( brass and timpani play majestic fanfare )
( add rest of orchestra )
( low strings and brass play more intense Western-style theme )
( add woodwinds )
( string tremolo, drum roll )
( electric, upbeat orchestral theme plays )
( Dixieland-style interlude )
SAM THE EAGLE: Ladies and gentlemen,
We have an unexpected surprise.
-I have the great honor of introducing, -GONZO: Yes!
The one, the only...
Mr. Mickey Mouse!
( Rizzo humming "Mickey Mouse Club March" )
Hello, hi there! Welcome to my park!
How ya doin'? Hello!
SAM: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You are not Mickey Mouse, you are a rat!
RIZZO: Rat, schmat!
Besides, they're tourists! What do they know?
Will you get out of here?
Okay, but do I still get my 10 bucks?
-SAM: Get out, get out, get out! -GONZO: I've got Donald Duck back here!
-Will you get out? -Yes!
SAM: (sighs) I apologize.
Now where was I? Yes, safety instructions.
First, when entering the theatre, please move to as far to the
end of the row as possible.
Stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic.
Second, do not attempt to walk while wearing your 3D glasses.
You may trip, and frankly, (THUD!) you will--
What are you doing?!
GONZO: I'm just showing how you can trip if you walk with your glasses on.
Will you stop this foolishness?
What foolishness would you like to see?
-Will you GET OUT OF HERE?! (sighs) -Yes.
SCOOTER: Excuse me.
-What now?! -We're almost ready.
Oh, fine, fine, fine. Okay, thank you, Scooter.
(clears throat) Now, the performers will all go in the theatre first,
and then you, the audience, will be admitted.
All right, performers, let us enter in an orderly fashion,
( bugle blows charge ) and provide an example-- YAAAAAH!!!
( loud clamoring and running )
Will somebody please take over?
( slide whistle down, then thud )
( grand synthesized fanfare )
-GONZO: Nice outfit. -BEAN: (dazed) Thanks.
Scooter, Scooter! There's a telephone call for you! It's urgent!
Oh, thanks!
I got him-- We don't have a telephone!
( laughing )
And now, ladies and gentlemen, while you are a captive audience...
a display of TREMENDOUS tap dancing talent,
with the added cultural component of...
( trumpet plays triumphant note, cartoon whistles )
...a pot of flowers balanced on my head.
Hit it, Rusty!
( piano plays "Tea For Two" )
( rhythmic tapping )
ALL THREE GONZOS: Yeah!
( crash )
You dropped your pot!
Oh! ♪ Bukkaw! Bukkaw! Bukkaw! ♪
Pick it up!
( ratchet )
( piano and tapping continue )
-Got it? -Yeah!
( piano and tapping continue )
( music ends )
-Thank you! -You're welcome!
-STATLER: Hey, Waldorf? What are we gonna see in here anyway?
WALDORF: It's one of those 3D movies.
Put on your glasses, Statler.
Hey, look!
Look at the guy in the Goofy mask!
-WALDORF: That's not a mask. -STATLER: Ooh. Sorry, lady!
( both laugh heartily )
CM: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
We ask that you please refrain from flash photography.
Go ahead, put on your viewing glasses
as Kodak proudly presents "Jim Henson's Muppet*Vision 3D."
( quacking, orchestra tuning )
WALDORF: Hey look, an orchestra of penguins!
STATLER: Probably took the job for the "halibut!"
( both laugh heartily )
( orchestra plays grand overture )
( strings and saxes play grandiose theme )
( siren whistle blows, brass play loud fanfare )
( segues into new version of "Muppet Show" theme song )
( Gonzo hums )
KERMIT: Gonzo. Gonzo?
GONZO: WHAT?!
Oh. ( laughs ) Uh, sorry, boss.
KERMIT: Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here. And welcome to "Muppet*Vision 3D."
Now, let me show you around our research center.
You see, here in this modern, high-tech facility--
( crash, Kermit screams )
ZOOT: Hey! Careful!
( nervous stammer )
Uh, here in this modern, high-tech facility
we have perfected Muppet*Vision 3D,
a new film process which we're about to demonstrate to you.
-( metal clanking, humming ) -Now, working the projector
is an old friend of ours, the Swedish Chef.
Chef, everything okay?
