-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
LAVERNE COX: When a baby is
born, one of the first questions
-
asked is, is it a
boy or is it a girl?
-
ZOEY: This is my room.
-
Beware of girliness.
-
LAVERNE COX: But what
if it's not that simple?
-
SPEAKER 1: The reality is you
were born to me as a female.
-
ZOEY: I was 10 when my counselor
told me that I was transgender.
-
KYE: I was at daycare.
-
OK, the boys go over here.
-
Girls go over here.
-
So I walk over with
the boys and they're
-
like, no, you're actually
supposed to be over here
-
with the girls, sweetie.
-
Haha.
-
That's cute.
-
DANIELLA: I've been identifying
as female for five years now.
-
ARI: All of a sudden,
all my friends
-
had to stop calling me Ariana
and they had to call me Ari.
-
LAVERNE COX: In the
next hour, you'll
-
meet seven brave
young men and women
-
who will show us what it
means to defy expectations.
-
KYE: I am the first openly
Division I trans athlete.
-
LAVERNE COX: To take
risk and make changes.
-
SHANE: It wasn't
just coming out.
-
It was, how am I going to
do all these medical things?
-
And I never had a
major surgery before.
-
LAVERNE COX: And even endure
discrimination and violence.
-
DANIELLA: I remember him
running after me, and he, like--
-
I'm sorry.
-
LAVERNE COX: Just to
have the same freedom
-
to live their
lives authentically
-
as who they knew they
were meant to be.
-
I'm Laverne Cox, and
this is The T Word.
-
-
For many of us, the T in LGBT
means more than transgender.
-
It also means truth.
-
When someone is trans, it
means they identify differently
-
from the gender they were
assigned at birth based
-
on genitalia.
-
Gender isn't black and white.
-
Even Facebook
recently added over
-
50 choices for people to
identify their own gender,
-
from transsexual to
cisgender and gender fluid,
-
so it can be kind of confusing
for some people to understand.
-
But the most important thing
to know about how individuals
-
identify their gender
is that it's not
-
about what's in their pants.
-
It's about what's in
their hearts and minds.
-
-
KYE: When I was five years
old, I knew that I was a boy.
-
I didn't question it.
-
That's just what it was.
-
AVERY: When I was,
like, 15, I realized
-
that I was so depressed
wearing clothes
-
that people expected
me to wear and how
-
to look and act certain ways.
-
SHANE: I started exploring
my gender identity
-
when I was about 14.
-
That whole period of time for
me, I was just very depressed.
-
I hated myself because
I felt inherently wrong.
-
LAVERNE COX: People
transition at different points
-
in their lives.
-
But many trans people,
like 18-year-old Ari,
-
report knowing their true
identity from early childhood.
-
ARI: Hey, guys.
-
I'm Ari.
-
Welcome to my house.
-
Come on in.
-
I'm from New York City.
-
I'm 18 years old,
and I love music.
-
This guitar I just
got for my birthday.
-
It's a beautiful instrument.
-
Thanks, mom and dad.
-
This is an ASCAP
award, and I won it
-
for my songwriting and stuff.
-
I've been playing music
and singing and songwriting
-
since I was about three.
-
I want to make it my career,
and I love it so much.
-
SPEAKER 2: I'm
looking for Ariana.
-
Where's she?
-
There she is.
-
ARI: I knew I was a boy
since I was really little.
-
Since I could dress myself.
-
I'd always dress up
in, like, boy outfits
-
and I only had guy
friends, and we all
-
used to scream at the
girls and tease the girls.
-
There was something about
me that just never connected
-
with a female.
-
SPEAKER 3: Here's
my little pumpkin.
-
SPEAKER 2: I have cheese--
-
these things.
-
ARI: Do you have any
peaches or anything?
-
SPEAKER 2: Trail mix.
-
ARI: You have peaches?
-
SPEAKER 2: No.
-
ARI: I was just really
confused all the time.
-
Like in middle school, it was
especially difficult because I
-
hit the wrong puberty
and got a menstrual cycle
-
and started growing
little things up top.
-
Nothing any boy wants
to have at 13 years old.
-
I wanted to be a teenage
boy and I couldn't.
-
One night I talked to
my dad and he was like,
-
you don't sound happy.
-
So I told my dad I
hate being a girl.
-
That night, he did a
little research into it
-
and he told me, like,
you're transgender.
-
And I was like, oh, yes,
there's a word for me.
-
Yes.
-
Thank God.
-
LAVERNE COX: Ari was
excited about finding a word
-
to describe his truth.
-
But there are some terms
that these young trans
-
people don't want to hear.
-
AVERY: Some of
the words that are
-
offensive to me are
tranny, shemale,
-
and just a flat out
man really hurts.
-
ZOEY: The word tranny.
-
It's very offensive to us.
-
It's like calling a
gay person the F word.
-
KYE: Girlboy, he/she.
-
Transgendered.
