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The Meaning of Love - S1E4 - Cyanide & Happiness Show

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    (groan)
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    (voice-over) Tired of stubbing your toes?
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    (dishes clatter)
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    My china!
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    (voice-over) Are you tired of dropping
    things on the floor?
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    (tumbles)
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    (voice-over) Are you tired
    of being a complete fuck-up
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    at everything you do?
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    Try not doing that!
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    Hey, don't do that.
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    I could have stubbed my toe there.
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    Good thing I didn't do that.
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    And these are way better plates
    since I didn't break them.
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    Pfft! Take that, stairs!
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    Not doing that is easy!
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    Instead of doing your thing,
    you simply don't do that.
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    Here's George.
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    Lately, I've been up all night,
    beating myself with a hammer.
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    It really hurts,
    and I can't sleep.
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    Is there anything I can do?
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    (voice-over) There's something
    you can NOT do.
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    That thing you're doing!
    Simply don't do it.
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    Wow, that's amazing.
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    My husband's on a business trip,
    and I really want to have sex
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    with the mail man.
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    (voice-over) Try not doing that!
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    I never thought of it that way!
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    Thanks, Not Doing That.
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    Why, I oughta--
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    (voice-over) No!
    Don't do that.
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    Okay.
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    I bet I can jump
    in that pool from here.
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    (voice-over) Don't do it!
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    I've gotta [?] all this gravy.
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    (voice-over) Don't do that either.
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    Wanna go get tribal tattoos?
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    (voice-over) No!
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    I'm gonna fuck that turtle.
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    (voice-over) Nope!
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    (somber music)
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    (voice-over) Do you ever wonder
    what's the point in anything?
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    Why even bother getting up?
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    Every day is the same.
    Life is meaningless,
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    and you're just passing the time
    until you grow old and die.
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    Existence is a miserable,
    inescapable void,
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    and the world is mocking you.
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    There isn't a single reason to get
    out of bed in the morning.
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    (chipper voice-over) Try doing that!
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    It's called doing that!
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    From the people
    who brought you Not Doing That.
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    Get up, you lazy bum!
    Just do that!
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    Ha ha!
    All right.
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    (ragtime music)
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    (chipper voice-over) Just propose already!
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    - Do it!
    - You're gonna propose?
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    Shit, yeah, I am!
    Thanks, Doing That!
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    I feel like jumping.
    Should I do that?
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    (chipper voice-over) No, uh...
    don't do that.
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    But I thought--
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    (chipper voice-over) Don't do it!
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    This is pretty confusing, dude.
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    Should I get an abortion?
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    (chipper voice-over) That's, uh,
    kind of a grey area.
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    I guess there's kind of a lot
    of factors for you to consider.
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    Thanks, Doing That!
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    (voice-over) What?! No!
    That's not--
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    Maybe we should...do that again.
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    - Ooh!
    - (voice-over) Guys, wait!
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    That's not what I...
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    (music slows down)
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    (new voice-over) Okay, are we ready?
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    Take three.
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    And...go.
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    (chipper voice-over) From the people
    who brought you Doing That
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    and Not Doing That,
    introducing...
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    Making Your Own Decisions
    Based On The Situation!
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    - Should I?
    - (voice-over) Shut up!
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    Make your decision based on the situation!
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    Okay.
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    I bet if I take a running start--
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    (voice-over) Great!
    Have fun!
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    Yeah!
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    You wanna go get tribal tattoos?
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    Hmm, I dunno.
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    (voice-over) Figure it
    out between yourselves.
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    You're adults, goddamn it!
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    Eat whatever you want.
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    Do whatever.
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    Good luck!
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    (laughter)
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    God, you guys are fucking idiots!
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    (theme music)
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    Everyone put your hands up!
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    - (gasping)
    - Right now!
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    (robber) Do it!
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    (patriotic music)
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    Look, it's The Star Spangled Bastard!
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    You're goddamned right it is!
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    This money belongs to the banks.
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    Not you people.
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    Now give it back!
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    Let's get him!
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    Take that!
    Take this.
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    And another!
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    Give him a right wing hook!
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    Give him a shocking awe!
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    (gun shot)
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    (startled gasps)
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    (blows)
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    Holy shit!
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    What?
    It was self defense.
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    You all saw it.
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    (patriotic music)
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    Ugh. Damn this recession.
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    (hissing noise)
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    (patriotic music)
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    Now, there's a handsome pair
    of American heroes.
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    (exhales)
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    Say, where is Eagle anyway?
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    Eagle, I'm hoooome!
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    (Eagle shrieks)
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    Come here, Eagle!
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    (thumping)
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    Guess what daddy did today, Eagle?
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    (Eagle shrieks)
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    What do you mean,
    "It's already on the news"?!
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    Our top news story tonight,
    a bank heist was prevented
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    today by a local hero aptly named
    The Star Spangled Bastard.
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    And it's gotten the whole nation
    talking about gun safety.
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    (Eagle shrieks)
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    Quiet, Eagle!
    I'm on TV.
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    (gun shot)
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    But is he really a hero?
