I Tried Anti-Aging TikToks

Folks

You guys ever think about how every
passing second brings us just a little bit

closer to death?
Yeah, me neither.

I feel like I say this all the time, but I
just turned 30 and I'll be honest,

I'm feeling it. I remember being a kid and
hearing my dad complain about his

back pain, and then in my head I was like,
'damn, that must suck. Good thing it's

never gonna happen to me though!'
But alas! Here I am!

If I sleep incorrectly, I have to take an
Advil. Last summer I rode a roller coaster

and I had a headache for a week.
I'm being slowly dragged to hell and I can

feel it. But aging is a part of life, ok?
It's inevitable. We're all aging all the

time, that's quite literally how the human
body works. But for as long as us humans

have been around, we have been trying to
fight this natural decay that we all

experience. And anti-aging content has
been around for a while, but lately I've

seen an increase in popularity of anti-
aging products and techniques on TikTok

specifically and I thought it'd be fun if
we took a look at them today.

I should say I haven't seen a lot
personally because my For You page is

all the way cooked. It's fuckin' burnt to
a crisp.

But my wife has seen a lot of these videos
she's actually the one who gave me this

video idea. So everybody say thank you
Jenna on three. One two three

So first off, I think it's important
that we talk about the history of

anti-aging products and techniques because
the concept of anti-aging in itself is

very old and wrinkly, gross, yuck.

Even dating all the way back to 69 BCE,
hilarious year by the way.

In the year 69 BCE, Cleopatra apparently
took daily baths in donkey milk in order

to maintain a youthful look.
Now I know why the dragon from Shrek looks

so young. It's all that donkey milk.

And in the year 1513, Juan Ponce de Léon
risked his life and set off on a journey

to find the fabled fountain of youth.
A spring that was said to provide eternal

life. He never actually found the fountain
of youth, but what he found was even

better.

Florida.

And that is real. He went to find the
fountain of youth and found the fucking

opposite. Florida. That is the opposite of
the fountain of youth. Because most people

down there look like an old leather couch.
People from Florida, their skin looks like

a black metal band's logo. And there's
tons of stories like this throughout

history. Apparently Elizabethan women
placed thin slices of raw meat directly on

their face. I'm sure their husbands were
pretty stoked on that.

But one of the first anti-aging products
ever was released to the public in 1889

and they were called Frownies. These were
like little adhesive patches that hold

your skin tight so you don't develop
wrinkles. And the origin story of this

product is pretty interesting. So the
inventor of Frownies apparently noticed

some frown lines on her daughter and she
immediately got to work on a product that

could fix her daughter's wrinkly fucked up
face. Gosh I wonder why her daughter was

frowning so much in the first place, you
know? Guess we'll never know.

And since the release of Frownies in 1889,
the anti-aging world has grown

exponentially. There's anti-aging creams,
lotions, pillows, supplements, diets,

procedures, you can pretty much sell
anything you want to people if you just

tell them it will make them look younger.
That being said, buying tickets to my

shows, and also buying my merch will
actually make you look 10 years younger.

It's crazy. It's also not lost on me that
like 99% of anti-aging products and

procedures are marketed directly towards
women. You know, in this patriarchal

society we live in,
cause we do live in a society.

From an early age the pressure and, like,
proposed importance of maintaining a

youthful image is absolutely drilled into
girls' brains through various forms of

media and marketing.
There's this fucked up idea that, like,

women's most valuable asset is their youth
which is, number one, incorrect and two,

weird as fuck. It's like when you hear
people talk about an older celebrity and

they're like 'wow she looks so nice for
her age!'

And it's like I don't know if you
needed those last three words.

You could just say someone looks good.

It's crazy cause it's kind of the opposite
for dudes. We've kind of tricked

the world into thinking that men get more
attractive as they age.

And don't get me wrong, that is true for
some dudes, but most old guys?

Uhhh? Woof.

If you think dudes get hotter with age,
you take a trip down to the fountain of

death. AKA Florida. And you'll see what
most old men look like.

But I've never personally felt the, like,
societal pressure to hold onto my youth as

a man.

"I'm a man."

But it happens all the time with girls
and it's still happening today.

"Here's some things that I do to slow down
the aging process as a 14 year old.

I started doing most of these things at
12. 1. I take two apple cider

vinegar pills, I do this twice a day.
Number two, I use retinol twice a day.

Next is, I love Korean skincare and I do
two face masks a day."

Call me crazy but I think a literal child
having an anti-aging routine

is a little dystopian. Because it's like
you're already young. Why are you doing an

anti-aging video? That's like if you saw a
TikTok of Jeff Bezos and he was like,

'This is how I have fun on a budget.'

It's like, dude, you don't need to worry
about that, man.

And look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell
you what procedures not to get or what

products not to use. It's your body, your
decision. But I just hope with people who

are doing these anti-aging procedures,
I just hope they're doing it for

the right reason.
And again, I'm not smart.

If you want a deep, insightful commentary
on this topic, or fucking any topic,

you're at the wrong- you're watching the
wrong guy. You got the wrong guy.

But I guess anti-aging, you know,
it's not inherently bad, but with every

other fucking thing on this planet, some
people are taking it a little too far.

And I thought it'd be interesting to
actually try out some of these anti-aging

techniques / products and see if they have
any actual effect. But first, we have to

actually find out how to reverse my age.
So I think we need to go to the most

reliable place on the internet to find
well-documented, peer-reviewed information

on this subject.

Tiktok!

"You're not ugly or old, but your inner
dialog might be. If you want the ultimate

glow-up, you won't find it in a bottle,
but in the power of positive affirmations"

Ding ding ding! You said the magic word!

"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts." Okay...

"Because your thoughts shape your reality"

Positive affirmations, manifesting, that's
a classic with this type of shit.

Manifesting was a huge part of the video
where I did, where I took a vision healing

masterclass, so I'm pretty familiar with
the concept, alright? This ain't my first

rodeo. And hey, if it works for you,
that's wicked.

But the thing I'm confused about,
she tells people to 'think and speak

youthful thoughts'.

"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts."

What, what is that? What even is a
youthful thought?

'Woah, he's so deep in thought
I wonder what he's thinking about.'

'Just a widdle baby. I make boom boom in
my dipey and I miss my mommy. I wuv

Cocomelon so much.'

'Oh my god, what's that smell?
Dude, did you shit yourself?'

So this creator actually sells the exact
affirmations you need to say on her

website for $10, but I unfortunately can't
buy those cause I'm just a little baby

with no money.

So I found a video on YouTube called
Age Reversal Affirmations.

"Rekindle your spirit and ignite the
passion with these reverse aging

affirmations. Listen or repeat them for at
least 21 days in a row."

21 days in a row? What the f-
Dude, no sleeping, no eating,

no exercising, no doing any of the things
that will, like, keep you healthy

and also maintain a youthful appearance

Fuck all that.

You just sit in your fuckin' affirmations
cave for three weeks straight.

Imagine I walk out of my office 21 days
later fuckin' sunken in eyes and stuff

you can see my bones

'I've never felt so young!'

Okay, so let's see what these affirmations
are.

"I have the spirit of a young."
I have the spirit of a young.

"I am glowing."
I am glowing.

"My bones and veins are in the best shape"
My bones- my bones and veins are in the

best shape.
Just my bones and veins though,

everything else sucks.

I can't tell if these worked or not
because I haven't done them for three

weeks straight, but I dunno, I
already feel like I have the spirit of a

young. The comments on this video are
really interesting too.

And it's like, cool. Good for these people
right? If that's what they wanna look like

Like, personally, why would you wanna look
18 forever? That is a nightmare.

This was me at 18.