-
If you're saying
I'm transgendered,
-
it's like something
happened for me to be trans.
-
It's like saying
you've been blackened.
-
Like, what happened
for you to be Black?
-
SHANE: Any sort of language
that is not gendered male
-
is not correct for me.
-
But the one that
gets to me the most
-
is when people refer
to trans people as it.
-
LAVERNE COX: 12-year-old Zoey
has been experiencing this kind
-
of name calling from as
early as she can remember,
-
but no amount of harassment can
stop her from living proudly
-
as the girl she
knows herself to be.
-
ZOEY: I'm from the
Los Angeles area.
-
I have one brother and I have
one sister, and I have a mom.
-
She's a single parent.
-
And my dad has recently passed,
but everything's still good.
-
I still cope with it very well.
-
So this is my room.
-
Beware of girliness.
-
I mean, it just has
so much girliness.
-
I love dancing.
-
I love performing arts.
-
I love acting, and
I love drawing.
-
This is Dorothy from
The Wizard of Oz.
-
When I was two, I first started
feeling like I had a burden.
-
When I was little,
I always thought
-
that boys and girls
had the same genitalia
-
and that we all had
the same body parts,
-
so I just thought, oh, they're
confusing me for a boy.
-
Then I found out that they
actually have separate body
-
parts, and I felt very anxious
because I was wondering,
-
why do I have to live as
a boy when I really feel
-
that I'm a girl in the inside?
-
And I was just very
sad and depressed.
-
OFELIA: You have to
get ready for camp.
-
You have to start getting
your stuff together.
-
When she started
walking and talking,
-
she would generally gravitate
to playing princess.
-
She would wear my shoes.
-
So I kind of understood that
there was something different.
-
ZOEY: Oh, and we
got to go pick out
-
something for the formal dance.
-
My friend Nikki, she wore
this really pretty, like,
-
out there Cinderella
dress, and I was like,
-
I'm going to top you next year.
-
When I was two, I remembered
that my mom just got me out
-
of the shower and
she was drying me.
-
And I remember crying and
saying, I know in my heart
-
that I'm a girl.
-
And it was just really
confusing for her
-
and she didn't know what to do.
-
OFELIA: When I started
googling more information
-
about transgender people, most
of the information that I found
-
was negative.
-
Horrible words were used.
-
Abomination.
-
And I was like,
that's not my kid.
-
She's gorgeous.
-
LAVERNE COX: For Zoey,
Ari, and countless others,
-
deciding to transition
to a different gender
-
can be powerfully liberating.
-
But having to explain your
new identity and appearance
-
to everyone else can be
incredibly difficult.
-
Coming up on The T Word.
-
SPEAKER 1: I see
you as the child
-
that I gave birth to,
which is a female.
-
LAVERNE COX: And later.
-
ARI: I've had so many
opportunities to have sex
-
and I haven't been
able to ever have it.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Some
trans people feel
-
it's not necessary to undergo
medical transition, which
-
could include hormones
and/or surgeries.
-
But others choose
to make changes
-
on the outside that align with
how they feel on the inside.
-
SHANE: I guess first thing
was I picked my name, Shane,
-
and I started asking my close
friends to call me Shane.
-
I would be Shane out in public.
-
I felt so happy and so
confident and so fulfilled.
-
DANIELLA: I didn't
know if I was trans.
-
I didn't know who I was.
-
But I knew that when I
walked outside in a skirt,
-
I felt happy.
-
ZOEY: I transitioned in
front of everybody's eyes.
-
I came in hot pink
and I walked out
-
the bus and everybody was
like, whoa, that makes sense.
-
LAVERNE COX:
Transitioning can be
-
both exciting and challenging.
-
One of the biggest
hurdles can be
-
the time it takes friends and
family to accept the change.
-
So imagine how hard it must
be to experience all of that
-
under a national spotlight.
-
KYE: I am the first openly
Division I trans athlete.
-
There we go.
-
My action shot for today.
-
LAVERNE COX: In 2011, while
playing on the women's
-
basketball team at George
Washington University,
-
Kye was featured in a piece
for the website Outsports
-
announcing he was trans male.
-
The story caught fire and
made national headlines.
-
SPEAKER 4: Why come forward now
rather than play out your career
-
and then do everything?
-
KYE: I mean, that's what
my plan was, and then it
-
just-- it got too tough.
-
It got too tough to not be
me and to hear people call me
-
a girl, say she, or just refer
to me as something that I knew I
-
wasn't.
-
LAVERNE COX: Kye's
coaches and teammates
-
were quick to offer
support, but he
-
found himself faced with
a barrage of questions
-
from the media that made
focusing on basketball
-
difficult.
-
KYE: I went from
doing a post game
-
interview about the
game of, oh, hey, Kye,
-
so what did you
think about this?
-
How was that pass?
-
Things about sports, to, so are
you attracted to your teammates?
-
Are you going to
get the surgery?
-
Do you have a penis?
-
Like, what?
