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Hello brains!

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I say that to you because...
if you think about it.

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It wasn't really you
that decided to come here today.

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It was your brain.

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And whether you decided 
to walk or drive, take a taxi, ride a bike

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That decision was decided
by your brain.

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Behavior, all behavior,
is affected by your brain.

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This is a story about my brain.

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So, I was a smart kid. By 18 months I
was speaking in full sentences.

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By third grade I was scoring 
post high school on standardized tests.

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I had as all my teacher's agreed,
so much potential.

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I was also struggling.
I didn't have many... any friends.

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Outside of books.
I was easily overwhelmed.

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I spaced out in class.
I lost things, constantly.

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And trying to get my brain to focus on 
something I wasn't excited about...

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was like trying to nail Jell-O
to the wall.

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But I was smart.
So nobody was worried.

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It wasn't until middle school 
when I was responsible for

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getting myself to classes on time,
and remembering to bring my own homework.

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That being smart wasn't enough anymore,
and my grades started to suffer.

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My mom took me to the doctor
and after a comprehensive evaluation.

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I was diagnosed with
attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.

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ADHD.

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If you're not familiar with ADHD 
it has three primary characteristics.

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Inattention, impulsivity, 
and hyperactivity.

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Some people with ADHD 
have more of the inattentive presentation.

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Those are the daydreamers,
the space cadets.

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Some have more of 
the hyperactive/impulsive presentation.

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Those are the kids that usually
get diagnosed early.

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But, the most common presentation
is a combination of both.

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My doctor and my parents decided 
that given my shiny new diagnosis.

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Maybe stimulant medication would succeed,
where spankings and lectures had failed.

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So I tried it.
And it worked.

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The first time I took my medication 
it was like putting on glasses.

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And realizing I could see, 
without squinting.

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I could focus!

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Without changing anything 
my GPA went up a full point.

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Honestly it was kind of miraculous.
By 14 I had friends, that liked me.

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By 15 I had published my first poem.
I got a boyfriend.

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By 17 I knew I wanted 
to be a journalist.

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My local college had a program that would
guarantee admission to USC.

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They had a really 
great journalism program.

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So, I signed up at my local college
and I started taking classes.

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I moved in with my boyfriend.

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Things were going great!
...until they weren't.

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I started having trouble making it 
to class on time.

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I aced a statistics course, 
but I forgot to sign up in time.

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So, I never got the credit.

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I took classes so I could help
my boyfriend with his career.

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But I completely lost sight of mine.

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I never made it to USC...

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By 21 I dropped out of college
and moved back home.

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Over the next ten years I started
and quit, or was fired from 15 jobs.

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I ruined my credit.

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I got married!
And was divorced within a year.

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At this point I was 32, and I 
had no idea what I was doing with my life.

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Besides reading self-help books
that didn't seem to be helping.

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What happened to all that potential?
Was I not trying?

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No, I worked harder than anyone I knew,
I didn't even have time for friends.

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I was that busy.

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I had potential, though...

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So my failure was clearly my fault.

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I just hadn't done what I needed to do 
to reach it and honestly....

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I was tired of trying, putting more effort
into life than everyone else.

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And falling farther
and farther behind.

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At this point I could
have given up on myself.

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I could have decided that everyone who
thought I had potential, was wrong.

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But, I didn't, because I knew that it was
my behavior that had gotten me here.

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And behavior is affected by the brain.
And my brain has ADHD.

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Looking at my behavior
I knew...

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Even with medication, 
even as an adult.

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My ADHD was still interfering
with my life.

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What I needed to know
was how, and why.

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And more importantly,
what could I do about it.

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I started to do some research.
And I found a lot of great information.

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I found a lot of bad information too,
but that's another talk.

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But there's good information out there.
Websites, podcasts,

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talks, by researchers 
and medical professionals.

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Books that would of been way more helpful
than the self-help books I've been using.

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That were clearly written for normal...
well, there is no normal.

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Neurotypical brains.

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A lot of what I found though 
was either really technical.

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Or seemed like it was written for parents,
and teachers trying to deal with ADHD kids

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There wasn't a lot that seemed to be 
intended for us, the people who have ADHD.

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So, I started a YouTube channel.

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I had no idea how to start
a YouTube channel.

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But, I started a YouTube channel

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I almost called it "How Not To ADHD"
because that was all I knew at the time.

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But my boyfriend, Edward, 
talked me out of it.

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It turns out lots of people need help
understanding ADHD.

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Including, maybe especially,
those who actually have it.

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I was no exception.

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I thought having ADHD
was kind of the same for everybody.

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I thought it was mostly
about getting distracted.

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I thought that maybe having ADHD was the
reason that I was failing at life.

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And I thought I was what needed to change
in order to be successful.

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I couldn't be successful,
and still be me.

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Spoilers.
I was wrong.