-
( brass and timpani play
majestic fanfare )
-
( add rest of orchestra )
-
( low strings and brass
play more intense Western-style theme )
-
( add woodwinds )
-
( string tremolo, drum roll )
-
( electric, upbeat
orchestral theme plays )
-
( Dixieland-style interlude )
-
SAM THE EAGLE: Ladies and gentlemen,
-
We have an unexpected surprise.
-
-I have the great honor of introducing,
-GONZO: Yes!
-
The one, the only...
-
Mr. Mickey Mouse!
-
( Rizzo humming
"Mickey Mouse Club March" )
-
Hello, hi there!
Welcome to my park!
-
How ya doin'?
Hello!
-
SAM: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-
You are not Mickey Mouse,
you are a rat!
-
RIZZO: Rat, schmat!
-
Besides, they're tourists!
What do they know?
-
Will you get out of here?
-
Okay, but do I still get my 10 bucks?
-
-SAM: Get out, get out, get out!
-GONZO: I've got Donald Duck back here!
-
-Will you get out?
-Yes!
-
SAM: (sighs)
I apologize.
-
Now where was I?
Yes, safety instructions.
-
First, when entering the theatre,
please move to as far to the
-
end of the row as possible.
-
Stopping in the middle is
distinctly unpatriotic.
-
Second, do not attempt to walk
while wearing your 3D glasses.
-
You may trip, and frankly, (THUD!)
you will--
-
What are you doing?!
-
GONZO: I'm just showing how you can trip
if you walk with your glasses on.
-
Will you stop this foolishness?
-
What foolishness would you like to see?
-
-Will you GET OUT OF HERE?! (sighs)
-Yes.
-
SCOOTER: Excuse me.
-
-What now?!
-We're almost ready.
-
Oh, fine, fine, fine.
Okay, thank you, Scooter.
-
(clears throat) Now, the performers
will all go in the theatre first,
-
and then you, the audience,
will be admitted.
-
All right, performers,
let us enter in an orderly fashion,
-
( bugle blows charge )
and provide an example-- YAAAAAH!!!
-
( loud clamoring and running )
-
Will somebody please take over?
-
( slide whistle down, then thud )
-
( grand synthesized fanfare )
-
-GONZO: Nice outfit.
-BEAN: (dazed) Thanks.
-
Scooter, Scooter! There's a
telephone call for you! It's urgent!
-
Oh, thanks!
-
I got him--
We don't have a telephone!
-
( laughing )
-
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
while you are a captive audience...
-
a display of TREMENDOUS
tap dancing talent,
-
with the added cultural
component of...
-
( trumpet plays triumphant note,
cartoon whistles )
-
...a pot of flowers
balanced on my head.
-
Hit it, Rusty!
-
( piano plays
"Tea For Two" )
-
( rhythmic tapping )
-
ALL THREE GONZOS: Yeah!
-
( crash )
-
You dropped your pot!
-
Oh! ♪ Bukkaw! Bukkaw! Bukkaw! ♪
-
Pick it up!
-
( ratchet )
-
( piano and tapping continue )
-
-Got it?
-Yeah!
-
( piano and tapping continue )
-
( music ends )
-
-Thank you!
-You're welcome!
-
-STATLER: Hey, Waldorf?
What are we gonna see in here anyway?
-
WALDORF:
It's one of those 3D movies.
-
Put on your glasses, Statler.
-
Hey, look!
-
Look at the guy in the Goofy mask!
-
-WALDORF: That's not a mask.
-STATLER: Ooh. Sorry, lady!
-
( both laugh heartily )
-
CM:
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
-
We ask that you please refrain
from flash photography.
-
Go ahead, put on your
viewing glasses
-
as Kodak proudly presents
"Jim Henson's Muppet*Vision 3D."
-
( quacking, orchestra tuning )
-
WALDORF:
Hey look, an orchestra of penguins!
-
STATLER:
Probably took the job for the "halibut!"