-
How many sports do people
play with their genitalia?
-
I don't understand.
-
How many jump shots has LeBron
James made with his penis?
-
I don't know.
-
I don't think any, right?
-
So why are you asking me
that as if that has anything
-
to do with my athletic ability?
-
It doesn't.
-
I was extremely overwhelmed.
-
It was a lot, having
everybody pay attention
-
to me just because I want to
change my name and my pronouns.
-
All I wanted was for
people to just focus
-
on my athletic ability.
-
And maybe the fact that I
needed to work on my 3-pointers
-
a little bit more.
-
LAVERNE COX: While
transitioning in college
-
was complicated
for Kye, coming out
-
as trans in elementary
school presented
-
its own set of unique challenges
for Zoey and her family.
-
OFELIA: Oh, drama?
-
ZOEY: I'm going into--
-
I might be going
to the mad dramas.
-
After I transitioned,
I had a lot of problems
-
with the school board.
-
They would always
give me a hard time.
-
The students bullied me as well,
but they didn't bully me as hard
-
as the administrators did.
-
They said, stay away from her.
-
She's a really bad kid.
-
She's like the Antichrist.
-
Yeah, it was really hard.
-
Next year, for sure,
I'm doing a talent show.
-
OFELIA: Good.
-
Finally.
-
A lot of people gave
me a really hard time
-
and they asked me to stop.
-
They asked me not
to encourage it.
-
It wasn't up to them.
-
If you see that
your child is happy
-
and they're living
a regular life,
-
why would you even want to
change it just so they could
-
fit into someone else's style?
-
ZOEY: I had other people come
and tell me, oh, you're a sin.
-
You deserve to live in hell and
you're going to burn someday.
-
And I was like, OK,
I'll see you there too.
-
OFELIA: I remember sitting
there in the whole crowd
-
and being so afraid of how
they were looking at her.
-
But she does great.
-
She's not afraid, and
that's the good thing.
-
I fought a lot with everybody
to let her buy her Barbies,
-
let her play with her toys.
-
Just leave my kid alone.
-
ZOEY: If my mom had
not been supportive,
-
I wouldn't be here today.
-
I would probably be a suicide.
-
OFELIA: You're just
a little kid still.
-
The more you grow, the stronger
you're going to become.
-
LAVERNE COX: Family
support is crucial.
-
A staggering 41% of
transgender people
-
have attempted suicide
in their lifetime.
-
That's nine times
the national average.
-
But the rate is
lower for those who
-
maintain a positive relationship
with family after coming out.
-
-
KYE: I can't hear you, Mom.
-
SPEAKER 1: Can you hear me.
-
KYE: Yeah, I hear you.
-
In terms of who's on
board with me being trans,
-
my siblings are great.
-
They call me their brother.
-
My mom is just-- she's--
-
I'm her oldest.
-
If you ask her, I mean, she'll
say that I'm her daughter.
-
Hi, mom.
-
SPEAKER 1: How is New York?
-
KYE: It's busy.
-
It's fun.
-
It's cool.
-
I went to Philly Trans Health
Conference this past weekend.
-
I talked to a trans kid
and he was asking me
-
about how to talk to his
parents about pronouns
-
because they won't switch.
-
SPEAKER 1: What do you
mean they won't switch?
-
KYE: Like, they won't
say, this is my son or he.
-
They just-- they do what you do.
-
They'll just play the
pronoun, like, game and just--
-
SPEAKER 1: I don't
say that either.
-
KYE: You don't say anything.
-
That's not better.
-
That's worse, I feel.
-
After I told my
team, I told my mom.
-
Being raised a Jehovah's
Witness, it was difficult.
-
It was difficult for
me, difficult for my mom
-
to process that.
-
And it tore us apart.
-
She just kept saying
it was a phase.
-
This is a phase.
-
It's not right.
-
The Bible says this,
the Bible says that.
-
SPEAKER 1: What I want
you to understand is this.
-
I gave birth to you.
-
I breastfed you for a year.
-
And it's very difficult
to just wake up one day
-
and go, OK, this is Kye.
-
And you know it took me two
years to just call you Kye,
-
and I still will not call
you a different gender
-
because I see you as the
child that I gave birth
-
to which is a female.
-
KYE: When my mom will give
my siblings pronouns--
-
so like my little brother,
this is her son, or my sister,
-
this is her daughter.
-
And then, this is Kye.
-
That is the most hurtful
to me because it makes
-
me feel like I'm not a human.
-
SPEAKER 1: An
orange is an orange.
-
You can't make it an apple.
-
You were born in a female body.
-
KYE: Yes, I was born
with a female body.
-
Yes, I have.
-
Yes, we know.
-
But that's just a body.
-
Mom.
-
Mom.
-
But that's just a bod--
-
SPEAKER 1: Why would
you want to do that?
-
Just answer that for me.
-
KYE: Because being
in that old body,
-
I literally-- being
in that old body
-
made me feel like I didn't
want to be alive anymore.
