DAN AND PHIL GOING AWAY Q&A

- What's up, AmazingPhil dusties?
- Hello,

- We're on Phil's channel.

- What the hell is going on?
What's going on? Why are we here?

- Feels like one of those times
where Phil wants to just post something,

'cause he's, you know, too much time
has passed, he has no ideas.

- No!
- What's the title of this one gonna be?

"We're Dead Forever,"

- We're, we're... (laughs)
- "He's Leaving Me".

- "We're Leaving-"...
- "I Died Again".

- "... Trying to Survive Out Here".
- And I don't know what's going on,

why are we sat here, dressed like
strange 90s cultists?

- We're in a dressing room
in a basement,

the phasement,

and we are rehearsing our tour.

- AKA, our life for the next six months.

- We're about to leave...
- On tour.

- On tour, and I thought we could
do a kind of farewell Q&A.

- A temporary farewell,
- Yeah.

- we're not disappearing forever.
- No.

- Sorry, just post-hiatus, I felt like
we needed to clarify that

because people still have PTSD
from their dads disappearing

to get the milk.
- This is not a hiatus.

We're gonna try and game
on the gaming channel

and I might poke my nose
in here for a bit,

- Just to say hi, you know.
- Just to say hi.

- We're gonna answer
some questions about life,

and also about tour.

- Lore.
- Lore!

- If anyone says "piss," I'm just,
- No, we're just gonna switch it off,

- I'm leaving, Phil's gonna film this
by himself, answer his own questions.

- "Did you know about the
Japan conspiracy?"

What the (bark) does that mean?

- Is that the one that we
got married in Japan?

Because we might be
addressing that at the tour.

- Let's just say, this tour,
- Hide your, hide your hand,

they might see it.

They might see what's
on your finger.

- What, the lack of wedding ring?

Ok, yeah.
- The phwedding phring.

- This tour is all about establishing
what the heck this comeback

new era of Dan and Phil is.

It's about the future,
- Comeback.

- and also confronting
a bit of the past.

So if you're sensitive to
tea being spilled, then

holy shit, strap yourselves in.

- This camera's kind of giving you
a cute little anime blush

and a monocle.

(Dan laughs)
Look at that little, little blush!

And a monocle!

- (Dan, in goofy accent)
Mm, very well, good sir,

dip, dip, dippity in the morning.

- "How many pillows do you sleep with?"

- Two.

- I've got a problem with the
pillow inventor, right?

They're either too thin or too thick.

- Oh my god, that is so right.
- We just need one that is,

1.5 thickness.
- You need to put your head on a pillow

and it either goes "bam!"
to the bottom

or you put it on and it's like
this big and it's like (choking noise).

- So why aren't we just making
1.5 thickness pillows?

It would save my neck
and my crack.

Do you know sometimes
I get a TikTok of a guy that's like,

"This is the worst way you could
possibly sleep,

"you're killing yourself."
- And you're like, "oh my God, that's me!"

- It's just me.

I'm like, on my front, twisted,

cuddling a pillow.

- They're like, "this is terrible
for your spine,

"it restricts your airflow,
- Good.

"your intelligence dwindles
every single day,"

and yeah, I'm too busy
snort mimimiing to listen to you, nerd.

- Yeah, tell me, Winston,
why is it so comfy?

If nature doesn't want it?

- Speaking of comfy,
"boxers, briefs, or boxer-briefs?"

Fight.
- Oh, there's some here.

What are these nude-colored
briefs for, Dan?

- You don't wanna know why
that's part of the show.

- What have you got these for?
- (Dan singing) You don't wanna know,

but you are gonna see.
- Ooh.

I'm in a boxer-brief time.

Boxers, too flappy,
briefs, too squashy.

- Too constricting.
- Yeah.

- "How different does this tour
feel from your others?"

Yo, I mean, look, a lot of time's passed.
- It's...

- It ain't 2015 anymore.

- I haven't been on tour in like 7 years,

so I'd say it's gayer.

- How have you and culture
changed since 2018?

- Yes.
- Yeah, yeah.

- It represents what our
channel is like now,

I would say.
- What-, that's a red flag.

- Yes, I know.
- Don't say that.

- I don't know.
- It's kind of a best of everything,

I would say.
- Yeah.