If I still looked like this, I would be a
Batman villain, dude. I'd be fucking crazy

I'd be so mad all the time.
Dude I'd be running around Gotham fuckin'

poppin' zits on people and shit,
and I could fly because I'm, like, my-

all my backne is popping so much
all the pus coming out, the force of all

my back zits popping just-

Sorry, moving on from that horrifying
picture of 18-year-old me

We know there's a lot of products and
procedures that exist out there to slow

the aging process. But
even that's not enough for some people.

One man in particular is going to extreme
lengths to not just slow the aging process

but reverse it entirely.
And his name is Bryan Johnson.

I wish his last name was Griffin.
That'd be so savage.

So this Bryan Johnson guy is a Mormon
entrepreneur and venture capitalist from

Utah.

I know, pretty crazy, a Mormon from Utah?
Now I have seen everything.

I'm sure some of you have probably
seen this guy around the internet talking

about his age reversal endeavours, but the
shit he does is pretty fuckin' insane

in my personal opinion.

I watched his full morning routine and it
is wild.

"I just woke up-"

I'm not gonna play the whole thing cause
it's pretty lengthy, I'll do a quick

run through.

He stars his morning by taking his
temperature. He then stands in front of a

light that imitates sunlight because he
wakes up before the sun rises of course.

He then takes iron and vitamin C, he then
weighs himself every morning by the way

and not just his body weight.

"Weight, BMI, fat, muscle, visceral fat,
water, bone, heart rate and EBA.

It also gives me the air quality in the
area."

Dude, I will go to the greatest lengths to
not weigh myself. This guy does it every

morning. Fuckin respect. Because for me,
that is fucking torture, dude.

Nah, maybe torture is a strong word. I can
imagine a Saw trap that's like

"Stand on the scale, or die."

Bryan then does five minutes of blue light
therapy, he then does a meditation,

some weird vibrator thing that he never
really explains fully. He puts in eyedrops

and then he prepares his daily pills.
And this has gotta be the craziest shit I

have ever seen. Think of how many pills
he's gonna have.

It's more than that.

I don't know how many pills are in here,
I think last time we recorded it was

something like over 50, maybe 60.
That looks like a lot more, I'm not sure

what's going on here."

50 to 60 pills every day? Buddy swallows a
fuckin' entire pharmacy every morning dude

That is wild, he's gotta tone it down.
I think Bryan's gotta incorporate a couple

of chill pills in there as well because
Jesus Christ man.

But Bryan still isn't done. He now puts
red light on his head to prevent hair loss

and if red light prevents hair loss, looks
like I'm keeping mine forever.

Sometimes when I'm driving, I hit so many
red lights.

Then he preps his food for the day.

"This is what I'm gonna eat after we work
out. Overall it's a lot of

vegetables every month. It's over
50 pounds, I think."

I hate to break it to you, but that's
shit from a butt.

"People look at it and they say it's green
goop and make fun of it."

Course I'm gonna make fun of it.
That looks like baby shit, what the fuck?

I found out this guy has a son too.
Gotta suck to have this guy as a dad.

'Sorry son, you're grounded.'

'Eat shit, dad.'

'I do.'

He's still not done by the way. He then
prepares his second meal of the day which

he calls nutty pudding
"Nutty pudding-"

which is like a protein powder that he
actually sells on his website.

Maybe it's called that because you gotta
be a little nutty if you're gonna be

'pudding' that into your body.

And would you believe me if I told you
his morning routine still isn't done?

No it's not!

We're like fuckin' halfway through it dude
by the time this morning routine is done

he's gonna have to start his bedtime
routine. Because Jesus this is taking all

fuckin' day.

So after making his poop and sand, he does
a quick workout and then he finally eats

his breakfast. That honestly seems like so
much work compared to my morning routine.

My entire morning routine can be summed up
with the first two words of Chop Suey by

System of a Down.

"Wake up-"

That's it man, that's it. I'm awake.
And that's the thing, it's wild seeing

morning routines like this because, like,
who is this for? I made this point in my

Living Like a Billionaire for a Week video
but like 99% of people do not have the

time to do this shit when they wake up.
He says in this video that his morning

routine can take up to four hours.

"My morning routine is about three to four
hours, it varies on any given day

sometimes I go-"
Too long.

This is just not realistic to normal
people. But honestly, I don't know why

I'm getting so hung up on this guy, like
who even cares what this guy has to say

anyway? He doesn't even have the erection
of an 18-year-old.

Uh, yeah. I feel like even a manicurist
would say that's the grossest thumbnail

they've ever seen. What the fuck is that.
I also found this really interesting video

of Bryan Johnson. He's using yet some
other fuckin' crazy contraption to make

himself younger.

"Today I'm going to show you the machine I
use that allows me to do the equivalent of

20,000 sit-ups in 30 minutes time.
I've set the machine to 100% and 15 so

it's the max level. This is definitely not
something you wanns start with

what it feels like is, it's pulling your
entire stomach out. Like ripping it out.

Strap it on-"

Imagine he starts the machine and it's
just like, 'aaaah! It hurts, it hurts!

Kill me! Just kill me, put me out of my
misery, aaaah!'

Exercise complete

Alright, now if you guys want one of these
hit the link in my bio.

Also, like a part of his face is like
discoloured in this, it's like yellow.

His face is like yellow in this video.
I don't know if that's healthy, right?

Is he going through the new experimental
Simpsons treatment?

So yeah, this Bryan Johnson guy is like
the final boss of anti-aging

but I don't think I'm ready to experience
that just yet, I gotta work my way up

right?
And I think I found the perfect person.

His name is Brandon Miles May, or
@brandonskincare

and he has been getting pretty popular on
TikTok recently and here's why.

"I'm 35 and many people ask me if I don't
smile or laugh to prevent fine lines and

wrinkles. And it's not true, I do laugh
and I do smile. This is how I laugh

without using Botox and for preventing
fine lines and wrinkles. Ahaha, ahaha!"

Yeah, so he's obviously doing a bit in
this video, but this guy is allegedly 35

years old. For someone who looks that
young, I'd assume he would have like a

fucking Jimmy Neutron-sized head
because his head's gotta be full of

youthful thoughts.

When I first saw this video, I felt like I
was being, like, possessed by a far right

conservative because all I wanted to
comment was, 'show me your birth

certificate.' Cause I just couldn't
believe it, honestly still

don't believe it, but that's the story
he's sticking with so that's great.

He takes this shit pretty serious so,
Sure. He's 35.

This guy is five years older than me.

And Brandon's entire internet persona is
based around anti-aging.

He eats food for the sole purpose of
anti-aging. Same as his skincare routine.

Even his clothing helps him stay young.

"Anti-aging outfit of the day!
Are you ready for this?"

"So today is really warm, so it's pretty
basic. I have a UPF 50 hoodie on

right here this is- has the thumb holes
for the backs of the hands, but I can also

use this to protect the sides of my face,
I have my big sunglasses on to protect

like pretty much half of my face,
I have a UPF 50 cap that has a long bill

I'm wearing J.Crew shorts and sunscreen on
my legs."

If you can tell, any clothing that Brandon
wears it, uh, it protects him from the sun

because according to him the sun is the
main contributor to the aging of the skin.

"I just practice safe sun protective
behaviours because the sun contributes

up to 90% of the skin's visible signs of
aging."

And he's not wrong. the sun is incredibly
dangerous for your skin if you don't

protect yourself. So he wears clothing
that is UPF 50, and that stands for

Ultraviolet Protection Factor.

And apparently UPF 50 clothing blocks 98%
of the sun's rays.

This guy would probably still be a fuckin'
baby if it blocked 100%.

I gotta say though, including the
sunscreen in the fit check-

"And sunscreen on my legs-"

That's genuinely one of the funniest
things I've ever seen.

People gotta start getting like super
specific like that in those

'walk me through your fit' videos.

"Alright, walk me through your fit."

