1
00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:02,313
(groan)

2
00:00:02,313 --> 00:00:03,922
(voice-over) Tired of stubbing your toes?

3
00:00:03,922 --> 00:00:05,142
(dishes clatter)

4
00:00:05,142 --> 00:00:06,418
My china!

5
00:00:06,418 --> 00:00:08,422
(voice-over) Are you tired of dropping
things on the floor?

6
00:00:08,422 --> 00:00:09,901
(tumbles)

7
00:00:09,901 --> 00:00:12,230
(voice-over) Are you tired 
of being a complete fuck-up

8
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:13,234
at everything you do?

9
00:00:13,234 --> 00:00:15,422
Try not doing that!

10
00:00:15,422 --> 00:00:17,482
Hey, don't do that.

11
00:00:17,482 --> 00:00:19,613
I could have stubbed my toe there.

12
00:00:19,613 --> 00:00:21,601
Good thing I didn't do that.

13
00:00:21,601 --> 00:00:24,084
And these are way better plates
since I didn't break them.

14
00:00:24,084 --> 00:00:27,539
Pfft! Take that, stairs!

15
00:00:27,539 --> 00:00:29,106
Not doing that is easy!

16
00:00:29,106 --> 00:00:33,034
Instead of doing your thing,
you simply don't do that.

17
00:00:33,034 --> 00:00:34,103
Here's George.

18
00:00:34,103 --> 00:00:38,059
Lately, I've been up all night,
beating myself with a hammer.

19
00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,762
It really hurts,
and I can't sleep.

20
00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:42,801
Is there anything I can do?

21
00:00:42,801 --> 00:00:45,031
(voice-over) There's something
you can NOT do.

22
00:00:45,031 --> 00:00:48,183
That thing you're doing!
Simply don't do it.

23
00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:50,459
Wow, that's amazing.

24
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:54,512
My husband's on a business trip,
and I really want to have sex

25
00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:55,738
with the mail man.

26
00:00:55,738 --> 00:00:57,270
(voice-over) Try not doing that!

27
00:00:57,270 --> 00:00:59,051
I never thought of it that way!

28
00:00:59,051 --> 00:01:00,715
Thanks, Not Doing That.

29
00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:03,427
Why, I oughta--

30
00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:04,882
(voice-over) No!
Don't do that.

31
00:01:04,882 --> 00:01:05,860
Okay.

32
00:01:05,860 --> 00:01:08,492
I bet I can jump
in that pool from here.

33
00:01:08,492 --> 00:01:09,432
(voice-over) Don't do it!

34
00:01:09,432 --> 00:01:10,880
I've gotta [?] all this gravy.

35
00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:11,963
(voice-over) Don't do that either.

36
00:01:11,963 --> 00:01:13,467
Wanna go get tribal tattoos?

37
00:01:13,467 --> 00:01:14,187
(voice-over) No!

38
00:01:14,187 --> 00:01:16,542
I'm gonna fuck that turtle.

39
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:17,371
(voice-over) Nope!

40
00:01:17,371 --> 00:01:19,863
(somber music)

41
00:01:19,863 --> 00:01:21,811
(voice-over) Do you ever wonder
what's the point in anything?

42
00:01:21,811 --> 00:01:23,832
Why even bother getting up?

43
00:01:23,832 --> 00:01:27,308
Every day is the same.
Life is meaningless,

44
00:01:27,308 --> 00:01:30,712
and you're just passing the time
until you grow old and die.

45
00:01:30,712 --> 00:01:33,844
Existence is a miserable, 
inescapable void,

46
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,546
and the world is mocking you.

47
00:01:35,546 --> 00:01:38,660
There isn't a single reason to get 
out of bed in the morning.

48
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,195
(chipper voice-over) Try doing that!

49
00:01:41,195 --> 00:01:42,888
It's called doing that!

50
00:01:42,888 --> 00:01:44,835
From the people 
who brought you Not Doing That.

