Let me just tell you this first. I was uh,
I was at a place to eat dinner in New York,
and I heard these two women talking,
and one of them was talking about the guy
she's dating. They were about 21 years old
like, NYU students. And so she's
talking about it and you know a lot
of times I'll hear this. A woman
is talking about the guy she's dating and
she runs down the stuff that's not
satisfying. The things she doesn't like
[In mocking tone] "he just you know,
I text him and he like doesn't like
respond right away and then when
he does it's like whatever. So that's
weird. And then like I saw him and he was
just being weird and so then he calls me
and he's like sorry I'm weird it's like
weird right now and I was like whatever
[arbitrary noises]. So it's just weird."
And then I'm listening because I want
to know what is her friend gonna
say. I wanna know what kind of friend
she has you know. And her friend just
says: "He's a piece of shit. He's
a piece of shit. He's not good enough for
you cause you're amazing. You're amazing.
So he just can't handle how amazing you are."
And I remember thinking that is a shitty
friend. That's not a good friend. That is
not a good way to approach life.
[In mocking tone] "I'm amazing. And anyone
who doesn't text me back just can't
handle how amazing I am." I mean she's
a student. She can't be, she's not Nelson
Mandela. She's in college. I'm sure she's
fine. [In mocking tone] "You're amazing
the way you, take classes". What?
What is so amazing? She's kind of boring
he's kind of a douche. It's fine.
They're fine. You need to know that
you're boring a little bit. It's important.
Self love is a good thing but
self awareness is more important. You
need to once in a while go euh I'm
kind of an asshole. You have to have
that thought once in a while or you're
a psychopath. You know like when you
say to a friend "you're being an asshole"
and they're like "no I'm not".
Well it's not up to you. If you're
an asshole or not. That's up to everybody
else. You don't get to say no to that.
"You're an asshole". No I'm not.
Oh sorry, I thought, okay, I'm glad I
checked. I guess you're not.
If somebody tells you you're an asshole
you should go "ughh shit. Alright what
happened how did I get here".
It's like somebody saying you know
you've got something on your face.
[In mocking tone] "No I don't".
It's like America. I feel like America is
like the world's worst girlfriend. America
is a terrible girlfriend to the rest of
the world. Because when somebody
hurts America she remembers it forever.
But if she does anything bad it's like
[In mocking tone] "What?! It, I didn't do anything."
America why do you keep bombing those
people in Yemen? [In mocking tone] "Well,
because, 911. Okay? 911. So just
shut up. Assholes."
Okay but you killed hundreds of thousands
of people so I think - "yeah but 911
so fuck you. You don't even understand."
Yeah but you're torturing people. "I didn-
that wasn't even torture. Oh my god. He's
such a baby. I didn't do anything to him."
And I'm saying this about women because
I'm a guy. Women might say this is what
guys are like. That's just what it's like, you
know because I think racism and sexism are
very different. To me racism is just a
mistake. It's like just an error.
It doesn't really make any sense. We can
just do away with it. But sexism,
isn't going anywhere. Because,
sexism is way deep the fuck down inside.
So it's just the way we feel about each
other. "Gaahhh women. Wom- Women."
"Wommeenennen"
"WOMEN"
"Women"
And you're like "Men. Meeen."
"Meeeeennn"
"Meh- meeeen"
"Men"
[Laughter]
Anyways so I'm watching The
Wizard of Oz with my daughters.
Is that enough of a pallete cleanser?
Alright.
I'm watching the Wizard of Oz. I don't know
if you've seen it it's about a little girl
named Dorothy. Uh, very sweet little
girl played by an alcoholic older lady.
Who uh, lives in Kansas she has a dog
she's very upset and she keeps telling people
"my dog"
and everybody's like "this is a farm,
we're working, leave us alone."
And then there's a tornado and they
all run inside and they barely look for
her it's unbelievable. It was so
upsetting to me when I was a kid
to see this movie. Because Auntie Em
is like "Dorothy! Okay fuck it."
And she just goes right inside
bolts the door. Unbelievable.
[Laughter]
So Dorothy goes up to Oz and here's the
thing I was watching this the other night
and there was this one moment that really
stunned me. It's when Ray Bolger,
played the scarecrow, he just got
ripped apart by flying monkeys.
And he's very upset and has this
performance that's way over the top,
even for this movie.
And you remember that moment? The
Tin Man comes over "what happened?"
And he's like "WELL FIRST THEY
TORE MY ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW
THEM OVER THERE. AND THEN THEY
TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY THREW
THEM OVER THERE." And I've seen this
movie a thousand times. But for some
reason this time that moment made me
go "brrguhh shit". That was a lot.
And I started to wonder if Victor Fleming,
the guy who directed The Wizard of Oz,
if he had a moment during the filming of
the movie, where he was like
"I think I gotta have a word with Ray.
Cause that's getting to be a lot. Alright
just let him do another one. Okay action!"
What happened? "WELL FIRST THEY TORE MY
ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW THEM OVER THERE.
AND THEN THEY TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY
THREW THEM OVER THERE."
"Okay cut."
Comes over.
"Uh, so listen. Ray."
"YES?"
"Nah you're fine."