The truth about growing up disabled | Dylan Alcott | TEDxYouth@Sydney

Dylan Alcott wasn't always a Paralympic champion. He grew up disabled, but it might not be what you think. In this engaging and funny talk, Dylan tells us what it's really like growing up with a disability.

Dylan Alcott OAM is a Paralympic gold medalist, World Champion, Grand Slam champion and world record holder for both wheelchair basketball and wheelchair tennis. In 2008, Dylan won Gold at the 2008 Beijing Paralympic games at the age of 17, the youngest-ever winner of a wheelchair basketball gold medal. In 2013, Dylan switched sports to wheelchair tennis, and in 2015 won his first grand slam title at the Australian Open. Dylan was born with a large tumour wrapped around his spinal cord, leaving him a paraplegic. He is a keen advocate for people with disabilities and is an ambassador for the charities Starlight Foundation and Variety, which help change the lives of kids with disabilities across the country. Dylan is also a music enthusiast and is well known for his wheelchair crowd surfing at music festivals.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

This right here is a photo of me
when I was 14 years old.

Now, I know what you're thinking,

'Dylan, mate,

are you sure that's not Ryan Gosling?'

(Laughter)

But, unfortunately, no,
this is a photo of me.

Now, for a long time, I tried to delete
this photo from my memory,

and to be honest, do you blame me?

Firstly, what the hell
is going on with my hair there?

I remember my mum's a hairdresser.

I used to sit in the front seat of her car
with a tub of gel and a hairbrush,

and on the way to school every day,
I'd sit there thinking,

'Dylan, you have absolutely nailed it!'

(Laughter)

I still don't understand
why she let me leave the car.

Also, secondly,

where the hell are my eyebrows?

(Laughter)

Now,

unfortunately for me,

I didn't grow any eyebrows
until I was 17 years old.

Now, I understand that I had
completely no control over that,

but, as you can imagine,
it wasn't really helping my cause, was it?

I also had braces.

I also had my bed in the pantry,

and I was a little bit
on the overweight side.

This was really the first time in my life

that I was really struggling
with my disability.

Up until this age, I'd never really cared
about the fact that I was in a wheelchair.

Everybody was young,
nobody really noticed it,

and everything just
went along pretty smoothly.

But, at this time,
things started to change.

People started going to house parties.

Boys started kissing girls,
girls started kissing boys.

Girls starting kissing girls,

and occasionally,
boys started kissing boys.

But, absolutely nobody was kissing Dylan,

I can tell you that much.

And it was also about the first time

that I really thought about myself
as being weird because I had a disability.

And, to be honest, that really sucked,

and had a really big effect
on absolutely everything that I did.

I started having a crap time at school.

It really started affecting
my sporting career as well.

For the first time in my life,
I was really, really down on myself.

And then, the next year, in Year 9,
something happened.

A mate of mine was having a house party.

Now, this was a really good mate of mine.

And previously, I'd never really been
invited to that many house parties,

and I thought, 'What a perfect opportunity
to go to your first one.

I'm absolutely going to kill it,

and everybody will invite me
to all the parties coming up ever since'.

Now, the invites for the party came out,
and what do you reckon happened?

I didn't get one.

I didn't get an invite.

And I remember thinking to myself,

'That is bullshit.

Like, I'm actually
really good friends with this guy,

how could I not be invited to his party?'

I was sitting at home
the day of the party,

and I went to myself,
'I just really, really want to go'.

Now, back in the day when you're 15,16,
it was super uncool and lame

to text the person to ask
if you can come to the party.

The far more badass thing to do
was simply turn up and jump the fence.

(Laughter)

Now, as you could imagine,

jumping, it's not really my forte.

And unless I had some kind of crane
or, like, trampoline device ...

(Laughter)

there was no way in hell
that I was getting over that fence.

The only way to get in

was to knock on the door
and go through the front.

Anyway, I sat at home
and I'm like, 'Stuff it.

I'm going to go and see what happens'.

I go to the front door, knocked
on the door, and my mate answered.

And he had this really weird, shocked look
on his face, like I was there.

I remember thinking to myself,
like, 'What have I done?

Why didn't I sit at home and play N64,
like I did every other Saturday night?'

Anyway, he looked at me, and he said,

'Dyl, mate, I'm so glad that you came.

I didn't know if you could
get in my house because of the stairs,

so I didn't invite you'.

I remember thinking
to myself, 'Is that it?

Is that genuinely the only reason
that I wasn't invited?'

Anyway, I went in that house party,

absolutely crushed it,
had an awesome time.

(Laughter)

I remember the next day, I woke up,
and I was really bloody mad at myself.

I was really mad at myself

that I let my insecurities
and my embarrassment about my disability

dictate the previous year of my life.

I was really mad at myself
that I believed this thing,

this negative stigma
that having a disability

makes you weird, makes you different,

and that's the only reason
people don't want to hang out with you.

I'm really mad at myself
that I didn't just grow a set of balls,

have some confidence, talk to my friends
and educate them about my disability.

Now, the only reason
I wasn't invited that night

wasn't because they didn't like me,

but it was because I didn't tell them
about my disability.

I didn't tell them
I could get up the stairs,

and it'll all be fine.

I sat at home for a whole year
thinking these people didn't like me.

The only reason that they did was because
they weren't educated about disability,

and I really didn't do anything
to educate them on it.

So, after that night,
things really changed for me.

I started being more social,

I started getting a lot fitter,

I started going out a lot more,

and I even started kissing
the odd girl or two.

(Laughter)

After that night,
I made a pact with myself.