51
00:01:44,835 --> 00:01:47,448
Get up, you lazy bum!
Just do that!

52
00:01:47,448 --> 00:01:48,683
Ha ha! 
All right.

53
00:01:48,683 --> 00:01:51,615
(ragtime music)

54
00:01:51,615 --> 00:01:52,838
(chipper voice-over) Just propose already!

55
00:01:52,838 --> 00:01:54,875
- Do it!
- You're gonna propose?

56
00:01:54,875 --> 00:01:56,952
Shit, yeah, I am!
Thanks, Doing That!

57
00:01:56,952 --> 00:01:59,884
I feel like jumping.
Should I do that?

58
00:01:59,884 --> 00:02:02,264
(chipper voice-over) No, uh...
don't do that.

59
00:02:02,264 --> 00:02:03,324
But I thought--

60
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,264
(chipper voice-over) Don't do it!

61
00:02:04,264 --> 00:02:06,880
This is pretty confusing, dude.

62
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:08,461
Should I get an abortion?

63
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:11,082
(chipper voice-over) That's, uh, 
kind of a grey area.

64
00:02:11,082 --> 00:02:14,215
I guess there's kind of a lot 
of factors for you to consider.

65
00:02:14,215 --> 00:02:16,284
Thanks, Doing That!

66
00:02:16,284 --> 00:02:17,912
(voice-over) What?! No!
That's not--

67
00:02:17,912 --> 00:02:20,448
Maybe we should...do that again.

68
00:02:20,448 --> 00:02:21,863
- Ooh!
- (voice-over) Guys, wait!

69
00:02:21,863 --> 00:02:23,008
That's not what I...

70
00:02:23,008 --> 00:02:28,660
(music slows down)

71
00:02:28,660 --> 00:02:30,243
(new voice-over) Okay, are we ready?

72
00:02:30,243 --> 00:02:31,304
Take three.

73
00:02:31,304 --> 00:02:32,620
And...go.

74
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:35,336
(chipper voice-over) From the people 
who brought you Doing That

75
00:02:35,336 --> 00:02:37,736
and Not Doing That,
introducing...

76
00:02:37,736 --> 00:02:40,312
Making Your Own Decisions 
Based On The Situation!

77
00:02:40,312 --> 00:02:41,368

- Should I?
- (voice-over) Shut up!

78
00:02:41,368 --> 00:02:43,192
Make your decision based on the situation!

79
00:02:43,192 --> 00:02:44,040
Okay.

80
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,520
I bet if I take a running start--

81
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,828
(voice-over) Great!
Have fun!

82
00:02:46,828 --> 00:02:47,784
Yeah!

83
00:02:47,784 --> 00:02:49,264
You wanna go get tribal tattoos?

84
00:02:49,264 --> 00:02:50,752
Hmm, I dunno.

85
00:02:50,752 --> 00:02:52,420
(voice-over) Figure it 
out between yourselves.

86
00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,000
You're adults, goddamn it!

87
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,424
Eat whatever you want.

88
00:02:55,424 --> 00:02:56,488
Do whatever.

89
00:02:56,488 --> 00:02:57,524
Good luck!

90
00:02:57,524 --> 00:02:58,607
(laughter)

91
00:02:58,607 --> 00:03:00,800
God, you guys are fucking idiots!

92
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:14,468
(theme music)

93
00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:31,123
Everyone put your hands up!

94
00:03:31,123 --> 00:03:32,336
- (gasping)
- Right now!

95
00:03:32,336 --> 00:03:33,224
(robber) Do it!

96
00:03:33,224 --> 00:03:36,160
(patriotic music)

97
00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,003
Look, it's The Star Spangled Bastard!

98
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:40,100
You're goddamned right it is!

99
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,304
This money belongs to the banks.

100
00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:45,316
Not you people.

101
00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:46,625
Now give it back!