-
( both laugh heartily )
-
( orchestra plays grand overture )
-
( strings and saxes play
grandiose theme )
-
( siren whistle blows,
brass play loud fanfare )
-
( segues into new version of
"Muppet Show" theme song )
-
( Gonzo hums )
-
KERMIT:
Gonzo. Gonzo?
-
GONZO: WHAT?!
-
Oh. ( laughs )
Uh, sorry, boss.
-
KERMIT: Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here.
And welcome to "Muppet*Vision 3D."
-
Now, let me show you around
our research center.
-
You see, here in this modern,
high-tech facility--
-
( crash, Kermit screams )
-
ZOOT: Hey! Careful!
-
( nervous stammer )
-
Uh, here in this modern,
high-tech facility
-
we have perfected
Muppet*Vision 3D,
-
a new film process
which we're about to demonstrate to you.
-
-( metal clanking, humming )
-Now, working the projector
-
is an old friend of ours,
the Swedish Chef.
-
Chef, everything okay?
-
CHEF ( babbling ):
Hey, der hoppen-hoppen,
-
der machinen is goin
der fløømy-fløømy.
-
Exactly. And our demonstration
includes a little song from Miss Piggy.
-
( squawking,
Piggy clears throat )
-
PIGGY:
Little?!
-
Did I say little?
-
I meant to say it's a
huge, showstopping
-
major song from Miss Piggy?
-
That's more like it!
-
Good. And we've also got a
big musical finale
-
from Sam Eagle.
Sam, what's it about?
-
SAM: It's called "A Salute to All Nations,
but mostly America."
-
Great.
So it's gonna be a swell demonstration,
-
And at no time will we be stooping
to any cheap 3D tricks.
-
FOZZIE: Did you say
cheap 3D tricks?
-
KERMIT: Uh...
-
( horn blows )
-
FOZZIE: Ahhh!
-
Oh, and here's something
I wanted to "spring" on you...
-
( pop, cartoon whistles )
-
Ahhh!
-
KERMIT: Um...
-
STATLER: Uh, Waldorf,
it's that dumb bear again!
-
WALDORF: Yeah.
-
Hey, bear,
you're not even funny in 3D!
-
( both laugh )
-
FOZZIE: Oh no!
Not you guys!
-
How did you get here?
-
WALDORF: We entered a contest.
STATLER: Yeah, we lost!
-
( Statler and Waldorf laugh )
FOZZIE: Oh, yeah?
-
Well, my new 3D act's
gonna shower you all with humor!
-
( liquid trickling )
-
Ahhh!
-
( penguins groan in disgust )
-
Wocka-wocka!
-
STATLER: He's trying to drown us!
What kind of act is that?
-
WALDORF: An act of mercy!
-
( both laugh,
penguins quack )
-
KERMIT: Listen,
better luck next time, Fozzie. Okay?
-
And now, if you'll come this way,
I can show you our secret laboratory.
-
You see, we've invited
distinguished scientists
-
from all over the world
to come and work here.
-
Unfortunately,
none of them showed up.
-
So instead, I'd like to introduce you
to the guys who invented Muppet*Vision,
-
and they can show you some of their--
( electricity crackles )
-
( screams )
-
Right now, I'd like to turn
you over to
-
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
and his assistant, Beaker.
-
( Beaker meeps )
-
Well, thank you, Mr. Kermit.
-
Today, let's look at the advancements
we've been working on for Muppet*Vision.
-
Beaker? Would you turn on the machine?
-
( Beaker meeps unintelligibly )
-
( handle creaks,
thud sound )
-
( repeats )
-
( machinery chugging and thudding )
-
( Beaker screams )
-
We at Muppet Labs
have been able to grab hold of the future.
-
The wheels of progress turn swiftly here,
-
-( metal clanking )
-as we strike upon ways to bring science
-
safely to you.
-
This user-friendly machine will now
generate the
-
-( steam hissing )
-first living 3D effect
-
just by flicking a simple switch.