"Alright well first off I got the toupee
on my head, Gucci t-shirt,

swollen nipples from when my older brother
purple nurpled me this morning,

Dolce & Gabbana jeans, preparation H on my
haemorrhoid, herpes medication on my

wiener and I got the Prada shoes with my
ankle monitor from my house arrest."

"House arrest?"

"Police! Get your hands up,
get down on the ground!"

"Also just copped a taser in the back."

And this is all well and good, but I feel
like at a certain point it's like kind of

impossible to avoid the sun. And also like
why would you rob yourself of that joy?

There's like no better feeling than having
the sun on your face.

What about when you're driving,
what are you gonna do then?

Maybe like those sun blockers
that people put on their car windows when

they park their car?

I imagine Brandon just has that over his
windshield at all times, just absolutely

mowing people down, can't see shit...

Sorry, let's get back to Brandon,
let's see what kind of food he's eating so

he can keep that youthful glow.

"Here's what I'm eating for dinner tonight
for the purposes of anti-aging.

This is steamed broccoli and steamed bell
peppers, the broccoli is high in vitamin C

good for collagen synthesis, it also
contains sulforaphane which increases NRF2

NRF2 pathway-"
overlapping dialog

This guy's just making up words.
What the fuck was all that shit.

I'm convinced he's speaking in tongues
dude, he needs to be, he needs to be

exorcised by a priest. And I can't help
but think about that tweet,

of a person who's meal prepping broccoli,
chicken and eggs and someone quote tweeted

it with, 'okay mr fart'.

That's all I'm thinking of when I look at
that dinner, dude. This dude's farts could

probably make you hallucinate bro.
Oh, you know what? Maybe that's what UPF

stands for. Ur Prolly Farting.

I also just watched a video from Brandon
saying that he eats pizza once a quarter.

"I would say about 95% of the time I eat
everything that I show here on TikTok

about 5% of the time, yes I'll go out with
a friend or like my partner or somebody

and we will maybe get pizza, maybe like
every quarter or so we might have pizza

it's not like a big deal for me."

Which sounds like a brutal existence dude,
a pizza every quarter?

Just one pizza a quarter?

I'd have a quarter of a pizza every hour
if I could, dude.

Like I said earlier, I wanna see how
effective this anti-aging lifestyle really

is. So for the next week, I'm gonna live
my life the exact same way Brandon does.

And we'll see if I end up looking any
younger. But first, we need to lock down a

daily routine.

Okay so luckily, Brandon has a lot of
videos detailing pretty much everything he

does in a typical day for anti-aging.
Let's start off with what I'm gonna be

eating this week.

He has a video called
'What I eat in a day for anti-aging'.

To summarise that video, Brandon has a
dark roast coffee in the morning and then

an hour or two later, he has breakfast
which sucks for me because the first thing

on my mind when I wake up is what I'm
gonna eat for breakfast.

For breakfast he says he makes a green
smoothie on days where he isn't fasting.

I figured I'd do a smoothie pretty much
every day and then one day I'll try to go

fasting and see how that goes.

Then a few hours later he makes a
humongous salad for lunch.

He then makes a hot chocolate made of 100%
cacao, cocoa powder, almon milk and salt.

And I don't know about you guys but I like
my hot chocolate sweet as hell.

So let's see how he sweetens it.

"No sweetener, I don't add any sweetener
or sugar, so it is bitter."

Great.

And for dinner, Brandon usually does
salmon or some other kind of fish for

omega-3. I don't know what those are, it
sounds like it could be one of the fuckin'

Autobots.
'Omega-3, roll out.'

And then alongside the salmon Brandon also
has broccoli and

"my favourite fall vegetable, a sweet
potato."

And then for dessert he does frozen
blueberries and dark chocolate.

So that's gonna be pretty much my diet
every single day this week.

And there were some other foods in his
TikTok, like hard boiled eggs

and avocado and stuff that I'll sprinkle
in here and there.

And also, god, real quick. I gotta say,
love the energy Brandon's YouTube profile

picture is giving off, I love it dude.
Looks like I'm seeing him through a

peephole.
And obviously another pinnacle of

anti-aging is exercise.
Brandon starts his day with a 10 minute

stretch, and this next part's gonna be
pretty hard, but Brandon aims to hit

20,000 steps a day.

"I've been trying to reach for 20,000
steps-"

That's a lot of steps, ok? Especially to
a guy who has mastered the art of parking

it, but Brandon actually uses this little
treadmill, this like walking pad while he

works and stuff, so I went ahead and
ordered that same treadmill because

I can't possibly think of another way to
get 20,000 steps in a day.

Especially during the summertime.

Brandon then does some weightlifting with
some 12-pound weights

and that'll be no problem.

And that's his daily workout routine.
Seems pretty low impact, which is nice.

But compared to my usual workout routine
that consists of 20 reps of hanging out

followed by three sets of chilling,
this is gonna be a big change for me.

Uh, yeah. The only push up I do is push up
on the D-pad, cause I'm a freaking gamer.

I paused my game to be here.

You know I can eat and exercise all I want
but if I don't look the part then

what am I doing? So I'm gonna order
some UPF 50 clothing as well.

And wow, look at these.
Holy crap, these are ugly.

They're not ugly, sorry.
They're just not what I would wear.

It's like, there's not even one ironic
vintage graphic t-shirt on here

what the fuck?

And I guess it's nice that these clothes
protect you from the sun, but it doesn't

say anything about protecting you from
insults. So I'm pretty nervous about that.

But I'm gonna give these a genuine try.
So I'm gonna order some of these.

And last but not least, Brandon made a
video going through some tips and tricks

about anti-aging that nobody really talks
about.

"So whenever I'm cooking a meal
and I'm baking and using the oven,

I will be very very hesitant to just reach
my hand in there with just a mitten."

Damn, your skin can't even get warm?
What the fuck? That's not real.

"People who bake things for a living have
more aged skin on their dominant hand

the hand that they use for putting things
in the oven and pulling things out."

Also the example he uses...

He says people who work in kitchens
age poorly?

That might be true, but I can guarantee
you that's not because of the heat.

I've worked in restaurants before, ok?
If it's not the cigarettes, booze and

sniff

that ages them poorly, it's the
unnecessary amount of stress they put

themselves through.

'Ugh I'm so mad, the restaurant I work at
that sells food is selling too much food.

I gotta yell at Curtis and get more hand
tattoos about this.'

Sorry to all the line cooks and stuff
out there but I think that's just personal

work trauma I'm working through that-
nothing on you guys.

"Tip number two, flying in airplanes,
I always choose a window seat so that

I can control when the window is up and
down because when you're in higher

altitudes, UV- UVA in particular is
strongest at those highest altitudes-"

Yeah I guess that makes sense, but like a
couple hours of sunlight isn't gonna

fucking kill you. Well actually, I don't
know. It might kill him.

I don't know.

As you get on a flight, you're in the
window seat, sitting next to you is

Brandon Skincare, you look over, you open
the window, sun shines through and then

you look back at Brandon and there's just
a pile of ash there.

"Tip number three is wearing white
clothing. The sun comes down and reflects

UV off of that white significantly more so
than any other colour."

Alright, this is terrible news for me
because I actually really love wearing

white t-shirts, that's my favourite thing
to wear because I got this cool thing

called dandruff. So when I wear black my
shoulders kind of look like a fuckin'

Charli XCX concert. But who knows? Maybe
all this healthy eating I do this week

will somehow cure my dandruff.

"When you have bright lights on at night,
like just everywhere in your house and

you're watching TV and you're on your
phone and you're on your devices

this blue light and this visible light is
stimulating your serotonin levels when

it's not supposed to be stimulated, and
your circadian rhythm is getting all out

of whack."

Got, this is also gonna be a huge change.
I'm playing video games and working

until like 1AM fuckin' like every night.