102
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:47,645
Let's get him!

103
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:50,291
Take that!
Take this.

104
00:03:50,291 --> 00:03:51,459
And another!

105
00:03:51,459 --> 00:03:53,200
Give him a right wing hook!

106
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,535
Give him a shocking awe!

107
00:03:55,535 --> 00:04:00,524
(gun shot)

108
00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:01,808
(startled gasps)

109
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,788
(blows)

110
00:04:03,788 --> 00:04:05,071
Holy shit!

111
00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:07,040
What?
It was self defense.

112
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,219
You all saw it.

113
00:04:09,219 --> 00:04:15,183
(patriotic music)

114
00:04:15,183 --> 00:04:17,193
Ugh. Damn this recession.

115
00:04:17,193 --> 00:04:20,152
(hissing noise)

116
00:04:20,152 --> 00:04:24,052
(patriotic music)

117
00:04:24,052 --> 00:04:27,176
Now, there's a handsome pair 
of American heroes.

118
00:04:27,176 --> 00:04:33,476
(exhales)

119
00:04:33,476 --> 00:04:35,828
Say, where is Eagle anyway?

120
00:04:35,828 --> 00:04:38,592
Eagle, I'm hoooome!

121
00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:39,804
(Eagle shrieks)

122
00:04:39,804 --> 00:04:40,869
Come here, Eagle!

123
00:04:40,869 --> 00:04:42,320
(thumping)

124
00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,316
Guess what daddy did today, Eagle?

125
00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:46,700
(Eagle shrieks)

126
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,956
What do you mean,
"It's already on the news"?!

127
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:52,356
Our top news story tonight,
a bank heist was prevented

128
00:04:52,356 --> 00:04:56,600
today by a local hero aptly named 
The Star Spangled Bastard.

129
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,384
And it's gotten the whole nation
talking about gun safety.

130
00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:01,211
(Eagle shrieks)

131
00:05:01,211 --> 00:05:03,003
Quiet, Eagle!
I'm on TV.

132
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:03,891
(gun shot)

133
00:05:03,891 --> 00:05:06,712
But is he really a hero?

134
00:05:06,712 --> 00:05:10,080
Security footage from the robbery
shows Mr. Bastard

135
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:13,580
pulling out a gun and opening fire
on a suspect that was

136
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,704
fleeing from the scene.
The suspect in question

137
00:05:15,704 --> 00:05:17,024
died immediately.

138
00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:22,524
(somber music)

139
00:05:22,524 --> 00:05:26,409
This is George W. Bullshit!
Guns are perfectly safe.

140
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:29,380
Guns don't kill people, Eagle.
People kill people.

141
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:31,476
People like me!
People with guns.

142
00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:33,175
- (gun shot)
- (Eagle shrieks)

143
00:05:33,175 --> 00:05:37,159
And furthermore, who is the government
to tell us what to do?

144
00:05:37,159 --> 00:05:37,924
(penguin squawks)

145
00:05:37,924 --> 00:05:39,104
Abortion is different, Eagle.

146
00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:41,675
Those babies deserve 
to be gun-bearing citizens,

147
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,854
just like you and me,
except smaller.

148
00:05:43,854 --> 00:05:45,136
(crowd protest) No more guns!

149
00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,399
What the--?

150
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:47,480
Protesters?

151
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,500
Who said they could 
First Amendment on my lawn?

152
00:05:49,500 --> 00:05:53,179
(protesters) No more guns!
No more guns!

153
00:05:53,179 --> 00:05:54,752
No more guns!

154
00:05:54,752 --> 00:05:56,524
How did you find my secret base?

155
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:57,608
(protester) Google!

156
00:05:57,608 --> 00:06:00,656
Oh, well, get out of here!

157
00:06:00,656 --> 00:06:03,919
(protester) You're a cold-blooded killer, 
Star Spangled Bastard!

