George Carlin- universal moments (english subtitles)

A small clip extracted from the show "Doin it again" by George Carlin performed in 1990

We will not be
supportive of one another

so that we can get
in touch with our feelings

in order to feel
good about ourselves.

And if you're one
of those people

who needs a little space,

please, go the fuck outside!

We will,

we will, however,

be talking about
those little moments

that seem to last forever.

Have you ever been

in a serious social situation

when you suddenly realize

you have to pull the underwear

out of the crack in your ass?

Do you take this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife?

Huh?

Who, her?

Oh, hell yeah.

Well, it's one of life's
little moments, isn't it?

It's one of those
little moments

you have to deal
with at the time.

You can't postpone that.

You can't put that off

and be walking
around like this.

You've got to get in there

and clear that thing out.

You've got to
rescue your underwear.

There's a letter
in your mailbox.

That's right.

And you have to rectify

that situation

so that you can move along

to your next
embarrassing moment,

which is probably
scheduled immediately.

That's the way life is,

full of those little moments.

Everybody knows them,

everybody recognizes them.

You ever been at
a really loud party,

I mean, a good loud party

where the music
is playing too loud

and everybody is
talking too loudly,

and in order to be heard

even by the person
standing right next to you,

you've got to be screaming
at the top of your lungs.

But every now
and then at a party,

it seems as though everyone
shuts up at the same time.

And only your voice,

can be heard.

Right, I know.

I know.

Well, what I'm going to do,

I'm going to have
my testicles laminated.

Life's little moments.

You ever been
talking to someone

and you laugh
through your nose

and blow a snot
on your shirt.

And you have to just
kind of keep talking,

you know,

and make believe
it's part of the design.

Works all right if you're
wearing a Hawaiian shirt,

but otherwise
they're going to notice.

Ed, you got a big
snot on your shirt.

Some guys are
really cruel, you know.

And some of these things

are not even your fault.

These little
things that happen,

you didn't cause
the situation,

a lot of time
you're the victim.

You walk into
some situation,

and suddenly you're the one
who's taking all the heat.

Not your fault.

Give you an example of
the kind of thing I mean.

Did you ever meet somebody

and you go to
shake the guy's hand

and you suddenly realize

he doesn't have
a complete hand?

And you got to make
believe it feels great,

Right, you can't go ahhhhhhhh,

ahhhhhhhh!

Ahhhhh!

You can't do that.

It's not even an option.

You got to hang
in there and say hi,

hey, swell hand.

Give me three.