0:00:01.540,0:00:02.313
(groan)

0:00:02.313,0:00:03.922
(voice-over) Tired of stubbing your toes?

0:00:03.922,0:00:05.142
(dishes clatter)

0:00:05.142,0:00:06.418
My china!

0:00:06.418,0:00:08.422
(voice-over) Are you tired of dropping[br]things on the floor?

0:00:08.422,0:00:09.901
(tumbles)

0:00:09.901,0:00:12.230
(voice-over) Are you tired [br]of being a complete fuck-up

0:00:12.230,0:00:13.234
at everything you do?

0:00:13.234,0:00:15.422
Try not doing that!

0:00:15.422,0:00:17.482
Hey, don't do that.

0:00:17.482,0:00:19.613
I could have stubbed my toe there.

0:00:19.613,0:00:21.601
Good thing I didn't do that.

0:00:21.601,0:00:24.084
And these are way better plates[br]since I didn't break them.

0:00:24.084,0:00:27.539
Pfft! Take that, stairs!

0:00:27.539,0:00:29.106
Not doing that is easy!

0:00:29.106,0:00:33.034
Instead of doing your thing,[br]you simply don't do that.

0:00:33.034,0:00:34.103
Here's George.

0:00:34.103,0:00:38.059
Lately, I've been up all night,[br]beating myself with a hammer.

0:00:38.059,0:00:40.762
It really hurts,[br]and I can't sleep.

0:00:40.762,0:00:42.801
Is there anything I can do?

0:00:42.801,0:00:45.031
(voice-over) There's something[br]you can NOT do.

0:00:45.031,0:00:48.183
That thing you're doing![br]Simply don't do it.

0:00:48.183,0:00:50.459
Wow, that's amazing.

0:00:50.459,0:00:54.512
My husband's on a business trip,[br]and I really want to have sex

0:00:54.512,0:00:55.738
with the mail man.

0:00:55.738,0:00:57.270
(voice-over) Try not doing that!

0:00:57.270,0:00:59.051
I never thought of it that way!

0:00:59.051,0:01:00.715
Thanks, Not Doing That.

0:01:00.715,0:01:03.427
Why, I oughta--

0:01:03.427,0:01:04.882
(voice-over) No![br]Don't do that.

0:01:04.882,0:01:05.860
Okay.

0:01:05.860,0:01:08.492
I bet I can jump[br]in that pool from here.

0:01:08.492,0:01:09.432
(voice-over) Don't do it!

0:01:09.432,0:01:10.880
I've gotta [?] all this gravy.

0:01:10.880,0:01:11.963
(voice-over) Don't do that either.

0:01:11.963,0:01:13.467
Wanna go get tribal tattoos?

0:01:13.467,0:01:14.187
(voice-over) No!

0:01:14.187,0:01:16.542
I'm gonna fuck that turtle.

0:01:16.542,0:01:17.371
(voice-over) Nope!

0:01:17.371,0:01:19.863
(somber music)

0:01:19.863,0:01:21.811
(voice-over) Do you ever wonder[br]what's the point in anything?

0:01:21.811,0:01:23.832
Why even bother getting up?

0:01:23.832,0:01:27.308
Every day is the same.[br]Life is meaningless,

0:01:27.308,0:01:30.712
and you're just passing the time[br]until you grow old and die.

0:01:30.712,0:01:33.844
Existence is a miserable, [br]inescapable void,

0:01:33.844,0:01:35.546
and the world is mocking you.

0:01:35.546,0:01:38.660
There isn't a single reason to get [br]out of bed in the morning.

0:01:38.660,0:01:41.195
(chipper voice-over) Try doing that!

0:01:41.195,0:01:42.888
It's called doing that!

0:01:42.888,0:01:44.835
From the people [br]who brought you Not Doing That.

0:01:44.835,0:01:47.448
Get up, you lazy bum![br]Just do that!