Literally the lonely stoner seems to free
his mind at night, I don't know if he's

heard that before.
But now Brandon's saying no bright lights

at night? That ain't right!

"And also socialising and connecting with
others is really really important."

Okay, so I gotta hang out with my friends
and my wife this week.

I think I can make that happen.

"Maintaining an overall positive attitude
just overall can be connected to these

things, you know relaxation and reducing
negativity. Negativity is a powerful

detriment to your anti-aging goals.
A lot of people who are just negative

overall tend to have a reduced life span
and just more health issues overall,

tends to be a correlation there,
an association."

That's dumb. That's stupid.

Fuck dude, being negative shortens your
life? Nice knowing you guys!

Jesus Christ dude.

"And number 10 tip is basically not
drinking alcohol-"

Okay. Come on, man.

How you gonna tell me to be social but not
have any alcohol?

Yeah, great thing for anti-aging is to go
skydiving but don't wear a parachute!

Maybe he's just talking about hard liquor,
right?

'I'm sure he's not meaning 100 million
beers, right friend?'

"I just don't drink personally because I
know that there's really no benefit to

alcohol."

No benefits to alcohol? Okay, you tell
that to my hands that I'm not sure what to

do with at a concert.

Alright, I think we've got a firm
understanding of what my anti-aging week

is gonna look like, but I think before I
dive into the shallow end and break my

neck, I need one final day of getting all
the fun shit I like doing out of my system

I got a haircut.

So I had my quarterly pizza the night
before my week of anti-aging

and with a chest full of heartburn
I stared at my computer screen for the

rest of the night. I've been really busy
getting ready for tour and everything

and I knew I wasn't gonna have that much
time to do it this week, so I had to get

as much done as I possibly could.

That being said, I also played some video
games.

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And I stared at the screen until my eyes
popped out of my skull, freakin' gamer

style. And oh yeah, I also had a beer
because I wasn't gonna be able to have any

this week, so I enjoyed the hell out of
this thing. burp

That beer was almost as nice as
Donkey Kong's ass.

That was epic, now let's get young.

I bought a bunch of shit.

Uhh, I forget how much everything was
I think it was like $400 for everything.

Never mind, I was wrong. It was like $470
so pretty much like 500 bucks. Insane.

Oh no, sorry, plus the groceries.
We got everything from Whole Foods

because where Brandon buys everything
and uh, that place is pretty pricey, I'll

say that. I think they call it Whole Foods
because they put a hole in my wallet.

Let's go through what I purchased.
First up, this big thing right behind me

right here
clang

That's the uh, my walking thing,
my treadmill, my little walking pad.

I'm gonna set it up down here in my
recently flooded basement, uh

it's super empty right now.
This will be my walking zone for the next

week. Just an empty, white...
'a bitch.'

Let's go through what I got.
So this is the, oh, this is like a little

I don't even fuckin' know what I bought.
But this is like a band and you can wear

it as so many other things.
A wristband, aliceband, blindfuld?

Yeah, good idea. Just walk around like
that all day?

Scrunchie, headband, hatliner, cap, durag,
oooooh

Am I gonna get away?

Pirate
'arrr!'

Sunguard, face mask, hood, balaclava.
So I bought like 16 things in one dude.

And it's completely U... UFP... UPF 50.
UPF Chang's.

So I should be good to go there.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say this when I was
recording, but everything I saw on here

was on Brandon's like Amazon storefront
a lot of the stuff wasn't available on

Canadian Amazon so I had to like, find
some alternatives, but most of it was from

Brandon's Amazon page.

'It's a black square!'

Okay, and then I've got some blue light
blocking glasses, Gy Snail.

Gy Snail
Ohhhh yeah.

How do I look? Wow.
Everything looks like it's covered in piss

that's pretty cool. Alright next up are my
supplements, I got this probiotic, I also

got this borage oil? Boraj? Borat?

'I got this Borat oil, my wife.'

Essential fatty acids, this thing just
called me a fatty.

And then I got this uh, Super EFA!
This is something else, this is

Madagascar Centella Ampoule.
Am... am-pool, am-pool.

I don't know what it does, but I do like
the movie Madagascar, so if it's anything

like that I think I'm fucking set.
I also got these Vital Proteins.

One single ingredient.
All the single ingredients, all the

single ingredients

Last but not least, we got some food.
I got sunflower seeds, black sesame seeds

chia, cacao nibs, cocoa powder, cannellini
beans, some kelp?

Spongebob Squarepants-ass food.

And then I got some 100% Hundo.
Dark chocolate.

Unsweetened almond milk for my smoothies
and my hot chocolate.

I got these red peppers, I got these red
onions, sweet potatoes, broccoli, spinach

uh and some salad mix for like, the salad.
And that's pretty much it.

By the end of this video, I am gonna be
a foetus.

I got eight hours of sleep my first day
which was really nice but my dog woke me

up really early because he had to piss and
shit. awww

So I took him piss and shit and then I
immediately made myself an anti-aging

coffee. And yes, that's the same as a
regular coffee but I was just manifesting

that it was gonna make me younger.

Yeah, so I wanted to use a glass mug to
like, prove to you guys that I actually

was drinking black coffee, but the only
see-through mug I have is this Instagram

one that I stole from my old office job.
And it's probably the cheugiest thing I

own so, apologies for that.

But first, coffee.

Like I said earlier in the video, the
first thing I wanna do when I wake up is

eat food, and usually I'd make like a
breakfast sandwich or a burrito or toast

or a bagel you know, something with bread.
But today I had to make a Brandon Miles

May green smoothie.
And now that I'm thinking about it,

if Brandon Miles May was really all about
that anti-aging lifestyle, you know if he

really cared about freakin' rewinding the
clock, his name would be

Brandon Miles April.

So I put a bunch of spinach, a carrot,
almond milk, water, an avocado,

oh that looks like what my dog did this
morning.

I put in some chia seeds, this collagen
peptides powder that I smelled way too

hard so I got some up my nose,
and then I put in a banana, some black

sesame seeds and some ice.
And then I blended it all up.

Yeah, if you weren't hungry before
watching this video, sorry.

You definitely are now.
You're probably drooling like crazy right

now, it's fucking disgusting.

But I was so excited to drink this
smoothie guys, it kind of looks like the

shit that the plant dad tried to feed his
kids in that one Goosebumps episode

Stay Out of the Basement.
And I've always wanted to try that, so

this was pretty cool.
But after all the hard work, breakfast was

served. I ain't never seen two pretty
best friends.

And oh yeah, I also prepped some
containers so I can just add milk and

water and blend them up to save some time
going forward.

Alright, good morning on the first day of
me becoming a little baby.

I have my smoothie here, I have pretty
much every single ingredient under the sun

Down the hatch!

slurping noises

It's great.

It's just spinach I taste because that's
all I put in there but-

Emememe

That was me being Popeye.
I wanna be Popeye.

But hey, if I don't like the flavour, at
least I have this nice black coffee to

wash it all down with.
I'm just gonna hang out here and...

and drink this.
And real quick, I'm making it seem like

I'm a really picky eater, but I promise
you I'm not. I eat a lot of food, I love

all food pretty much, uh, except for
cilantro. I have the gene that makes it

taste like soap to me, so anytime I
accidentally eat cilantro it tastes like

I'm being punished for like saying a
swear word.

But honestly, I think putting a legit bar
of soap into this blunder would've made it

taste a lot better. Because this fucking
green smoothie, it tasted like cement bro.

It took me so long to fucking drink it.

Sorry I'm being negative and that ages you

'The smoothie was so good!'

Okay I've been filming this about half-
35 minutes. A half hour.

So it's taking me a half hour to drink
all this. I got one final... slurp.

But after some hard work and determination
I finally finished the smoothie.

Never felt so young in my life

Except uh... that's a half hour I'll never
fucking get back.

