Failing at Normal: An ADHD Success Story | Jessica McCabe | TEDxBratislava

Hello brains!

I say that to you because...
if you think about it.

It wasn't really you
that decided to come here today.

It was your brain.

And whether you decided
to walk or drive, take a taxi, ride a bike

That decision was decided
by your brain.

Behavior, all behavior,
is affected by your brain.

This is a story about my brain.

So, I was a smart kid. By 18 months I
was speaking in full sentences.

By third grade I was scoring
post high school on standardized tests.

I had as all my teacher's agreed,
so much potential.

I was also struggling.
I didn't have many... any friends.

Outside of books.
I was easily overwhelmed.

I spaced out in class.
I lost things, constantly.

And trying to get my brain to focus on
something I wasn't excited about...

was like trying to nail Jell-O
to the wall.

But I was smart.
So nobody was worried.

It wasn't until middle school
when I was responsible for

getting myself to classes on time,
and remembering to bring my own homework.

That being smart wasn't enough anymore,
and my grades started to suffer.

My mom took me to the doctor
and after a comprehensive evaluation.

I was diagnosed with
attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.

ADHD.

If you're not familiar with ADHD
it has three primary characteristics.

Inattention, impulsivity,
and hyperactivity.

Some people with ADHD
have more of the inattentive presentation.

Those are the daydreamers,
the space cadets.

Some have more of
the hyperactive/impulsive presentation.

Those are the kids that usually
get diagnosed early.

But, the most common presentation
is a combination of both.

My doctor and my parents decided
that given my shiny new diagnosis.

Maybe stimulant medication would succeed,
where spankings and lectures had failed.

So I tried it.
And it worked.

The first time I took my medication
it was like putting on glasses.

And realizing I could see,
without squinting.

I could focus!

Without changing anything
my GPA went up a full point.

Honestly it was kind of miraculous.
By 14 I had friends, that liked me.

By 15 I had published my first poem.
I got a boyfriend.

By 17 I knew I wanted
to be a journalist.

My local college had a program that would
guarantee admission to USC.

They had a really
great journalism program.

So, I signed up at my local college
and I started taking classes.

I moved in with my boyfriend.

Things were going great!
...until they weren't.

I started having trouble making it
to class on time.

I aced a statistics course,
but I forgot to sign up in time.

So, I never got the credit.

I took classes so I could help
my boyfriend with his career.

But I completely lost sight of mine.

I never made it to USC...

By 21 I dropped out of college
and moved back home.

Over the next ten years I started
and quit, or was fired from 15 jobs.

I ruined my credit.

I got married!
And was divorced within a year.

At this point I was 32, and I
had no idea what I was doing with my life.

Besides reading self-help books
that didn't seem to be helping.

What happened to all that potential?
Was I not trying?

No, I worked harder than anyone I knew,
I didn't even have time for friends.

I was that busy.

I had potential, though...

So my failure was clearly my fault.

I just hadn't done what I needed to do
to reach it and honestly....

I was tired of trying, putting more effort
into life than everyone else.

And falling farther
and farther behind.

At this point I could
have given up on myself.

I could have decided that everyone who
thought I had potential, was wrong.

But, I didn't, because I knew that it was
my behavior that had gotten me here.

And behavior is affected by the brain.
And my brain has ADHD.

Looking at my behavior
I knew...

Even with medication,
even as an adult.

My ADHD was still interfering
with my life.

What I needed to know
was how, and why.

And more importantly,
what could I do about it.

I started to do some research.
And I found a lot of great information.

I found a lot of bad information too,
but that's another talk.

But there's good information out there.
Websites, podcasts,

talks, by researchers
and medical professionals.

Books that would of been way more helpful
than the self-help books I've been using.

That were clearly written for normal...
well, there is no normal.

Neurotypical brains.

A lot of what I found though
was either really technical.

Or seemed like it was written for parents,
and teachers trying to deal with ADHD kids

There wasn't a lot that seemed to be
intended for us, the people who have ADHD.

So, I started a YouTube channel.

I had no idea how to start
a YouTube channel.

But, I started a YouTube channel

I almost called it "How Not To ADHD"
because that was all I knew at the time.

But my boyfriend, Edward,
talked me out of it.

It turns out lots of people need help
understanding ADHD.

Including, maybe especially,
those who actually have it.

I was no exception.

I thought having ADHD
was kind of the same for everybody.

I thought it was mostly
about getting distracted.

I thought that maybe having ADHD was the
reason that I was failing at life.

And I thought I was what needed to change
in order to be successful.

I couldn't be successful,
and still be me.

Spoilers.
I was wrong.