well, you know, from the eagle attack,
0:12:34.384,0:12:35.848
we are short on gas, but
0:12:35.848,0:12:38.251
it's $100 a gallon if you want it.
0:12:38.251,0:12:39.722
Jon: That guy right there is probably the guy
0:12:39.722,0:12:41.469
who actually runs the store.
0:12:41.469,0:12:42.765
They probably just walked in and were like:
0:12:42.765,0:12:43.890
"Da- you wanna be in this movie?'
0:12:43.890,0:12:44.394
And he was like:
0:12:44.394,0:12:46.145
[in accent] "Da- I probably a-can be in this movie."
0:12:46.145,0:12:48.153
This movie is a masterpiece!
0:12:48.153,0:12:50.907
It blurs the line between reality and fantasy
0:12:50.907,0:12:52.527
and we're just sorta stuck in its limbo.
0:12:52.527,0:12:53.704
It's beautiful.
0:12:54.088,0:12:55.271
Beautiful limbo.
0:12:55.271,0:12:57.107
So now, after being stuck in a while
0:12:57.107,0:13:00.150
in this post-apocalyptic bird future,
0:13:00.150,0:13:02.548
they buy some gas and drive off on their way.
0:13:02.548,0:13:04.482
And then we have a run-in with a guy I'd like to call
0:13:04.482,0:13:06.066
Cool Hand McStoneface.
0:13:06.374,0:13:07.484
Cool Hand: Howdy.
0:13:07.484,0:13:08.385
Hi.
0:13:08.385,0:13:10.121
Can you sell me some gas for my truck?
0:13:10.121,0:13:11.101
Jon: Think you can move-uh,
0:13:11.101,0:13:12.042
a few of those muscles?
0:13:12.042,0:13:13.390
Rod: Sorry, but we need it.
0:13:17.249,0:13:19.078
Woah, woah. Take it easy, take it easy.
0:13:19.078,0:13:21.273
Jon: Woah, man. Those are some serious demands.
0:13:23.656,0:13:24.610
for that gas
0:13:24.610,0:13:26.433
whether you like it or not."
0:13:26.433,0:13:28.178
And then he gets his neck sliced by a falcon.
0:13:28.178,0:13:28.806
Yeah, uh-
0:13:28.806,0:13:29.500
[yellow text]
0:13:29.500,0:13:30.453
Do you not?
0:13:31.207,0:13:33.287
Uh, guys, y-you can uh-e
0:13:33.287,0:13:34.614
y-you can grab that gas.
0:13:34.614,0:13:36.715
You c- you- you're leaving it.
0:13:38.022,0:13:39.423
So next, they make their way to the forest
0:13:39.423,0:13:40.946
to try and escape this uh-
0:13:40.946,0:13:42.240
Birdemic as it were.
0:13:42.240,0:13:43.486
And then of course, what else,
0:13:43.486,0:13:46.456
they meet a friendly forest creepman who informs them about
0:13:46.456,0:13:48.224
I-uh d-beeltes?
0:13:48.224,0:13:49.998
Eating the trees?
0:13:50.290,0:13:52.836
Tree Hugger: Even worse, the spruce bark beetles are
0:13:52.836,0:13:55.780
eating these trees to death and turning them from green to red.
0:13:56.626,0:13:59.782
I remember when those beetles used to die out during the winter.
0:13:59.782,0:14:00.970
Jon: Mmm-my god.
0:14:00.970,0:14:02.572
Every character in this movie
0:14:02.572,0:14:04.340
speaks in run-on sentences.
0:14:04.340,0:14:06.042
I'm sorry, I wasn't aware this movie
0:14:06.042,0:14:08.034
was written by Charlotte Brontë.
0:14:08.034,0:14:11.031
["The Price is Right" Theme plays]
0:14:11.031,0:14:15.220
[Drum beat]
0:14:15.220,0:14:17.191
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
0:14:17.191,0:14:18.361
JonTron used our joke.
0:14:19.668,0:14:21.180
That's some dirty shit.
0:14:21.180,0:14:22.659
I know man, that's our joke.
0:14:22.659,0:14:24.135
No, man. The book, man.
0:14:24.135,0:14:25.292
That's dirty as fuck, man.
0:14:25.292,0:14:26.085
Keep reading.
0:14:26.085,0:14:27.194
Mmm, yeah. This is pretty good.
0:14:27.840,0:14:29.662
"King Misfit whipped out his
0:14:30.446,0:14:31.668
halacious cock."
0:14:32.375,0:14:33.804
Yeah, I have the weirdest boner right now.
0:14:33.804,0:14:35.074
Jon: I just don't get it.