- It's got like the theatrical
extraness of TATINOF.

- Yes.
- It has some of the aesthetic

and interactive fun
of [Interactive] Introverts.

- Yes.
- And it has some of the tone

and homosexuality of
[We're All] Doomed,

which is great, it's like
the ultimate meld.

- They've all banged and made this baby.

- Yeah, the Voltron of influence.
- Ooh.

Also, I feel a lot more confident
in myself,

so I feel like on stage I'm gonna be
a bit less like a frightened rabbit

and more like a cougar.
- Yeah. (record scratch)

- No, not a cougar,
I'm not a, don't worry.

- Phil's saying that he
is an available MILF,

and if you're a desperate lesbian
in the audience,

he's coming for you.
- Oh yeah.

Hey, we've got one here.

What is your fave... browser?

- I can't believe someone
asked that, Phil,

- I just, I just, it's wild.
- Alright.

- Oh hello, it's the Browser Fairy here,
to let you know

that thanks to the sponsor
of today's video,

Opera Browser,

you could be having a much more
relaxing browsing experience

if you just took the plunge

and cheated on the browser
you're using right now.

It's like the feeling of
going to your friend's house

when you think you're gonna be able
to play with one of these

and they hand you this.

As a chaotic squirrel-brained person,
I am enjoying the workspace feature

where you can click between a whole
workspace in an instance.

I've got my tour one, where I'm
working on my tour stuff,

and then my other one where I'm
doing my actual work,

meerkat research.

There is also a Lucid tool.

Let's look at this ancient
Phil video, right?

(Wilhelm scream)
Look how blurry he is.

Not anymore, look,
and you can slide it.

I just could spend hours sliding
this Lucid bar back and forth.

Also handy, is your laptop
dying throughout the day?

Well, click on battery saver mode.

It could give you a whole
extra chunk of time.

So if this is making you feel like,
"ooh, Phil, I might actually

"head over to the Opera Browser
side of life,"

you can click the link below.

Just give it a go,
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Upgrade your browsing life and
feel like this guy

every day.
(Otamatone sings)

We know you are
sluts for Deliveroo,

but what is the last meal
you actually cooked?

- Uh, peanut butter on toast.
- No, I made a spaghetti bolognese

for you.
- You did,

- You were ill, and I cooked,
- you did.

- and got an onion.
- And I was like, "this is so lovely,"

I can't taste.
- It was a waste of time.

- So this is the one time
you've cooked in like a year,

- Yeah.
- and you gave it to the guy

that has a blocked sinus.
- I did.

- But the thought was there.
- It was.

- Thanks.

"Will Phil let anyone
shower on the bus this time?"

- No.
- No.

- I've been in deep dives,
- Don't set Phil off on his

water conspiracy.
- about microbes.

You can't leave water
anywhere in the sun without...

- You leave a tap water glass
- ...beasts.

- out for three minutes, death.

You shower in the theatre.
- We do.

- You come to a dank basement,
where like, the chorus line

of Hamilton have just been scrubbing
their feet for 20 minutes

- Yes.
- and then you're like "hell yeah".

- It's communal and there's a lot
of crew to shower.

- If you think it's a glamorous life
- No.

- being backstage
in all these theaters,

they spend all their money
on the front end

and then their back end
is a decrepit mess,

am I right, brother?
- It's, it's correct.

- "I'm using [the] Terrible Influence
Tour as a lesbian dating event."

Yeah, yeah.
- Do you know what,

this is probably one of the
best times to find a mate.

A mate? Why, why-
(Dan laughs)

- Are you also a cougar?
- Are you a cougar?

- Are you a young cub on the prowl
looking for a hot MILF-ette?

- Just say hi to the person
sat next to you,

get their Instagram,
you never know.

- What you need to do is go,
"hi, bye, IG?"

- I me.
- You...

(Phil claps)
- Or just hold hands.

- Or go into a little chocolate shop.
- Or like, asexual, let's just binge

Netlix and talk about how
much we hate people.

"Explain the tour in 4 words," go.
- Oh! Okay. Erm,

- "Erm" is one.
- Ahhh!

- "Ah."

I can't do it, you do it!
- "I can't."

"Erm," "AHHH!," "I can't!"
- I can't!

- Very 2015 Tumblr of you there.
- I know.

