We will not be supportive of one another
so that we can get in touch with our feelings
in order to feel good about ourselves.
And if you're one of those people
who needs a little space,
please, go the fuck outside!
We will,
we will, however,
be talking about those little moments
that seem to last forever.
Have you ever been
in a serious social situation
when you suddenly realize
you have to pull the underwear
out of the crack in your ass?
Do you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife?
Huh?
Who, her?
Oh, hell yeah.
Well, it's one of life's little moments, isn't it?
It's one of those little moments
you have to deal with at the time.
You can't postpone that.
You can't put that off
and be walking around like this.
You've got to get in there
and clear that thing out.
You've got to rescue your underwear.
There's a letter in your mailbox.
That's right.
And you have to rectify
that situation
so that you can move along
to your next embarrassing moment,
which is probably scheduled immediately.
That's the way life is,
full of those little moments.
Everybody knows them,
everybody recognizes them.
You ever been at a really loud party,
I mean, a good loud party
where the music is playing too loud
and everybody is talking too loudly,
and in order to be heard
even by the person standing right next to you,
you've got to be screaming at the top of your lungs.
But every now and then at a party,
it seems as though everyone shuts up at the same time.
And only your voice,
can be heard.
Right, I know.
I know.
Well, what I'm going to do,
I'm going to have my testicles laminated.
Life's little moments.
You ever been talking to someone
and you laugh through your nose
and blow a snot on your shirt.
And you have to just kind of keep talking,
you know,
and make believe it's part of the design.
Works all right if you're wearing a Hawaiian shirt,
but otherwise they're going to notice.
Ed, you got a big snot on your shirt.
Some guys are really cruel, you know.
And some of these things
are not even your fault.
These little things that happen,
you didn't cause the situation,
a lot of time you're the victim.
You walk into some situation,
and suddenly you're the one who's taking all the heat.
Not your fault.
Give you an example of the kind of thing I mean.
Did you ever meet somebody
and you go to shake the guy's hand
and you suddenly realize
he doesn't have a complete hand?
And you got to make believe it feels great,
Right, you can't go ahhhhhhhh,
ahhhhhhhh!
Ahhhhh!
You can't do that.
It's not even an option.
You got to hang in there and say hi,
hey, swell hand.
Give me three.