-
( electricity crackling )
-
BEAKER: (amazed)
Eeeeeeee!
-
WALDO C. GRAPHIC:
I'm Waldo, the spirit of 3D!
-
( band plays fanfare )
-
Thank you, Beaker.
-
Cute outfit! Watch this!
-
( pops )
-
Don't you just hate it
when your nose runs?
-
( goofy laugh )
-
You know, all these other people
think I'm talking to them,
-
but I'm really just talkin' to you!
-
( goofy laugh )
-
Well, I think that'll be
just enough of Waldo, Beaker.
-
You may deactivate him.
-
What?! What are you--
-
( electricity crackles )
-
Oh, dear!
He won't deactivate!
-
Boing! Boing!
-
Ladies and gentlemen,
there's nothing to worry about.
-
-But please keep your heads down!
-Zonk!
-
♪ I'm bouncing on people's heads! ♪
-
Beaker! Beaker!
Activate the Inflate-O-Matic!
-
The-- why don't you--
-
( gas inflates )
-
Hurry, Beaker, Hurry!
-
( small explosion )
-
Great! Now I can start
my own football team!
-
( goofy laughter )
-
Beaker! We'll have to
try the VacuuMuppet!
-
( frightened meeps )
-
Yes!
-
( vacuum cleaner running )
-
Ladies and gentlemen, for your own safety,
please grasp your armrests firmly!
-
( power increases )
-
( sucking stops )
-
Hey! I'm free!
-
( laughs )
-
( whistles )
Taxi!
-
Alright! Now I'm getting
out of this place!
-
( tires screeching )
-
( horn honking )
-
Uh, this way, folks.
-
I'm sorry, but Muppet Labs
seems to have been temporarily...
-
sucked up. But...
-
( high-pitched, pulsing
electronic motor )
-
Now what is that?
-
Hey, Kermit!
-
See, it's my new remote-controlled
banana cream pie!
-
-Huh? Huh?
-Yeah.
-
Hey, Kermit!
Watch this!
-
-What?
-( motor dies )
-
Uh-oh.
-
Eeeew!
Fozzie, that's terrible.
-
You're right.
Needs more sugar.
-
( laughs )
-
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
-
for the first musical portion
of our demonstration,
-
we have Miss Piggy
in a wonderful 3D number.
-
Uh, that's you, penguins.
-
( penguins exclaiming,
florid music begins )
-
Oh, doesn't that look beautiful?
-
Yeah.
Too bad they're gonna spoil it with a pig.
-
( both chuckle softly,
then shush each other )
-
PIGGY:
♪ La la la la la la... ♪
-
♪ Sun shining bright above you ♪
-
♪ Soft breezes seem to
whisper, "I love you" ♪
-
-( Bean humming )
-♪ Birds singing in the sycamore tree ♪
-
♪ Dream a little dream of me... ♪
( grunts )
-
( splash )
-
( clears throat )
♪ Look in my eyes and kiss me ♪
-
( buzzing )
-
♪ Just hold me tight
and tell me you miss me ♪
-
( violin playing buzzing solo )
-
♪ While I'm alone
and blue as can be ♪
-
( growling angrily ):
♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪
-
-( bending noise )
-Awww!
-
♪ No troubles as life bubbles on, dear ♪
-
♪ Still craving your kiss... ♪
-
-All right, that's it!
-( violin plays smooth solo)
-
Knock it off, penguin!
-
But it was going so well!
-
I will not work with that-- that rabbit!
-
BEAN: But I was just doing 3D!
-
Guess I won't be needing this.
-
What's that?
-
It was for the big
waterskiing finale.
-
-What?
-( motor revving, Piggy screaming )
-
( Bean chuckling )
-
Bean Bunny, what are you doing?!
-
-What do you mean?
-You are ruining this film!
-
I was just trying to help!
I didn't mean anything!
-
Get out! Get out!
Go away! Go away!!
-
( tires screeching )
-
WALDO: Does anybody know the
way out of this film?