158
00:06:03,919 --> 00:06:05,124
Give up your guns.

159
00:06:05,124 --> 00:06:06,640
I'm not listening!

160
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:10,216
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaa!

161
00:06:10,216 --> 00:06:12,700
(evil chuckling) Perfect.

162
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,776
The people are turning 
on Star Spangled Bastard.

163
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:20,223
It is nearly time to strike.
Is the device ready?

164
00:06:20,223 --> 00:06:22,643
Yes, my master.
We finished testing

165
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:25,260
and await your command.

166
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,572
Mister President.

167
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:32,107
(ominous music)

168
00:06:32,107 --> 00:06:34,256
Give me your orders.

169
00:06:34,256 --> 00:06:36,912
(Mr. President) Take away their guns.

170
00:06:59,356 --> 00:07:01,588
(electricity crackles)

171
00:07:16,572 --> 00:07:20,460
(showdown music)

172
00:07:22,492 --> 00:07:25,019
I guess we gotta talk out our differences.

173
00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:31,780
(gun shot)

174
00:07:31,780 --> 00:07:34,956
I'm coming, Jesus!

175
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:45,825
(humming Our Country Tis of Thee)

176
00:07:46,254 --> 00:07:48,516
I love this gun!

177
00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:51,641
I'll never get rid of you.
You're my third favorite.

178
00:07:51,641 --> 00:07:53,941
(chuckles) Where are 
you going, little gun?

179
00:07:53,941 --> 00:07:55,758
Whoop!
No you don't.

180
00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:57,405
Ah! Wha--?!

181
00:07:57,405 --> 00:07:58,864
What the?!
What the?

182
00:07:58,864 --> 00:08:00,034
What's going on?

183
00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:01,668
Eagle!
Eagle, help!

184
00:08:01,668 --> 00:08:02,722
(Eagle squawks)

185
00:08:02,722 --> 00:08:06,282
Help me, Eagle.
Why can't you fllyyyyy?

186
00:08:06,282 --> 00:08:07,342
(Eagle squawks)

187
00:08:07,342 --> 00:08:10,657
No, no, no, no, no, no!

188
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,892
(straining)

189
00:08:12,892 --> 00:08:14,292
(groans)

190
00:08:15,098 --> 00:08:20,881
(sobbing) No.

191
00:08:20,881 --> 00:08:22,909
(sobbing)

192
00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:24,681
(Eagle squawks)

193
00:08:41,915 --> 00:08:43,670
(news jingle)

194
00:08:43,986 --> 00:08:47,361
We have some breaking news
out of, well, everywhere.

195
00:08:47,725 --> 00:08:49,914
Every gun on earth has been confiscated

196
00:08:49,914 --> 00:08:53,041
by some kind of big red balloon thing.

197
00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:55,594
We go now to our 
field reporter, Abby Babble.

198
00:08:55,594 --> 00:08:56,346
Abby?

199
00:08:56,346 --> 00:08:58,358
It's pure chaos down here, Mike!

200
00:08:58,358 --> 00:09:01,878
Without guns, everything 
is simply falling apart.

201
00:09:01,878 --> 00:09:04,174
Hey, you guys can't rob this bank.

202
00:09:04,174 --> 00:09:05,125
Why not?

203
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:06,770
Uh...'cause?

204
00:09:06,770 --> 00:09:08,681
(grunts) [?]

205
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,934
It's every man 
for himself down here, Mike.

206
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:12,953
This is Abby Babble signing off.

207
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,222
My god!

208
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,481
Is there anyone who can save us?

209
00:09:18,634 --> 00:09:22,281
(sobbing)

210
00:09:22,281 --> 00:09:27,789
(squawking)

211
00:09:27,789 --> 00:09:31,009
(sobbing)

212
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:32,134
Huh?

213
00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:35,121
Wait!

214
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:36,618
If there are no more guns...

215
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,882
then I must become...