-
It didn't feel comfortable.
-
I couldn't even
focus on basketball.
-
I couldn't focus on school.
-
I couldn't focus
on doing anything.
-
And until now.
-
Now I finally see me.
-
I feel comfortable and I can
actually focus on my life.
-
But before that, that wasn't me.
-
SPEAKER 1: That's wonderful
that you feel comfortable,
-
and I'm glad you feel
in tune with yourself.
-
I would not love you any
different than what you decide.
-
But my reality is that you
were born to me as a female.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
KYE: Would I love for my mom to
say it or to say, he and his?
-
Yes.
-
At the end of the day, my
relationship with her supersedes
-
pronouns.
-
But the fact that
she's not on board
-
means that I can
only handle so much.
-
Yeah.
-
I got to go.
-
SPEAKER 1: OK.
-
Well, I love you and be safe.
-
KYE: All right.
-
Love you, too.
-
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
-
(SINGING) But we're
going to be OK.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Coming
up on The T Word.
-
ARI: I've never been
comfortable enough
-
with myself to let
a girl touch me.
-
SHANE: My mother said
straight women will
-
want to date a man
and lesbians are
-
going to want to date a woman.
-
So who's going to
want to date you?
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Building
friendships and finding romance
-
is rarely easy
when you're young.
-
But growing up trans can add
another layer of complication
-
to all of these
rites of passage.
-
ZOEY: If I was
walking by a crowd
-
in a school I was
supposed to go to,
-
they'd be like,
OH, hey, gay boy.
-
So I decided that it's
best for me to move schools
-
so I could find friends.
-
DANIELLA: As a trans woman,
I've lost a lot of friends.
-
My life consists of Daniella,
home, but that's it.
-
AVERY: I think that
friends are everything,
-
and having supportive people
around you is really important.
-
Just one person that you
can confide in and get
-
some sort of validation of
being a normal human being
-
could mean everything
to somebody.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
ARI: What's good, dude?
-
SIMONE: How are you, man?
-
LAVERNE COX: For Ari,
the social complications
-
started when he revealed that
he was trans to his classmates
-
in ninth grade.
-
ARI: I came out before high
school when I was about 14
-
as Ari, and that was really
the beginning of my journey.
-
I started really allowing myself
to feel like a boy in public.
-
SIMONE: Can we go?
-
ARI: Yes.
-
My high school was not
the greatest place.
-
My first year there,
I got bullied a lot.
-
There was just a group of guys
that just really didn't like me.
-
They went to the head
of my high school
-
and said that they weren't
comfortable with me changing
-
in the boys locker room.
-
One of them mentioned
that I watched them
-
pee, which is just ridiculous.
-
Like, nobody
watches anybody pee.
-
You've never seen Clueless?
-
Dude.
-
It's kind of a chick
flick, but it's so funny.
-
It was a really rough
place to transition.
-
I ended up not really
making it there.
-
I left.
-
Do you want to sit here?
-
SIMONE: Sure.
-
ARI: OK.
-
I started testosterone my
sophomore year in high school,
-
and that was one of the most
exciting points in my life
-
because I started a new high
school, new people, fresh start,
-
and my voice was low.
-
From that point
on, my transition
-
became more of a life
for Ari as a young guy.
-
LAVERNE COX: Even though Ari
has had several girlfriends
-
in recent years,
he still struggles
-
with how to express
his sexuality.
-
SIMONE: What happened?
-
ARI: This is how I
get changed by myself.
-
Dating and my sex life.
-
It's a rough thing, especially
because, at least for me,
-
sex is something that's always
been really scary to me.
-
If I get with a
girl, what if she
-
tries to put her hand in my
pants and then freaks out?
-
Because that's happened to me
before and it really sucks.
-
SIMONE: Who are you
excited about seeing?
-
Anyone specific?
-
ARI: I mean, everybody.
-
Definitely super ultra
mega excited for Rachel
-
to come, though.
-
Today is my 18th birthday, and
I'm going to be having a bunch
-
of my really close friends over
for a decent size little party.
-
-
Aw, you bought me a cake.
-
I'm warning all of you,
Mobley might hump you.
-
No, no.
-
He will hump you.
-
Hey, get out of my house.
-
RACHEL: Happy birthday, you.
-
ARI: Thank you so much.
-
I've had so many
opportunities to have sex
-
and I haven't been
able to ever have it.
-
Welcome, welcome.
-
Even with a
girlfriend, I've never
-
been comfortable enough with
myself to let a girl touch me.
-
[CHEERING]
-
-
Thank you, guys.
-
The relationship relies
on everything but sex.
-
Now I gots to make a wish.
-
And it can't be the wish
that I told certain people.
-
Being trans and dating can
be really tricky and a really
-
emotional thing, and you have to
really find someone who's safe
-
and who is really,
really supportive
-
and proves to you that
they're supportive.
-
LAVERNE COX: Dating
and sex can definitely
-
be harder for some trans
people to navigate.
