Let me just tell you this first. I was uh,

I was at a place to eat dinner in New York,

and I heard these two women talking,

and one of them was talking about the guy

she's dating. They were about 21 years old

like, NYU students. And so she's

talking about it and you know a lot

of times I'll hear this. A woman

is talking about the guy she's dating and

she runs down the stuff that's not

satisfying. The things she doesn't like

[In mocking tone] "he just you know,

I text him and he like doesn't like

respond right away and then when

he does it's like whatever. So that's

weird. And then like I saw him and he was

just being weird and so then he calls me

and he's like sorry I'm weird it's like

weird right now and I was like whatever

[arbitrary noises]. So it's just weird."

And then I'm listening because I want

to know what is her friend gonna

say. I wanna know what kind of friend

she has you know. And her friend just

says: "He's a piece of shit. He's

a piece of shit. He's not good enough for

you cause you're amazing. You're amazing.

So he just can't handle how amazing you are."

And I remember thinking that is a shitty

friend. That's not a good friend. That is

not a good way to approach life.

[In mocking tone] "I'm amazing. And anyone

who doesn't text me back just can't

handle how amazing I am." I mean she's

a student. She can't be, she's not Nelson

Mandela. She's in college. I'm sure she's

fine. [In mocking tone] "You're amazing

the way you, take classes". What?

What is so amazing? She's kind of boring

he's kind of a douche. It's fine.

They're fine. You need to know that

you're boring a little bit. It's important.

Self love is a good thing but

self awareness is more important. You

need to once in a while go euh I'm

kind of an asshole. You have to have

that thought once in a while or you're

a psychopath. You know like when you

say to a friend "you're being an asshole"

and they're like "no I'm not".

Well it's not up to you. If you're

an asshole or not. That's up to everybody

else. You don't get to say no to that.

"You're an asshole". No I'm not.

Oh sorry, I thought, okay, I'm glad I

checked. I guess you're not.

If somebody tells you you're an asshole

you should go "ughh shit. Alright what

happened how did I get here".

It's like somebody saying you know

you've got something on your face.

[In mocking tone] "No I don't".

It's like America. I feel like America is

like the world's worst girlfriend. America

is a terrible girlfriend to the rest of

the world. Because when somebody

hurts America she remembers it forever.

But if she does anything bad it's like

[In mocking tone] "What?! It, I didn't do anything."

America why do you keep bombing those

people in Yemen? [In mocking tone] "Well,

because, 911. Okay? 911. So just

shut up. Assholes."

Okay but you killed hundreds of thousands

of people so I think - "yeah but 911

so fuck you. You don't even understand."

Yeah but you're torturing people. "I didn-

that wasn't even torture. Oh my god. He's

such a baby. I didn't do anything to him."

And I'm saying this about women because

I'm a guy. Women might say this is what

guys are like. That's just what it's like, you

know because I think racism and sexism are

very different. To me racism is just a

mistake. It's like just an error.

It doesn't really make any sense. We can

just do away with it. But sexism,

isn't going anywhere. Because,

sexism is way deep the fuck down inside.

So it's just the way we feel about each

other. "Gaahhh women. Wom- Women."

"Wommeenennen"

"WOMEN"

"Women"

And you're like "Men. Meeen."

"Meeeeennn"

"Meh- meeeen"

"Men"

"Men"

"Men"

[Laughter]

Anyways so I'm watching The

Wizard of Oz with my daughters.

Is that enough of a pallete cleanser?

Alright.

I'm watching the Wizard of Oz. I don't know

if you've seen it it's about a little girl

named Dorothy. Uh, very sweet little

girl played by an alcoholic older lady.

Who uh, lives in Kansas she has a dog

she's very upset and she keeps telling people

"my dog"

and everybody's like "this is a farm,

we're working, leave us alone."

And then there's a tornado and they

all run inside and they barely look for

her it's unbelievable. It was so

upsetting to me when I was a kid

to see this movie. Because Auntie Em

is like "Dorothy! Okay fuck it."

And she just goes right inside

bolts the door. Unbelievable.

[Laughter]

So Dorothy goes up to Oz and here's the

thing I was watching this the other night

and there was this one moment that really

stunned me. It's when Ray Bolger,

played the scarecrow, he just got

ripped apart by flying monkeys.

And he's very upset and has this

performance that's way over the top,

even for this movie.

And you remember that moment? The

Tin Man comes over "what happened?"

And he's like "WELL FIRST THEY

TORE MY ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW

THEM OVER THERE. AND THEN THEY

TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY THREW

THEM OVER THERE." And I've seen this

movie a thousand times. But for some

reason this time that moment made me

go "brrguhh shit". That was a lot.

And I started to wonder if Victor Fleming,

the guy who directed The Wizard of Oz,

if he had a moment during the filming of

the movie, where he was like

"I think I gotta have a word with Ray.

Cause that's getting to be a lot. Alright

just let him do another one. Okay action!"

What happened? "WELL FIRST THEY TORE MY

ARMS OFF. AND THEY THREW THEM OVER THERE.

AND THEN THEY TORE MY LEGS OFF. AND THEY

THREW THEM OVER THERE."

"Okay cut."

Comes over.

"Uh, so listen. Ray."

"YES?"

"Nah you're fine."