- No fucks given anymore.
- Ooh, nice!

- New era, who dis?

New era, blond haira.

- TVs, twinks, twat,
(Vine boom)

to...tally amazing.
- Hyphenated?

- Yes.
- Yeah, thanks, Phil.

"Can we have a costume preview?"

Hi Ellie, yeah, here you go.
- (Phil drumming thighs) This is it.

- We're going for Y2K meets ventilation.
- We are.

- Ventilation was the priority.
- Do you want to see my legs?

- Ok, so, Phil said ventilation up top
- I'm wearing...

- and extreme chafe down there.
- pleather.

Oh, I'm not gonna wear
these shoes, though.

- He said, I want clam, I want clasp,

I want this sticky shit on my calf.

- I am squeaking in places
I shouldn't be squeaking.

- Do you like my trash bag trousers?
(Dan slaps thigh)

- Shiny. Look at that.
- Yeah, the lack of breathability is in.

- "Is there still tickets in Europe?"

- Yes! There are tickets in Europe
- Oh yeah.

- and there's some for 29 euros.

- I'm not saying that we
don't have friends,

and the promoter held
30 seats in every show

as if we were a popstar that
would have dozens of people

in every country to come see,
- Yeah.

- and then we had to tell them
we don't have that many friends.

Antwerp, Copenhagen,
Berlin, Warsaw,

Frankfurt, Stockholm,
Oslo, Helsinki,

and also, Amsterdam,
Reykjavik, and Dublin

on the other side of the year.
- Yes.

- Come see us, there are tickets
on sale now.

They are cheap, bring a friend.
- DanAndPhilTour.com

"Is this tour more (bark)
than the last two?"

That better be bleeped good.
- Do you know you can't actually

- Don't be Dan. Don't be Dan.
- say that word on YouTube?

- No, no, Dan has had some
important videos demonetized.

- Yes, it will be fundamentally
more (bark) than the last two.

"Any plans on October 19th
this year?"

- Oh, where are we gonna be?
We do a show in LA,

on October 18th,
- Yeah.

- and then we [drive] into Vegas,
is anything interesting happening?

- No seriously, imagine it.
(Dan and Phil chuckling)

- Don't want to get people's hopes up.
- Don't, don't even.

"How many hours a day
did you rehearse?"

- It's been, like, 12
for the last 3 months.

- 9 AM to 10 PM,
has been today.

- And then thinking
about it in our sleep,

- Yes.
- and then waking up at 5 AM with anxiety,

and then doing some more.
- And then doing it all again.

"Can I go see the tour alone?"

- 100%.
- Yeah.

- You are not alone when you
come to the Dan and Phil show

because it's like being
in the comment section.

- It is.
- You can turn up by yourself,

and if you're not a
social kind of person,

get a drink, sit there, enjoy the show,
- You can just vibe.

- soak in the vibes. If you want to be
like, hey, who's the person next to you,

chances are, you have nearly
everything in common,

and they might be a best friend,
or a future partner.

- It is strong, we see...
- Just saying.

I'm not matchmaking you,
but I'm just saying.

- A lot of people make friends
on our tour.

"How do you decide what
cities to go to?"

- Well, as we know from
pain in the past,

we are at the whim of
venues and promoters.

- Yeah.
- We need an available theatre

and some people that go, "Who are
Dan and Phil? Do we trust them?

"Are they reputable entertainers?"
- Yes.

- And then, maybe they'll let us in.

- When we first did a tour, they didn't
want to let us into America.

(Dan laughs)
- They were like, "Who are these guys?"

- And the thing is, all these people
have access to our Instagrams,

so they know exactly how many
followers we have in every city,

so if you're ever like, "Why won't
Dan and Phil come to Cape Town?,"

- Yeah.
- it's because they've gone, "You have

"600 fans, sorry, there's not enough
people for a theatre there."

- And we are begging these people,
- We would love to.

- we're like, please let us.

My Mexico thread has 63 emails,

which is basically me going,
"Any news? Any news?"

- So don't worry, we see you,
we love you, we appreciate you,

we are trying, and one day,
- Yes.

- one fricking day, one fucking day...

"How is your colon babe?"
(Dan and Phil laughing)

- Like you just walk up to someone
and say, "How's your colon, babe?"

