0:00:00.036,0:00:04.605
I didn't know when I agreed to do this

0:00:04.605,0:00:10.285
whether I was expected to talk or to sing.

0:00:10.285,0:00:15.333
But when I was told that the topic was language,

0:00:15.333,0:00:20.104
I felt that I had to speak about something for a moment.

0:00:20.104,0:00:24.453
I have a problem.

0:00:24.453,0:00:26.467
It's not the worst thing in the world.

0:00:26.467,0:00:27.664
I'm fine.

0:00:27.664,0:00:29.413
I'm not on fire.

0:00:29.413,0:00:31.314
I know that other people in the world

0:00:31.314,0:00:35.482
have far worse things to deal with,

0:00:35.482,0:00:41.432
but for me, language and music are

0:00:41.432,0:00:45.867
inextricably linked through this one thing.

0:00:45.867,0:00:53.556
And the thing is that I have a stutter.

0:00:53.556,0:00:56.104
It might seem curious given that I spend

0:00:56.104,0:00:59.902
a lot of my life on the stage.

0:00:59.902,0:01:02.926
One would assume that I'm comfortable

0:01:02.926,0:01:05.358
in the public sphere and comfortable here,

0:01:05.358,0:01:07.798
speaking to you guys.

0:01:07.798,0:01:12.568
But the truth is that I've spent[br]my life up until this point

0:01:12.568,0:01:16.919
and including this point, living in mortal dread

0:01:16.919,0:01:20.229
of public speaking.

0:01:20.229,0:01:24.931
Public singing, whole different thing. (Laughter)

0:01:24.939,0:01:28.432
But we'll get to that in a moment.

0:01:28.432,0:01:34.342
I've never really talked about it before so explicitly.

0:01:34.342,0:01:36.674
I think that that's because I've always lived in hope

0:01:36.674,0:01:39.218
that when I was a grown-up,

0:01:39.218,0:01:45.490
I wouldn't have one.

0:01:45.490,0:01:48.705
I sort of lived with this idea that when I'm grown,

0:01:48.705,0:01:51.912
I'll have learned to speak French,

0:01:51.912,0:01:55.190
and when I'm grown, I'll learn[br]how to manage my money,

0:01:55.190,0:01:57.468
and when I'm grown, I won't have a stutter,

0:01:57.468,0:01:59.791
and then I'll be able to public speak[br]and maybe be the prime minister

0:01:59.791,0:02:03.156
and anything's possible and, you know.

0:02:03.156,0:02:06.556
(Laughter)

0:02:06.556,0:02:09.605
So I can talk about it now

0:02:09.605,0:02:13.427
because I've reached this point, where —

0:02:13.427,0:02:17.367
I mean, I'm 28.

0:02:17.367,0:02:19.857
I'm pretty sure that I'm grown now.

0:02:19.857,0:02:21.679
(Laughter)

0:02:21.679,0:02:23.681
And I'm an adult woman

0:02:23.681,0:02:27.757
who spends her life as a performer,

0:02:27.757,0:02:30.659
with a speech impediment.

0:02:30.659,0:02:34.867
So, I might as well come clean about it.

0:02:34.867,0:02:38.849
There are some interesting[br]angles to having a stutter.

0:02:38.849,0:02:42.223
For me, the worst thing that can happen

0:02:42.223,0:02:45.485
is meeting another stutterer.

0:02:45.485,0:02:48.701
(Laughter)

0:02:48.701,0:02:51.908
This happened to me in Hamburg, when

0:02:51.908,0:02:53.911
this guy, we met and he said,

0:02:53.911,0:02:57.532
"Hello, m-m-m-my name is Joe,"

0:02:57.532,0:03:01.793
and I said, "Oh, hello, m-m-m-my name is Meg."

0:03:01.793,0:03:04.450
Imagine my horror when I realized

0:03:04.450,0:03:06.355
he thought I was making fun of him.

0:03:06.355,0:03:10.450
(Laughter)

0:03:12.197,0:03:17.230
People think I'm drunk all the time.

0:03:17.230,0:03:20.630
(Laughter)

0:03:20.630,0:03:24.306
People think that I've forgotten their name

0:03:24.306,0:03:28.997
when I hesitate before saying it.