Brandon said in his videos that it's
always good to rest after eating your

breakfast because it helps with digestion.
And I was like 'that's fuckin' stupid, why

would you need to rest after it?'
But after doing that, I get it.

That was the most mentally strenuous thing
I've had to do, was get through this

fucking thing, so good night!
snore

Instantly fall asleep.

'I finally rest and watch the sun rise on
a grateful universe.'

Also woah, I just realised the walls of my
living room are the exact same colour as

the smoothie I had. Or maybe they aren't,
I'm just hallucinating.

Now it's time for my stretches!
Oh yeah

I followed along with Brandon's video and
you know what, I will say these actually

felt pretty nice. Whether or not doing
these stretches actually makes me look

younger, I do wanna try incorporate
this into my everyday life going forward

because it felt great. You can quote me on
this, there's nothing better than getting

stretched out.

I especially loved this stretch. I kinda
look like a cat who's about to puke.

I stretched for about 10 minutes and
oh yeah, one of the stretches reminded me

of my karate lessons I took 20 years ago
so that was also pretty fun.

Okay so, first morning routine is pretty
much done.

Yeah, I don't know if this is because of
the smoothie or the stretching but

you know what? I do feel a bit more
energised than I usually do.

Then again that could be like a placebo
effect. But no, this guy doesn't really

have sugar, so I guess placebo wouldn't
really exist.

Uh, I do have some work that I gotta get
done and then I guess I'm gonna start

getting my steps in. But yeah, so far
so good, I think.

How do I look? I feel like I look older
because I haven't shaved yet.

The more hair you have, the older you look

And after I finished some work I went down
to the basement because it was treadmill

time, brother.

Alright, I'm in the basement again.
Time to unbox this uh, fucking little

walking pad as they call it.

How many steps am I at right now?
It is currently 12:27, I'm at 2,000 steps

so I need 18,000 more so...

Yeah, it's a lot.

I started unboxing my walking pad and this
thing was

'fully loaded with tons of cool stuff!'

An L-key, yes!

It also came with this remote control
and it also came with this.

Okay so it came with lubri- lubricant oil?
Why'd they give me lube?

How you gonna give me lube, and also put
something that says 'warm tips'?

And I really thought this walking pad was
gonna be a huge game changer for me

because I can get my steps in without the
sun ever touching my skin and just ruining

my life. But I forgot that one of the best
parts of walking outside is like, looking

around at shit. Seeing a bird crap on the
ground, seeing a squirrel have sex.

'Oh, cool shit!'

So like, after 10 seconds on the walking
pad, I was like immediately bored out of

my mind. The future is now. You get all
the joy of walking outside without the

nice warmth from the sun. So... I just
gotta do this for like an hour.

Ok, I can definitely see why people have
these with like a standing desk because

this is kind of just like, you're not
really exerting too much energy and you

can still sort of do something.
But I'm really bored right now.

Maybe I'll read, maybe I'll read a book
while I do this.

That'd be pretty cool. Just all the books
are over there. And I'm here.

If only there was a way for me to move...

If there was only some sort of way I could
move my legs that would in turn make my

whole body move to where I want it to go.

One day.

Backward style, ohhh, oh my god!

So this was my view for the next half hour
and let me tell you I have never felt

younger in my life. Even though the
youngest people I've ever seen in my life

are never walking. They can't. They can't
walk. So if I really wanna start acting

young I should just throw on a diaper and
throw a tantrum on the ground.

And I don't know if it was the leisurely
stroll I took for 30 minutes, or the fact

that I had blended up spinach for
breakfast, but I was starting to get

hungie. So I went upstairs to make my
lunch. Brandon says he usually makes a

huge salad for lunch every day so I
followed his tutorial as close as I could.

I put spring mix, a bell pepper, sunflower
seeds, black sesame seeds, olive oil and

balsamic vinegar. I also fried up some
beans and onions, and I also made a

hard-boiled egg. Because I was fucking
starving and I knew a salad wasn't gonna

fill me up and I've also seen Brandon eat
those things before.

That yellow stuff on top isn't my fucking
dandruff or anything, it is nutritional

yeast. Pretty good yeast.

And this salad actually tasted really
fucking good. I'll admit it.

Brandon Miles May have been cooking with
this recipe, I fear.

Or maybe it was good because I was fucking
starving, but I ate the whole damn thing.

And I'm not afraid to say it.

Now it's time for my supplements!

That's what I say when I see a bunch of
Altoids. Sup, little mints?

Why'd they make these so fucking big?

And in Brandon's video where he shows what
he eats in a day, he makes his famous hot

chocolate right after lunch, so that's
what I did as well.

I heated up some unsweetened almond milk,
I put in some cocoa powder and then some

of these cacao nibs because I couldn't
find the wafers that he uses.

Wafer I hardly know her.

I cooked them for a while, but this is
when I realised um, I don't fucking know

what cacao nibs are. What the fuck are
they? Because I was fully under the

impression that they were just gonna melt
into the milk, but they did not.

They just got wet.

What the fuck are cocoa nibs? Cacao nibs.
Cacao!

So even though I made it incorrectly, I
still had a delicious hot chocolate ready

to be consumed. So let's give it a try.

Yeah, this thing tasted like fucking shit.

I know sugar bad for you but honestly, I
think drinking literal dirt water is worse

If I ordered a hot chocolate somewhere and
they gave me that, I'm throwing it in

their face and I am gladly going to jail
for it okay? Because that is fucking evil.

"This coffee smells like shit!"

"It is shit."

For the next few hours, I was just working
in my office and then around dinnertime

I had some salmon with carrots and
potatoes and this is pretty good because

it was just, you know, a pretty normal-ass
meal. But then it was time for dessert!

This is like if Charlie and the Chocolate
Factory had zero fun.

And Brandon's dessert of choice is frozen
blueberries and dark chocolate.

And I have a feeling it's gonna look the
exact same coming out.

Compared to the hot chocolate this
actually wasn't too bad, but you know,

obviously still not an ideal dessert.

So if you could eat like a rock.
Picture just eating a rock.

I unfortunately did not get 20,000 steps
on my first day because I fuckin', I spent

the whole day cooking. I feel like I had
no fuckin' time to take that many steps.

Unless you count all the steps that it
took to make that fuckin' smoothie.

Because there's like 20,000 ingredients
in it. So you know what? Sure, how 'bout

that. Yes I did, I got 20,000 steps, okay?
So it was like 9PM at this point and I

needed to go through the final edit of my
comedy special Python that you can watch

right now for free on my YouTube channel
if you want.

But using these glasses was a little weird
especially when you're like, reviewing

footage because it made everything look
like it was at the bottom of a pool that

is uh, filled with piss. So I just looked
like an idiot when the only feedback I had

was "This too yellow, fix it. Change it."

Thanks a lot, glasses.

But with that my first day of anti-aging
was complete. And it was time for me to go

Tuesday mode.

I woke up and realised my shirt needs to
start having some green smoothis 'cause

that thing is wrinkly, god damn.
Disgusting.

I needed to walk my dog so I put some
sunscreen on so I could brave the elements

when I got back I started getting
really hungry, but this was the day that I

was gonna start fasting in the morning, so
I was only allowed to have a coffee.

But you know what, if I'm being honest,
eating nothing is actually better than

eating that "smoothie". So I actually
wasn't too broken up about it.

I did my morning stretches and this time I
incorporated a quick plank 'cause that's

hilarious, and by the time I was done all
my stretches and everything it was like

11:30. And that's when I used to have a
little snack when I was a little boy so I

figured I was allowed to eat some food
now. And for my snack, I had one

hard-boiled egg. And that hard-boiled egg
got me thinking about my own anti-aging

goals.

