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When I was taking a horror class for my
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film studies minor, I read a lot of horror
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theory that tried to explain why certain
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films frightened audiences, and why being
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frightened by a film was even a desirable
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sensation in the first place.
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Not only does the effectiveness of horror
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vary between individual spectators,
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but has the capacity to frighten someone
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can vary tremendously.
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But the enjoyment of horror in the first
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place is not something that everyone shares.
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Culturally, we understand that a lot of
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people enjoy being scared in the theater
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now and then. Some people get really into
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horror as an interest,
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or are the adrenaline junkie type,
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who really love being scared and will seek
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out progressively stranger and more
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disturbing intense horror films for a high
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And some particularly weird people love
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horror so much that it's their favorite
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genre. And they panel at horror
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conventions. And make short comedy horror
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films. And video essays about horror.
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And write really personal reviews about
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how seeing the scariest movie they had
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ever seen was actually a healing
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experience because of trauma and catharsis,
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or lack of catharsis in representation and
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articulation of inner pain that is
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difficult to articulate and... Whatever.
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Even if you don't like horror movies,
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or rollercoasters, or haunted houses,
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you can probably understand why someone
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else would. Even if it's just the idea of
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a safe, contained, adrenaline rush.
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As someone who loves horror,
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and has loved horror for as long as I've
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understood what it was, of course I get
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why people like it! And it's a big part of
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my career to engage with it and try to
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articulate what's so great about it.
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Then I start-- Then I try to articulate
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the experience of watching a Neil Breen
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movie...
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"I disappear. I become... invisible."
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"AAAAHHH"
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... and why I would want to watch a Neil
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Breen movie...
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"If it can be destroyed by the truth,
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it DESERVES to be destroyed by the truth."
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[affluence explodes]
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Or why anyone would want to watch a
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Neil Breen movie...
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"I can't believe you committed suicide!"
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"I cannot believe you committed suicide!"
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... and that flow of excited articulation
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I can usually hit, just halts.
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It becomes sludge.
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My Breen experiences can mostly be split
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into three separate instances.
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I'm going to start here with the second
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instance. My friend Grahm and I watched
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four Neil Breen movies in a row in one day
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I think our only break was to grab pizza
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to keep watching.
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At one point midway through the viewing
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while I was just yelling at his TV,
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exasperated, I couldn't understand
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anything I was watching. I was just
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getting-- I was--
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I wouldn't even call it "offensive",
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it was just horrible and baffling and
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so weird and so confusing!
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Grahm looked at me and asked me if I was
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even enjoying watching these movies.
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I had no idea how to respond.
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Not only is it difficult to articulate
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the experience itself, what it was like
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to mainline Breen for six and a half hours
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and physically feel my brain melt,
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But in that moment