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    Security footage from the robbery
    shows Mr. Bastard
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    pulling out a gun and opening fire
    on a suspect that was
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    fleeing from the scene.
    The suspect in question
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    died immediately.
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    (somber music)
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    This is George W. Bullshit!
    Guns are perfectly safe.
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    Guns don't kill people, Eagle.
    People kill people.
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    People like me!
    People with guns.
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    - (gun shot)
    - (Eagle shrieks)
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    And furthermore, who is the government
    to tell us what to do?
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    (penguin squawks)
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    Abortion is different, Eagle.
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    Those babies deserve
    to be gun-bearing citizens,
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    just like you and me,
    except smaller.
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    (crowd protest) No more guns!
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    What the--?
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    Protesters?
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    Who said they could
    First Amendment on my lawn?
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    (protesters) No more guns!
    No more guns!
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    No more guns!
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    How did you find my secret base?
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    (protester) Google!
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    Oh, well, get out of here!
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    (protester) You're a cold-blooded killer,
    Star Spangled Bastard!
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    Give up your guns.
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    I'm not listening!
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    La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaa!
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    (evil chuckling) Perfect.
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    The people are turning
    on Star Spangled Bastard.
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    It is nearly time to strike.
    Is the device ready?
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    Yes, my master.
    We finished testing
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    and await your command.
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    Mister President.
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    (ominous music)
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    Give me your orders.
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    (Mr. President) Take away their guns.
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    (electricity crackles)
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    (showdown music)
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    I guess we gotta talk out our differences.
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    (gun shot)
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    I'm coming, Jesus!
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    (humming Our Country Tis of Thee)
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    I love this gun!
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    I'll never get rid of you.
    You're my third favorite.
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    (chuckles) Where are
    you going, little gun?
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    Whoop!
    No you don't.
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    Ah! Wha--?!
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    What the?!
    What the?
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    What's going on?
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    Eagle!
    Eagle, help!
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    (Eagle squawks)
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    Help me, Eagle.
    Why can't you fllyyyyy?
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    (Eagle squawks)
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    No, no, no, no, no, no!
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    (straining)
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    (groans)
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    (sobbing) No.
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    (sobbing)
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    (Eagle squawks)
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    (news jingle)
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    We have some breaking news
    out of, well, everywhere.
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    Every gun on earth has been confiscated
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    by some kind of big red balloon thing.
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    We go now to our
    field reporter, Abby Babble.
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    Abby?
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    It's pure chaos down here, Mike!
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    Without guns, everything
    is simply falling apart.
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    Hey, you guys can't rob this bank.
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    Why not?
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    Uh...'cause?
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    (grunts) [?]
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    It's every man
    for himself down here, Mike.
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    This is Abby Babble signing off.
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    My god!
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    Is there anyone who can save us?
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    (sobbing)
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    (squawking)
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    (sobbing)
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    Huh?
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    Wait!
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    If there are no more guns...
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    then I must become...
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    a bullet!
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    - Come, Eagle!
    - (Eagle squawks)
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    Do it, Eagle!
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    Light the fires of freedom!
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    (patriotic music)
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    Wait, perhaps if I rigged my elevator
    to some sort of launching contraption--
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    (explosion)
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    Whoooaaaaaaaaa!
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    Look, it's the Star Spangled Bastard!
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    Whooaaaa!
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    (grunts)
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    The button!
    Press the button.
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    Hey, I'm the one saving the day here.
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    Not you!
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    Hmm.
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    Button, button, button.
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    Oh, button!
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    You're quite muscular.
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    (grunts)
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    I surrender!
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    (gun shot)
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    Hmm, I guess guns do kill people.
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    (grunting)
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    Hurry, Star Spangled Bastard!
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    (Star Spangled Bastard)
    I don't tell you how to do your job!
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    (gun shots)
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    - (gun shot)
    - (electricity crackles)
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    (inspirational music)
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    What?! No.
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    (touching music)
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    (Eagle squawks)
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    Eagle?!
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    (gasps) You can fly!
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    (laughter)
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    (patriotic music)
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    We did it, Eagle!
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    We restored the second amendment
    and peace on Earth.
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    (squawking)
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    Who'd have thought
    that all of society's problems
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    could be solved by everyone packing heat!
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    (cocks gun)
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    (cocks gun)
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    (cocks gun)
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    Yes, indeed.
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    We've restored the fabric of society,
    and this fabric doesn't run.
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    (squawking)
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    It doesn't have to make sense, Eagle.
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    It's patriotic.
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    (squawking)
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    Good night, Eagle.
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    (cocks gun)
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    (gun shot)
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    (bullet ricochets)
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    (Eagle squawks)
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    (theme music)
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    [captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]
Title:
The Meaning of Love - S1E4 - Cyanide & Happiness Show
Description:
more » « less
Video Language:
English
Duration:
12:46

English subtitles

Incomplete

Revisions

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