- As we should. Normalize colonoscopies.
- Yes.

Everything is healed.

- Can we just take a moment to
peacefully acknowledge the

epic charity case that is Phil Lester?
- I can't help it.

- Once upon a time, he had a migraine
problem, then he swallowed superglue,

and then he was bleeding out of
his ass, and then guess what?

We are doing something, I should say
- Something.

- there's some kind of stunt, event,
- A moment.

- say some kind of satirical,
incredible, theatrical,

climactic moment of the show,
and we were having the first ever

rehearsal for it, and Phil...
- I broke a rib.

(gasp, glass shattering)
Or cracked a rib. I don't know.

But now I can't breathe or laugh
or move without pain.

I'm fine.
- No, he's not fine, but he's fine.

"Dog when???"
- Now.

- Now.
- Here it is!

- Imagine. Yeah, let's get a dog
and then leave it in a house

and then leave the
house until February.

- No, there's only ever gonna be a dog
if we can dedicate time to the hound.

You shouldn't get one for Christmas.
So, not now, but sometime.

"Who is better at
organizing and planning?"

Dan is a lot better at...
- What do you think?

- Look, actually, I'm great
at hotels and flights.

I am the flight and hotel whisperer.
- Phil loves a deal.

I'd say that's more about the money.
- I like a deal.

"What the (bark)
was the silicone for?

Ah.
- Context. Context right now.

- Well, I went on a very
sketchy website

and had to buy a whole...
- Oh, don't say that it's sketchy.

- ...lot of silicone.
- Look, some people are into full-body

character transformation
silicone-based onesies,

- Yes. Complete with cow udders.
- And Phil spent several hundred dollars

on an item,
- I did.

- for a perfectly unsexual
moment of the show.

- Which you might see.
- And I think if they weren't

scared before, they are now.
You made it worse.

- All I'll say is I felt a bit
claustrophobic putting it on.

Oh my god. "How to get over a
breakup you can't get closure from?"

- I think you missed the memo.
- Oh damn, oh, you're in the wrong inbox.

- You missed the memo for this.
- Are we qualified for that?

- But I'll just say, they're not
worth it, you can do better.

- Mm.
- Enjoy that single life.

There's loads of things you can do.
- Phil said, hoe era.

- Yeah.
- Things? More like people and things.

- Rat boy summer
yourself into that pool.

- I mean, if someone doesn't want
to give you closure, that is closure.

- That is closure.
- You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah.
- Sometimes in life,

answers can't be found, and
that has to be your answer.

- Mm.
- Write your own story.

"Did you know that children don't
have kneecaps until they're 6?"

- I hate this. Are you lying? Am I dumb?
- Oh, I hate that! No!

- Stop it!
- Are you tricking me? Is this a fact?

- "Most children's kneecaps turn from
cartilage to bone between 2 and 6."

- Ugh! No. Get away.

- "Phil, what F1 knowledge
did Dan force feed you?"

(Dan laughs)
- Alright. Here we go.

Quiz me. Quiz me.
- Who are the Ferrari drivers?

- Charles Leclerc. Leclerc!
- (Frenchly) Leclerc!

(child in video)
"LeCLERCghugh!"

- And, uh, Kyle Pe...
- Car...

- Carlos Sainz.
- Ooh...

- I got it. I got it.
- Taking up, taking up brain space.

That's all you need to
know about the sport.

- I've got more. Valtteri Bottas,
Lewis Hamilton,

George Russell,
- Yes.

- Stephen Mulhern. No, that's a magician.
- No.

Stephen Mulhern in a car?!

- I don't know what I was thinking.
- Sorry, that is the most

British reference ever.
- That was very British.

- What the hell, Phil.
- Yeah, I don't know.

"Did y'all have a brat summer?"

- We had a rat summer.
- Rat boy summer.

We were in... a... holiday place.
I won't say where we were.

- Phil's trying to dox
our holiday location.

- We went on holiday,
it was nice. Very ratty.

- And since then we've been
rehearsing for a tour.

- (Dan singing) Summeeerrr...
- But to be honest, the true essence

of a brat summer sounds
horrendous to me. Up at 4 AM...

- Are you not a 365 party girl?
- No. I'm a half an hour party boy.

- Terrible Influence when
you're bumping that?