CHEF ( babbling ): Hey, der hoppen-hoppen,
der machinen is goin der fløømy-fløømy.
Exactly. And our demonstration includes a little song from Miss Piggy.
( squawking, Piggy clears throat )
PIGGY: Little?!
Did I say little?
I meant to say it's a huge, showstopping
major song from Miss Piggy?
That's more like it!
Good. And we've also got a big musical finale
from Sam Eagle. Sam, what's it about?
SAM: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, but mostly America."
Great. So it's gonna be a swell demonstration,
And at no time will we be stooping to any cheap 3D tricks.
FOZZIE: Did you say cheap 3D tricks?
KERMIT: Uh...
( horn blows )
FOZZIE: Ahhh!
Oh, and here's something I wanted to "spring" on you...
( pop, cartoon whistles )
Ahhh!
KERMIT: Um...
STATLER: Uh, Waldorf, it's that dumb bear again!
WALDORF: Yeah.
Hey, bear, you're not even funny in 3D!
( both laugh )
FOZZIE: Oh no! Not you guys!
How did you get here?
WALDORF: We entered a contest. STATLER: Yeah, we lost!
( Statler and Waldorf laugh ) FOZZIE: Oh, yeah?
Well, my new 3D act's gonna shower you all with humor!
( liquid trickling )
Ahhh!
( penguins groan in disgust )
Wocka-wocka!
STATLER: He's trying to drown us! What kind of act is that?
WALDORF: An act of mercy!
( both laugh, penguins quack )
KERMIT: Listen, better luck next time, Fozzie. Okay?
And now, if you'll come this way, I can show you our secret laboratory.
You see, we've invited distinguished scientists
from all over the world to come and work here.
Unfortunately, none of them showed up.
So instead, I'd like to introduce you to the guys who invented Muppet*Vision,
and they can show you some of their-- ( electricity crackles )
( screams )
Right now, I'd like to turn you over to
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker.
( Beaker meeps )
Well, thank you, Mr. Kermit.
Today, let's look at the advancements we've been working on for Muppet*Vision.
Beaker? Would you turn on the machine?
( Beaker meeps unintelligibly )
( handle creaks, thud sound )
( repeats )
( machinery chugging and thudding )
( Beaker screams )
We at Muppet Labs have been able to grab hold of the future.
The wheels of progress turn swiftly here,
-( metal clanking ) -as we strike upon ways to bring science
safely to you.
This user-friendly machine will now generate the
-( steam hissing ) -first living 3D effect
just by flicking a simple switch.
( electricity crackling )
BEAKER: (amazed) Eeeeeeee!
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: I'm Waldo, the spirit of 3D!
( band plays fanfare )
Thank you, Beaker.
Cute outfit! Watch this!
( pops )
Don't you just hate it when your nose runs?
( goofy laugh )
You know, all these other people think I'm talking to them,
but I'm really just talkin' to you!
( goofy laugh )
Well, I think that'll be just enough of Waldo, Beaker.
You may deactivate him.
What?! What are you--
( electricity crackles )
Oh, dear! He won't deactivate!
Boing! Boing!
Ladies and gentlemen, there's nothing to worry about.
-But please keep your heads down! -Zonk!
♪ I'm bouncing on people's heads! ♪
Beaker! Beaker! Activate the Inflate-O-Matic!
The-- why don't you--
( gas inflates )
Hurry, Beaker, Hurry!
( small explosion )
Great! Now I can start my own football team!
( goofy laughter )
Beaker! We'll have to try the VacuuMuppet!
( frightened meeps )
Yes!
( vacuum cleaner running )
Ladies and gentlemen, for your own safety, please grasp your armrests firmly!
( power increases )
( sucking stops )
Hey! I'm free!
( laughs )
( whistles ) Taxi!
Alright! Now I'm getting out of this place!
( tires screeching )
( horn honking )
Uh, this way, folks.
I'm sorry, but Muppet Labs seems to have been temporarily...
sucked up. But...
( high-pitched, pulsing electronic motor )
Now what is that?
Hey, Kermit!
See, it's my new remote-controlled banana cream pie!
-Huh? Huh? -Yeah.
Hey, Kermit! Watch this!
-What? -( motor dies )
Uh-oh.
Eeeew! Fozzie, that's terrible.