0:03:28.997,0:03:31.220
And it is a very weird thing, because

0:03:31.220,0:03:35.459
proper nouns are the worst.

0:03:35.459,0:03:39.249
If I'm going to use the word[br]"Wednesday" in a sentence,

0:03:39.249,0:03:42.152
and I'm coming up to the word,

0:03:42.152,0:03:45.121
and I can feel that I'm going to stutter or something,

0:03:45.121,0:03:48.431
I can change the word to "tomorrow,"

0:03:48.431,0:03:50.490
or "the day after Tuesday,"

0:03:50.490,0:03:52.883
or something else.

0:03:52.883,0:03:57.866
It's clunky, but you can get away with it,

0:03:57.866,0:04:00.408
because over time I've developed this

0:04:00.408,0:04:04.795
loophole method of using speech

0:04:04.795,0:04:07.926
where right at the last minute you

0:04:07.926,0:04:12.207
change the thing and you trick your brain.

0:04:12.207,0:04:15.915
But with people's names, you can't change them.

0:04:15.915,0:04:18.593
(Laughter)

0:04:18.593,0:04:21.762
When I was singing a lot of jazz,

0:04:21.762,0:04:27.285
I worked a lot with a pianist whose name was Steve.

0:04:27.285,0:04:29.899
As you can probably gather,

0:04:29.899,0:04:33.173
S's and T's, together or independently,

0:04:33.173,0:04:36.216
are my kryptonite.

0:04:37.287,0:04:39.439
But I would have to introduce the band

0:04:39.439,0:04:42.651
over this rolling vamp,

0:04:42.651,0:04:45.500
and when I got around to Steve,

0:04:45.500,0:04:51.271
I'd often find myself stuck on the "St."

0:04:51.271,0:04:56.959
And it was a bit awkward and uncomfortable [br]and it totally kills the vibe.

0:04:56.959,0:04:59.287
So after a few instances of this,

0:04:59.287,0:05:04.387
Steve happily became "Seve,"

0:05:04.387,0:05:08.982
and we got through it that way. (Laughter)

0:05:09.887,0:05:12.238
I've had a lot of therapy,

0:05:12.238,0:05:14.525
and a common form of treatment is to use

0:05:14.525,0:05:19.433
this technique that's called smooth speech,

0:05:19.433,0:05:24.858
which is where you almost[br]sing everything that you say.

0:05:24.858,0:05:27.210
You kind of join everything together in this

0:05:27.210,0:05:31.475
very singsong, kindergarten teacher way,

0:05:31.475,0:05:35.454
and it makes you sound very serene,[br]like you've had lots of Valium,

0:05:35.454,0:05:39.246
and everything is calm. (Laughter)

0:05:39.246,0:05:42.373
That's not actually me.

0:05:42.373,0:05:45.698
And I do use that. I do.

0:05:45.698,0:05:52.532
I use it when I have to be on panel shows,

0:05:52.532,0:05:55.911
or when I have to do radio interviews,

0:05:55.911,0:06:00.774
when the economy of airtime is paramount.

0:06:00.774,0:06:03.828
(Laughter)

0:06:03.828,0:06:08.216
I get through it that way for my job.

0:06:08.216,0:06:10.933
But as an artist who feels that their work

0:06:10.933,0:06:16.903
is based solely on a platform of honesty

0:06:16.903,0:06:20.937
and being real,

0:06:20.937,0:06:24.671
that feels often like cheating.

0:06:24.671,0:06:27.885
Which is why before I sing, I wanted to tell you

0:06:27.885,0:06:31.544
what singing means to me.

0:06:31.544,0:06:35.595
It's more than making nice sounds,

0:06:35.595,0:06:40.997
and it's more than making nice songs.

0:06:40.997,0:06:46.531
It's more than feeling known, or understood.

0:06:46.531,0:06:52.696
It's more than making you feel the things that I feel.

0:06:52.696,0:06:55.385
It's not about mythology,

0:06:55.385,0:07:00.427
or mythologizing myself to you.

0:07:00.427,0:07:05.805
Somehow, through some miraculous

0:07:05.805,0:07:10.305
synaptic function of the human brain,

0:07:10.305,0:07:15.761
it's impossible to stutter when you sing.