A few hours later I went downstairs and
made the same salad as the day before

but for the next few days I unfortunately
had to make and eat everything in my

dining room, well I didn't have to eat
everything in the dining room. I didn't

have to eat like the chairs and the tables
but I had to eat food-

I was getting my kitchen redone, I was
getting my kitchen floors redone

so I couldn't really use my kitchen, so
yeah really shit timing to film a video

that requires a really strict diet when
your kitchen is getting a makeover.

But then again, so was I.

I also saw a TikTok from Brandon saying
that cherry tomatoes were a really good

snack for anti-aging. And one's perfect
because my wife Jenna is growing a bunch

of cherry tomatoes right now.

"Cherry tomatoes, organic cherry tomatoes,
you know what these contain? Lycopene."

Pause, bro. Peen?

"Lycopene."

Lycopene? I don't like a peen at all!
I like no peen.

I didn't wanna do it but, you know, for
anti- aging purposes I grinned and beared

it, I ate the cherry tomatoes while
repeating 'no homo' in my head over and

over again and thy were awesome.
Almost as awesome as a guy's penis.

And then I took my supplements as I
prepared for my first journey outside to

face my number one foe, the sun.

And it's interesting because like, all the
other wellness lifestyles I've tried, like

the billionaire lifestyle, the vision
healing lifestyle, they all praise the sun

and its healing properties, but with this
anti-aging lifestyle, the sun is like this

evil villain that needs to be avoided at
all times.

So I reapplied sunscreen and sat outside
with my dog, Kiwi.

Not without my UPF 50 hat that looks
really cool, guys.

And it does look good on me, okay? And if
I see one comment that says otherwise,

then I implore you to reconsider.

I look like Zorro.
See how the audio weirdly cut out in this

clip for some reason? Off- camera, my wife
she immediately agreed with me.

She actually said I looked cooler than
Zorro. So that was pretty nice.

We outside for a little longer
and I can't explain how nice it was to be

outside in the sun. I know it ages you
like crazy, but after a day of

purposefully staying inside and hiding
from it, I just felt so good.

Yeah, laugh all you want. I'm gonna be
laughing all the way to the bank.

But I won't be able to open a bank account
because I'll be... I'll be too young!

I'm too young, they're gonna say, "you're
too... you must be too young for that,

for this. You're a little baby boy!"

A few hours later we ordered some food for
lunch because we couldn't use our kitchen.

I just ordered some salad and some
steamed broccoli, yum!

You're probably thinking
eating all these healthy foods would make

me feel incredible, right? But a pretty
large problem was beginning to become

apparent.

Okay, so I've been doing this routine for
like, two days, two full days now.

This might be TMI but uh, I haven't,
I haven't g- gone to the bathroom.

I- I've pissed. I've been pissing, uh I
stay pissing. But I... I haven't gone

number two yet. Kinda weird because I'm
usually a pretty regular guy, I don't know

what's going on. My body's like, 'where
is all the bread, man? Where's all...

the bread, dude? We don't know
what to do with all this shit.

Where's all the bread and cheese, man?'
Just getting all bunged up down there.

So this is, I don't know if that's good
for my health, but uh, that's where we're

at right now. Been farting though!
Definitely been farting. And guess if they

smell insane? I had a pound of greens the
past two days, guess if the farts smell uh

like they're from another planet. I'll let
you know if anything changes.

But luckily, me talking about not being
able to poop must've reminded my

intestines to actually do their job
because like, 30 minutes after I recorded

all that, I friggin' crapped.

So it was like 10PM now, and I needed to
sign a bunch of these cards that we're

gonna be selling on the Goodfellow World
Tour that has just started!

Come to the shows, please! Buy a signed
card, okay? I signed them all, they're

sick. They look really cool. Especially
when you aren't looking at them through

piss glasses. And I forgot to do my
skincare the night before so I did that.

I ordered this cen...tella shit. I don't
know what it's supposed to do, but it was

on Brandon's Amazon list so it's gotta be
good.

And after that, I went to sleep. And now
it's time for Wednesday!

I made my coffee and my mug was calling me
handsome and I didn't really know how to

respond because I'm only ten years old.
No one's ever said that to me before.

Morning. Uh, I thought I would give
everybody a little, little hump day update

on how everything's going. It's the third,
third day of this anti-aging lifestyle.

I've been trying to just stay out of the
sun completely to avoid it, and I'm...

going a little stir-crazy. So I... I think
I'm gonna try to plan some sort of outdoor

outing tomorrow. It's just to be outside
because I've been uh, just a hermit pretty

much. But um, I made the smoothie again
but I added some blueberries this time

and it's funny because when I first had it
when it took me like 45 minutes to drink

it tasted like cement. But this one kinda
just... this one looks like cement, so

let's see how it tastes when I add a
little bit of blueberries.

slurps

That's like night and day.
That's incredible

slurps
This is... this is great. I could have

that every day.
This is the same type of hat The Hat Man

wears. I gotta take a picture, tonight.

That also was another tip on TikTok that I
saw, was to sleep on your back. That's

supposed to be good for anti-aging.

"Back-sleepers do appear to enjoy fewer
fine lines and wrinkles on their face

compared to other sleep positions."

But again, sleeping on your back is how
you get a visit from The Hat Man, me.

Do you want...

I show up and I go, 'stop laying on your
back.'

But yeah, I'm gonna keep up this routine,
I haven't gotten 20,000 steps yet on any

of the days, which is frustrating. I got
8,000 on Monday, 13,000 yesterday.

Hopefully I can get 20,000 today. But what
do I know? These numbers are huge.

I'm just a little baby. I don't know that
num- numbers could even go this big.

All I know is 1 2 3 and... peekaboo.
But I'm gonna drink this smoothie.

I'll see you on the other side.

And as I drank my smoothie, I decided to
watch stuff on YouTube that I would watch

as a kid.

I'm watching a fight scene from uh, the
movie The One starring Jet Li.

"Start speaking and thinking youthful
thoughts."

And like I said, this smoothie tasted

incredible because of the added
blueberries, so it only took me like

10 minutes to crush it, compared to
Monday's 35 minutes, so that was great.

Dude, that took me 10 minutes. Who knew
putting something that tastes good

makes something taste good.
Learn new stuff every day. I'm a teenager.

Uhh, I'm so young it's crazy.

I then made my way downstairs to my
glorified hamster wheel so I could get

some steps in. I was able to walk for a
longer period of time on this day because

I brought my 3DS down there and I started
a new save file of Pokemon Silver.

And this seems like a good time to give a
full review on this walking pad.

So obviously this thing is appealing due
to its small, compact design, but that's

also kind of a detriment to the product
because like, when you're on it, you gotta

be fuckin' locked in on where you're
walking. Because if you're not walking in

a perfectly straight line at the right
speed consistently, it is so easy to like

slip or like your foot to slip off or you
like, you know, step on the side and you

get all... you trip for a second. And it's
just like, it's really scary. It happened

to me like, several times. Yeah, walking
pad? More like walking bad.

So overall, I'm gonna give this walking
pad like a 6.5 out of 10.

If you're good at walking then get it,
I guess. But if you're just a little baby

like me who just learned how to walk last
week, I'd probably just skip it.

After my walk, I did some lifting with

some 8-pound weights. Brandon usually uses
12-pound weights but I didn't have any of

those. But halfway through my workout, I
realised something terrible.

I was wearing white.

And I'm doing it now!

But I'm recording after, so it's fine.
Haha!

So I put on a black shirt and went right
back to pumping iron.

I didn't really feel like I was burning
that many calories or anything

and the more I thought about it, the more
I realised like, what I was doing wasn't

very youthful at all. The guys who lift a
bunch of weights all the time, they always

look like, 30 years older than they
actually are, right?

You could see a 6'5 bodybuilder who's like
bald and shit, he's like super ripped

he's got like a goatee and you're like,
'how old are you?'