-
SPEAKER 5: Let's
go back and graph
-
some more of these equations.
-
LAVERNE COX: But Shane
from Baltimore, Maryland,
-
is living proof that true love
can transcend gender boundaries.
-
-
SHANE: When I came out
as trans, relationships
-
were a very complicated thing
for me because I really--
-
like my mother said,
who is going to love me?
-
She was worried as a
mother that I wouldn't
-
be able to find a partner to
share my life with because she
-
said, straight women will want
to date a man and lesbians are
-
going to want to date a woman.
-
So who is going to
want to date you?
-
So I had this little,
like, Amish boy haircut.
-
I hated having long hair.
-
And every time that
I did have long hair,
-
I just threw it
up in a ponytail.
-
And I believed it
for a long time.
-
I didn't think that
anyone would love me.
-
I played baseball for a while.
-
And I thought that
it would always
-
have to be the baggage
that I brought along
-
into whatever relationship
that I was bringing.
-
Hey, I'm trans.
-
I hope that that's OK.
-
-
JESS: Trying to spice it up?
-
ARI: You're always
spicing it up.
-
I didn't think that anyone would
love me or be able to love me.
-
JESS: I can't believe
it's been a year.
-
I mean, I can believe, but I
can't believe it's been a year.
-
SHANE: Until Jess.
-
-
We met through a mutual friend,
and then one day our friends
-
had gone out and
we were left alone,
-
and we started
talking about life.
-
I'd never heard another
human vocalize the thoughts
-
in my head so articulately.
-
And from that point
on, I was like,
-
she's going to be
in my life somehow.
-
-
Come on.
-
JESS: Don't pull me in.
-
I don't trust you.
-
That's why I don't trust you.
-
I did not know anything
about trans people
-
or the trans community
prior to dating Shane.
-
[CHATTER]
-
-
The first time we were intimate,
we were taking a shower
-
together, and he said, I know
you haven't seen any other trans
-
people naked, and
I just didn't want
-
to get naked and throw you off.
-
I say, Shane,
you're not an alien.
-
You're going to have parts
that I'm familiar with,
-
and that's fine.
-
-
I'm kind of treading water.
-
SHANE: I know.
-
I avoided pools for so
long, I forgot how to swim.
-
JESS: I can imagine.
-
SHANE: No, it's a real thing.
-
I knew from literally the
first time I kissed her
-
that I wanted to marry her.
-
Within the week of kissing,
we were officially dating,
-
and within six weeks, we
had moved in together.
-
She is what I largely attribute
to how successful I am,
-
because she shows me
support, unconditional love,
-
and makes me feel like
I can do anything.
-
And it's amazing.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Coming
up on The T Word.
-
AVERY: I wrote, hey, I have to
tell you something important.
-
LAVERNE COX: Avery
reveals the complexities
-
of dating as a trans
woman and the danger
-
she faces just
for being herself.
-
AVERY: I don't like
to disclose in person.
-
It's a very real
possibility that we
-
can be harmed physically.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: For most people,
being perceived as the gender
-
we identify as goes a
long way towards making
-
our daily lives less stressful.
-
SHANE: I have what I call
passing privilege, which
-
is that when I'm
walking down the street,
-
people don't know
that I'm trans.
-
They're perceiving me
as a straight white man.
-
But not everybody
has that privilege.
-
KYE: I decided to
take testosterone
-
because every time I
would walk anywhere,
-
I would try to order
a sandwich, they would
-
ask, how can I help you, sir?
-
And I would answer and I'd say,
I want a roast beef sandwich.
-
And they'd be like,
I'm sorry, ma'am.
-
I'm like, no, no, no.
-
You had it right the first time.
-
LAVERNE COX: But sometimes the
consequences of not passing
-
can be very serious.
-
AVERY: My definition
of getting clocked
-
is somebody realizing
you're not a cis born
-
woman or a regular girl.
-
When I got clocked,
I felt like I
-
was representing what
I wanted to show,
-
and it made me
feel very insecure.
-
LAVERNE COX: 20-year-old Avery
has been identifying as female
-
for five years.
-
AVERY: I grew up with a
single mom and four sisters.
-
It was a lot of
estrogen, a lot of girls.
-
LAVERNE COX: At what
point in your life
-
did you realize that
you were different?
-
AVERY: Probably when
I was, like, 15.
-
I had two older
sisters and they always
-
wanted me to be their hot little
brother that got girls and was
-
a player and stuff.
-
But that really wasn't me.
-
Ever since that kind of stuff
was happening, I was like,
-
this doesn't feel right.
-
LAVERNE COX: Because
more often than not,
-
Avery's perceived as
the female she is.
-
She struggles with how and
when to reveal she's trans.
-
She knows all too well that
doing so to the wrong person
-
at the wrong time
can be dangerous.
-
AVERY: So I've been talking to
this guy and I met him online
-
and he's really
funny, and I haven't
-
disclosed that I'm trans yet.