-
Hey, you got a map down there?
-
You can come with me if you'd like.
-
I just got fired and I'm running away.
-
Terrific!
-
-Let's go!
-Okay.
-
GONZO: Hey, Bean, what's up?
-
BEAN: I'm going away.
Forever.
-
GONZO: Oh, great!
Could you get me a sandwich?
-
Would any of you people like anything?
-
I mean, since he's going out,
he could-- FOREVER?!
-
Bean? Bean?
-
Kermit? Kermit!
-
( Sweetums humming )
-
FOZZIE: Hey, Sweetums!
That's a great effect!
-
-GONZO: Hey, Fozzie, Kermit!
-KERMIT: What is it?
-
GONZO: Bean Bunny ran away!
-
-Oh, no! -Yes!
-Good riddance!
-
-We gotta find him!
-I know!
-
Everybody spread out and look for Bean!
-
I'll go this way.
-
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll
continue the show in just a moment,
-
but in the meantime,
if you see a rabbit, holler.
-
VARIOUS MUPPETS:
Bean? Oh Bean?
-
SWEETUMS:
Oh, bunny! Where are ya?
-
Bunnyyyy!!!
-Where are you Bean?
-
Bunnnyyyy!!!
-
FOZZIE:
Here, Beany Beany Beany!
-
KERMIT: Oh, Bean?
-
SWEETUMS:
Bunnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
-
WALDORF
Hey, what’s all the commotion about?
-
SWEETUMS
Bunny ran away!
-
WALDORF:
Well you know what that makes him?
-
STATLER AND WALDORF: Smarter than us!
-
SWEETUMS
Hey, anybody seen a bunny?
-
AUDIENCE MEMBER
I see one!
-
SWEETUMS: I don’t see a bunny.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Turn around!
-
SWEETUMS: Where?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: There!
-
SWEETUMS: Where?
VARIOUS AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Look up there!
-
SWEETUMS:
Aw, nothin’ up there but a bunny.
-
A bunny?! Bean!
RANDOM VOICE: Bean??
-
BEAN BUNNY: Hi Sweetums.
SWEETUMS: Hey, Kermit, look!
-
KERMIT:
What?
-
( gasps )
Bean! What are you doing out there?
-
BEAN
I’m runnin’ away.
-
Nobody would let me help with the movie.
( sobs )
-
KERMIT, GONZO, AND FOZZIE
Awwww…
-
STATLER: This is a very moving moment.
-
STATLER: This is a very moving moment.
WALDORF: Yeah, I wish they’d move it to Pittsburgh.
-
WALDO:
Hey Bean!
-
What are we doing stickin’ around here?
Let's burn rubber!
-
( tires screeching )
-
-FOZZIE: Who’s that?
-BEAN: He's Waldo, my 3D friend.
-
And we're both leaving the movie.
WALDO: Yeah!
-
GONZO
Bu-bu-but Bean —
-
if you leave, you’ll miss all the fireworks!
-
( noises of agreement )
-
WALDO
Fireworks? Whoa!
-
BEAN
Okay, I’ll stay…
-
BEAN
Okay, I'll stay... but I wanna help.
-
KERMIT: Gee, is there anything
Bean can do in the final number?
-
FOZZIE
Oh, gosh, maybe — maybe —
-
maybe Bean could set off the fireworks!
-
GONZO: Oh, that’s cool!
BEAN: That sounds great!
-
WALDO:
Yeah, and I’ll stay and help!
-
Hoo hoo hoo! I love fireworks.
-
( laughs excitedly )
-
KERMIT
Well, okay…
-
Sam! Are you about ready?
-
SAM: Yes, it’s a
glorious three-hour finale.
-
-KERMIT: You got a minute and a half!
-( Sam gasps )
-
KERMIT:
Okay, everybody, get ready!
-
( all clamor )
-
KERMIT: Ladies and gentlemen,
the Muppets proudly present
-
the final demonstration
of Muppet*Vision 3D!