0:14:35.074,0:14:37.273
Why did the director feel such a strong conviction
0:14:37.273,0:14:39.810
towards sending an environmentalist message?
0:14:39.810,0:14:41.353
It's not even subtle.
0:14:41.353,0:14:44.100
Tony: So, you're a Tree Hugger?
0:14:44.100,0:14:46.489
Jon: Shit, for a guy who's such an environmentalist,
0:14:46.489,0:14:49.319
he sure did drive a lot of cars around in his movie.
0:14:49.319,0:14:51.597
For a looonng time.
0:14:51.859,0:14:52.789
[Off-distance growl]
0:14:52.789,0:14:54.057
Tree Hugger: D-d-d-I hear a mountain lion.
0:14:54.057,0:14:55.391
I gotta get back to my house.
0:14:55.391,0:14:56.500
You better get to your car.
0:14:56.500,0:14:57.227
Jon: Okay.
0:14:57.227,0:14:58.125
Good, sure. I'll buy it.
0:14:58.125,0:14:58.735
Move on.
0:14:59.011,0:15:00.594
Rod: Dammit, we ran out of gas.
0:15:00.594,0:15:01.598
Jon: Oh.
0:15:01.598,0:15:04.369
I don't know what could of helped you out there.
0:15:04.369,0:15:07.707
So a whoooole lot of absolutely nothing happens,
0:15:07.707,0:15:09.201
then they fight some more birds and then,
0:15:09.201,0:15:10.231
d-j-just like that,
0:15:10.231,0:15:11.141
the birds retreat
0:15:11.141,0:15:11.809
d-
0:15:11.809,0:15:12.453
uh,
0:15:12.453,0:15:13.315
Are we done?
0:15:13.838,0:15:15.163
[Walks away from mic] I-Is it over?
0:15:15.163,0:15:16.745
Hmm, that looks familiar.
0:15:16.745,0:15:19.989
[Peaceful music]
0:15:19.989,0:15:20.619
Yeah,
0:15:20.619,0:15:23.286
it was probably a good idea to leave this shot hanging for so long.
0:15:23.286,0:15:24.202
Is the cameraman dead?
0:15:24.202,0:15:25.522
Is he de- Am I dead?
0:15:25.522,0:15:26.389
Lemme check my pulse.
0:15:26.389,0:15:27.624
Yeah- y- ye
0:15:28.931,0:15:29.959
[gunshots]
0:15:29.959,0:15:31.039
I mean, I'm not gonna lie,
0:15:31.039,0:15:34.237
I still find more enjoyment in movies like The Room and Troll 2.
0:15:34.237,0:15:36.133
But I think this movie holds its own
0:15:36.133,0:15:38.488
among the terribad titans that we've grown to love.
0:15:38.488,0:15:40.138
Through all the putrid editing,
0:15:40.138,0:15:41.873
horrible special effects,
0:15:41.873,0:15:43.658
nonexistent sound editing,
0:15:43.658,0:15:45.005
cinematography of a toddler,
0:15:45.005,0:15:45.918
droning music,
0:15:45.918,0:15:47.055
cardboard characters,
0:15:47.055,0:15:49.998
preachy as fuck environmental message,
0:15:49.998,0:15:51.366
and everything else wrong with it.
0:15:51.366,0:15:53.770
There's just something charming and lovable about it.
0:15:53.770,0:15:55.383
If you can say one thing for this film,
0:15:55.383,0:15:57.446
I guess you can go ahead and say:
0:15:58.908,0:16:00.225
But on the other hand,
0:16:00.225,0:16:01.403
if you wanted to say something
0:16:01.403,0:16:04.491
that made you sound like a critic that wanted to feel important about himself,
0:16:04.491,0:16:06.501
I guess you can call it:
0:16:08.055,0:16:09.482
So there you have it.
0:16:09.482,0:16:11.322
The best worst movie ever-
0:16:11.322,0:16:12.053
Oh my god, EH!
0:16:12.053,0:16:13.110
[Hawk screeching]
0:16:13.110,0:16:13.742
Whazdat?
0:16:14.894,0:16:15.605
Getdaehy!
0:16:17.388,0:16:17.954
KubrAM-
0:16:19.154,0:16:20.377
Thanks for watching!
0:16:20.377,0:16:23.677
Now what I need you to do is to click that big red annotation on the right
0:16:23.677,0:16:25.216
and go watch some more "Continue?"
0:16:25.216,0:16:26.420
And if you click on the left,
0:16:26.420,0:16:27.984
you can watch some more of my videos.
0:16:28.153,0:16:30.630
[whipsers] But they're not as goooood!!