-
And I'm a little nervous
to see what he says.
-
There's a time where I didn't
disclose that I was trans
-
and that didn't go so well.
-
LAVERNE COX: The
threat of violence
-
is something that's
really real for you.
-
AVERY: That's a real
possibility for me
-
because, sometimes,
especially with girls like us,
-
we like to test our realness.
-
We like to go out and
be like, oh, we're
-
so unclockable and everything.
-
But it's a very real
possibility that we
-
can be harmed physically.
-
You always see cases where these
women are murdered and killed,
-
and that's always in the
back of my head, which
-
is why I'm always cautious
when it comes to dating.
-
I wrote, hey, I have to tell
you something important.
-
I need to let you know
that I'm transgender.
-
I don't like to
disclose in person.
-
I like to be a little
cautious about that.
-
Texting is the best way.
-
LAVERNE COX: For safety?
-
AVERY: Exactly.
-
OK, so he just asked.
-
So what do you have down there?
-
This is actually really
typical in a lot of guys.
-
I feel like it's really kind of
insensitive and very personal
-
to ask.
-
I don't know.
-
We just met.
-
Like, I don't want to talk
about that area down there.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: So many people
will say that no matter
-
what surgery you
have, you're always
-
the gender that you
were assigned at birth.
-
Even if you have bottom
surgery, definitely
-
if you don't have
bottom surgery,
-
you are the gender you
were assigned at birth.
-
What would you say to them?
-
AVERY: I feel like
that is just ignorant.
-
Women come in all
shapes and sizes,
-
and I feel like
just to discredit us
-
because we were born
with a certain genitalia
-
is kind of ignorant.
-
-
I feel like it's
more fluid than that.
-
-
He wrote, I'm sorry.
-
I'm not into that.
-
-
I don't know why
you took two hours,
-
but it didn't work out, so.
-
LAVERNE COX: Most
of the time, Avery
-
says she experiences
rejection when
-
she discloses that she's trans.
-
But sometimes she
meets someone who's
-
open to getting to know
her just the way she is.
-
AVERY: Hi, how are you?
-
DONNIE: Nice to meet you.
-
AVERY: Nice to meet you too.
-
How do you feel about the whole
topic of transgender people
-
in general?
-
DONNIE: Does it
make you happier?
-
AVERY: Yeah.
-
DONNIE: That's what matters.
-
That's really what
the important part is.
-
AVERY: It's not for
everyone, obviously.
-
And it can be a total game
changer, which I understand.
-
Which is why I'm glad
you're OK with it.
-
The first date went pretty well.
-
He is really good at
keeping a conversation
-
and he's funny and sweet.
-
It makes me feel
validated and it
-
makes me feel like I'm
a normal person, which
-
is the most important thing.
-
Like I'm a normal girl.
-
LAVERNE COX: While
Avery navigates
-
the politics of
dating while trans,
-
L'lerret is struggling with
politics of a different kind.
-
L'LERRET: My name is L'lerret.
-
I'm 20 years old.
-
I go to a very private Catholic
HBCU, Historically Black
-
University.
-
I try to just perfect
my makeup because that's
-
part of my family.
-
Makeup is just, like, my armor.
-
I started hormones
in January, and it's
-
been a wonderful process.
-
It's been very transformative.
-
I've learned so
much about myself.
-
So I'm looking for,
like, a pore filler.
-
Something to make the skin
smoother looking before I
-
put on the foundation and stuff.
-
When you're getting
clocked, it's
-
like when you are just
living your life trying
-
to be yourself authentically,
and people can tell.
-
So people that don't pass,
they do experience a lot more
-
adversity because when a lot of
people experience trans women,
-
they don't know
how to react to us.
-
LAVERNE COX: Across
the country, studies
-
show that trans
women of color face
-
higher levels of police
profiling and harassment
-
than the general population.
-
And L'lerret is one
of the many trans
-
women in New Orleans who say
they have been unjustly targeted
-
by the police.
-
L'LERRET: This is Tulane
Avenue, and this is probably
-
one of the biggest
hotspots for the police
-
to come to meet their quota
and criminalize trans women,
-
especially trans women of color.
-
There's the stereotype
that all Black trans
-
women are sex workers.
-
No one goes to Bourbon
when the sun's out.
-
We go at night.
-
So if I'm leaving
school to go to Bourbon,
-
then of course I'm dressed
cute because I want
-
to look cute down in Bourbon.
-
Just the fear of being stopped
by the police is a problem.
-
They could see that as me
trying to flaunt my body
-
and they would crack
down on me as a way
-
to prevent me from being
harmed is what they say.
-
But when they crack
down on us consistently,
-
there becomes this
whole understanding
-
that all trans women
are sex workers
-
and they must dehumanize us
because that's who we are.
-
The intersections of being
transgender, being Black,
-
and being a woman altogether,
walking out late at night
-
is not a thing
that we do anymore.
