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Let me just tell you this first. I was uh,
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I was at a place to eat dinner in New York,
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and I heard these two women talking,
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and one of them was talking about the guy
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she's dating. They were about 21 years old
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like, NYU students. And so she's
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talking about it and you know a lot
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of times I'll hear this. A woman
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is talking about the guy she's dating and
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she runs down the stuff that's not
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satisfying. The things she doesn't like
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[In mocking tone] "he just you know,
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I text him and he like doesn't like
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respond right away and then when
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he does it's like whatever. So that's
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weird. And then like I saw him and he was
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just being weird and so then he calls me
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and he's like sorry I'm weird it's like
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weird right now and I was like whatever
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[arbitrary noises]. So it's just weird."
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And then I'm listening because I want
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to know what is her friend gonna
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say. I wanna know what kind of friend
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she has you know. And her friend just
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says: "He's a piece of shit. He's
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a piece of shit. He's not good enough for
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you cause you're amazing. You're amazing.
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So he just can't handle how amazing you are."
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And I remember thinking that is a shitty
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friend. That's not a good friend. That is
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not a good way to approach life.
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[In mocking tone] "I'm amazing. And anyone
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who doesn't text me back just can't
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handle how amazing I am." I mean she's
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a student. She can't be, she's not Nelson
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Mandela. She's in college. I'm sure she's
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fine. [In mocking tone] "You're amazing
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the way you, take classes". What?
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What is so amazing? She's kind of boring
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he's kind of a douche. It's fine.
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They're fine. You need to know that
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you're boring a little bit. It's important.
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Self love is a good thing but
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self awareness is more important. You
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need to once in a while go euh I'm
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kind of an asshole. You have to have
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that thought once in a while or you're
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a psychopath. You know like when you
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say to a friend "you're being an asshole"
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and they're like "no I'm not".
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Well it's not up to you. If you're
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an asshole or not. That's up to everybody
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else. You don't get to say no to that.
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"You're an asshole". No I'm not.
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Oh sorry, I thought, okay, I'm glad I
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checked. I guess you're not.
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If somebody tells you you're an asshole
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you should go "ughh shit. Alright what
-
happened how did I get here".
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It's like somebody saying you know
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you've got something on your face.
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[In mocking tone] "No I don't".
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It's like America. I feel like America is
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like the world's worst girlfriend. America
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is a terrible girlfriend to the rest of
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the world. Because when somebody
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hurts America she remembers it forever.
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But if she does anything bad it's like
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[In mocking tone] "What?! It, I didn't do anything."
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America why do you keep bombing those
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people in Yemen? [In mocking tone] "Well,
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because, 911. Okay? 911. So just
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shut up. Assholes."
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Okay but you killed hundreds of thousands
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of people so I think - "yeah but 911
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so fuck you. You don't even understand."
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Yeah but you're torturing people. "I didn-
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that wasn't even torture. Oh my god. He's
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such a baby. I didn't do anything to him."
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And I'm saying this about women because
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I'm a guy. Women might say this is what
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guys are like. That's just what it's like, you
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know because I think racism and sexism are
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very different. To me racism is just a
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mistake. It's like just an error.
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It doesn't really make any sense. We can
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just do away with it. But sexism,
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isn't going anywhere. Because,
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sexism is way deep the fuck down inside.
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So it's just the way we feel about each
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other. "Gaahhh women. Wom- Women."
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"Wommeenennen"
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"WOMEN"
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"Women"
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And you're like "Men. Meeen."
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"Meeeeennn"
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"Meh- meeeen"
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"Men"
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"Men"
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"Men"
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[Laughter]
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Anyways so I'm watching The
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Wizard of Oz with my daughters.
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Is that enough of a pallete cleanser?
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Alright.
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I'm watching the Wizard of Oz. I don't know
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if you've seen it it's about a little girl
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named Dorothy. Uh, very sweet little
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girl played by an alcoholic older lady.
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Who uh, lives in Kansas she has a dog
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she's very upset and she keeps telling people
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"my dog"
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and everybody's like "this is a farm,
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we're working, leave us alone."
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And then there's a tornado and they
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all run inside and they barely look for
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her it's unbelievable. It was so
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upsetting to me when I was a kid
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to see this movie. Because Auntie Em
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is like "Dorothy! Okay fuck it."
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And she just goes right inside
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bolts the door. Unbelievable.
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[Laughter]
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So Dorothy goes up to Oz and here's the
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thing I was watching this the other night
-
and there was this one moment that really
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stunned me. It's when Ray Bolger,
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played the scarecrow, he just got
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ripped apart by flying monkeys.
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And he's very upset and has this
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performance that's way over the top,
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even for this movie.
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And you remember that moment? The
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Tin Man comes over "what happened?"
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And he's like "WELL FIRST THEY
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TORE MY ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW
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THEM OVER THERE. AND THEN THEY
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TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY THREW
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THEM OVER THERE." And I've seen this
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movie a thousand times. But for some
-
reason this time that moment made me
-
go "brrguhh shit". That was a lot.
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And I started to wonder if Victor Fleming,
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the guy who directed The Wizard of Oz,
-
if he had a moment during the filming of
-
the movie, where he was like
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"I think I gotta have a word with Ray.
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Cause that's getting to be a lot. Alright
-
just let him do another one. Okay action!"
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What happened? "WELL FIRST THEY TORE MY
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ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW THEM OVER THERE.
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AND THEN THEY TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY
-
THREW THEM OVER THERE."
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"Okay cut."
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Comes over.
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"Uh, so listen. Ray."
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"YES?"
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"Nah you're fine."