And he's like, 'yeah I'm 15!'

Like, if I need to be thinking about
youthful thoughts, I wouldn't think to

lift weights. You know what I mean?
I'd be doing something way different.

"Smoke weed every day"

So I did some stretches, I planked again
and then Kiwi was stoked that someone else

was finally at his eye level, so he came
and hung out with me for a little bit.

And being under 6 feet, I know exactly
how that feels. When I see another 5'9

dude at a party or something, I'm like,
'yo, what's up, man? This is nice.'

For a snack, I made one of my favourite
foods, a caprese salad.

But Brandon never said anywhere that it's
okay to have mozzarella cheese, so I just

had tomatoes with basil. It was still
really good because the tomatoes and basil

were fresh from my wife's garden.
But still, cheese would've been awesome.

And like I said earlier, I don't really
have like a solid routine that I stick to

every day, so one of the biggest
challenges of this, like, routine was

actually just sticking to an actual
routine. Like, there was just so much to

actually do and remember throughout the
day. It was like... it was really hard.

Because obviously, you want your morning
to feel like you're just starting your day

you're getting into it, you don't wanna be
like, 'okay, I do this, this, I do that-'

like that's a fucking nightmare, dude.
I was so worried and stressed and anxious

that it was like... it probably aged me
more than if I just lived regularly.

I didn't do much for the rest of the day,
and I also forgot to film my dinner

so I filmed a little recap after I uh,
after I ate.

Alright, I forgot to film it, but I just
ate some salmon and broccoli. I had some

broccoli too. But yeah, I uh, I was really
fucking hungry.

That's like the main thing I'm realising
this challenge. But I guess just the

lifestyle is like, I'm just hungry all the
time. So I'm finding myself, like eating

small amounts of things all day.
Like a bird. I just had a handful of seeds

like a fucking bird, dude.

It's alright, having a great time.
I crapped again too, so...

We're back, we're so back.

So with Wednesday coming to an end, it was
time for the day that AJR wrote that

shitty song about.

"Thirsty thirsty Thrursday"

I woke up to one of my moustache hairs
trying to escape, and I immediately went

downstairs to make my green smoothie,
or purple smoothie, sorry.

This is what I have to look forward to now
and it's pretty awesome.

I drank my smoothie, and when I went to
put my glass in the dishwasher, I realised

I forgot the banana. I forgor.
I was devastated. I've never forgotten a

banana like this before.
So I ate it in the kitchen and threw the

banana peel on the floor.

'That was delicious! Woah!'

I then noticed that my dog was sitting in
his favourite spot enjoying the sunshine

without the proper protection. So like a
good dog owner, I took my UPF 50 hat off

and put it on Kiwi.
Oh my god, he loves it.

I did my daily stretches again, and then
for lunch I had some more steamed broccoli

another hard-boiled egg, and some roasted
sweet potatoes.

And this meal was pretty good,
I enjoyed it.

And like I said on Wednesday, I decided to
plan a nice outdoor outing on this day.

And some of you may know this already, but
I am unfortunately an avid golfer.

I'm sorry. But I love it. I've played
since I was a kid, I love golf, I love

getting outside, playing golf with my
friends. You know, trying to improve at

something that is challenging and that I
enojy. It's really nice. It's like, golf

is really therapeutic for me.

Or at least it was, before I found out the
sun is trying to kill me.

So I decided to go golfing on Thursday.
And this was the perfect time to debut my

complete sun-protection outfit.

Yeah, I'd like to see the sun try to start
a fight with that guy.

I got to the golf course and put a shit
ton of sunscreen all over my legs because

those were gonna be exposed to the big
bully in the sky.

And then I was finally ready to go golfing

I was a little nervous because I'll be
honest, uh... the undershirt I bought is

made out of like a really, like
constricting material.

And it was really hard to move and...
and breathe.

But I went up to hit my first tee shot of
the day.

"It should be just a nice comfortable
9-iron for him. They're gonna go nuts when

he hits this thing."
"Yeah!"

And I'm glad my buddy wasn't filming where
the ball went because holy shit, it was

really bad. You know, for a sport that
kind of requires you to be uh, flexible

and comfortable while you play, super warm
and constricting clothing is a terrible

idea.

This is really hot.

But nevertheless, I persisted.

I played an entire 18 holes in this
fucking outfit.

And although I looked and felt a little
silly, I was just happy to be outside in

the sun and getting my 20,000 steps.

I'm getting some dirty looks from the
other golfers on the course.

I don't... I can't see why. It's probab-
it's probably jealousy. Probably pure

jealously. That's okay. I can't breathe
really, which is fun. And I'm really warm.

I feel like I'm... definitely protecting
myself from the sun, but I... might die

from a stroke in the process, so I don't
know if this is really... really that

smart, but...
Dude, I look so young. Oh nice shot!

Yeah, like I said, my drive was terrible,
I ended up in the trees and I'm absolutely

blaming my clothes for that, okay?

When I'm wearing my usual clothes, I hit
the ball in the fairway every single time!

And this next shot actually wasn't that
bad, I just rolled off the green to the

left and I... I was a little upset.
Because I couldn't fucking hit a shot to

save my life that day.

This fucking outfit. I usually hit that in
every single time.

And I'm gonna be honest, wearing these
clothes for four hours on a hot, sunny day

and walking 20,000 steps was probably the
most uncomfortable I've ever been.

The face mask was like constantly pushing
on my Adam's apple, it felt like someone

was trying to choke me, but they just like
weren't fully committing, you know?

Picture like a little garden gnome, like,
trying to just choke you all day.

Like it's more annoying than anything,
you know what I mean?

So yeah, I played like shit pretty much
all day and I am 100% blaming the UPF 50

clothing.

And usually after 9 holes I'll stop at the
halfway and I'll get a hotdog, right?

And I'll eat it in like three or four
bites because I'm so goddamn hungry, but

obviously this week, hotdogs are a no-go.
But oddly enough, when I was at the

halfway grabbing a water, they had the...
the grill going and uh, my friend who

I was golfing with, he ordered a hotdog.
And the girl who was working there was

actually like,

And I was blown away by that because one,
probably not the best sales tactic to say

that after someone orders a hotdog.
And two, out of all the times to hear that

little titbit of information, I hear it
the one week where I'm trying to extend my

life, like, what are the odds?

And this is a thing that people say about
hotdogs, I looked it up and obviously that

hasn't been proven, because that's like,
impossible to prove. There's so many, like

different things you have to take into
account. But it's like when people say

like having one cigarette takes like, you
know, whatever amount off your life, right

I actually don't...

How much do they say for cigarettes?

11?

"I'm 11 so shut the fuck up."

You're telling me a hotdog takes more off
your life than a fucking cigarette, dude?

This changes everything. We gotta replace
cigarettes with hotdogs.

Imagine you're just engaged with some, you
know, passionate lovemaking with your

partner. You know, you go over to your
bedside table and you come back, like...

And if a hotdog shortens your life span,
one can only assume the opposite of a

hotdog must lengthen your lifespan.

You ever see a shivering kitten around me?
Don't ask any questions.

Sorry, back to my day on the golf course.

Instead of a hotdog, I got a bag of
peanuts!

Uh, so I ate those like a little fucking
baby bird, it sucked, I... I was starving.

I was fucking really hungry.

And on top of my outfit slowly trying to
kill me, and the fact that I looked like I

was in witness protection, a new issue
arose.

Oh, this thing stinks.

Yeah, it turns out walking four miles in
really tight clothing makes you stink like

shit, so everybody was keeping their
distance from me, but you know what?

That was okay with me.

While all the other golfers were
complaining about their golf game and

beating themselves up about how bad they
were at golf, I was able to blame my

uncomfortable outfit.

It's never my fault.