0:01:47.448,0:01:48.683
Ha ha! [br]All right.

0:01:48.683,0:01:51.615
(ragtime music)

0:01:51.615,0:01:52.838
(chipper voice-over) Just propose already!

0:01:52.838,0:01:54.875
- Do it![br]- You're gonna propose?

0:01:54.875,0:01:56.952
Shit, yeah, I am![br]Thanks, Doing That!

0:01:56.952,0:01:59.884
I feel like jumping.[br]Should I do that?

0:01:59.884,0:02:02.264
(chipper voice-over) No, uh...[br]don't do that.

0:02:02.264,0:02:03.324
But I thought--

0:02:03.324,0:02:04.264
(chipper voice-over) Don't do it!

0:02:04.264,0:02:06.880
This is pretty confusing, dude.

0:02:06.880,0:02:08.461
Should I get an abortion?

0:02:08.461,0:02:11.082
(chipper voice-over) That's, uh, [br]kind of a grey area.

0:02:11.082,0:02:14.215
I guess there's kind of a lot [br]of factors for you to consider.

0:02:14.215,0:02:16.284
Thanks, Doing That!

0:02:16.284,0:02:17.912
(voice-over) What?! No![br]That's not--

0:02:17.912,0:02:20.448
Maybe we should...do that again.

0:02:20.448,0:02:21.863
- Ooh![br]- (voice-over) Guys, wait!

0:02:21.863,0:02:23.008
That's not what I...

0:02:23.008,0:02:28.660
(music slows down)

0:02:28.660,0:02:30.243
(new voice-over) Okay, are we ready?

0:02:30.243,0:02:31.304
Take three.

0:02:31.304,0:02:32.620
And...go.

0:02:32.620,0:02:35.336
(chipper voice-over) From the people [br]who brought you Doing That

0:02:35.336,0:02:37.736
and Not Doing That,[br]introducing...

0:02:37.736,0:02:40.312
Making Your Own Decisions [br]Based On The Situation!

0:02:40.312,0:02:41.368
[br]- Should I?[br]- (voice-over) Shut up!

0:02:41.368,0:02:43.192
Make your decision based on the situation!

0:02:43.192,0:02:44.040
Okay.

0:02:44.040,0:02:45.520
I bet if I take a running start--

0:02:45.520,0:02:46.828
(voice-over) Great![br]Have fun!

0:02:46.828,0:02:47.784
Yeah!

0:02:47.784,0:02:49.264
You wanna go get tribal tattoos?

0:02:49.264,0:02:50.752
Hmm, I dunno.

0:02:50.752,0:02:52.420
(voice-over) Figure it [br]out between yourselves.

0:02:52.420,0:02:54.000
You're adults, goddamn it!

0:02:54.000,0:02:55.424
Eat whatever you want.

0:02:55.424,0:02:56.488
Do whatever.

0:02:56.488,0:02:57.524
Good luck!

0:02:57.524,0:02:58.607
(laughter)

0:02:58.607,0:03:00.800
God, you guys are fucking idiots!

0:03:00.800,0:03:14.468
(theme music)

0:03:29.820,0:03:31.123
Everyone put your hands up!

0:03:31.123,0:03:32.336
- (gasping)[br]- Right now!

0:03:32.336,0:03:33.224
(robber) Do it!

0:03:33.224,0:03:36.160
(patriotic music)

0:03:36.160,0:03:38.003
Look, it's The Star Spangled Bastard!

0:03:38.003,0:03:40.100
You're goddamned right it is!

0:03:40.100,0:03:42.304
This money belongs to the banks.

0:03:42.304,0:03:45.316
Not you people.

0:03:45.316,0:03:46.625
Now give it back!

0:03:46.625,0:03:47.645
Let's get him!

0:03:47.645,0:03:50.291
Take that![br]Take this.

0:03:50.291,0:03:51.459
And another!

0:03:51.459,0:03:53.200
Give him a right wing hook!

