When I was taking a horror class for my
film studies minor, I read a lot of horror
theory that tried to explain why certain
films frightened audiences, and why being
frightened by a film was even a desirable
sensation in the first place.
Not only does the effectiveness of horror
vary between individual spectators,
but has the capacity to frighten someone
can vary tremendously.
But the enjoyment of horror in the first
place is not something that everyone shares.
Culturally, we understand that a lot of
people enjoy being scared in the theater
now and then. Some people get really into
horror as an interest,
or are the adrenaline junkie type,
who really love being scared and will seek
out progressively stranger and more
disturbing intense horror films for a high
And some particularly weird people love
horror so much that it's their favorite
genre. And they panel at horror
conventions. And make short comedy horror
films. And video essays about horror.
And write really personal reviews about
how seeing the scariest movie they had
ever seen was actually a healing
experience because of trauma and catharsis,
or lack of catharsis in representation and
articulation of inner pain that is
difficult to articulate and... Whatever.
Even if you don't like horror movies,
or rollercoasters, or haunted houses,
you can probably understand why someone
else would. Even if it's just the idea of
a safe, contained, adrenaline rush.
As someone who loves horror,
and has loved horror for as long as I've
understood what it was, of course I get
why people like it! And it's a big part of
my career to engage with it and try to
articulate what's so great about it.
Then I start-- Then I try to articulate
the experience of watching a Neil Breen
movie...
"I disappear. I become... invisible."
"AAAAHHH"
... and why I would want to watch a Neil
Breen movie...
"If it can be destroyed by the truth,
it DESERVES to be destroyed by the truth."
[affluence explodes]
Or why anyone would want to watch a
Neil Breen movie...
"I can't believe you committed suicide!"
"I cannot believe you committed suicide!"
... and that flow of excited articulation
I can usually hit, just halts.
It becomes sludge.
My Breen experiences can mostly be split
into three separate instances.
I'm going to start here with the second
instance. My friend Grahm and I watched
four Neil Breen movies in a row in one day
I think our only break was to grab pizza
to keep watching.
At one point midway through the viewing
while I was just yelling at his TV,
exasperated, I couldn't understand
anything I was watching. I was just
getting-- I was--
I wouldn't even call it "offensive",
it was just horrible and baffling and
so weird and so confusing!
Grahm looked at me and asked me if I was
even enjoying watching these movies.
I had no idea how to respond.
Not only is it difficult to articulate
the experience itself, what it was like
to mainline Breen for six and a half hours
and physically feel my brain melt,
But in that moment