-
( drums play
upbeat march cadence )
-
( trumpets play
energetic fanfare )
-
( band plays
"La Marsellaise" )
-
( tuba deflates, crash )
-
WALDO:
Oops! Uh-oh!
-
TUBA PLAYER
Where am I?
-
( clangs )
-
Coming through!
KIDS: ♪ It's a small world after all... ♪
-
SAM: What are you doing?
Get back into place!
-
TUBA PLAYER
Whaa, me?!
-
( cannons fire;
orchestra plays 1812 Overture )
-
TUBA PLAYER
Where's the tuba section??
-
( cannons fire, screams )
-
Oh, boy...
( cannons fire )
-
Whoa! Is it over yet?
-
( band plays
"Stars and Stripes Forever" )
-
( clanging ):
Can we start again?
-
Oof, sorry!
-
( "1812 Overture" resumes )
-
SAM:
Bean, the fireworks!
-
BEAN:
Rockets, away!
-
( "Stars and Stripes Forever"
resumes )
-
WALDO: Wow! Whee!
( fireworks detonate underneath music )
-
STATLER
Ooh! Ahh! Oh!
-
WALDORF
Enjoying the fireworks?
-
STATLER
No, your chair’s on my foot!
-
WALDORF
Ooh, sorry…
-
( more crashes )
-
( other musical themes mix with
"Stars and Stripes Forever" )
-
WALDO ( laughing ):
Watch this!
-
( Miss Piggy screams )
-
( huge explosion,
music grinds to a halt )
-
SWEETUMS
Stop the movie! Stop the movie, Chef!
-
Hey, Chef, can’t ya hear me?
Stop the projector!
-
MISS PIGGY
You’ll hear from my lawyer!
-
SWEETUMS
I’ll save ya, penguins!
-
( water splashes,
crate rises )
-
Take it easy! I’m sorry!
-
Oh, no, wait! Don’t shoot!
-
Duck, everybody, duck!
-
( Waldo quacks )
No, not you — them!
-
Look out!
( cannon fires )
-
( projectile flies )
-
( loud thud )
-
SWEDISH CHEF ( babbling ):
Hey der stüpid cråzy birdsy!
-
( soundtrack winds down )
-
WALDO:
At last, I’m out of this silly film!
-
( Swedish babble,
gunfire )
-
WALDO: Hey, what are you
shootin’ at me for? It was the penguins!
-
( more gunfire )
Hey, watch it, will ya?!
-
( gunfire,
cloth tears )
-
( Swedish Chef babbles )
-
WALDO ( taunts ):
Na-na-na-na-na-na!
-
You couldn't hit me with a...
-
CANNON?!
-
Hey, everybody!
He’s got a cannon!!
-
( cannon fires )
-
( humongous explosion,
objects falling )
-
SWEETUMS:
WOW!!!
-
Everyone okay in here?
-
STATLER AND WALDORF
We surrender! We surrender!
-
SWEETUMS:
What an explosion!
-
KERMIT:
Uh — well, uh, ladies and gentlemen,
-
I’d like to apologize for our "slight",
uh, technical difficulties.
-
But I do wish to assure you
that no one was hurt
-
and, uh, this theatre suffered
only... minor damage.
-
So… thank you very much for coming
to see this demonstration
-
of Muppet*Vision technology,
and enjoy the rest of your stay,
-
and come see us again sometime!
-
( music ends )
-
WALDO:
( giddy laughter )
-
( in Mickey Mouse's voice ):
They’ll never recognize me now!
-
Forward! Ha!
-
( VacuuMuppet running )
-
BEAN:
Huh, what a cute ending!
-
( laughter )
-
STATLER
Well, what do you think?
-
WALDORF: Do we have time to go to the
bathroom before the next show?
-
STATLER:
We can’t, you old fool!
-
We're bolted to the seats!
-
( hearty laughter )
-
( orchestra plays
"The Muppet Show" theme )
-
Captioned by Josh