0:03:53.200,0:03:55.535
Give him a shocking awe!

0:03:55.535,0:04:00.524
(gun shot)

0:04:00.524,0:04:01.808
(startled gasps)

0:04:01.808,0:04:03.788
(blows)

0:04:03.788,0:04:05.071
Holy shit!

0:04:05.071,0:04:07.040
What?[br]It was self defense.

0:04:07.040,0:04:09.219
You all saw it.

0:04:09.219,0:04:15.183
(patriotic music)

0:04:15.183,0:04:17.193
Ugh. Damn this recession.

0:04:17.193,0:04:20.152
(hissing noise)

0:04:20.152,0:04:24.052
(patriotic music)

0:04:24.052,0:04:27.176
Now, there's a handsome pair [br]of American heroes.

0:04:27.176,0:04:33.476
(exhales)

0:04:33.476,0:04:35.828
Say, where is Eagle anyway?

0:04:35.828,0:04:38.592
Eagle, I'm hoooome!

0:04:38.592,0:04:39.804
(Eagle shrieks)

0:04:39.804,0:04:40.869
Come here, Eagle!

0:04:40.869,0:04:42.320
(thumping)

0:04:42.320,0:04:45.316
Guess what daddy did today, Eagle?

0:04:45.316,0:04:46.700
(Eagle shrieks)

0:04:46.700,0:04:48.956
What do you mean,[br]"It's already on the news"?!

0:04:48.956,0:04:52.356
Our top news story tonight,[br]a bank heist was prevented

0:04:52.356,0:04:56.600
today by a local hero aptly named [br]The Star Spangled Bastard.

0:04:56.600,0:05:00.384
And it's gotten the whole nation[br]talking about gun safety.

0:05:00.384,0:05:01.211
(Eagle shrieks)

0:05:01.211,0:05:03.003
Quiet, Eagle![br]I'm on TV.

0:05:03.003,0:05:03.891
(gun shot)

0:05:03.891,0:05:06.712
But is he really a hero?

0:05:06.712,0:05:10.080
Security footage from the robbery[br]shows Mr. Bastard

0:05:10.080,0:05:13.580
pulling out a gun and opening fire[br]on a suspect that was

0:05:13.580,0:05:15.704
fleeing from the scene.[br]The suspect in question

0:05:15.704,0:05:17.024
died immediately.

0:05:17.024,0:05:22.524
(somber music)

0:05:22.524,0:05:26.409
This is George W. Bullshit![br]Guns are perfectly safe.

0:05:26.409,0:05:29.380
Guns don't kill people, Eagle.[br]People kill people.

0:05:29.380,0:05:31.476
People like me![br]People with guns.

0:05:31.476,0:05:33.175
- (gun shot)[br]- (Eagle shrieks)

0:05:33.175,0:05:37.159
And furthermore, who is the government[br]to tell us what to do?

0:05:37.159,0:05:37.924
(penguin squawks)

0:05:37.924,0:05:39.104
Abortion is different, Eagle.

0:05:39.104,0:05:41.675
Those babies deserve [br]to be gun-bearing citizens,

0:05:41.675,0:05:43.854
just like you and me,[br]except smaller.

0:05:43.854,0:05:45.136
(crowd protest) No more guns!

0:05:45.136,0:05:46.399
What the--?

0:05:46.399,0:05:47.480
Protesters?

0:05:47.480,0:05:49.500
Who said they could [br]First Amendment on my lawn?

0:05:49.500,0:05:53.179
(protesters) No more guns![br]No more guns!

0:05:53.179,0:05:54.752
No more guns!

0:05:54.752,0:05:56.524
How did you find my secret base?

0:05:56.524,0:05:57.608
(protester) Google!

0:05:57.608,0:06:00.656
Oh, well, get out of here!

0:06:00.656,0:06:03.919
(protester) You're a cold-blooded killer, [br]Star Spangled Bastard!