216
00:09:39,201 --> 00:09:40,462
a bullet!

217
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:43,061
- Come, Eagle!
- (Eagle squawks)

218
00:09:44,393 --> 00:09:45,416
Do it, Eagle!

219
00:09:45,545 --> 00:09:47,642
Light the fires of freedom!

220
00:09:47,768 --> 00:09:51,138
(patriotic music)

221
00:09:51,138 --> 00:09:55,336
Wait, perhaps if I rigged my elevator 
to some sort of launching contraption--

222
00:09:55,336 --> 00:09:56,282
(explosion)

223
00:09:56,282 --> 00:10:00,138
Whoooaaaaaaaaa!

224
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:02,721
Look, it's the Star Spangled Bastard!

225
00:10:02,721 --> 00:10:05,944
Whooaaaa!

226
00:10:05,944 --> 00:10:07,493
(grunts)

227
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:10,325
The button!
Press the button.

228
00:10:10,325 --> 00:10:12,449
Hey, I'm the one saving the day here.

229
00:10:12,449 --> 00:10:13,442
Not you!

230
00:10:13,442 --> 00:10:14,350
Hmm.

231
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:16,217
Button, button, button.

232
00:10:16,217 --> 00:10:17,221
Oh, button!

233
00:10:17,221 --> 00:10:20,197
You're quite muscular.

234
00:10:20,197 --> 00:10:21,602
(grunts)

235
00:10:21,602 --> 00:10:26,082
I surrender!

236
00:10:26,082 --> 00:10:30,793
(gun shot)

237
00:10:31,281 --> 00:10:37,822
Hmm, I guess guns do kill people.

238
00:10:37,822 --> 00:10:42,905
(grunting)

239
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,025
Hurry, Star Spangled Bastard!

240
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:46,962
(Star Spangled Bastard) 
I don't tell you how to do your job!

241
00:10:46,962 --> 00:10:51,678
(gun shots)

242
00:10:57,398 --> 00:10:59,738
- (gun shot)
- (electricity crackles)

243
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:04,448
(inspirational music)

244
00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:06,194
What?! No.

245
00:11:06,702 --> 00:11:28,329
(touching music)

246
00:11:34,534 --> 00:11:35,910
(Eagle squawks)

247
00:11:35,910 --> 00:11:44,894
Eagle?!

248
00:11:44,894 --> 00:11:47,522
(gasps) You can fly!

249
00:11:47,522 --> 00:11:52,658
(laughter)

250
00:11:52,658 --> 00:11:58,197
(patriotic music)

251
00:11:58,197 --> 00:11:59,882
We did it, Eagle!

252
00:11:59,882 --> 00:12:03,022
We restored the second amendment
and peace on Earth.

253
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,562
(squawking)

254
00:12:05,562 --> 00:12:07,461
Who'd have thought 
that all of society's problems

255
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,881
could be solved by everyone packing heat!

256
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:12,942
(cocks gun)

257
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:14,689
(cocks gun)

258
00:12:15,350 --> 00:12:16,513
(cocks gun)

259
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:18,497
Yes, indeed.

260
00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:22,161
We've restored the fabric of society,
and this fabric doesn't run.

261
00:12:22,161 --> 00:12:23,258
(squawking)

262
00:12:23,258 --> 00:12:24,442
It doesn't have to make sense, Eagle.

263
00:12:24,442 --> 00:12:25,425
It's patriotic.

264
00:12:25,425 --> 00:12:26,178
(squawking)

265
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:27,278
Good night, Eagle.

266
00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:28,125
(cocks gun)

267
00:12:28,125 --> 00:12:28,846
(gun shot)

268
00:12:28,846 --> 00:12:29,782
(bullet ricochets)

269
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:30,434
(Eagle squawks)

270
00:12:30,434 --> 00:12:32,246
(theme music)

271
00:12:32,246 --> 00:12:34,281
[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]