I'm An Assault Survivor, But I'm Not...

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Devastated
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Sierra Santana @vivalasantana

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[ Music ]

>> So, it was a month before my nineteenth
birthday and it was just your typical,

run of the mill, getting drugged, dragged
back to the fraternity house date rape.

The next thing I knew, I woke up and I was in
his bed with no clothes on and he got on top

of me and rapped me and I started to say
no and then he put over to silence me.

>> I was sexually assaulted by a stranger
while I was walking alone in my neighborhood.

>> I was assaulted and robbed at
gunpoint in my own neighborhood.

>> I was in an abusive relationship
for two years.

It started out with verbal
assault and escalated to physical.

He would take a knife and cuts the parts
of my body that he thought were too fat.

>> I was sexually assaulted in high
school by an older woman that I knew.

She had her friends hold me down by my
shoulders while she like peeled off my clothing

and basically groped me wherever
she felt like it.

>> I was assaulted right
outside the door to my home.

Growing up as an athlete and
a physically strong woman,

I thought that I might be physically
prepared for a situation like this,

should it ever happen, but by
God, I was not mentally prepared

for a weapon being put in my face.

>> How do you build up your
feeling of self-worth?

And it's been stripped from you in an instant.

>> I didn't want to talk about it too much,
but it was a big thing happening in my life

and some people just didn't even
want to be associated with me.

Being treated like you're just
nothing really messes with you.

It makes you think about things
in different perspective.

>> When this happened to me and I decided to
open up to others about it, I was so surprised

at how many of my friends and family
members had experienced assault

but had never talked to anybody about it.

>> For a long time, I was just afraid of people.

>> I think it's necessary to speak about
these experiences, just to create awareness

because there are so many people like
you who have experienced the same thing.

>> Sexual assault attacks
your body in one instance.

It really also attacks your feelings of
self-worth and that's a lasting repercussion

that needs to be taken more seriously.

>> I think because I'm a male survivor, a
lot of people invalidated my experience,

as if like what happened
to me didn't really happen.

So, I think for a long time, it was
hard like for even me to believe

that what happened to me actually happened.

It is so important to not
suppress what you've been through.

If you don't process it, then you're basically
giving your assault permission to run your life.

>> Everyone's first reaction is to ask why
you stayed and it's because I felt so ashamed

and isolated and embarrassed because
no body likes to talk about it

and if you bring it up, it
makes people uncomfortable.

It took me about a year to be
able to look in the mirror again.

There are more of us out there than you think.

So, open up and reach out.

>> I'm an assault survivor,
not a victim, a survivor.

>> I'm an assault survivor, but I'm not a woman.

>> I'm an assault survivor, but
I'm not going to let the actions

of someone else dictate the rest of my life.

>> But I am not any less of a man.

>> But that doesn't mean
I am a weak little girl.

>> But I am not afraid.

>> I'm an assault survivor and I'm so much more.

>> I'm an assault survivor
and I'm married with two kids.

>> I'm an assault survivor
and it wasn't my fault.

It was not my fault.

[ Music ]