0:06:03.919,0:06:05.124
Give up your guns.

0:06:05.124,0:06:06.640
I'm not listening!

0:06:06.640,0:06:10.216
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaa!

0:06:10.216,0:06:12.700
(evil chuckling) Perfect.

0:06:12.700,0:06:15.776
The people are turning [br]on Star Spangled Bastard.

0:06:15.776,0:06:20.223
It is nearly time to strike.[br]Is the device ready?

0:06:20.223,0:06:22.643
Yes, my master.[br]We finished testing

0:06:22.643,0:06:25.260
and await your command.

0:06:25.260,0:06:28.572
Mister President.

0:06:28.572,0:06:32.107
(ominous music)

0:06:32.107,0:06:34.256
Give me your orders.

0:06:34.256,0:06:36.912
(Mr. President) Take away their guns.

0:06:59.356,0:07:01.588
(electricity crackles)

0:07:16.572,0:07:20.460
(showdown music)

0:07:22.492,0:07:25.019
I guess we gotta talk out our differences.

0:07:30.615,0:07:31.780
(gun shot)

0:07:31.780,0:07:34.956
I'm coming, Jesus!

0:07:40.852,0:07:45.825
(humming Our Country Tis of Thee)

0:07:46.254,0:07:48.516
I love this gun!

0:07:48.630,0:07:51.641
I'll never get rid of you.[br]You're my third favorite.

0:07:51.641,0:07:53.941
(chuckles) Where are [br]you going, little gun?

0:07:53.941,0:07:55.758
Whoop![br]No you don't.

0:07:55.758,0:07:57.405
Ah! Wha--?!

0:07:57.405,0:07:58.864
What the?![br]What the?

0:07:58.864,0:08:00.034
What's going on?

0:08:00.034,0:08:01.668
Eagle![br]Eagle, help!

0:08:01.668,0:08:02.722
(Eagle squawks)

0:08:02.722,0:08:06.282
Help me, Eagle.[br]Why can't you fllyyyyy?

0:08:06.282,0:08:07.342
(Eagle squawks)

0:08:07.342,0:08:10.657
No, no, no, no, no, no!

0:08:10.657,0:08:12.892
(straining)

0:08:12.892,0:08:14.292
(groans)

0:08:15.098,0:08:20.881
(sobbing) No.

0:08:20.881,0:08:22.909
(sobbing)

0:08:22.909,0:08:24.681
(Eagle squawks)

0:08:41.915,0:08:43.670
(news jingle)

0:08:43.986,0:08:47.361
We have some breaking news[br]out of, well, everywhere.

0:08:47.725,0:08:49.914
Every gun on earth has been confiscated

0:08:49.914,0:08:53.041
by some kind of big red balloon thing.

0:08:53.041,0:08:55.594
We go now to our [br]field reporter, Abby Babble.

0:08:55.594,0:08:56.346
Abby?

0:08:56.346,0:08:58.358
It's pure chaos down here, Mike!

0:08:58.358,0:09:01.878
Without guns, everything [br]is simply falling apart.

0:09:01.878,0:09:04.174
Hey, you guys can't rob this bank.

0:09:04.174,0:09:05.125
Why not?

0:09:05.125,0:09:06.770
Uh...'cause?

0:09:06.770,0:09:08.681
(grunts) [?]

0:09:08.681,0:09:10.934
It's every man [br]for himself down here, Mike.

0:09:10.934,0:09:12.953
This is Abby Babble signing off.

0:09:12.953,0:09:15.222
My god!

0:09:15.222,0:09:17.481
Is there anyone who can save us?

0:09:18.634,0:09:22.281
(sobbing)

0:09:22.281,0:09:27.789
(squawking)

0:09:27.789,0:09:31.009
(sobbing)

0:09:31.009,0:09:32.134
Huh?

0:09:34.086,0:09:35.121
Wait!