You're right. Needs more sugar.
( laughs )
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
for the first musical portion of our demonstration,
we have Miss Piggy in a wonderful 3D number.
Uh, that's you, penguins.
( penguins exclaiming, florid music begins )
Oh, doesn't that look beautiful?
Yeah. Too bad they're gonna spoil it with a pig.
( both chuckle softly, then shush each other )
PIGGY: ♪ La la la la la la... ♪
♪ Sun shining bright above you ♪
♪ Soft breezes seem to whisper, "I love you" ♪
-( Bean humming ) -♪ Birds singing in the sycamore tree ♪
♪ Dream a little dream of me... ♪ ( grunts )
( splash )
( clears throat ) ♪ Look in my eyes and kiss me ♪
( buzzing )
♪ Just hold me tight and tell me you miss me ♪
( violin playing buzzing solo )
♪ While I'm alone and blue as can be ♪
( growling angrily ): ♪ Dream a little dream of me ♪
-( bending noise ) -Awww!
♪ No troubles as life bubbles on, dear ♪
♪ Still craving your kiss... ♪
-All right, that's it! -( violin plays smooth solo)
Knock it off, penguin!
But it was going so well!
I will not work with that-- that rabbit!
BEAN: But I was just doing 3D!
Guess I won't be needing this.
What's that?
It was for the big waterskiing finale.
-What? -( motor revving, Piggy screaming )
( Bean chuckling )
Bean Bunny, what are you doing?!
-What do you mean? -You are ruining this film!
I was just trying to help! I didn't mean anything!
Get out! Get out! Go away! Go away!!
( tires screeching )
WALDO: Does anybody know the way out of this film?
Hey, you got a map down there?
You can come with me if you'd like.
I just got fired and I'm running away.
Terrific!
-Let's go! -Okay.
GONZO: Hey, Bean, what's up?
BEAN: I'm going away. Forever.
GONZO: Oh, great! Could you get me a sandwich?
Would any of you people like anything?
I mean, since he's going out, he could-- FOREVER?!
Bean? Bean?
Kermit? Kermit!
( Sweetums humming )
FOZZIE: Hey, Sweetums! That's a great effect!
-GONZO: Hey, Fozzie, Kermit! -KERMIT: What is it?
GONZO: Bean Bunny ran away!
-Oh, no! -Yes! -Good riddance!
-We gotta find him! -I know!
Everybody spread out and look for Bean!
I'll go this way.
Ladies and gentlemen, we'll continue the show in just a moment,
but in the meantime, if you see a rabbit, holler.
VARIOUS MUPPETS: Bean? Oh Bean?
SWEETUMS: Oh, bunny! Where are ya?
Bunnyyyy!!! -Where are you Bean?
Bunnnyyyy!!!
FOZZIE: Here, Beany Beany Beany!
KERMIT: Oh, Bean?
SWEETUMS: Bunnnyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
WALDORF Hey, what’s all the commotion about?
SWEETUMS Bunny ran away!
WALDORF: Well you know what that makes him?
STATLER AND WALDORF: Smarter than us!
SWEETUMS Hey, anybody seen a bunny?
AUDIENCE MEMBER I see one!
SWEETUMS: I don’t see a bunny. AUDIENCE MEMBER: Turn around!
SWEETUMS: Where? AUDIENCE MEMBER: There!
SWEETUMS: Where? VARIOUS AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Look up there!
SWEETUMS: Aw, nothin’ up there but a bunny.
A bunny?! Bean! RANDOM VOICE: Bean??
BEAN BUNNY: Hi Sweetums. SWEETUMS: Hey, Kermit, look!
KERMIT: What?
( gasps ) Bean! What are you doing out there?
BEAN I’m runnin’ away.
Nobody would let me help with the movie. ( sobs )
KERMIT, GONZO, AND FOZZIE Awwww…
STATLER: This is a very moving moment.
WALDORF: Yeah, I wish they’d move it to Pittsburgh.
WALDO: Hey Bean!
What are we doing stickin’ around here? Let's burn rubber!
( tires screeching )
-FOZZIE: Who’s that? -BEAN: He's Waldo, my 3D friend.
And we're both leaving the movie. WALDO: Yeah!