I made a pact with myself

to never, ever let my disability
get in the way of what I wanted to do.

I made a pact with myself
to not be scared of my disability,

but rather to embrace it
in everything that I did.

Because of that, I've been able to live
a truly, incredibly awesome life.

In 2008, I was lucky enough

to win a gold medal
at the Paralympic games,

playing basketball for Australia -
wheelchair basketball, believe it or not.

This was incredible for me.

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to go
to the Paralympic games.

The Paralympics -
for those who don't know -

is the pinnacle of elite sport
for people with disabilities.

But a lot of people

don't know the true meaning
of the word 'Paralympic'.

The word is actually split in two:

the 'Olympic' part -
which represents the Olympics,

the pinnacle of sport -

and the 'Para' part.

There's a common misconception

that the 'Para' part
actually means paraplegic or paralysed,

but this isn't the case.

The 'Para' actually represents 'parallel',

meaning the Paralympics runs parallel,
or alongside, the Olympics.

Same gold medals, same venues,
same elite athletes, same time.

The only difference is obviously we all
have disabilities at the Paralympics.

Now, this was awesome in Beijing for me.

I was 17 years old at the time,

so I was still doing my HSC or VCE
while I was over there.

To be 17 years old and sit on top
of the podium with 12 of your best mates -

guys that had lost limbs to cancer,

other guys that had horrific accidents
on their worksites

so were left up in wheelchairs.

Other guys who had car crashes
and never be able to walk again

and lost loved ones in the process.

To sit on top of that podium
and so proud of what we had done,

singing that national anthem
with tears in our eyes -

it was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

It really was incredible
and something I'll cherish forever.

I've also got a bit of a name for myself

as the dude that crowd surfs
in his wheelchair at festivals.

(Laughter)

I've been very lucky
to travel around the world

attending different music festivals.

Everybody knows me as,

'You're the guy that
crowd surfs in his wheelchair!'

To be honest, the first [time]
that I ever did this

was completely out of necessity

because I was sick and tired
of sitting in the mosh pit

and looking at all your asses all day.

(Laughter)

You don't understand how much
that sucks after a while.

But from the first time I did it,
I was absolutely hooked.

It's an incredible feeling,
sitting on top of that crowd

in what I like to call
the best seat in the house.

It really is incredible.

I think it's a really cool metaphor
for people with disabilities as well,

what they can really do,

getting out there, breaking the mould,
doing what's unexpected of them.

On a side note,
I've only fallen out once.

And don't worry, I didn't get
any more disabled from the fall,

so it's all good.

(Laughter)

Now,

when I reflect on my life,
I think back to when -

I'm really happy that I can sit here now

and think that all this stuff
almost didn't happen to me.

I remember back when I was 14,
I think of 14-year-old Dylan, and I think

I had these really low expectations
of myself of what I could achieve.

And I let that dictate
what I did in everyday life.

I think back to 14-year-old Dylan

who thought of his disability
as this really shitty burden

that was really hard to overcome.

I think back to 14-year-old Dylan,

and I think I'm so lucky doing
what I'm doing these days.

I'm so glad that I could challenge
my own perception

about what I thought about disability.

And to be honest, I can sit here
in front of you all today

and tell you 100% honest truth:

if I ever had the chance
to go back in time

or eat some kind of magic pill
and walk again,

there's no way in hell
you could pay me enough to do it.

Because I absolutely love
everything in my life,

wheelchair or not.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

But, unfortunately, there are so many kids
across the world, all around Australia

that are really struggling socially
because of their disabilities.

Disability remains this thing
that nobody wants to talk about.

There's still this negative stigma

that having this disability
is this weird, unlucky, really ugly thing.

And for kids with disability
that don't have any confidence,

it's really hard
for them to get over this

and get into the world
and do what they want to do.

And it really restricts everything
that they want to achieve.

There are heaps of problems in the world:

poverty, refugees,
same-sex marriage, gender equality.

They're all very, very important things.

But when the hell do you ever
hear anything about disability?

Or when do you ever turn on the TV

and see the first news story
about somebody with a disability?

Or when do you turn on your TV
and see a wheelchair TV presenter -

sorry, a presenter in a wheelchair?

Or somebody with cerebral palsy
in our parliaments?

Or an actual blind actor
playing a blind actor,

as opposed to some bloke
who's just closing his eyes?

(Laughter)

Now, I remember when I was a kid,

when I was struggling, when I was 14,

I just wish I could have
turned on my television

and seen a guy in a wheelchair achieving.

Because it would have
made me realise that,

'You know what? I could do that too!
That, one day, could be me'.

I wish I had a positive
role model in the media

where I could have seen somebody
absolutely killing it,

and that would've instilled
the confidence in me

to get out there and do whatever I want.

I think it's really important
moving forward that we, as a society,

change our perception of disability
away from this idea

that it's this really bad,
unlucky, weird thing,

and stop being so scared to talk about it.

We need to realise that it's okay
to have any disability,

and we need to further our expectations
of what people with disabilities can do.

Moving forward,
I think in order to do that,

we need to mainstream disability.

Get people with disabilities
into our mainstream media,

and that will increase
the visibility in a positive light.

We need to make disability
heaps more commonplace.

We need to start
the conversation about it,

which will go a long way
in normalising it.

And then, who knows?

Maybe one day, if we can do that,

these kids, like me, like I used to be,

won't be going through such a tough time.

They won't be embarrassed
about their disability ever again.

They'll have the confidence
to go out there and do whatever they want.

But, as a society, we really have to hope
they pick a much better haircut than that.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)