So when I got home, I made some salmon and
some sweet potatoes, and I also had a

salad with some cucumbers from my wife's
garden, and it's probably because I

literally had a few handfuls of nuts for
dinner, but this meal was the best one

I've had, like all week so far. Like, it
was incredible. I ate it so fast!

And since I went golfing, I finally had a
day with 20,000 steps.

And I did it all without ever touching my
walking pad, what the fuck?

I should've put the walking pad on two
hoverboards so I could still use the

walking pad outside and walk around.
Work harder, not smarter.

Friday started off terribly. I woke up to
one of the worst canker sores I've ever

had in my life, which is super frustrating
because I haven't gotten one of those in a

really long time. But when I'm living like
really healthy for a week, now I get one?

Huh?
Cool!

I also noticed this bag of blueberries
I've been eating all week is like, way too

slutty for no reason. But I was low-key
fucking with it.

I made a black coffee as well for yet
another breakfast of champions.

I have never seen two pretty best friends.

At this point of the week I was feeling
really burnt out and just sick of this

anti-aging lifestyle.

I'm hungry all the time.
Stomach is growling.

I know it's impossible to see the impacts
of the changes you're making like, in real

time,

but I was just so annoyed with everything
at this point and I also had a case of pop

in the basement that was fucking talking
to me like the Green Goblin mask,

but I had to just stick to my friggin'
diet.

So I made another pretty, colourful and
healthy salad and ate that for lunch

and then for a little snack, I had some
blueberries and dark chocolate while I

watched some YouTube videos.

And the rest of the day was filled with me
walking on my walking pad and eating

salmon. And I was watching one of
Brandon's videos and he said that he

actually stopped eating salmon every day
because he was scared of mercury poisoning

"Personally, I do consume meat and fish in
very moderate quantities with a focus on

fish in moderation just because of the, uh
mercury content."

But I think that's fucking stupid because
mercury's like really far away.

But anyways, Friday was done, and now it
was time for the weekend, baby!

Another day, another fucking smoothie.

And you probably notice the pizza boxes in
the background but those are not mine, ok?

Trust me, okay? I'm just holding them for
a friend. Well, not really a f- for my

sister, okay? She was visiting and... and
she wanted pizza so, so she got a pizza ok

but trust me, okay? They weren't mine
alright, I didn't touch the stuff.

I already had my quarterly pizza.

Instead of having an awesome cheesy pizza
for lunch, I had a black coffee, some

leftover salad and an avocado with kelp
seasoning, and it was so... just alright.

And my canker sore was getting worse by
the minute, so that was a lot of fun.

And at this point, I looked up uh, to see
what actually causes canker sores because

I actually don't know, and Google said
that canker sores can be triggered by

emotional stress, dietary deficiencies,
menstrual periods, hormonal changes, food

allergies or trauma in the mouth.

It was all that lycopene in my mouth, bro.

Dude, the last time I got a canker sore
this bad was when I was on Accutane in

high school. And if you know anything
about Accutane, that drug fucks with your

body, dude. So how is me just eating
greens for a week...

having the same effect as when I took a
pill that literally changes how your body

operates. Canker? I hardly know her!

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't really film
too much on Saturday or Sunday because

one, I couldn't really eat anything
because it fuckin' hurt way too much to

put anything in my mouth.

Even one of those slutty blueberries would
cause me too much pain.

And two, we were out of town visiting
family. But as I got closer to midnight on

Sunday, I thought about all the hard work
I did to maintain a youthful glow.

I thought about all the delicious food I
ate and the places I went.

I reminisced about all the loving and
adoring looks of approval I got on the

golf course for my Zorro cosplay.

And as I played the Youthful Affirmations
video for the last time through my

piss-coloured glasses, 11:59PM on Sunday
quickly turned into 12AM on Monday.

And my anti-aging journey was finally
complete.

Alright, it's time to talk about the
findings of my little anti-aging

experiment. First off, the most obvious
question: do I look any different?

Yes. But that's only because I got a
haircut. If I had the same hair length as

the beginning of the week, I would
probably look the exact same if not older.

I don't see any difference between these
two pictures because obviously it's

impossible to see the effects of lifestyle
changes in just seven days, right?

It takes, it takes months, years even.
But I just wanted to do this video to show

you guys what, you know, what a week in
this lifestyle would entail.

And in terms of how I felt throughout the
week, I felt pretty similar... I was

definitely more hungry, but the one main
difference I did notice is I did feel more

energised than I usually do, like right
after breakfast.

And that's gotta be the smoothie because
it's just really full of like, really

good, healthy ingredients. I also really
enjoyed the daily, like, stretches for my

back because I've been dealing with back
pain for like, the last few years.

And just getting more movement really
helped out. So I'm gonna... I'm gonna keep

doing that. But speaking of back movements
I had to bend over backwards to get 2,000

steps, dude. That was an impossible feat.
It was impossible for my feet. That is an

insane amount of steps in a day, dude.
10,000 steps? That is perfect.

That is actually just as good as 20,000
steps and it's a lot easier to get.

I don't have any proof to back that up,
but I'm standing by it.

So would I recommend this lifestyle?

No! This sucked. This was dumb.

I personally think that uh, basing your
entire life around uh, anti-aging is, like

pretty sad. And it's fucking exhausting
too, and I'm speaking from experience.

No shade to Brandon, of course, because
he's always in the shade.

But I think aging is something we should
all embrace instead of fear.

Because what's so bad about aging?
'Oh, your hair turns grey? Oh no!

Oh, your face is starting to wrinkle?
Oh no, you've lived a long, eventful life

and your body is changing as it goes
through the natural aging process.

What a nightmare!

People used to die at, like, age 28.
Don't get me wrong, I understand why aging

can be scary. I'm not gonna sit here and
pretend like I don't worry about my

hairline or my skin or like my overall
physical health as I get older

but changing your entire lifestyle just to
slow the aging process just isn't worth it

like especially now in the year 2024.
Like, we've maybe got like a good 50 years

left on this planet. It's like sick, you
lived to 150 only to die in the water war

of 2125? Congrats, dude.

There's nothing wrong with looking older,
there's nothing wrong with aging,

and there's nothing bad about going
outside in the sun.

I don't want to live a life where I'm
fucking petrified of the sun, okay?

That is... that is a nightmare.

You want me to move into a fucking cave
system so I look like one of those goblins

from The Descent? Oh my god, drop the
skincare routine guide, wow.

Also so funny to me is seeing these people
like Bryan Johnson and Brandon Miles May

go through all this effort to live as long
as I can and look as young as possible

when you, like, constantly hear these
anecdotes from people who are actually

living past 100. And every time they ask
these people how they live that long is

always like, 'yeah, I just celebrated my
105th birthday and my secret?

Four Dr. Peppers a day.'

Sometimes you can't control the aging
process, dude. And that's fine.

You watching this right now, you are older
than you were when you started watching

this video. I'm older than I was when I
started making this video. Even with all

the anti-aging shit I did. And even if you
extend your life with anti-aging

life is fucking way too short to spend all
of it trying to extend it a little bit.

Like when you think this Bryan Johnson guy
is on his deathbed, he's gonna be like,

'ugh, if I only ate more green poop I
could've made it to tomorrow.'

Like, to me, I just think it's a little
silly to prevent aging, you know?

The thing that is happening all the
fucking time?

That's like trying to stop Pitbull from
devilishly smirking.

Not gonna happen.

In conclusion, I guess, a lot of my
viewers are, you know, younger.

Teenagers, in your 20s, right?
And I just wanna let all of you guys know

aging is a privilege. And I kinda feel bad
that a lot of you are never gonna get this

hour of your life back that you spent
watching this video, or half hour if you

watched it in 2x speed, so I'm gonna take
one for the team and also lose an hour of

my life, uh, while I eat these two hotdogs

Thanks for watching!