And you're about to be
so 365 until January,

- That's fine.
- so you better become it.

- I'll take it in small doses.

- "Is Jake Gyllenhaal hot?" What kind
of (barking) question is that?

Yes.
- Yes.

He's one of the...
- Who says no? Find me.

- He's one of the rare people
- Choke.

- that have been hot at
every stage of his career.

Donnie Darko through to
whatever the hell he's doing now.

It's all... hotness. I say it's
one of the-

- Do you need a moment, Phil?
- Yes.

- He made you gay?
- He did.

- Right. Yep.
- Do you know people who are like,

- Oh, Phil's really going off
on Jake Gyllenhaal.

- I'm not, I'm just saying-
- No, we're having a moment,

and that's okay, we just need
to acknowledge that.

- There are some people that are so
beyond hot, even if I was a straight man

- You'd have to be like, Jake Gyllenhaal,
- I would be like, yes.

- he can get it, he can take it,
he can throw it across the room.

Give me that Gyllen-
- I would wash his sweaty vest.

- Mm. Ok.

- "Merch vibes?"

- You wanted merch vibes, huh?
- Oh, look at this!

- You like a bit of chrome? Ooh.
- Ooh, look at that.

- Can I spoil this one? Please?
- Go on then. Do it.

(Dan and Phil laughing)

- Already every person on
the crew wants to wear that.

- Someone's like, I'm gonna
get this for my grandma,

- They need it.
- and I will make her wear it.

- We always like to
have one funny thing.

- Color energy, oh.
- Oh, oh.

- We do have a kind of
wild update, though,

- Yes.
- which is, as of yesterday,

every single VIP ticket for our show
to come to the meet-and-greet

has completely sold out,
- They're gone,

we're gonna be meeting so many of you.
- at every single show around the world,

so thank you.
- Thanks.

- Tour hasn't even started yet,
that's never happened before.

There may be a couple venues where
they found some space to add more,

so do check just in case.
- Look around.

- But, for most of them,
we wanted to do something

for all of the people that
already bought tickets,

and for the people that
may yet be on the fence.

- Yes, so anyone that's
already bought a ticket

or anyone that's gets one
in the next month,

- Anyone who buys any ticket.
- Any kind of ticket. The cheap ones.

- Two people from every single
show are going to get upgraded

to the full meet-and-greet. You get
to meet us, you get to have some merch,

you get to come to the thing early.
The whole shebang.

- Bang.
- And all you have to do is have a ticket.

And that is everyone
who's already got one

and anyone who gets one
in the next month.

So if you and a friend are like,
oh my god, I found these ones

that are really really cheap and we
could just like, randomly meet them,

- Go grab 'em.
- Do it. Do it.

- But make sure you do it in the next
month because then it runs out.

- You know how Phil always wins
these competitions and stuff?

- It could be you.
- It's because he enters them.

- Yes. And if any of this tour
talk has tickled your pickle,

make sure to go to DanAndPhilTour.com,
see if we're coming near your town...

- We're going everywhere.
- If not, travel.

Get on a train for half an hour.
- Yeah.

- It's worth it.
- Eight hour road trip with the bestie.

- It's worth it.
- It's worth it.

You don't want to be like, oh,
these guys meant so much to me.

I could've waved at them from
across the room.

- Now I can't.
- We want to see you.

- Come and see us. See what
we've been working on.

We've been working so hard on it,

and it'd be great if you could.
- I don't think we can even begin

to explain how hard we've been
working on this show for months.

- A little word from the other Phil.

Thanks again to my bros, Opera
Browser, for sponsoring this video.

If you want to upgrade your
browsing life, make it super satisfying,

click the link below, get it for free,

and have a lovely day.

- Thanks, Phil. Yeah.
- Yeah. Thank you. Great. Do it.

So, subscribe! Check out the gaming
channel, we'll be posting loads of little

sneaky tour bits on there.
- More stuff. Go check out our Instagram,

our Twitters. We're posting
all kinds of sneaks.

- Yeah. AmazingPhil
might be a bit quiet,

but I'll poke my nose in.
- He's busy, he'll come say hi

every now and then.
- Sometimes. Have a lovely day

and we will see you on stage.
- Thank you for having us.

- Bye.
- Ciao.