-
I didn't know when I agreed to do this
-
whether I was expected to talk or to sing.
-
But when I was told that the topic was language,
-
I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.
-
I have a problem.
-
It's not the worst thing in the world.
-
I'm fine.
-
I'm not on fire.
-
I know that other people in the world
-
have far worse things to deal with,
-
but for me, language and music are
-
inextricably linked through this one thing.
-
And the thing is that I have a stutter.
-
It might seem curious given that I spend
-
a lot of my life on the stage.
-
One would assume that I'm comfortable
-
in the public sphere and comfortable here,
-
speaking to you guys.
-
But the truth is that I've spent
my life up until this point
-
and including this point, living in mortal dread
-
of public speaking.
-
Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)
-
But we'll get to that in a moment.
-
I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.
-
I think that that's because I've always lived in hope
-
that when I was a grown-up,
-
I wouldn't have one.
-
I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,
-
I'll have learned to speak French,
-
and when I'm grown, I'll learn
how to manage my money,
-
and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,
-
and then I'll be able to public speak
and maybe be the prime minister
-
and anything's possible and, you know.
-
(Laughter)
-
So I can talk about it now
-
because I've reached this point, where —
-
I mean, I'm 28.
-
I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.
-
(Laughter)
-
And I'm an adult woman
-
who spends her life as a performer,
-
with a speech impediment.
-
So, I might as well come clean about it.
-
There are some interesting
angles to having a stutter.
-
For me, the worst thing that can happen
-
is meeting another stutterer.
-
(Laughter)
-
This happened to me in Hamburg, when
-
this guy, we met and he said,
-
"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"
-
and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."
-
Imagine my horror when I realized
-
he thought I was making fun of him.
-
(Laughter)
-
People think I'm drunk all the time.
-
(Laughter)
-
People think that I've forgotten their name
-
when I hesitate before saying it.
-
And it is a very weird thing, because
-
proper nouns are the worst.
-
If I'm going to use the word
"Wednesday" in a sentence,
-
and I'm coming up to the word,
-
and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,
-
I can change the word to "tomorrow,"
-
or "the day after Tuesday,"
-
or something else.
-
It's clunky, but you can get away with it,
-
because over time I've developed this
-
loophole method of using speech
-
where right at the last minute you
-
change the thing and you trick your brain.
-
But with people's names, you can't change them.
-
(Laughter)
-
When I was singing a lot of jazz,
-
I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.
-
As you can probably gather,
-
S's and T's, together or independently,
-
are my kryptonite.
-
But I would have to introduce the band
-
over this rolling vamp,
-
and when I got around to Steve,
-
I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."
-
And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable
and it totally kills the vibe.
-
So after a few instances of this,
-
Steve happily became "Seve,"
-
and we got through it that way. (Laughter)
-
I've had a lot of therapy,
-
and a common form of treatment is to use
-
this technique that's called smooth speech,
-
which is where you almost
sing everything that you say.
-
You kind of join everything together in this
-
very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,
-
and it makes you sound very serene,
like you've had lots of Valium,
-
and everything is calm. (Laughter)
-
That's not actually me.
-
And I do use that. I do.
-
I use it when I have to be on panel shows,
-
or when I have to do radio interviews,
-
when the economy of airtime is paramount.
-
(Laughter)
-
I get through it that way for my job.
-
But as an artist who feels that their work
-
is based solely on a platform of honesty
-
and being real,
-
that feels often like cheating.
-
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you
-
what singing means to me.
-
It's more than making nice sounds,
-
and it's more than making nice songs.
-
It's more than feeling known, or understood.
-
It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.
-
It's not about mythology,
-
or mythologizing myself to you.
-
Somehow, through some miraculous
-
synaptic function of the human brain,
-
it's impossible to stutter when you sing.
-
And when I was younger,
that was a method of treatment
-
that worked very well for me,
-
singing, so I did it a lot.
-
And that's why I'm here today.
-
(Applause)
-
Thank you.
-
Singing for me is sweet relief.
-
It is the only time when I feel fluent.
-
It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth
-
is comprehensively exactly what I intended.
-
(Laughter)
-
So I know that this is a TED Talk,
-
but now i'm going to TED sing.
-
This is a song that I wrote last year.
-
Thank you very much. Thank you.
-
(Applause)
-
(Piano)
-
♪ I would be a beauty ♪
-
♪ but my nose ♪
-
♪ is slightly too big ♪
-
♪ for my face ♪
-
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪
-
♪ but my dream ♪
-
♪ is slightly too big ♪
-
♪ for this space ♪
-
♪ And I would be an angel ♪
-
♪ but my halo ♪
-
♪ it pales in the glow ♪
-
♪ of your grace ♪
-
♪ And I would be a joker ♪
-
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪
-
♪ your ace ♪
-
♪ I'd like to know ♪
-
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
-
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
-
♪ know if you can tell ♪
-
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
-
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
-
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪
-
♪ but my home ♪
-
♪ is slightly too far ♪
-
♪ from this place ♪
-
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪
-
♪ slow it down ♪
-
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪
-
♪ But all I could think ♪
-
♪ idling through the cities ♪
-
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪
-
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪
-
♪ quite so lovely ♪
-
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪
-
♪ So much shame ♪
-
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
-
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪
-
♪ And I'd like to know ♪
-
♪ know if you can tell ♪
-
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪
-
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪
-
Thank you very much. (Applause)