-
- Ooh!
-
Why does he look like a Mumford & Son?
-
No!
-
Looks like your dad.
-
Swipe right!
-
- Oh, no, Tracy,
-
if this is what dating is like,
-
you needa buy me 30 cats,
-
because I'm dying alone.
-
- You are so ridiculous,
-
they're not all bad,
-
like, look, what about him?
-
Look at that!
-
I know, but look at his interests,
-
he likes Star Wars.
-
I'm not dating a nerd.
-
- That just means he likes Star Wars,
-
that doesn't make you a nerd.
-
A lotta people like Star Wars.
-
- I know, but he puts it as his interest,
-
like, if you love a movie that much,
-
it's a little overboard.
-
- Really?
-
What do you think about this?
-
- (gasps) That's from my childhood.
-
I'm very nostalgic.
-
- That why you're wearing overalls?
-
- Yes.
-
Okay, how about this guy?
-
He likes sports, he's a King's fan,
-
he seems normal.
-
- He seems great, swipe right.
-
- Its a match!
-
- Oh, you both die alone, probably.
-
- Okay, I have to ask,
-
you didn't have the beard
in your profile picture,
-
when did you grow that?
-
- I been growin' this puppy out ever since
-
my King's made the playoffs,
-
just for luck, ya know?
-
- Okay.
-
You have any other superstitions?
-
- I wear the same pair of boxers I wore
-
last time we won the Stanley Cup,
-
and I don't shower.
-
- Oh.
-
- (gulping)
- Seriously?
-
- (low belch) Let's get one more!
-
- Okay, Sports was the best,
-
how 'bout this guy?
-
He likes art.
-
He's an adult!
-
- This red, white and blue penis
-
represents the patriarchal American
oppression of other nations.
-
- Is that that guy from that TV show?
-
- I really like the Big Bang Theory.
-
- Yikes.
-
This guy seems normal.
-
- I really wanted to list more
of my interests,
-
but evidently, they have a rule against
-
furries and big jugs.
-
Like, I'm just really into furries
and big jugs.
-
- Check, please.
-
Okay, I'll try the Star Wars guy,
-
I mean, how bad could he be?
-
(harp flourish)
-
(guttural moan)
-
- Oh, I, nope.
-
No.
-
Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into?
-
(light jazz)
-
- Lisa, right?
-
- Yeah.
-
- I'm Tyler.
-
- Hi.
-
- Oh, God, I'm so sorry I'm late.
-
- That's okay.
-
But look, before we go any further,
-
I feel like I need to tell you,
-
I've never seen Star Wars before
and I feel really weird about it,
-
so, I'm sorry?
-
- This is about my profile, right?
-
- Yeah.
-
- Okay, ah,
-
I like the movies but they do not
define me at all.
-
- Okay.
-
- You're an actress, right?
-
- Ah, yes, and I also own
a children's theater.
-
- No way,
-
my mom's a high school drama teacher!
-
- No way!
-
- She's been doin' it forever,
like since I was a little kid.
-
- Aw, that's so cute.
-
(romantic music)
-
- Wyatt is a very cute dog.
-
- Thanks!
-
Oh, gosh, it's almost five o'clock,
I totally lost track of time.
-
I need to go to therapy to ah, pilates!
-
I gotta go to pilates, so--
-
- Do you want me to walk you to your car?
-
- Yeah, that'd be nice.
-
- Alright, cool. Ladies first.
-
No, I don't think so,
-
he was nursing that glass of wine also,
that whole time we were there.
-
It's very strange.
-
- Very sad. This is me.
-
- Alright,
-
well, we should totally do this again,
I had a great time.
-
- I did too, I'd like that.
-
- So, I'll call you?
-
- Yeah.
-
- Have a good night.
-
- 'Kay, you too.
-
(dramatic flourish)
-
Shit! I'm in love with a Star Wars nerd!
-
- Next time:
-
This is Luke Skywalker.
-
He's trained to become a Jedi master by?
-
- Spock.
-
- That's Star Trek.
-
- Gandalf!
-
- That's Lord of the Rings.
-
- Neil Armstrong.
-
- That's a real person.
-
Did you graduate high school?
Captions Requested