-
People think that
when you're out here,
-
you're just like, open bait.
-
They'll honk their
horns, they'll stop.
-
We in New Orleans
are really working
-
to change this environment
and change the system.
-
So that trans women don't
feel afraid of going out
-
at certain times at night.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
CROWD: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
-
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
-
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
-
L'LERRET: Five or
six months ago, I
-
joined an organization
called Breakout.
-
Youth Breakout in
New Orleans, and it's
-
centered around the
decriminalization of LGBT youth
-
of color in New Orleans.
-
Having Breakout as that
outlet for all the youth
-
to come together and
start owning their power
-
and using their truths
to really affect
-
some change in the
community, I feel
-
like that's really important.
-
I think that's where
Breakout is going to go
-
is going to mobilize the youth.
-
At the end of the
day, I'm not going
-
to be scared of
being who I am, but I
-
do understand that being
that person is dangerous.
-
LAVERNE COX: Coming
up on The T Word.
-
DANIELLA: Last year, in
the middle of spring,
-
on this very same corner, I
was pulled off the streets
-
and I was raped by a guy.
-
LAVERNE COX: I always
connect to these stories
-
because I've been catcalled
and then someone's
-
realized that I'm trans
and I fear for my life.
-
-
The trans community is
enjoying more awareness
-
and social equality
than ever before.
-
But anti-trans bias
is still pervasive,
-
and violence
against trans people
-
remains disproportionately high.
-
ZOEY: Of course
I've been bullied.
-
I've gotten people
threatening me.
-
I've never been
physically harmed,
-
but I have been threatened.
-
KYE: I was just walking.
-
One guy, he comes
right in my face
-
and just like, oh, so you think
you a man, you think you a girl.
-
Like, come on, son.
-
Like, I'm going to show you
what it's like to be a man.
-
Da, da.
-
And I'm just like--
-
and I was just
looking at him, like,
-
is this really
happening right now?
-
SHANE: I went to the
7-Eleven up the road.
-
These two guys came in and they
said, are you a boy or a girl?
-
I didn't say anything.
-
I didn't want to get
into it with them.
-
And then they started to
get more aggressive about it
-
and they were like, what is it?
-
And I became an it, and
I was no longer a person.
-
LAVERNE COX: And
since LGBT youth
-
are much more likely than
the general population
-
to experience
homelessness, they're
-
even more susceptible to
becoming victims of crime.
-
-
DANIELLA: I'm fine.
-
How are you?
-
LAVERNE COX: 20-year-old
Daniella from New York knows
-
first hand the dangers of
being a trans woman living
-
on the streets.
-
DANIELLA: I was
raised in foster care
-
from 18 months old until
escaping around 16 officially.
-
Growing up in foster
care was really rough,
-
and by the age of 16, I
just wanted to be free.
-
I was sleeping on
the trains, sleeping
-
in the parks, the village.
-
That was my reality
for quite some time.
-
-
Last year, in the
middle of spring,
-
on this very same corner, I
was pulled off the streets
-
and I was raped by a guy.
-
He, like, has a knife.
-
And he's like, bitch, say
another word and these
-
will be your last words.
-
It's that moment where you
just, like-- you don't realize
-
that this is happening to you.
-
You know?
-
You're like, damn, do I scream?
-
Do I shout?
-
So now here we are.
-
We're in this car.
-
And I remember, my hand
was shaking unbearably.
-
And I remember him like, telling
me, stop shaking, stop shaking.
-
I was just begging him,
please, just take all my money.
-
Take everything I own
and just let me go.
-
But my property wasn't enough.
-
The only property he
wanted to own was my body.
-
You feel so helpless that
all you could think about is,
-
will I make it
out of this alive?
-
Every single day when
I walk outside at night
-
becomes that moment for me.
-
Will I be a survivor
or will I be a victim?
-
-
LAVERNE COX: So
what happened next?
-
DANIELLA: Then we
get to the hospital.
-
And I remember like everyone
saying to me, don't worry,
-
things are going to be fine.
-
We're going to
give you a rape kit
-
and I'm sorry to have
to put you through this,
-
but we have to stick
it in the female area.
-
And I was just like, yeah, but
I don't think that's possible.
-
And then they said, so
how did he rape you?
-
And I said, well,
he, like, put it
-
in the anal and stuff like that.
-
And she says, oh, and
he raped you like that?
-
Because I could
feel the shift now.
-
You're sure it wasn't sex work?
-
LAVERNE COX: The second she
found out that you were trans,
-
she basically accused you
of being a sex worker.
-
DANIELLA: Yeah.
-
And then started
telling me, like, oh,
-
you sure you wasn't prostituting
and he took advantage
-
and he didn't give
you what you wanted
-
and now you're saying that
it's rape to get back at him?
-
I'll never forget it,
because here I am, just like,
-
you're not going to get
treated with respect.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Daniella was
lucky to escape with her life.
-
But sadly, stories like
hers are all too common.
