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When I was taking a horror class for my

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film studies minor, I read a lot of horror

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theory that tried to explain why certain

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films frightened audiences, and why being

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frightened by a film was even a desirable

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sensation in the first place.

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Not only does the effectiveness of horror

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vary between individual spectators,

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but has the capacity to frighten someone

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can vary tremendously.

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But the enjoyment of horror in the first

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place is not something that everyone shares.

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Culturally, we understand that a lot of

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people enjoy being scared in the theater

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now and then. Some people get really into

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horror as an interest,

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or are the adrenaline junkie type,

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who really love being scared and will seek

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out progressively stranger and more

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disturbing intense horror films for a high

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And some particularly weird people love

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horror so much that it's their favorite

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genre. And they panel at horror

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conventions. And make short comedy horror

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films. And video essays about horror.

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And write really personal reviews about

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how seeing the scariest movie they had

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ever seen was actually a healing

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experience because of trauma and catharsis,

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or lack of catharsis in representation and

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articulation of inner pain that is

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difficult to articulate and... Whatever.

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Even if you don't like horror movies,

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or rollercoasters, or haunted houses,

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you can probably understand why someone

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else would. Even if it's just the idea of

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a safe, contained, adrenaline rush.

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As someone who loves horror,

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and has loved horror for as long as I've

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understood what it was, of course I get

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why people like it! And it's a big part of

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my career to engage with it and try to

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articulate what's so great about it.

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Then I start-- Then I try to articulate

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the experience of watching a Neil Breen

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movie...

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"I disappear. I become... invisible."

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"AAAAHHH"

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... and why I would want to watch a Neil

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Breen movie...

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"If it can be destroyed by the truth,

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it DESERVES to be destroyed by the truth."

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[affluence explodes]

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Or why anyone would want to watch a

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Neil Breen movie...

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"I can't believe you committed suicide!"

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"I cannot believe you committed suicide!"

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... and that flow of excited articulation

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I can usually hit, just halts.

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It becomes sludge.

NOTE Paragraph

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My Breen experiences can mostly be split

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into three separate instances.

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I'm going to start here with the second

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instance. My friend Grahm and I watched

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four Neil Breen movies in a row in one day

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I think our only break was to grab pizza

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to keep watching.

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At one point midway through the viewing

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while I was just yelling at his TV,

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exasperated, I couldn't understand

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anything I was watching. I was just

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getting-- I was--

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I wouldn't even call it "offensive",

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it was just horrible and baffling and

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so weird and so confusing!

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Grahm looked at me and asked me if I was

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even enjoying watching these movies.

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I had no idea how to respond.

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Not only is it difficult to articulate

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the experience itself, what it was like

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to mainline Breen for six and a half hours

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and physically feel my brain melt,

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But in that moment