0:09:35.121,0:09:36.618
If there are no more guns...

0:09:36.618,0:09:38.882
then I must become...

0:09:39.201,0:09:40.462
a bullet!

0:09:41.021,0:09:43.061
- Come, Eagle![br]- (Eagle squawks)

0:09:44.393,0:09:45.416
Do it, Eagle!

0:09:45.545,0:09:47.642
Light the fires of freedom!

0:09:47.768,0:09:51.138
(patriotic music)

0:09:51.138,0:09:55.336
Wait, perhaps if I rigged my elevator [br]to some sort of launching contraption--

0:09:55.336,0:09:56.282
(explosion)

0:09:56.282,0:10:00.138
Whoooaaaaaaaaa!

0:10:00.138,0:10:02.721
Look, it's the Star Spangled Bastard!

0:10:02.721,0:10:05.944
Whooaaaa!

0:10:05.944,0:10:07.493
(grunts)

0:10:08.850,0:10:10.325
The button![br]Press the button.

0:10:10.325,0:10:12.449
Hey, I'm the one saving the day here.

0:10:12.449,0:10:13.442
Not you!

0:10:13.442,0:10:14.350
Hmm.

0:10:14.350,0:10:16.217
Button, button, button.

0:10:16.217,0:10:17.221
Oh, button!

0:10:17.221,0:10:20.197
You're quite muscular.

0:10:20.197,0:10:21.602
(grunts)

0:10:21.602,0:10:26.082
I surrender!

0:10:26.082,0:10:30.793
(gun shot)

0:10:31.281,0:10:37.822
Hmm, I guess guns do kill people.

0:10:37.822,0:10:42.905
(grunting)

0:10:43.393,0:10:45.025
Hurry, Star Spangled Bastard!

0:10:45.025,0:10:46.962
(Star Spangled Bastard) [br]I don't tell you how to do your job!

0:10:46.962,0:10:51.678
(gun shots)

0:10:57.398,0:10:59.738
- (gun shot)[br]- (electricity crackles)

0:11:00.618,0:11:04.448
(inspirational music)

0:11:04.448,0:11:06.194
What?! No.

0:11:06.702,0:11:28.329
(touching music)

0:11:34.534,0:11:35.910
(Eagle squawks)

0:11:35.910,0:11:44.894
Eagle?!

0:11:44.894,0:11:47.522
(gasps) You can fly!

0:11:47.522,0:11:52.658
(laughter)

0:11:52.658,0:11:58.197
(patriotic music)

0:11:58.197,0:11:59.882
We did it, Eagle!

0:11:59.882,0:12:03.022
We restored the second amendment[br]and peace on Earth.

0:12:03.022,0:12:05.562
(squawking)

0:12:05.562,0:12:07.461
Who'd have thought [br]that all of society's problems

0:12:07.461,0:12:09.881
could be solved by everyone packing heat!

0:12:11.810,0:12:12.942
(cocks gun)

0:12:13.580,0:12:14.689
(cocks gun)

0:12:15.350,0:12:16.513
(cocks gun)

0:12:17.738,0:12:18.497
Yes, indeed.

0:12:18.497,0:12:22.161
We've restored the fabric of society,[br]and this fabric doesn't run.

0:12:22.161,0:12:23.258
(squawking)

0:12:23.258,0:12:24.442
It doesn't have to make sense, Eagle.

0:12:24.442,0:12:25.425
It's patriotic.

0:12:25.425,0:12:26.178
(squawking)

0:12:26.178,0:12:27.278
Good night, Eagle.

0:12:27.278,0:12:28.125
(cocks gun)

0:12:28.125,0:12:28.846
(gun shot)

0:12:28.846,0:12:29.782
(bullet ricochets)

0:12:29.782,0:12:30.434
(Eagle squawks)

0:12:30.434,0:12:32.246
(theme music)

0:12:32.246,0:12:34.281
[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]