-
DANIELLA: I'm taking
in this moment
-
where I'm like, wow, look at
the things you've encountered,
-
but look at all of the things
you did to move past that.
-
And it's making me
emotional because I'm
-
thinking about
everybody else that's
-
coming, and knowing that this
is where they have to live.
-
-
[THUNDER]
-
-
LAVERNE COX: We are
going to the site
-
where Islan Nettles was
murdered almost a year ago.
-
This girl was 21 years old.
-
She had been
homeless and she was
-
beaten into a coma on Frederick
Douglas Avenue in front
-
of a police precinct.
-
The police pulled a young
man off of her, arrested him
-
for assault, and
once she died, they
-
dropped the assault charges
because they allegedly
-
want to bring homicide
charges against this person.
-
But they haven't done
it yet because they
-
don't have enough evidence.
-
It's a year later.
-
I always connect
to these stories
-
because I've been Islan
Nettles walking down the street
-
and catcalled and someone's
realized that I'm trans
-
and I fear for my life.
-
Hey.
-
-
So this is the place
where it happened.
-
This is for Island,
that we never
-
forget young women like her who
are fighting for their lives
-
or who may have
lost their lives.
-
We remember you and
we love you, Islan.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
I'm just having all of these
flashbacks to CeCe McDonald's
-
story.
-
CeCe McDonald is a
young trans woman
-
who, like Islan, was
walking down the street
-
and then was violently attacked.
-
CeCe survived.
-
Her gifts for survival
was a prison sentence
-
because, in defending herself,
one of her attackers was killed.
-
If you look at Jules Gutierrez's
story in Northern California,
-
she was attacked at her school
by a group of young girls,
-
or Chrissy Polis in Baltimore.
-
That video that went viral when
she was attacked in a McDonald's
-
by a group of young girls.
-
We just came off of five trans
women being murdered in 41 days.
-
There's a feeling of
helplessness and powerlessness.
-
It feels like it's
sanctioned by the state
-
and by our society
to just pick us off.
-
It's infuriating and
maddening that it
-
feels like these murders are
treated as if they're OK,
-
as if we deserve to
be victims of violence
-
simply for being who we are.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
SPEAKER 6: Crazy, sexy
smart, fast, next, dangerous.
-
Ish.
-
LAVERNE COX: Don't go away.
-
The T Word continues right now.
-
-
We've seen how trans people face
widespread discrimination when
-
they start living their truth.
-
But despite that, this
remarkable group of young people
-
is rising above the stigma
and creating a brighter
-
future for themselves.
-
ZOEY: So this is
an award I received
-
from CSW because they saw that
I had some leadership in me.
-
LAVERNE COX: Zoey
just turned 13,
-
and she's already become a
powerful voice for trans youth.
-
She and her mom joined the fight
to pass a new law in California
-
that now provides greater
protection for trans students.
-
ZOEY: The law allows
students in California
-
to use their
preferred bathrooms,
-
and now I can use the girls'
locker room without any hassle.
-
So I'm just really excited.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Kye retired
from competitive basketball
-
three years ago, but his unique
experiences in college sports
-
led to a new passion.
-
KYE: I went from being
an athlete to an advocate
-
like that, traveling
and speaking
-
to schools about
my story, trying
-
to create safer spaces
for other trans athletes.
-
I've had kids come up
to me and say, wow,
-
I've never met a trans person.
-
Like, thank you for
just coming to my school
-
and just being here
and sharing your story.
-
And they told me it
made a difference.
-
That's all I'm trying to do.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
LAVERNE COX:
Daniella is committed
-
to using her experience
to help other trans youth.
-
She has recently started
an online business
-
and finally has a
home to call her own.
-
DANIELLA: I really
do feel blessed.
-
This is my safe space.
-
I think I beat the
odds as a youth.
-
That's what my
apartment shows me.
-
-
LAVERNE COX: Ari survived high
school and is now on his way
-
to college to pursue
his dreams of becoming
-
a professional recording artist.
-
ARI: Being done with high school
means that I've overcome a lot.
-
I feel really proud of myself.
-
I can't wait to get this next
chapter started in my life
-
and be more
independent and learn
-
to really take care of myself.
-
So I'm really looking
forward to that.
-
And I'm looking forward, period.
-
I can't wait.
-
[CHEERING]
-
Thank you guys so much.
-
-
SHANE: Being here
today is amazing.
-
There are so many
beautiful humans here,
-
and I'm excited to
be a part of it.
-
LAVERNE COX: Both
L'lerret and Shane
-
are graduating from
college this year.
-
-
Avery not only has
a new job working
-
with a fashion designer--
she has a new man in her life
-
as well.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-
-
AVERY: The most
important message
-
I want for people who aren't
in the trans community
-
is just that we're
normal people.
-
We have feelings.
-
We do normal things.
-
We're just trying to live
our lives like you are.
-
We're going through the
same struggles as you.
-
You should probably
get to know us.
-
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-