Breaking Bad Habits

Breaking Bad Habits

(Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again.
Thank you for all the help that you've been

providing to me and a lot of people.
Definitely your wisdom is

very well accepted. I'm doing pretty good
lately and at times I feel a lot of equanimity,

really a lot of peace
but there's always a voice behind like that.

I'm afraid to go back to my habits
and even that I improve a lot

there are still moments that
I fall back and it's with less intensity.

But there's a certain kind of frustration
when that happens,

the practice has been incredible.
How can I explain maybe

most of my mental afflictions has been
at ease a lot? A lot of work definitely is

by going and reflecting and I feel much
better. Now that I'm feeling equanimity,

I've been possibly a few weeks feeling very
good. There's always a nervousness

that I'm going to fall to my habitual patterns
and in some way I think a little negative

thinking, but it is so difficult to break
these habitual patterns.

Why is it so difficult?
Simply simply asking,

(Sunim) Has your relationship
with your daughter improved a lot or

have you been able to let go of the issues
that was hanging over that relationship?

(Questioner) Yes.

(Sunim) That's great.
Let me ask you a question.

So what would it be easy?
Which one would be easier

trying something for the first time and
succeeding at it or maybe going back to

something that you have succeeded
before and trying it again and succeeding?

Sometimes it's more difficult to go back
and review all these patterns and negative

stuff. Sometimes it's a little easier but let's
call it easier to go through new things.

But still there's some difficulty in that too
but it's a better outcome in some way. Yes

(Sunim) So you had to deal with
a lot of issues before, right?

Then you say you've gotten better a lot.
You can maintain ecuanimities

and you went through a lot of
practice, effort to get there.

So even if what you are concerned
comes true and you go back to

what you experienced previously,
even so would you be better off knowing

what you know and having the capacity
you do or you'd be just as worse as before.

(Questioner) I'm better off knowing
what I know. Now definitely,

I'm much better off and in some ways
very glad that whatever I did

to overcome this mental attachments
so glad that I went through the work

because I definitely feel
that I'm better off like this.

So, the point I'm trying to make refeel
is that you started off at minus 10

for example and then you worked
yourself all the way up to plus 10.

Even if you relapse, right as you are
concerned, you won't relapse all the way

to minus 10 right
you'll relapse maybe to minus 5.

So, if you stay, if you restart that minus 5,
then getting to plus 10 or even 15,

it is going to be an easier journey.
So, what I'm trying to say is that

even if you relapse that it's not as bad as
previously and you have already built

that capacity to bring yourself back up.
So there's no reason for you to be concerned

Obviously you want to be
as mindful as possible of yourself.

You do not relapse to minus 10 or
negative regions. But having said that,

you should not be scared of relapsing
because now have proven to yourself

that you can come back.

So, I'm saying that
you should not be scared.

One you won't relapse.

Even if you do, it's going to be easier for you
to come back, so there's no big problem.

Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that
there's nothing there for you to be afraid of.

(Questioner) Thank you Sunim.
I really get the point.

You are right and positively, there's, I cannot
say that it's greediness but definitely

I understand by experience now that even
when I relapse in some kind of a mental

affliction or attachment to these habitual
patterns, the intensity is much more or less.

I definitely agree with you that from
minus stand possibly I work up to 10.

I agree you are right.
I have already experienced that.

It's good that you mentioned
because I do fall but I don't feel

that I fall that deep anymore.
So it's good to know. Thank you very much.

The fear comes because you are
attached to that state of positivity.

You should just observe that you are
in a good state and you are maintaining

equanimity in peace of mind
instead of being attached to that state.

Our mind is always dynamic.
It's always moving.

Just because you are in a good state now
you can't try to grab onto it.

All you can do is just observe it
as it fluctuates, moves in dynamic ways

The fear comes from your attachment
and desire to hold on to that good state.

The first thing you need to do is not attach
yourself to obsess over the current.

Second, it is for you to realize
that even if you go back,

it's not something for you to be afraid of.