GONZO Bu-bu-but Bean —
if you leave, you’ll miss all the fireworks!
( noises of agreement )
WALDO Fireworks? Whoa!
BEAN Okay, I’ll stay…
BEAN Okay, I'll stay... but I wanna help.
KERMIT: Gee, is there anything Bean can do in the final number?
FOZZIE Oh, gosh, maybe — maybe —
maybe Bean could set off the fireworks!
GONZO: Oh, that’s cool! BEAN: That sounds great!
WALDO: Yeah, and I’ll stay and help!
Hoo hoo hoo! I love fireworks.
( laughs excitedly )
KERMIT Well, okay…
Sam! Are you about ready?
SAM: Yes, it’s a glorious three-hour finale.
-KERMIT: You got a minute and a half! -( Sam gasps )
KERMIT: Okay, everybody, get ready!
( all clamor )
KERMIT: Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppets proudly present
the final demonstration of Muppet*Vision 3D!
( drums play upbeat march cadence )
( trumpets play energetic fanfare )
( band plays "La Marsellaise" )
( tuba deflates, crash )
WALDO: Oops! Uh-oh!
TUBA PLAYER Where am I?
( clangs )
Coming through! KIDS: ♪ It's a small world after all... ♪
SAM: What are you doing? Get back into place!
TUBA PLAYER Whaa, me?!
( cannons fire; orchestra plays 1812 Overture )
TUBA PLAYER Where's the tuba section??
( cannons fire, screams )
Oh, boy... ( cannons fire )
Whoa! Is it over yet?
( band plays "Stars and Stripes Forever" )
( clanging ): Can we start again?
Oof, sorry!
( "1812 Overture" resumes )
SAM: Bean, the fireworks!
BEAN: Rockets, away!
( "Stars and Stripes Forever" resumes )
WALDO: Wow! Whee! ( fireworks detonate underneath music )
STATLER Ooh! Ahh! Oh!
WALDORF Enjoying the fireworks?
STATLER No, your chair’s on my foot!
WALDORF Ooh, sorry…
( more crashes )
( other musical themes mix with "Stars and Stripes Forever" )
WALDO ( laughing ): Watch this!
( Miss Piggy screams )
( huge explosion, music grinds to a halt )
SWEETUMS Stop the movie! Stop the movie, Chef!
Hey, Chef, can’t ya hear me? Stop the projector!
MISS PIGGY You’ll hear from my lawyer!
SWEETUMS I’ll save ya, penguins!
( water splashes, crate rises )
Take it easy! I’m sorry!
Oh, no, wait! Don’t shoot!
Duck, everybody, duck!
( Waldo quacks ) No, not you — them!
Look out! ( cannon fires )
( projectile flies )
( loud thud )
SWEDISH CHEF ( babbling ): Hey der stüpid cråzy birdsy!
( soundtrack winds down )
WALDO: At last, I’m out of this silly film!
( Swedish babble, gunfire )
WALDO: Hey, what are you shootin’ at me for? It was the penguins!
( more gunfire ) Hey, watch it, will ya?!
( gunfire, cloth tears )
( Swedish Chef babbles )
WALDO ( taunts ): Na-na-na-na-na-na!
You couldn't hit me with a...
CANNON?!
Hey, everybody! He’s got a cannon!!
( cannon fires )
( humongous explosion, objects falling )
SWEETUMS: WOW!!!
Everyone okay in here?
STATLER AND WALDORF We surrender! We surrender!
SWEETUMS: What an explosion!
KERMIT: Uh — well, uh, ladies and gentlemen,
I’d like to apologize for our "slight", uh, technical difficulties.
But I do wish to assure you that no one was hurt
and, uh, this theatre suffered only... minor damage.
So… thank you very much for coming to see this demonstration
of Muppet*Vision technology, and enjoy the rest of your stay,
and come see us again sometime!
( music ends )
WALDO: ( giddy laughter )
( in Mickey Mouse's voice ): They’ll never recognize me now!
Forward! Ha!
( VacuuMuppet running )
BEAN: Huh, what a cute ending!
( laughter )
STATLER Well, what do you think?
WALDORF: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?
STATLER: We can’t, you old fool!
We're bolted to the seats!
( hearty laughter )
( orchestra plays "The Muppet Show" theme )
Captioned by Josh