0:07:15.761,0:07:19.517
And when I was younger,[br]that was a method of treatment

0:07:19.517,0:07:21.970
that worked very well for me,

0:07:21.970,0:07:27.850
singing, so I did it a lot.

0:07:27.850,0:07:31.993
And that's why I'm here today.

0:07:31.993,0:07:36.358
(Applause)

0:07:36.358,0:07:39.849
Thank you.

0:07:42.010,0:07:46.583
Singing for me is sweet relief.

0:07:46.583,0:07:55.430
It is the only time when I feel fluent.

0:07:55.430,0:07:58.856
It is the only time when what comes out of my mouth

0:07:58.856,0:08:01.448
is comprehensively exactly what I intended.

0:08:01.448,0:08:03.731
(Laughter)

0:08:03.731,0:08:06.668
So I know that this is a TED Talk,

0:08:06.668,0:08:10.417
but now i'm going to TED sing.

0:08:10.417,0:08:11.976
This is a song that I wrote last year.

0:08:11.976,0:08:14.374
Thank you very much. Thank you.

0:08:14.374,0:08:19.548
(Applause)

0:08:27.321,0:08:33.180
(Piano)

0:08:42.819,0:08:46.692
♪ I would be a beauty ♪

0:08:46.692,0:08:50.168
♪ but my nose ♪

0:08:50.168,0:08:53.802
♪ is slightly too big ♪

0:08:53.802,0:08:57.300
♪ for my face ♪

0:08:57.300,0:09:01.175
♪ And I would be a dreamer ♪

0:09:01.175,0:09:04.640
♪ but my dream ♪

0:09:04.640,0:09:08.251
♪ is slightly too big ♪

0:09:08.251,0:09:11.840
♪ for this space ♪

0:09:11.840,0:09:15.777
♪ And I would be an angel ♪

0:09:15.777,0:09:19.450
♪ but my halo ♪

0:09:19.450,0:09:22.886
♪ it pales in the glow ♪

0:09:22.886,0:09:26.407
♪ of your grace ♪

0:09:26.407,0:09:30.164
♪ And I would be a joker ♪

0:09:30.164,0:09:38.939
♪ but that card looks silly when you play ♪

0:09:38.939,0:09:43.174
♪ your ace ♪

0:09:55.701,0:09:59.469
♪ I'd like to know ♪

0:09:59.469,0:10:03.238
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

0:10:03.238,0:10:06.917
♪ And I'd like to know ♪

0:10:06.917,0:10:10.721
♪ know if you can tell ♪

0:10:10.721,0:10:17.705
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

0:10:17.705,0:10:24.585
♪ That I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

0:10:38.022,0:10:42.186
♪ And I'd stay forever ♪

0:10:42.186,0:10:45.471
♪ but my home ♪

0:10:45.471,0:10:49.150
♪ is slightly too far ♪

0:10:49.150,0:10:51.973
♪ from this place ♪

0:10:51.973,0:10:56.327
♪ And I swear I tried to ♪

0:10:56.327,0:10:59.938
♪ slow it down ♪

0:10:59.938,0:11:06.883
♪ when I am walking at your pace ♪

0:11:06.883,0:11:09.168
♪ But all I could think ♪

0:11:09.168,0:11:14.616
♪ idling through the cities ♪

0:11:14.616,0:11:21.785
♪ do I look pretty in the rain? ♪

0:11:21.785,0:11:25.210
♪ And I don't know how someone ♪

0:11:25.210,0:11:28.733
♪ quite so lovely ♪

0:11:28.733,0:11:34.391
♪ makes me feel ugly ♪

0:11:34.391,0:11:37.465
♪ So much shame ♪

0:11:43.595,0:11:47.296
♪ And I'd like to know ♪

0:11:47.296,0:11:50.852
♪ Are there stars in hell? ♪

0:11:50.852,0:11:54.624
♪ And I'd like to know ♪

0:11:54.624,0:11:58.282
♪ know if you can tell ♪

0:11:58.282,0:12:05.459
♪ that you make me lose everything I know ♪

0:12:05.459,0:12:12.007
♪ that I cannot choose to or not let go ♪

0:12:40.620,0:12:45.061
Thank you very much. (Applause)